Queen Bee no More

Oh the joy of the fall season on television. New shows popping up and old ones returning. One that has always grabbed my gut is Gossip Girl. Last season was full of backstabbing, game playing and of course, the glorification of the Queen Bee. Well, The CW has graced us with another season and this time, the group of friends are either in college, hitting up the work force or just trying to find themselves. The bottom line is that they are now adults and as adults should be thinking along the line of adult behavior.

Blair Waldorf was the Queen Bee for two seasons. She ruled her “regime” at school, tried to get a teacher fired, played pathetic games with Chuck Bass and basically took her ever so faithful maid Duroda on every ride. Now, Blair is a first semester freshman at NYU and believe it or not, is now dating Chuck Bass. She also lives on campus and is rooming with nemesis Georgina. Blair insisted on living in the dorms so she could grab that crown and reign again. We see her line up girls on her hall while she and Duroda give them little gifts. Ever the expert on NYC, she tries to give tips on the city as an introduction into her new regime. However, all of this seems to backfire. Blair tries to throw a sushi party for everyone and instead they are more interested in eating popcorn and watching videos. Then, Georgina throws a roof party and invites everyone but Blair. Of course Blair comes and tries to use Georgina’s newfound Christianity against her and get everyone to follow her again. Once again, it backfires. It looks as if Blair has been dethroned in her new environment. Wow! A Queen Bee falls and I, for one, am glad to see this.

Gossip Girl gave a great lesson here. A Queen Bee will not remain a Queen Bee all of her life. When we move on from one situation to the next, we meet new people, get into new environments and in many cases, actually grow up. Blair’s goal was to be Queen Bee at NYU and thus far, people are not interested. Where we saw people having educated conversations at the rooftop party, we saw Blair plotting and scheming to be Queen. It was good to see these college students just relaxing and wanting to interact without these pressures. The only glaring exception I saw was Blair who resorted to her high school behavior by being rude to Dan and Vanessa and then trying to sabotage Georgina. I do not like to see anyone be miserable or hurt. In this case, however, I was glad to see some justice served. As for Queen, lets hope there is not a new regime in the works with anyone at NYU.

Queen Bees fall all the time in life. For someone who has been Queen Bee in her environment for a long time, this can be just as detrimental when they enter different phases of life as they get older and fall from grace. As adults, we need to do what we can to stop fostering this behavior and creating these monsters during these developmental years. I honestly believe a Queen Bee falling is just as traumatic as someone who is being abused by their peers. We need to let these girls know that life changes and situations change and that this is not the way things will always be. Life throws curve balls and we all need to know how to handle and survive them and be ready for them. After all, don’t we all deserve to grow up to be healthy and adjusted individuals? Something to think about.

Stop Bullying Rita Allison!

South Carolina is in the news a lot these days. As the story broke earlier in the summer about Governor Mark Sanford and his mistress from Argentina, we seem to have more than our share of national publicity. If the Sanford story is not enough to keep people busy, we now have another story break concerning Sanford. The difference is that this story is not true. I guess some people have too much time on their hands.

Rita Allison is a 69 year old grandmother from South Carolina. She is a member of the House of Representatives and has done a lot of great things for the Palmetto State. Most importantly, she has been happily married for 50 years to the same man. Over the past week, a story broke where someone had sent a letter to those in Allison’s House District stating that she also had an affair with Governor Sanford. Who sent the letter? At this point nobody knows. Allison has gone public with this and stated that this is not true. She has filed a defamation lawsuit against this “John Doe.” Good for her is what I say. Nobody deserves to have their character attacked and it shows she will not be abused by her peers.

This is exactly what adult bullies do. They will take a person and spread lies and gossip about them.. Not to mention they nitpick, harass, attack, demean and try to break that person. Through this they use other people and go to extremes. Chances are that this is someone Allison knows. It could be someone she offended or disagreed with in the past. Of course, Doe is not revealing him or herself but just sending a letter with lies. Why Allison? This is not a woman who goes out of her way to make others miserable so why try and attack her? She believes in having a good heart and doing good things for others around her. What is really sad is what people say on these blogs about her. They make jokes and do other things at her expense. What ever happened to compassion for other people? Trying to help their fellow man and support them in troubled times? These people do not even know Allison yet attack her anyway. Bullies seem to take pleasure in others misery. We can take the attitude that this is all in politics. Or, we can do the right thing and stop believing the lies.

Folks, do not believe everything you read. Bullies are alive and well and regardless of the other person will do what they can to bring their victim down. I can assure you this story is false. As for John Doe, please come forward and stop your abuse. Better yet, get a hobby or do something worthwhile for a change. Try and make the world a better place.

