Bullying is a form of Abuse: Peer Abuse!

Guest Blogger Allison Gamble

2011-08-15T07:13:00.000-07:00

Guest blogger: Allison Gamble is a writer for Psychology Degree. Thank you Allison for sharing this piece.

Psychology of flaming

Beware: the playground bullies of your past have found their way onto the Internet. How many of us have posted on an online community only to notice an aggressive poster attempting to start a war of words between users? Not only do the insulting posts disrupt conversation, it doesn’t take a psychology degree to know that they can be annoying and offensive. The world of flaming and trolling has gained more and more attention in the last few years as the internet has become a bigger part of our lives. Psychologists theorize that there are motives behind these faceless bullies.

Flaming is an aggressive or antagonistic interaction between Internet users, frequently on message boards, blogs, game servers and in chat rooms, and exist mainly to act with hostility and insult other posters. Deliberate flamers are cyber-bullies who enjoy getting a rise out of others by focusing on heated issues like politics and religion, or by personally attacking others. Their main goal is to disrupt the flow of conversation between others and provoke conversation instead about the flame. Trolls are of a similar vein and intentionally practice flaming by writing obvious, insulting, and often off-topic remarks to start a “flame war.” While many people have encountered flaming and trolls, most people are unaware of their motives. What causes an Internet user to want to provoke another user? Who wants to embroil themselves in the middle of an argument? Recent work in psychology has yielded a few theories.

Peter J. Moore and his colleagues have done extensive research on flaming. In Moore's 2010 study "Flaming on YouTube," one of the major findings was that by communicating over the Internet, flamers experience de-individualization and have less of an awareness of people's feelings than they would in a face-to-face interaction. Moore also found that while many flamers deliberately incite problems, flaming is "more often intended to express disagreement or as a response to a perceived offense by others."

Moore and other social psychologists have found that the lack of social cues in online communication can cause uninhibited behavior. Users feel anonymous and believe that they will face no consequences for their words and actions. Without being able to hear a sender's intonation or hints of sarcasm, often times receivers may take a message as insulting, when in fact it was meant to be a joke. This miscommunication can make flaming and trolling appear more rampant than it is, and posts and messages are often taken out of context. Non-verbal cues and facial expressions play an integral role in face-to-face communication, all of which are lost in text.

According to a BBC article, flaming can actually have much simpler causes. Again, due to a lack of non-verbal cues and intonation, many flamers believe that they have been attacked and feel the need to defend themselves. Ranting is another form. While prior to computers when one needed a good rant, the complaints were relegated to diaries, family, and friends, now individuals can use Internet forums to air their grievances. These angry, rambling rants are often times seen as a form of flaming, though they are usually unintentional. Flaming can also come in the form of complaints. When an individual feels that they had poor customer service or a product was not what they expected, they'll sometimes write inflammatory posts in the reviews sections or on message boards. Others, enjoy the challenge and flaming is a way to lure another user into a debate or argument.

Dr. Andrew Campbell wrote in a recent article that certain personality types are drawn to flaming and trolling. Campbell theorizes that people who lack power in face-to-face social situations often find flaming to be an outlet. While in the real world these people may fear criticism and feel awkward, online they can be socially combative with no repercussions. He also found that many flamers and trolls are young teenagers, and that teenagers are testing their boundaries and social skills. Their immaturity is evident in their inflammatory posts.

Whatever the cause, flaming and trolling can put a damper on our Internet experience. While most social psychologists link the phenomenon with anonymity and a lack of social and visual cues, some flamers and trolls are genuinely angry and enjoy instigating others. Try to avoid flamers and trolls by ignoring them, responding with a concise, rational argument or by explaining to the flamer that your comments were taken out of context and you did not mean to insult them. Keep your computer communications stress-free by avoiding those who intentionally try to bait you.

Guest Blogger: Kathleen Hubert

2011-07-08T07:28:00.000-07:00

Hi, I have a guest blogger this week. This is Kathleen Hubert. She is here to give her take on what to do to stand against Peer Abuse/Bullying.

Steps to Surviving Peer Abuse/Bullying

When you were young, a bully was someone in school who pushed you around, told mean jokes, or laughed at you. You probably dreaded going to school because of the bully. As you grew older, you developed better coping skills to deal with school bullying. However, bullying still exists for adults. Bullying has evolved from laughing at you on the playground to the attempt of intimidating you in the workplace, social settings, and online networking. You may have been taught to 'walk away' from the bully in school, but how do you survive bullying as an adult?

Steps to Surviving Peer Abuse/Bullying:

1. Don't take it personally.

Whenever someone puts you down, in some form they are trying to make themselves feel better. If you remember that their actions reflect nothing on you, you may be able to cope with the adult bully. As a bully, they will seek ways to really get under your skin. There may be no way to determine their motives or intentions, but if you recognize that their bullying is actually a reflection of their own inner struggle, you can make better choices on how to respond.

2. Respond -- don't react.

If there is a way to avoid one-on-one communication with the bully, it is best to take this route. Most times, nothing is solved by emotionally charged bantering. If you must interact with this person, make sure to do so when other people are around. If other people are around, the bully might stop their negative behavior. Even if the bully doesn't stop the behavior, there will be people around to witness it. If you remain calm and composed while someone publicly bullies you, those around will be able to tell immediately who is at fault. If you react in a bad situation, like talking back, you look just as bad as the bully. However, responding calmly doesn't mean you can't stick up for yourself.

3. Stick up for yourself.

If you must interact with a bully via online communication or in person, set your boundaries. Statements, such as, "I would appreciate it if you would refrain from ______" or "You don't have the right to ______", clarify what you're okay with. Even if this does not stop their actions, your boundaries are clear. Exude confidence when dealing with the bully. Typically, if they see you are not very affected by their actions, they may stop altogether.

4. Surround yourself with positive influences.

Whenever possible, surround yourself with family or friends that genuinely care about you. Stewing on a bully can be harmful to your emotional and psychological well-being. By being around people who respect and care about you, you are often reminded of the treatment you genuinely deserve. You most likely have more people in your life who like you, than those who do not. Keep a good sense of self-worth by behaving and doing things you know you deserve.

5. This too shall pass.

All things change. Change is inevitable. Eventually, you will not have to deal with the bullying anymore. If you remember to not take things personally, respond calmly, stick up for yourself, and surround yourself with positivity, things will change. Either your level of tolerance for the bullying will change, or the bullying will dissipate on its' own. Remain confident and hopeful because everything must change.

As an adult, you can identify bullying tactics, such as: intimidation, false allegations, undermining, distrust and unrealistic expectations. Social networking has created a gateway for people to be victimized by bullying. Social networking sites allow information to become public, connect with users, and sometimes used as means communication. A bully may say inappropriate things online about you, harass you through messaging, or even harassing those you know. When these situations occur in your life, you can handle the stress of peer abuse by remembering these steps.

Kathleen Hubert is a blogger who writes on a variety of different sites. Check out more of her work at href="http://www.ledtv.org/">led tv.

Disclaimer: The views expressed in this blog entry may not necessarily reflect the views of the blog owner.

Ostracism and social isolation

2011-06-24T09:43:00.000-07:00

Oh another week and lots to do. There was one article that struck me and stayed with me since last week. It is entitled Ostracism Causes Lingering Pain in the Brain and written by Dr. Amen. As a survivor, I will admit that in the past I had an abnormal fear of this happening in my social settings. In the present, I just feel a lot of pain when this happens. At the same time, I have learned that if people do not want me in their lives, it is their loss and not mine. However, at the end of the day, the pain is still there. After reading this article, I understand why. As a survivor who is an adult, I am so glad more and more is coming out about this form of abuse. It is like my own feelings are finally being validated. Yes, they are real and yes, it is a serious problem.

Our society teaches us to “suck it up” and “don’t worry about these things” and that this behavior is a “fact of life.” I have also said many times that our society is not well and now more than ever we are seeing this. It is hard to deny because it slaps us in the face on a daily basis. We can say these things do not bother us and throw these other excuses around or we can admit that we are not allowing ourselves to be human. It is human nature to want to be accepted and included as we are wired to be social beings.

According to this article, ostracism cuts deeper and lasts a lot longer than any physical pain. It is like a form of bullying that does not leave bruises on us. Also, there are three stages in ostracism and they are the actual act of being excluded, coping and resignation. Man, can I relate to these. During the first stage, people have learned that they have been left out and are hit with the harsh reality. The pain is there and is real. So, instead of moving on, many times we move to the second stage to cope. During this phase, we start acting out in ways that will garner acceptance. It is like going against what you believe or selling your soul to these people in some respect. I see a lot of Queen Bee’s use a lot of bargaining during this phase. This is why these abusers have so many followers. They do not want to be excluded. However, if still being excluded and have been coping and getting nowhere, people will generally turn towards aggressive means or they give up completely. This is known as resignation. If the person has tried hard enough and still cannot get that acceptance, they take it into their own hands or just move on. I believe this is where school shooters come in. They have tried, worked hard, followed, sold their soul and done everything but still nothing changes. So, they take things into their own hands. Folks, a person can only take so much until they snap.

As I have been healing, I have learned to seek healthy relationships and people who accept and not reject me. This meant getting toxic people out of my life and keeping them out. It meant learning healthy social habits and staying away from people who do not want me. Are their times when I wanted to be accepted? Sure! I am human and more times will crop up. However, I have the wisdom now to know the difference.

If anyone is dealing with this and has done so in high doses, please seek a kind and accepting therapist. In the meantime, please try to love people as they are. We are so hardened these days and we want people to be just like us. That is impossible; no two people are alike. However, we can go back to the golden rule. Treat others as we wish to be treated. Something to certainly think about here.

Will it ever end?

2011-05-20T08:43:00.000-07:00

This week has been quite interesting. However, what grabbed my attention and kept it was the recent two part episode of Dr. Phil entitled Bullies Beware. The viewers got to spend the first part with a self-professed bully. The second episode gave us a 13-year-old young man who was abused by peers in elementary school. He became an abuser by middle school. The kid was quite honest; he said he enjoyed the power that came with being an abuser as it was a rush. He even stated that “he was addicted to bullying.” As he is still in the developmental years, there is a good chance he can be reformed without many complications. Heck even his mother was considered a bully. It seemed as if she owned her bad behavior and was willing to reform in that area. The one that got my goat was this self-professed bully on Monday and part of Tuesday.

This woman is 26-years-old and seems quite proud of herself. She is also the epitome of what I consider a hard core bully to be. What I mean by hard core is the organic, true Queen Bee who has followers to do her dirty work. Not a pseudo-bully like we find in the “little workers” of the Queen. I am guessing she went through school manipulating and charming those around her. Let me take a few minutes and list some of her activities:

1. She says people will respect her whether they want to or not. She demands it. (um, controlling much?)

2. When she is in line waiting for gas, she will go up to the car in front of her and tell the owner that they need to move because her car is better than theirs. (Oh, it’s that sense of entitlement speaking out!)

3. Her cousin has Down Syndrome and she makes fun of her. (Okay, your lack of empathy is screaming through here)

4. Handicapped parking should not exist and she parks in these places because she can. (Oh wow, more entitlement here! Does it ever end??)

5. She mishandled a tea cup poodle that belongs to her friend. (Um, those who harm animals usually are those with anti-social personality problems)

6. Oh and the most important tip off. A mother of a child who was abused by his peers confronted her and her behavior. Her response? “See, she is bullying ME!” This is so common of adult bullies. They spin things like this and are good at it.

As an adult survivor, I found her to be disturbing. Her lack of remorse or conscience was evident. Also, the narcissism that radiated through her and that dang sense of entitlement. One thing she did not lack was self-esteem. This woman was so arrogant and full of herself. It was hard to watch her to be honest. Yes, I have encountered this ilk all of my life. Yup, they gave me enough grief to last me 2300 lifetimes and then some. They were so good that they eventually made me believe I was the disgusting piece of crap they kept telling me I was. Well, not any longer. Their dysfunction is evident and it must suck to be them. Who do I blame for people like this? I blame society and their lack of knowledge for so long. As a child, I tried to make adults aware of this behavior in others only to be told I was “too sensitive”. Nobody wanted to put the stops out and hold these people accountable for their ilk. As a result, we have people like this woman in our society and are appalled at how they behave. We shouldn’t be! We created these monsters by not standing up to them and following them wanting to be a part of their world. As for this woman on the show, I do not know if she was a Queen Bee growing up or if she was abused by her peers. However, what I saw on that show was a perfect example of what comes of allowing this problem to fester. Not only do the abused suffer but so do those being abused. In many ways I pity her. I would not think it would be fun to run around without any conscience. I would miss out on really caring about others. Plus, the entitlement would leave me disappointed time and again as I would not always get the red carpet treatment.

Please, we do not need any more children growing up to be like this woman. Talk to your kids about this problem. Bystanders, stand up to these abusers and stop trying to be “wannabees.” Is this what we want for our future? Something to seriously think about here.

Okay or not okay?

2011-05-12T10:39:00.000-07:00

Whew! We are half way through the week and I am surviving another day as an adult. A lot of news about Peer Abuse (bullying) in the news. Phoebe Prince can finally RIP because her abusers have been sentenced. Pretty lenient sentences if you ask me but, what do I know? I am not a legal expert just a B word one. My friends at Civilination had a great blog on PTSD and Annie Fox has kept it real with her blog discussing the decline of society. If that does not top it all, there has been some great discussion on my Facebook page about events happening in Dayton, OH where three teens set a young man’s hair on fire. When does it end? When is okay and not okay?

As an adult survivor of this form of abuse, I have heard the classic “life is not fair” many a time and I can tell you that any other adult survivor knows firsthand that life is not fair. Our civil and human rights were violated before we were old enough to drive and vote! Please folks, give me something I do not know already know. One thing I ponder and that is when is it okay and not okay to hurt someone?

To be alive and exist, we will all experience pain at some point. It pretty much goes with the territory. Yes, even when some choose to live with their rose colored glasses on, it does not mean they are completely immune to pain. The same goes with those who take up residence in their fishbowl with everything happily ever after. However, when is pain not okay? When is life not fair? There is an intangible line here and it is important to understand that. Life stops being fair when people are hurt and abused in any form of fashion. I am sorry but, there are no excuses for that behavior towards anyone. Competition? It’s everywhere and on some level human nature. However, it becomes problematic when it is intentional, flaunted and thrown in other faces to bring pain to them. Setting someone’s head on fire? Um, “life is not fair” will not fly with this one. Nor will it not fly when someone suffers from Complex PTSD. Oh and posting “accomplished” on Facebook after you drove your target to kill herself is not acceptable either. What is wrong with us? Have we lost all touch of empathy and compassion? Do we even know right from wrong any longer?

Nobody knows the hard knocks of life like an adult survivor of the B word does. Again, our civil and human rights were violated very early on and our life, liberty and pursuit of happiness did not always apply to us. It’s hard to dodge these hurdles when the abuse is rampant and it is eight-year-old you against 15 or so other children. Survivors get this and still battle these demons. Experiencing pain and having those we care about hurt us are a fact of life. Not getting a promotion that you felt was yours and went to someone else? Yeah, that’s life. Your grandmother passed away from cancer? Sure, we all have to deal with death. However, it is not okay to continue to harm others or bring them pain intentionally. There is a difference and something we all should think about.

Social Empathy and Social Pain

2011-05-05T05:37:00.000-07:00

I work daily online and talk to many people from different places in the world. Facebook is a very active place to go and interact with others. I do a lot of reading and observing as well. As the internet brings the world together, it’s not uncommon to talk to someone in the U.K or in the Ukraine all in the same day. The cultural differences are evident in these posts that I read. However, one constant remains the same and that is social exclusion and lack of social empathy. I am not targeting one particular group, culture or individual here, but am speaking as a whole. Adult Survivors of Peer Abuse grew up in a world where empathy was lacking in their social pain. If we cried, we were told to grow up and stop acting like a baby. However, if it was a case of rape or child abuse, oh boy did people run and empathize to the hilt. Even if it was a physical case, people were so sad. These situations warranted prayer and concern. Yet, when it came to social pain and abuse, it was as if people just turned a blind eye and shrugged it off. I think this is one reason why we are so sensitive socially and pick up on every headshake, word and glare thrown our way. Also, why we are so reactive and are triggered in social situations. It is as if we expect others to lash out at us if we say what is on our minds or complain about how others are making us feel. Peer Abuse is without a doubt something that must be experienced before it can be understood.