The Mind of a School Shooter

This week I wanted to do something a little different. Even though this event occurred many years ago, the name and event remains the same. Also, I doubt this aspect has been discussed at any great length. This event occurred before I was born and before many today were born. It even occurred before Charles Manson and Helter Skelter. As many of us may not remember this particular event, it does go down in history as one of the greatest mass murders of our time.

The late 1950’s was the birth of television, poodle skirts, Elvis on his way to the top and rebellion just waiting to break out. James Dean brought that rebellion out and many teens in America caught on to it. One particular young man, Charles Starkweather, was especially fond of Dean. He emulated his look and found many parallels within their lives. Starkweather grew up in the state of Nebraska. He came from a good family and was one of seven children. He had a stuttering problem and was bowlegged. Despite that, nothing out of the ordinary was reported during this time. Except for one glaring exception and that was he was bullied in school. The first day of kindergarten was a day that left a strong imprint in his mind and a turning point in his life. He went to school and was teased relentlessly for his stuttering and having bowlegs. Children would distance themselves from him and when picking team sports, he was always picked last. This was not just in kindergarten but throughout his school career. I read a book entitled Waste Land: The Savage Odyssey of Charles Starkweather and Caril Ann Fugate. The book stated his family life was good but his life at school was a nightmare. During his formative years, he felt society failed him and started to believe that the world saw him as garbage. He even had a job as a garbage collector as he dropped out of school in the 9th grade. His marks were poor and nobody ever intervened on his behalf in school. When he reached early adulthood, his attitude was that everyone believed he was trash and he rebelled against society completely. Some may argue that he was not biologically wired right. I do not buy into that. If this were the case, it would have come out during those earlier years in some way. The only thing that seemed to stand out was the abuse he endured at the hands of his peers.

Starkweather shook society to the core. He and his young girlfriend, Caril Ann Fugate, went through Nebraska and a small portion of Wyoming during late 1957 and early 1958 by robbing and murdering eleven people including Fugates own family. He was a angry young man who was tired of being seen and treated like garbage. So, he took action and justified it as he was going to be treated like everyone else for a change. He brought up being abused by peers a great deal. The things he and his girlfriend did are beyond comprehension. Eleven lives lost at his hands. Oh he failed society and was eventually sent to the electric chair. He got his just deserts as nothing excuses the death of another human being. However, I also believe society failed him too. Why was the abuse allowed to continue? Why didn’t the schools step in and try and stop the problem? Were these bullies ever held accountable for their actions? If you ask me, Starkweather had the mind of a modern day school shooter. School shooters go on rampages. The only difference is that school shooters usually do these things at school. Starkweather did it in two different states. Why didn’t anyone try and reach this young man during his formative years?

Again, I am not defending these crimes. He was punished accordingly and held accountable for his actions. I am not blaming it on James Dean either. Thousands of American teens loved Dean but did not go on rampages. What I do see is the bullying ringing loud and clear. Starkweather started to believe he was the garbage everyone made him out to be. As an adult, he got angry and got revenge. I do believe society failed him though as nobody put a stop to this abuse. If this young man had not been bullied, I wonder if those eleven people would have been alive today? Would this tragedy have even happened? Certainly something to think about.

OJ is at it again!

Whoa boy! I come back from a nice labor day weekend and a friend sends me some information about OJ Simpson and the fact that he wants to get out of prison. He and his recent accomplice, Clarence Stewart, were in high court this past Friday trying to leave prison based upon Nevada’s “heavy burden” clause where evidently, they could post bail and leave. The judge denied this stating that their crime was too serious and stated that they did not meet this clause. Plus, both would be considered flight risks. I know most of America is rejoicing at this decision.

OJ Simpson was acquitted from the high profile double homicide trial back in the mid 90’s involving Nicole Brown-Simpson and Ronald Goldman. In 2007, OJ and Stewart were found guilty of kidnapping and robbing two sports memorabilia dealers at a Las Vegas casino and hotel. During this act, both used firearms and of course, used violence. Vintage OJ, huh? This time he was held accountable for his actions. Simpson is serving 33 years while Stewart is serving 7 ½ to 27 years in prison.

The bottom line is that OJ Simpson does not get it. This is very common amongst the anti-social and narcissistic personality disorders. That sense of entitlement, avoidance of any responsibility and lack of remorse with their actions. Has any lesson been learned on his part? If he were released, would we have the “privilege” of seeing pictures of him playing golf again? OJ committed a crime which warranted prison time and the fact that he was trying to get released is troubling. Has he even apologized to the victims for his recent actions? Does this even begin to register with him?

I commend the judge for not releasing him. He broke the law and needs to pay his dues to society. It is not uncommon for adult bullies to seek loopholes and ways to avoid punishment. They believe they are above the law and do not deserve to be punished. They manipulate their way out of these situations. I am not one who just wants to “lock them up and throw away the key”. However, in this case, OJ should be in prison. His charm is not working any longer. If he were released, he would be back on the streets and another person would be harmed more than likely.