A study was conducted by the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology and shared on the Livescience website. In this study, adults were playing a game of ball-toss. This was done online where the ball was thrown by one person to two other players. Some participants received the ball a fair 1/3 of the time. This was considered the inclusion condition. Others were tossed the ball 10 percent of the time which was considered exclusion condition. Another group which was the control group did not participate in the game at all. Ratings were based on an 11-point scale, each point represented by a facial expression showing an increasing magnitude of pain. Those excluded students indicated a significantly higher pain experience linked to the two social-exclusion scenarios compared with the inclusion group (4.6 versus 3.7). For the other scenarios, the pain ratings didn’t differ between the groups. Three other experiments using the cyberball game, with various tweaks, showed similar results. In one, the players had to indicate how a victim of bullying (named Anna) felt after “Roger” teased her, shouting “earthquake” when she passed by due to her being overweight. The exclusion students rated her pain an average of 5.5 versus 4.3 rating from the inclusion group. At the end of the day, it showed that social pain as much as if not more than any other pain someone would experience.

Folks, it’s time to get real here. Social pain is very real and as you see, it matters to others just as much as any other type of pain would. I am seeing so much lack of social empathy online. People in forums just ignoring others. Then, some will exclude others in offline activities and continuously rub this into those who are not included in these activities. Facebook and Twitter are hotbeds for this. If the person was to speak up, they would get flamed, told to get lost or to stop being so sensitive. Newsflash: these things DO hurt! As an adult survivor myself, I have found myself in many of these situations. As a survivor, what have I done? Sat at the computer and cried. If I spoke out, I got told how silly I was being and childish. I will always have this with me because I am a survivor. However, I have learned to handle it. Plus, I am not alone here. Why do we do this? What makes it okay to verbally ignore others? What is missing with us? Manners have flown out the window and it’s bad to have them these days. Our society has taught us that this lack of empathy is acceptable! People, words hurt! Not only that, but they kill. I can answer all of these questions and that is lacking social empathy or pain for others is not acceptable and this is the culture we have created. We keep quiet about our pain and by doing so we allow this to fester and continue.

The next time you are online, please try and interact with as many people as you can. A recognition or a smile can make a person’s day. Kindness can go a long way. It’s not hard to do. As humans, don’t we all deserve to be included? Something for us all to think about.

　

Empathic Babies, Children, and Teens

2011-03-17T07:48:00.000-07:00

Today I am participating in a 28-day virtual tour for a new book titled Whose Stuff is this? Finding Freedom from the Thoughts, Feelings, and Energy of Those Around You written by Yvonne Perry. The book offers empowering, proactive techniques to help empathic people manage energy and information overload coming from the collective unconsciousness of Earth. See http://whosestuffisthis.com/ for details.

Many children—especially spiritually-sensitive kids—are affected by energy overload or empathy fatigue that comes from being intuitive and not knowing how to handle the info-energy they receive.

Yesterday, Yvonne visited [Pat Bertram: Drag On My Feet]. Today, she is my guest blogger. I hope you enjoy the article she wrote about how kids develop empathy and intuition.

Empathic Babies, Children, and Teens

By Yvonne Perry

Empathy is what makes other people matter to us and reminds us to acknowledge the people around us as we understand and share their feelings. Empathy exists in early mother-infant bonding. Even before birth, a baby in the womb is sensitive to the mother’s feelings, whether positive, neutral, or negative. Once born, a baby shows receptivity to both parents’ anger, tension, and depression, as well as their caring, responsiveness, and love. You’ve probably noticed how they imitate your facial expressions, smiling in response to your smile. They also may cry if they hear another baby cry. This type of response is a step in the development of empathy and the ability to share the feelings of another person.

Babies absorb the mental and emotional energy of the people around them. They don’t filter anything; they simply receive. As a child ages, this empathic tendency may increase and get out of control. Some children pick up the emotions, energy, or thoughts of others to the degree that it becomes overwhelming and interrupts the development of their social and emotional life. Because these children do not know how to set personal boundaries (or that they need to), they do not realize when they are in another person’s mental or emotional space, much less how invasive this can be to that person. It can also lower the child’s own vibrational level.

An empath is sensitive to what is obvious as well as unseen things such as ghosts and the thoughts, emotions, and illnesses they sense around them. Empaths may get hunches, see mental pictures, hear voices, or have a gut feeling that supplies hidden information about people and situations. They may also get a physical sensation in their body that lets them know where another person is afflicted or suffering.

You may have heard of Indigo Children or Crystal Kids who have intuitive gifts that surprise or even astound adults. These empathic children easily pick up on the feelings and thoughts of adults and others as they unconsciously reach into human and spirit energy fields to gather information and understand things around them. Seeing with their spiritual eyes, feeling with their spiritual senses, hearing with their spiritual ears, they may give information about a past life, tell of events before they happen, see ghosts, or know something about another person or situation that no one else does. Today, as many as one in four children have this ability and are tuned into the higher frequency all the time.

Being an empath is very draining for an adult. Just imagine what it feels like to be an intuitive or empathic child and not have the language to explain it to your parents or teachers. A child who is overloaded with the energy of others may have on-going illnesses, show depressive episodes, lash out in anger, cry without reason, or try to “fix” things between adults who argue or do not get along well. A child or teen who sees or hears in the spirit realm may act out because he or she feels overwhelmed and does not know how to express what he or she is experiencing. The problem is compounded when adults will not listen, try to hush the child, or refuse to believe the child’s report of psychic incidents.

We do our intuitive children a great injustice when we invalidate their experiences and intuitive abilities. But, many parents simply don't know what to do with kids who see or hear spirits, talk about a deceased relative they never met in body, give clues into past lives, predict future events, or know some family secret they haven’t been privy to. In some cases, the “hushing” parent also has some paranormal gifts in operation that he or she is not comfortable talking about—maybe they were shushed by their parents and are simply mimicking the parenting role model they were given. As parents, teachers, and counselors we need to teach children how to properly use this empathic gift, but many adults do not trust their own intuition much less recognize their children’s spiritual abilities. Empathic kids need someone they can talk to and they need information on how to keep their auras clear, to open and shut their intuitive abilities at will, and set energetic boundaries. But, where do adults go to learn how to help these empathic kids and teens?

The more you read and study this topic, the better you will be able to answer your children’s questions and help them manage their intuitive gifts. Dr. Caron Goode and I invite you to learn more about a book we have written. It is titled WHOSE STUFF IS THIS? Finding Freedom from the Detrimental Thoughts, Feelings, and Energy of Those Around You. Learn more at http://whosestuffisthis.com/

Come along on the tour with us. Tomorrow’s blog stop will be at [The Shift Guru with Barbara Joye]. See the entire tour schedule at http://tinyurl.com/EmpathTour.

Empathy in Children and Teens

2011-03-16T10:47:00.000-07:00

As we go through life, we learn many different lessons and things that we may forget. However, we also learn things that are imperative if we are to become good, well- rounded adults. One of the first things any of us need to learn is empathy.

Empathy is generally learned during this first two years of life. As infants, we bond with a nurturing caregiver and this helps us establish trust. This nurturing figure is there for us and a bond is set. As we get older we learn different things hurt us physically and mentally. We also learn that these same things can hurt others around us and we understand this because we know what it feels like to be hurt. This helps us build trust and learn to form positive relationships, as we grow older. Society sets rules and boundaries and we learn to live within them and with each other. If we do not have a nurturing figure in our infancy, we learn mistrust and do not understand the concept of what hurts me will hurt you. As a matter of fact, any feelings for anyone else or even oneself may not exist. As a result, rules are not obeyed and boundaries are never set. Many times, childhood bullies are not learning trust nor are they being nurtured as they should be and will grow up without regard for rules or boundaries of others.

Children are in the early stages of learning empathy. They are learning trust and their needs are being met by the nurturing and trusting figure in their lives. It is usually before the age of 10 where they are still learning right from wrong and need a lot of direction. As a result, some children are picking bullies for friends or following them. Those children who try to stop bullying early on have a grasp on right from wrong and know it well. Their empathy level is probably high. Between the ages of 10-13, knowing right from wrong is coming to form and crucial. If children have not learned trust or empathy before these years, chances are their knowing right from wrong is skewed. (This is why many times these children hurt animals and do not care about how it affects the animal). Children who do have empathy but follow bullies know that this abuse is wrong. However, they also allow fear to take over here and follow these abusers. Inside, they feel terrible and cannot face the one they torment. As the bully never learned trust or was nurtured properly, right or wrong will be what they believe is right and wrong and not what actually is right and wrong. As a result, they cannot empathize when someone is hurt or going through a difficult time. Also, they do not learn trust so in relationships they are detached running in and out of others lives without a thought or care. Any pain they inflict upon another person is something that they cannot understand or register.