He just does not get it if you ask me. That right there is a scary thought.

Is Anne Heche a Bully?

I have been reading Google Alerts lately where a few people have called Anne Heche a bully. She was recently on the David Letterman Show discussing her husband and said some things which lead to bullying behavior. Plus, something her own child could watch and hear about his father. From what I could gather, this was not a pleasant interview.

You know, as adults, if we are hurting one another and slandering one another around without any thought to anyone else then how can we expect children to be any different? If a child sees an adult abusing their peers in some way then won’t they learn this too and think it is okay? We are the models that our children follow and become as adults. The things we say, the way we act and what we do affects them. A child should never have to hear or see a parent abuse their other parent or other family members. They should never have to have this happen on national television. That is not an everyday occurrence but still, it should not be happening. Despite what one parent thinks of another, they should never let it get back to the child.

Adult bullies are the hardest to deal with. Their personalities are set. Many are your psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissistic individuals. They do not “get” how their behavior affects others. Rules and regulations do not apply to them. The only interest is themselves and their own welfare. Many adult bullies will have no consideration for their children and their welfare. This is what breeds more bullies in the next generation. Adults should know better but sadly, they don’t. They filter our workplace on a daily basis. Parental alienation is another problem where adult parents who are bullies will forbid the child to see the other parent. Also, they speak lies about the other without any afterthought. All they think about is ME!

How can we expect our children to stop abusing one another when we continue to do it ourselves? This is certainly something to think about.

Remembering Princess Diana and those who Murdered her

Wow! Its been 12 years since the death of Princess Diana on August 31, 1997. Can you believe how fast time flies? It seems like yesterday I was waking up to read the morning news to find her death sprawled all over the front page. As I was always a fan, I was saddened by this. A woman who had selflessly given herself to help others in time of need. She did a lot for humanity and I certainly miss her presence here on earth.

As I think of Princess Diana’s death, I think of those left behind. Family who loved her dearly like her two sons Prince William and Prince Harry. They were so young when this tragedy occurred. Fortunately, they still had their father but nobody can take the place of a mother. It saddens me that she would never see them finish school and grow up into young men, marry and have their own children. She was entitled to this and was denied it. You see, her death did not have to occur. She could have grown into middle age, continued her work helping others around the world and watch her sons grow into men. At the time of her death, she and her companion Dodi Al-Fayed may have had a chance to see more of one another and could have married at some point. However, these are things we will never know.

While many will say or have their theories on her death, I believe the paparazzi murdered her. For years, they just could not leave her alone or let her be. Anywhere she would go, they would be not far behind. Pictures among pictures appeared in tabloids around the world of her and those close to her. Rumors and lies were printed as well. People just could not get enough of her. At the same time, Diana just wanted to live a decent life. I am sure she understood she was a public figure, however, was it such a crime if she wanted privacy to spend time with her family and friends? You see, she did not have that luxury because the paparazzi just would not allow it. On the night she and Dodi were killed, the paparazzi were everywhere. They followed every move that was made by the couple and it got to be such a pain that they had to sneak out of the building to avoid them. However, the paparazzi were one step ahead of her. They managed to follow her in her car which contained herself and three other men. The car was speeding quickly to avoid these bullies and managed to smash right into a concrete wall in a tunnel. Three of the four in the car were killed. If the paparazzi had left her alone, none of this would have happened and she still would have been with us today more than likely.

These paparazzi are stalkers, bullies and are dangerous. What they report is not news but vicious lies and they look to take pictures of celebrities at the worst possible time for a lot of money. They violate all possible laws within the community and are a hazard to everyone around them. Most importantly, they act without conscience and nobody seems to stop their dangerous behavior. Yet we continue to feed them by purchasing tabloids and other things. Since when is it news when Tyra Banks buys a banana in Ralph’s Grocery Store? Or when Zac Efron goes to the beach? Like me, you are probably thinking this is not news and its not. This is an invasion of privacy, infringement of constitutional rights and that life, liberty and pursuit of happiness that is promised to all of us in this nation. Some think that because they are celebrities, they owe us in this respect and should get over it and allow people to treat them this way. Folks, this is no way to live for anyone. Not being able to throw away a phone number written down because someone may go through their trash and sell it on eBay? These everyday occurrences in life are something we take for granted yet something they do not have. Think of that next time you believe you are entitled to know these things.

Please, visit the Paparazzi Reform Initiative (http://www.paparazzi-reform.org) to see how you can learn about the realities of these situations. These celebs should be able to go to Ralph’s, the beach or anywhere without the paparazzi on their tail. This is a form of Peer Abuse, stalking, violation of constitutional rights as well as human rights. After all, we would probably still have Princess Diana along with Dodi Al -Fayed today if they had just let her live in peace. Something to think about…..