As teens, we start to see these bullies break the law, manipulate to get what they want and use charm and charisma to bring others into their fold. As they never learned about nurture or trust, they cannot comprehend how others feel or are affected. During the crucial years of grasping right from wrong, they were setting their own standards for what is right and wrong and not following what society has outlined. This leads to many rules broken, boundaries crossed and people seriously hurting others.

Empathy allows us to feel. It allows us to coexist with others who are different than we are. We can rejoice when our children make good grades and comprehend their feelings when they are in pain. Our friendships grow and thrive as we support one another in a healthy manner through empathy. It allows us to stand by our spouse when the going gets tough and care for elderly parents in their twilight years. Most importantly, it allows us to know ourselves and live a normal healthy existence. However, to achieve this, we must learn empathy during childhood and the teen years. If there is no empathy, the person pretty much ceases to exist. That can lead to dangerous problems down the road for all involved.

Rejoice Adult Survivors! Rejoice!

2011-03-14T09:28:00.000-07:00

Today at 12:20pm on Facebook DC, there was a live stream from the Facebook Office in Washington, DC. This was a discussion with a panel on the topic of Bullying, cyberbullying and the schools. Even though nothing was mentioned of the Adult Survivors of Peer Abuse, this meeting was a sense of accomplishment. As a survivor myself, it gave me the clarification and validity that’s so needed when it came to my own experiences growing up and even as an adult with Peer Abuse.

Rosalind Wiseman, author of Queen Bees and Wannabes stated something that was easy to resonate with. “Conflict will happen and abuse of any power is inevitable. However, with bullies, they believe they are in the right because the person they are trying to overpower may be of a different race, religion or have any differences from what they believe to be right.” As a survivor, I saw much of this growing up and other survivors I know can vouch for this. We were different in some way and the abuser did not like it. This is also a pattern seen in adults who abuse children, spouses and even peers in the workplace. The question was asked as to why bullies do what they do in the first place? Its simple; they are learning poor social skills, bad role modeling in parents and may I add that for the most part, someone is hurting them somewhere else and they bring their own feelings and put them upon others.

President Obama stated earlier in the day that we all need to be living by the Golden Rule. Think before acting and ask ourselves if we would like someone to hurt us the way we hurt others when we bully them. Many times these abusers do not think and believe what they are doing is wrong. As a result, they put a spin on problems and situations to make themselves look good and others look bad.

Cyberbullying also came up in discussion. It was stated that 86% of parents who are Facebook users add their children as friends. If this is the case, why are there still so many problems with abuse on Facebook? Are parents not watching or paying much attention? Again, this can go back to poor role modeling. This is something that needs to be considered.

As we know the Obama’s do not support this behavior and that it came through a live stream, to me, this is a seal of validation. Survivors who are adults have lived these nightmares firsthand. Learning social skills and in a healthy manner did not happen. We carried a lot of the blame for the behavior of these individuals through they’re projecting or “spinning” situations on us. Many of us are hypersensitive to cyberbullying as adults. As we experienced these things, we were always told to ignore it or that it was a rite of passage. Also, to get mad over something worth getting mad over and this was not worth the heartache and pain. Today, from the White House, we learned differently. The biggest thing was the fact that someone called bullying what it is and that’s abuse. Survivors, our day has come. Our experiences, thoughts and feelings were validated. It was called abuse. To me, this is a step in the right direction.

As seen first on Technorati: http://technorati.com/women/article/adult-survivors-of-peer-abuse-can/

Mean Girls Grow Worse

2011-02-22T07:09:00.000-08:00

The issue of “mean girls” in our culture has been growing and expanding over the past several years. It happens in school, at work, in the movies, on our televisions, through technology and basically everywhere two or more people co-exist.

Recently, an article was written entitled Mean Girls Mellow with Age (except on TV), which stemmed from an article in the Washington Post. The article provided research conducted in 2009 by Centers for Disease Control where 9th through 12th graders took a survey on Relational Aggression and maturity. Another mention was a study conducted at a Southeastern University where 202 undergraduates took a survey and the findings indicated that freshmen were more aggressive where seniors started looking at the behavior as immature. Adult survivors who found their childhood abusers to be mature and nice people shared a couple of stories. One of the girls interviewed stated that she befriended her bully on Facebook and the bully wished her a Happy Birthday. “She was perfectly nice,” she stated. Another girl stated that her former tormentor would egg her house during the teen years. As an adult, the girl apologized and told her that her parents were divorcing at the time and was having a hard time herself so she took it out on the girl. “Her apology freed me to realize that we all suffer in those adolescent years,” she stated.

These stories above are good and heartwarming and I am glad these ladies were able to get the closure they needed. At the same time, it is important to understand that in some cases these abusers do not grow up and outgrow this behavior. As I deal with adults who survived this peer abuse as children, I have met some who have been able to go back and get the apologies they deserved. However, this is not always the case and not all bullies grow up. Some grow a lot worse and it is important to understand this. I know of cases where these adults are traumatized once again when finding these abusers on Facebook or anywhere else. In one case, a female bully sent a friend request to her former target on Facebook. The former target confronted the bully and let her know how her behavior left a life long effect. Instead of apologizing, the abuser started stalking and harassing this person on Facebook. There are other stories, but due to privacy and confidentiality, I am not at liberty to say anything else. Since this article came out and was making its way through the blogosphere, I have read comments and found one former abuser state she felt horrible and wanted to apologize to her former target. Other than that I am finding over 98% of the comments to these blogs to disagree with these findings.

Folks, mean girls can also grow worse. Yes, at face value they are nice, polite and appear to have matured over the years. If they had completely matured, why are there problems in the workplace with these individuals? I do a lot of observing online and I watch females in their 30s and older. On message boards I see cliques form where other members are ostracized from the group. On Facebook and other places, I see people interact with some and completely ignore others in their posts. In the world away from technology, women come together and gossip; hold gatherings where some are invited and others are excluded. The silent treatment exists and the person is completely ignored. These adults still seek out people who are like them and whom they believe “fit in” to their world. This study looked at high school and college females who are still growing up. Why did they not poll adults who are out in the world and have personalities that are set for life?

Please, do not take everything at face value. Not every mean girl outgrows this behavior. Psychology is subjective and there is much more to this than we are led to believe. It is vital to know these differences.

* First published on Technorati http://technorati.com/lifestyle/article/mean-girls-some-grow-worse/

Blog Jog Day

2010-11-21T05:22:00.000-08:00

Greetings! Its Blog Jog Day and glad you are here! Also, it’s almost Thanksgiving and we have a lot to be thankful for. May your week be one of thanks for many blessings.

You can learn more about this fantabulous day by visiting the Blog Jog Day Blog. Also, check out this other great blog Mindful Banter. Have a good week……

Bullying is Terrorism

2010-11-04T09:06:00.000-07:00

The news as of late has been full of stories of bullying in our nation. Several suicides have happened since school started. There have been candlelight vigils and now The Trevor Project has come to life. Celebrities are speaking out against this and sharing their own stories in experiencing the abuse. It’s good to see people speak out against this.

Recently, an article was written asking if bullying is scarier than terrorism. What needs to be asked is if bullying is terrorism? Could the two actually be compared? Both involve constant abuse of another person. Physical and emotional scars are left on the victims for life. Trauma exists in both cases. The only difference I see is that one involves children while the other involves adults. School yard abuse can very well be terrorism on a smaller scale.

People are taking this problem seriously now. However, we must continue to find ways to combat this problem. One thing we need to let go of is relying upon conflict resolution and peer mediation to completely take care of this problem. Yes, it is important to teach children to learn to work through problems and resolve them. However, when dealing with a bully it cannot be done. In mild cases peer mediation can work. At the same time, when dealing with a bully you are dealing with someone who is angry and learning to control those around them. In conflict resolution a person learns to take accountability for their actions. How can you do this with someone who refuses to look at their wrongdoing? Someone who is angry and learning manipulation getting control and what they want? In mild cases this may work but, this is what I believe is leading to a lot of these suicides. Do we try to reason and negotiate with a terrorist? No, of course not because you cannot reason with someone who is angry. Why do we expect these solutions to work with this problem?

If someone is a bully please refer them to a mental health center. There are issues there that normal mediation or resolution will not cure. We want a healthy society and these children are our future. However, sometimes this involves taking steps to ensure the person is healthy. It is certainly something to think about.

Dawn McIntyre and The New 10

2010-09-01T12:54:00.000-07:00

I want to introduce Dawn McIntyre who is the author of The New 10. 40 Days to Creating a Boldly Beautiful Life From the Inside Out. Dawn is an Adult Survivor of Peer Abuse. Today I will be asking Dawn some questions and she will share her replies. Thank you Dawn for taking the time to respond to my questions and let’s get started.

1. In your book, you have broken it down into four sections which are beauty, body, spirit and extraordinary lives. Do you find one area to be more important than the other when thinking of the New 10?

They are all equally as important and serve to help us in creating whole and balanced perspectives of ourselves and our lives.

2. Many times in our society we hear people say that they do not worry about what others think of us. Do you find it to be human to worry about what others think of us? To you, is this part of a need to be accepted by others?

I believe that what drives us as humans, to want the approval and acceptance of others, is fear of rejection. And yes, this is a common fear. Still, having suffered this myself, I did experience tremendous freedom when I was able to follow my heart, regardless of the opinions of others. And yes, I have been rejected by many friends as a result BUT I am now surrounded by friends that support me completely in who I am. My book is meant to help others to do the same.

3. It is human to make mistakes. However, it is not good to beat ourselves up when we do make mistakes. How do you think we should handle ourselves when we do make mistakes?

I always say that there are no mistakes, just lessons. The biggest lesson is love. Love of ourselves first and having compassion for our being human and living in a world that is constantly changing, therefore requiring us to change and grow along with it.

4. We have many out there today who are abuse survivors. Do you believe an abuse survivor would benefit from meditation?

Absolutely! Meditation was my saving grace from child and spousal/peer abuse. It allowed the peace and silence to hear the wisdom in my experience and to have the courage and strength to not only heal from it, but also, to help others heal as well.

When we meditate we are encouraging our higher wisdom to come through and guide us. In essence, we are giving our higher wisdom permission to take over and accepting that we cannot do it alone, nor do we have to do it alone.

5. Rejection is hard for everyone. How do you think it is best to handle rejection by a friend?

I was saddened by the rejection of many friends as an adult but I knew in my heart that as much as I would miss them, if they were not able to love and accept me as I am then they weren't truly friends at all.
As long as we hang on to friendships, out of fear of rejection, we are blocking the opportunity to allow healthy and sustaining friendships to enter our lives.

6. Do you believe random acts of kindness goes a long way when we are good to ourselves or ourselves along with others?

Yes, very much so. What we give comes back to us tenfold, so when we give kindness to ourselves first, it will come back to us. And when we give kindness to others it will come back to us as well, even if not from that particular individual.

Personally, there is no feeling greater than making another person smile, laugh and feel great about themselves.

7. What is the best way for us to get in sync with our bodies? What is that first step in listening to what our bodies tell us?

We can get into sync with our bodies through breath work. Taking at least seven deep breaths and focusing our attention on areas of the body that are calling to us and then listening internally to the guidance is very powerful. For some it could be exercise, others it could be diet and still others movement through dance or even a different vitamin plan.

For me it has often been "Give me break and just accept me the way I am." It was beat into me, as a child that I was fat and ugly and so this was a tough one for me and honestly is still a challenge, at times.

8. Do you see dancing as a way to reach our inner beings or releasing a lot of negative energy within us?

Yes, the movement of our hips actually allows our spirits to flow fully in our bodies. In essence, dancing grounds us more fully in our spirits.

9. You mentioned that as a child you were told you were ugly and fat. Have your tips in this book helped you in overcoming these feelings?

Yes they have although, as mentioned previously, this is still one of my weak areas and in following the advice in my book, I am able to bring myself back to a place of love and acceptance for my body.

10. In your book you discuss your divorce as a nasty experience. By nurturing your spirit how has that helped in overcoming this experience?

During this time I spent a lot of time with my daughter which I what my spirit needed. My daughter has an uncanny way to make me laugh, regardless of how I feel, and she was my inspiration for following through on the divorce, as difficult as it was.

11. Hard times have helped you grow stronger. This has been gratifying for you. How have you achieved gratification in this?

I have become much wiser and am able to see the best in people. I have also found the courage to follow my dreams and never give up, regardless of the obstacles that have been in my way. It has not been an easy journey for me however, the journey has made me whom I am today; for that alone, I am extremely grateful.

12. Not everyone believes they have an intuitive nature. For those who do not believe this what would you suggest for them so they could obtain this?

Our intuitive nature, or sixth sense, is as strong as our other five senses, we just don't realize it because we aren't taught how to recognize it. In my book I talk about journaling for 30 days. Each day you can ask a specific question, it can be the same one each day or a different one. Take a very deep, slow breath and place your hand over your heart. Write down the first impression, feeling, thought, or image that comes to you without censoring it. The idea is to build your intuitive muscle through this process and after 30 days you can go back and actually witness the accuracy of your intuition. It is important to write it down because we tend to forget over a month’s time what our intuition has said to us.

13. If someone does not believe they have an imagination, what do you suggest they do in this case?

Some of us have a greater imagination than others and yet, our dreams, our desires, and our goals come from what we imagine our lives could be like and what we wish our lives were like. The term 'desire' means 'from God' and that means that there is nothing that we desire (or imagine we want) that we cannot be do or have.

14. Do you find that humor is a great reliever in a serious world?

Yes, especially when we can laugh at ourselves. Again, this was a tough one for me to learn even though I have a great sense of humor. When we can laugh at ourselves and our perceived problems we open ourselves up to solutions and to the grace of God to work through us. We also see the world as a much friendlier place as well.

15. Is it important to be aware of ourselves and how we feel about ourselves? In other words, do we needed to be conscience of our opinions of ourselves?

Yes, our opinions of ourselves directly create our outer experiences and until we are aware of them, we cannot own them and then proceed to change them as necessary. If something in my outer world is not reflecting the life I choose to live, I ask myself "what must I be thinking in order to create this experience?". I write down what comes to me, replace these thoughts and opinions with ones that are more affirming and positive and then proceed to burn the ones that are blocking me.

16. What is the importance of just “being”?

If we can't just be who we are in this moment and be comfortable that is an indication that we are rejecting ourselves in some level. What we do is important, but we are being in the process is far more important. It starts with just "being" with yourself and loving every minute of it.

17. Why is it so important to live in the now and not the past?

It is futile to live in the past because we cannot change what is done. All of our personal power lies in the living in the present, being grateful and trusting that we have all that we need in this moment. In doing this, the future will take care of itself.

18. What is beautiful about growing older?

We become wiser and 'more seasoned'. We care less about the externals and care more about what really matters, living in a state of peace. From this place, our inner light shines more brightly and there is nothing more beautiful than that.

19. Is there a difference in being a “queen” and a “drama queen”?

Yes. A queen owns her power and uses it to touch others lives in positive and loving ways. A drama queen gives others her power and in so doing creates negative and often painful experiences for all concerned.

20. Do you believe that getting in touch with our dark side along with light side helps us to grow in a healthy manner?

Yes I do. Our dark side is only one aspect of ourselves but if we are not aware of what pulls us down, of what patterns of behavior consistently sabotage our efforts, then we do not have the power to change them. The only way we can change anything about ourselves is through complete and radical love and acceptance of ourselves, even the darkest parts of our self.

Thank you Dawn for this great experience. I wish you nothing but the best in the future.

Reality Television and Peer Abuse

2010-07-01T05:26:00.000-07:00

Reality Television has become incredibly popular in the United States. These days, there may be more of this than any other form of viewing, and while some of it can be educational, much of it can be detrimental.

According to an article in USA Today, reality television may be teaching Americans how to overreact. We see participants form alliances against others, verbally abuse each other and exhibit physical violence. Adults understand that this behavior is for entertainment purposes alone and that this is not how we should behave in our own lives. However, the article suggests that, without realizing it, we may be carrying this over into our own lives and how we react to others.

Dr. Roderick Hart, a professor at the University of Texas in Austin, says, "People can be seduced into thinking that’s the most common way of reacting to life when it’s not. Because of this 'tutoring' of emotions people are becoming culturally conditioned to think it’s okay to be more over-reactive."

Not only are they adding to the need to react emotionally, these shows may be teaching us how to bully and abuse peers. Exclusion, alliance-forming to harm others, and verbal and physical abuse all add to the problem of peer abuse. A recent study conducted at Brigham Young University on reality television and relational aggression found that shows like The Apprentice had 85 acts of verbal aggression an hour and American Idol had 57.

The more we watch reality television the more we are learning that it is okay to abuse others. It is not okay to abuse anyone, and maybe it is time to evaluate this behavior in our culture. This is certainly something to think about.

Article first published as Reality TV and Peer Abuse on Technorati

The Clique: Summer Series: Check it out!

2010-06-28T11:39:00.000-07:00

Hello all! Well, its summer again and that means no school, vacation and trying to keep the kids entertained until school starts again. Your children may be in summer programs in the area or may be at home watching television, playing online or just reading books. If this is the case, I want to let you know about a summer blog I am doing on the tween books called The Clique by Lisi Harrison. These are a series of books about five tween girls in Westchester, New York who are in the 7th grade at Octavian Country Day School. The Clique has been popular amongst the tween crowd so I am sure many tweens will be reading these books during the summer.

The purpose in doing this is not to tear Lisi Harrison or her work apart. She is a good writer and is reaching many tween girls with her books. Yes, sadly this behavior is everywhere and a writer can only write on what they know. Lisi has also told tweens to stop acting like these girls in the book and stop trying to be accepted by these mean girls at school or anywhere else they exist. So, please know I am not doing this to trash the author. I am simply using her work as an educational tool and that's all.

One thing adults, mainly parents need to be aware of is that the problem of Relational Aggression that exists in these books. I think the author is trying to show readers how ridiculous this behavior is amongst girls yet at the same time, its important to be aware of the abuse occurring as well. I am using these books as a learning tool to point out where the abuse occurs so you can be aware of this. As parents or any other authority figure, you need to be in the know of this problem and know what your children are reading. I hope this will be a help in educating. Please, sit down and talk to your children about the problem of Bullying/Peer Abuse. If your child is reading these books then please point out where the behavior becomes abusive. In this blog I will be pointing this out on these blogs book by book.

So, sit back and stay tuned for these blog posts. You can find this at The Clique Summer Series Blog so come on over, tell anyone you know about this blog and feel free to participate in discussion. I will be back to posting on this blog after Labor Day. Have a great summer!

Take Care,
Elizabeth

Bully Branding

2010-05-27T08:28:00.000-07:00

Everyday we are reading and watching the news. Recently, it has focused on the problem of Bullying and how far it is going. Phoebe Prince took her life following a copy cat case in New Hampshire. Next, we hear of a couple of 11-year-olds who are taking their lives. It is sad and everyone says how it is sad. My question is why didn’t anyone do anything before it reached this level?

Another case in New Hampshire has people talking. This time it involves a 14-year-old developmentally challenged young man. He was abused relentlessly by his peers and it reached a point where these abusers decided to give him a tattoo on his buttocks. The price? They would stop abusing him if he got it but again he really had no choice as it happened against his will. Of course, they continued to abuse him further. Now, after the fact, the news is out and everyone is in an uproar. People are sad and wondering why it went this far? Why do you think it went this far? Because once again, the adults turned a blind eye to this abuse and here are the results. The bullies now face criminal charges. At lease a come-uppance is being given where in most cases the bullies skate and are rewarded in some way.

When is America going to wake up? Why are we still doing nothing? This is a disabled child here and we all know tattoos are not removable. I bet I can tell you what happened at the school before this child was tattooed. The bullies went after him and he tried to get help. He was told to ignore it and learn how to joke around with others. He told his parents who went to the school and nothing was done. So, the bullies gave him the tattoo and after the fact everyone started to do something. Why do we wait until after the fact? Intervention should be key here, not waiting around for something to happen. I blame the adults in all of this. They could have stopped this early on but did nothing. This problem is growing worse, not better and its time to step and do something. I hope while the bullies are incarcerated that they seek the help they really need. Extensive therapy and behavior modification. This behavior is pathological and if not curbed now, they will grow up into full blown criminals. Please, step in and step up! Speak out and do something before its too late. Our children deserve that!

The Celebrity Apprentice has no Bullies? Say what?

2010-05-13T10:32:00.000-07:00

The Celebrity Apprentice has returned for 2010 and we have seen many leave since its season premiere on March 14 on NBC. Each episode has given us two hours of celebrities from Darryl Strawberry to Carol Leifer working to raise money for their chosen charities. There seems to be one exception this season and that is that a bully does not appear to be in the bunch. In past seasons, there has always been one or two in the bunch that constantly harped on team members, threw others under the bus, kept division amongst the group and the dirty laundry goes on and on. However, this season, I have seen several personality conflicts but not a full blown bully. Is The Donald getting educated on this serious and underappreciated problem we have in our society?

The latest episode is a perfect example. In the previous episode in the boardroom, both Sharon Osbourne and Maria Kanellis stated that Curtis Stone was “smug” they and did not care for him. Holly Robinson Peete and Cyndi Lauper still battled their differences. So, after this The Donald insisted that the former two ladies work with Curtis and moved Bret Michaels over to the team with the latter two ladies. All were not happy yet they came together. Holly and Cyndi, who have had differences in the past came together this episode and went “shopping and were getting married.” At the end both Maria and Sharon developed a new found admiration for Curtis. Sharon stated that she wanted him to marry one of her daughters so he could come over and make her dinner at Christmas. It was impressive to see people put aside differences and decide to work together. Of course Cyndi was angry when she was fired which was understandable. It was her decorated room that was so impressive. During the boardroom, she and Holly did go after each other. However, they were also encouraged in doing so by Trump. Bret Michaels sat quietly and for the most part, had a very hard time deciding who he felt should be fired. Nobody really deserved to be fired as all did well but those are the rules.

Personality differences are everywhere and are a fact of life. When people are different they will express frustration about the other as some of these did in the sidebars. Yes, Cyndi was hard to manage. Cyndi is also a highly creative individual who probably has never worked in an office setting a day in her life. However, she pulled together and worked with others and they still had nice things to say about her. Holly is very serious and organized. Some people are wired that way as well. Sharon admitted that her behavior has been bad in the past and apologized for it. Folks, these are not the minds of workplace bullies. I did not see any bus throwing, manipulating or intentional bad mouthing of anyone. Sure, they got on each others nerves but with little sleep and hard work, anyone in those shoes would be cranky at the end of the day. However, these traits are not what make an adult bully. Its as if this season of celebrities were living in Utopia for the most part. I was beginning to wonder if this was American television I was watching.

Kudos to Mark Burnett, Donald Trump and the gang at The Celebrity Apprentice. Its refreshing to just sit down, watch the interaction amongst team members and despite differences people still having some respect for one another. I hope future seasons bring much of the same thing.

It's Blog Jog Day!

2010-05-09T09:36:00.000-07:00

Greetings! Its Blog Jog Day and glad you are here! Also, its Mothers Day and a special shout out to all Moms out there! May your day be special and full of fun!

You can learn more about this fantabulous day by visiting the Blog Jog Day Blog. Also, check out this other great blog Daily Grace as well.

Have fun and again, Happy Mothers Day!

Take Care,
Elizabeth

Are you stressed and overwhelmed? You need to do this today!

2010-04-22T09:10:00.001-07:00

Dear Reader,

I found an amazing book that will help all of you who are over-worked, overwhelmed, running on empty, with little time for yourselves. It's called "Intensive Care for the Nurturer's Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others" and it’s written by my friend Hueina Su who is an internationally recognized speaker and expert in helping people find the missing peace & balance in their stressful lives.

Our world is fast-paced and loaded with a tremendous volume of competing priorities and responsibilities. The need to center ourselves, catch our breath and release the stress is probably more crucial than ever. How are we to accomplish this when we are faced with the overwhelming need to make a difference in others? Hueina’s book comes at the perfect timing. Intensive Care for the Nurturer's Soul is a definitely gentle loving breeze with a clear and strong message effortlessly delivered. As I read her ideas, told in a wonderful story-telling style, it was easy to reinforce the truth that has motivated this book: caretakers need to take care of themselves.

If you have ever felt stressed, overwhelmed, no time for you, running on empty, or feeling selfish & guilty about taking time for yourself, then this book is a must read for YOU!! This book will make a PERFECT Mother's Day gift too!!

http://bit.ly/NurturersSoul

A fourth generation medical professional, Hueina was born a nurturer. Raised in a culture where self-sacrifice was not only expected but encouraged, she understood at a very young age that balance would be pivotal in realizing the depth of happiness she really desired for herself.

Through her 20+ years of experience in nursing, counseling, coaching, and being a mom of two, she experienced and observed the demands and stress of being responsible for someone else’s daily care whether it’s caring for a normal family or caring for someone who is ill or disabled. She recognized that care-taking is as rewarding as it is exhausting, but far too often we sacrifice our own well-being and happiness because nobody ever showed us how to manage it all.

The consequences of neglecting your self-care could be detrimental, not only to your physical & emotional health, but also to your work, business bottom lines and your relationships. Chronic stress is linked to all major illnesses including heart attack, stroke, hypertension, diabetes and cancer.

It is time to take action and learn how to take good care of YOU, while you continue to take care of others! This book will show you how. It's terrific, timely and pertinent to most of our lives -- preventing and eliminating stress & burnout!

And, when you buy this book on Amazon.com on APRIL 22, you will receive dozens of bonus gifts from many leading experts, such as Mark Victor Hansen (best-selling author of Chicken Soup for the Soul), Lisa Nichols (teacher in The Secret), Marci Shimoff (teacher in The Secret, and best-selling author of Happy for No Reason), Janet Attwood (The Passion Test), Joe Vitale (The Attractor Factor) and so many more!

http://bit.ly/NurturersSoul

With amazing insights into all aspects of what it truly means to be both caretaker and nurturer, Hueina Su presents personal stories, practical tools and tips that are universal in their application and great for professional healthcare workers, therapists, social workers, teachers, family caregivers, moms, and anyone who is caring for others. The need for this information is far more urgent than most could ever realize.

Join Hueina as she explores in depth caretaking concerns such as:

* Recognizing Self-Care Deficiency Syndrome and what to do about it
* How to resolve the feeling of overwhelm
* Finding joy and serenity in the present moment
* How to restore peace and calm when life is spinning out of control
* Creating life balance to avoid caregiver burnout
* How to clear out emotional clutter for lasting inner peace
* Finding peace in the face of death and grieving
* Detached involvement for caregivers

http://bit.ly/NurturersSoul

This is more than a book! The self-coaching sessions following every section offer personalized action steps and build a solid foundation for a new understanding and level of caregiving. This is a book you'll want to keep as a reference and go back to again and again.

While we all know it's important to take care of ourselves, most of us don't always practice what we believe to be true. We need help and we need it in a way that is easy for us to use. Just read one small but potent piece to know why you will remember what Hueina tells us.

" Intensive Self-Care is NOT being selfish and it's
NOT a luxury, but rather an essential practice
for your survival and overall well-being."

It resonates with our souls. That simple, pure, loving statement brings me a sigh of relief. It is okay to re-prioritize, and for that and more I have gleaned as I read. I know that she has clearly embarked on a path to help us all continue our paths as healers while caring for ourselves -- the perfect mixture for a successful life.

This is a must read for anyone who is taking care of others and needs some tender loving care for themselves. Get this amazing book for yourself and anyone you care TODAY. It's terrific, timely and pertinent to most of our lives -- preventing and eliminating stress & burnout! And, remember, Hueina will be there for you when the time comes!

http://bit.ly/NurturersSoul

Take Care,
Elizabeth Bennett

P.S. Don't forget to buy Intensive Care for the Nurturer's Soul on APRIL 22. You will receive dozens of bonus gifts from leading experts.
http://bit.ly/NurturersSoul

P.P.S. If you have ever felt stressed, overwhelmed, running on empty, no time for you, or feeling selfish & guilty about taking time for yourself, then this book is a must read for YOU!! This book will make a PERFECT Mother's Day gift too!!

http://bit.ly/NurturersSoul

The Sociopaths and Phoebe Prince

2010-02-26T08:58:00.000-08:00

Phoebe Prince continues to make headlines after her recent death as a result of the relentless abuse by her peers at South Hadley High School. This story has opened a lot of floodgates with parents and alumni of South Hadley High School expressing internalized anger as they never stepped in to stop this abuse or any other abuse which has occurred in the past on their campus. A Task Force is now formed to keep an eye on things. Also, two students have been expelled and criminal charges could be pending. As this became a cyber issue on Facebook, many still taunted Phoebe before and after her death on a Memorial Page made in honor of Phoebe. These individuals who posted slanderous remarks may also be facing criminal charges. Bystanders at school and online turned a blind eye to the problem and did nothing to stop it. Now, after the fact, all of this has pushed Massachusetts to finally get an Anti-bullying Law on the books. It took something so horrific as this for them to finally move to action.

Phoebe had moved from Ireland to Massachusetts with her family and enrolled at South Hadley High School as a Freshman for the 2009-2010 school year. She started dating a Senior boy from the football team. This enraged a group of students who felt she needed a “reality check” or a “come-uppance” for thinking she could date this young man and not suffer in the process. So, they proceeded to make her life miserable in school and through technology. This moved to Facebook where they continued spreading their ilk for the whole world to read. As any victim of this form of abuse, Phoebe snapped and took matters into her own hands. She came home, went up to her room and hung herself. Her 12 year old sister found was the one to find her after she died. Wow, what a way to welcome a new student not only to a new school but a whole new country.

Expulsion is a form of punishment. However. One has to wonder if this is punishment enough or will this even affect these bullies? Studying this case and the behavior of these bullies, I honestly believe these individuals are full blown sociopaths. I have gone over the psychological makeup of a sociopath and these bullies fit the behavior to a tea. For starters, one student bragged about “fooling investigators” after she was questioned on her involvement in Phoebes death. The fact that while Phoebe was alive, they constantly taunted her at school and at home. They threw trash at her regularly. If that was not enough, they went to Facebook and spread more venom. After she died, they came back to Facebook and delighted in her death. There was no remorse or regret on their part. Folks, this behavior is scary! What these bullies need is extensive psychotherapy, not expulsion. Someone needs to be reaching these bullies on a psychological level so they do not commit this sort of damage towards another individual. Expulsion will not affect these bullies at all and I fear nothing will be learned as a result.

Again, it is so important for bystanders to step in and speak up. If this happens in school, please tell someone. When going online and seeing these so called “pages” attacking others, report them to the website! These websites have options where behavior such as this can be reported. Phoebe may still be alive if someone had stepped in and stood up to these abusers. This was a young, pretty girl in the dawn of life. If putting oneself in the others shoes, they may see that it is not so fun being a victim of such abuse and yes, can happen to anyone.

Cafe Vamp and the Bullies

2010-02-12T10:22:00.001-08:00

Peer Abuse at work continues to be an underappreciated issue in our nation as we continue to enable this problem in our companies and organizations. However, things “down under” seem to be taking a more serious look at this problem.

A recent court decision in Hawthorn, Australia ordered a company, Café Vamp, to pay $335,000 in fines which resulted in an employee committing suicide over the abuse she was receiving at work by her peers. Four workers pled guilty to not taking reasonable care of its employees and failing to provide a safe working environment. A fine was also issued of $220,000 and the cost would have doubled if the defendants had not pled guilty to their behavior. A report conducted by the Productivity Commission estimated that this abusive behavior costs Australia itself $10 billion a year and costs to the economy of about $14.8 billion a year. Wow, that’s a lot of money. So much emphasis is placed upon physical hazards and not nearly enough is placed upon psychological hazards. However, it appears as if the tide is turning in Australia.

Now, we need to start following their lead. As adults, we should know better yet we don’t. We continue to feed into this behavior and nothing is ever done to remedy the problem. When this behavior is allowed, the victims start to suffer from stress, anxiety and depression and it costs a company a lot of money. Not to mention the many absences that are a result of this problem. In America, we have hit an economic low and cannot afford to loose money. We also focus on the physical issues such as environmental control and safety on the job. Organizations exist where they come in, monitor these problems and if action is needed it is taken. Why are we not paying attention to these psychological problems that also exist? If action was taken immediately on a bully at work, I can bet that money would be saved and employees would be working to their potential. A person cannot focus on the job with this negativity in the company.

America, wake up and smell the reality! Take a lesson from Australia! If we were to start imposing these fines on the companies in our nation, I bet this problem would decrease dramatically. Employees, stop feeding these bullies at work. They are capable of anything and by siding with them, it will not make your life easier. Stand up to them and put them in their places. At the end of the day, people just want to go to work, do their jobs and go home. Why increase the stress? If anything, increase the peace! It sure would make a workday a lot easier for everyone. I’m just saying.

Elizabeth Bennett is the Social Justice Guru seeking social justice for all. She is also the author of “Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From a Psychological Perspective” along with the e-book “Child Safety Online: Top Tips to Protect your Child from Internet Predators.” Please visit Peer Abuse Know More! To learn more.

Cranky Cathy and her Workplace Abuse

2010-01-22T08:55:00.000-08:00

Another week and another blog. This time I am focusing upon the constant crank in the workplace. You know, the one that complains about everyone and everything? Nobody can do anything better than her? She zeroes in on every little move made by someone in the office? This is not just having a bad day but a way of life with Cranky Cathy. It never stops and someone is always in her cross fire. Well, except for her little “buddies” that she befriends and enlists in her chronic drama. Sometimes, people just ignore or avoid her and only communicate with them if need be. Or, others may clamor to be a part of her “posse” and will do what they can to be a part of the inner circle. They may do nice things like bring her cookies or let her borrow something in hopes of never becoming their target at work. Oh, they are aware that these Cranky Cathy behaves like a child but everyone seems to be drawn to her out of fear. There is that charisma she projects that draws these people in despite her nasty behavior. Sometimes, her games and foolishness becomes to much and targets or bystanders erupt or verbally attack her. Whala! Cranky Cathy now has another reason to target someone. The cycle continues as people are hired, fired or leave the job and new people come to the office. Cranky Cathy can always find potential recruits and new targets. What is really sad is that over half the time, Cathy is not even the boss but an office contemporary. The boss is generally being charmed by Cathy. Trust me, she knows how to work an office as she probably worked the playground at school.

This cycle is a very unhealthy one and exists in most workplace environments today. It is not productive and companies loose money because of this. Who can go to work and focus on their job with people around them bothering and harassing them? Cranky Cathy never lets up and is always mad about something and she has her targets and allies in place. Why do people enable her behavior? One reason is out of fear for becoming her target themselves. They see others flocking to her out of their own fear and get caught up in her garbage. Oh, everyone knows her behavior is wrong and tiring yet nobody is interested in doing anything about it so they keep up with their dysfunction allowing Cathy to dictate the social setting at work.

Folks, its important to stand up to Cranky Cathy. From the get go, let her know that you have no interest in what Joe said to Sally and how Sally screwed up a tally sheet or did not perform to Cathy’s standards. Also, you cannot sit around and gossip with her but keep your focus on the work at hand. Do not try to befriend her or spend any amount of time with you. Yes, it is scary to stand up to Cranky Cathy but let people know from the beginning that you have no time for office politics. Chances are, these colleagues hold the same opinion but have been afraid to speak up. It may take that one voice to open up and stand up to her. Eventually, she will wear people down with her antics and they will move away from her. She will loose her charm as bit by bit as she runs people off with her behavior. A bully standing alone cannot create so much drama as their power is taken away. Do not do anything that can cause her to gain power and use it to abuse everyone. If you must communicate with her, do so in a calm and professional manner. Most importantly, know that she is the one at fault and the one with the problem. She is good at twisting events to her favor and will try and make you feel like the unstable and nutty one at work. Remain calm at all times. If you must get emotional, please do so in the privacy of a bathroom or go out to the car for something. Do not let Cranky Cathy see your pain. She thrives on pain and drama and will only use this to create more at work.

Again, we all have bad days. Things do not always go right, we may not have made a deadline or just cannot seem to do anything right on those particular days. Its normal and a part of life. However, it becomes an issue when it is chronic and daily by one particular person. Know that their behavior is wrong and not the other way around. Do what you can to keep the environment a good and healthy one. There is enough stress in this world so why add to it? Certainly something to think about.

Elizabeth Bennett is the Social Justice Guru seeking social justice for all. She is also the author of “Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From a Psychological Perspective” along with the e-book “Child Safety Online: Top Tips to Protect your Child from Internet Predators.” Please visit Peer Abuse Know More! To learn more.

Bystanders are Crucial

2010-01-16T08:03:00.000-08:00

This world is one that grows more and more vicious everyday. The term dog eat dog is probably considered a form of good behavior now. Everyday we watch and listen to someone somewhere sabotage someone else. For the most part, we walk on by and ignore it or we participate and not in the right way.

Bystanders are probably the most crucial group in the bully, bullied and bystander family. One such group is the Olweus program which originated out of Norway. In 2003, it became a federal program in the US and one that is beneficial in educating the bystander and how to deal with the bully and bullied. In a recent article in the New York Times, Dr. Perry Klass discusses how pediatricians are becoming more aware and educated on the realities of this problem. Also, he discussed Olweus and the importance of the bystander. He stated that the bystander could change the whole scenario by speaking up and speaking out. Instead of enabling this problem, they try to help the victim as Olweus instructs schools to do.

All 3 parties really could use the help, not just the bystander. If bystanders do their part, it can certainly shake things up and change the social dynamic. Also, it can make others better aware of who the actual bully is. But what about the bully and the bullied? The bully is the one who really needs the help. I say this because it is the bully who brings the aggression to the situation. For someone to instigate these problems, they are being hurt or are in some danger themselves as this is a learned behavior. They need to be investigated and if legal action needs to be taken then take it. Bullies also could benefit from therapy and the earlier the better. Yes, the bullied needs help after the bully has left an impact on them. Bystanders could use help and to be taught that following the bully makes things worse for everyone. The bottom line is education and becoming aware of this problem itself before trying to solve it.

Bystanders, please speak up! If you see any abuse occurring either at school or work, speak up! Do not participate in any of it. Help put a stop to the problem so it does not grow into something bigger. One day a bully can be your friend. However, the next day he can turn on you and you could be the bullied instead of the bystander. Its something to really think about.

Elizabeth Bennett is the Social Justice Guru seeking social justice for all. She is also the author of “Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From a Psychological Perspective” along with the e-book “Child Safety Online: Top Tips to Protect your Child from Internet Predators.” Please visit Peer Abuse Know More! To learn more.

Looks are not everything ya know!

2010-01-08T09:11:00.001-08:00

Well, I come back from the holidays and what do I find? A link that someone in the Anti-bullying Community has shared on Twitter and was disgusted by what it contained. I took a glance myself and wanted to be ill. What kind of society do we live in where people sink to this particular level? What is more disgusting is that this site has gone global!

There is a dating site online that only accepts people who are beautiful or the powers that be feel are physically beautiful. This site has a strict ban on ugly people and has axed over 5,000 members because they gained weight over the holiday season. It is elite based and feel that those who do not meet the criteria are a threat to the site. Members must be voted in by current members and if they become unattractive or what is considered unattractive by other members then they are removed from their “club”. The company admits to being elitist, that they are not politically correct and want to be “honest” and that the members back this up completely.

Folks, this is without a doubt a form of bullying and relational aggression. People are accepted based on looks and they are excluded if they do not meet the criteria. Forget politically correct, what about having good manners and genuine care for another human being? By setting this criteria and not allowing others to join them, they show nothing but shallow behavior and no concern for others in my opinion. It also sends a message that in order to be accepted that one MUST look a certain way. I am all for taking care of ones appearance, however, this site is not about doing so. Its about shallowness and exclusion if you ask me. It “drops” members as a result. What ever happened to values? Love for fellow man? Have we as a society gone so low as to behave in this manner?

Please, love people for who they are and not what they look like. Beauty comes in many different forms and not all of them are physical. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder but exists on the inside of a person just as much as the outside. Something to think about here.

Elizabeth Bennett is the Social Justice Guru seeking social justice for all. She is also the author of “Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From a Psychological Perspective” along with the e-book “Child Safety Online: Top Tips to Protect your Child from Internet Predators.” Please visit Peer Abuse Know More! To learn more.

MTV and A Thin Line conquer Sexting

2009-12-09T09:52:00.000-08:00

The music network, MTV, has always been a network that is popular for teens. As a member of the “MTV Generation” I remember the days of watching music videos with my friends and squealing over the different artists that would appear on the screen with the latest tunes. As the years have progressed, so has MTV as they have added more than just videos to their agenda. They now have different types of programming, celebrity news, clothing and different campaigns such as Rock the Vote which was geared towards teens and politics.

The latest addition to their lineup has been a campaign for teens called A Thin Line. This is a campaign to educate teens on how their digital behavior can have disastrous affects. Not only will this involve combating sexting but they plan to create Public service announcements and show an episode about this on its True Life series. MTV commissioned a study involving 1,200 youngsters ages 14-24 asking how they behaved in the digital age. At least 50% admitted to being targets of this abuse while 30% stated that they had sent sexually explicit photos of themselves to others via text or online. When the problem was explored further, those who have been targeted are more likely to engage in sexual activity, drink, use drugs, smoke and get involved with criminal activity. This is criminal activity if you ask me!

MTV is doing a great thing here. Many times, kids do not think of the consequences of what they do. It is so important to raise the awareness of this problem so our children will remain safe out there. This is something that is considered “hot” amongst teens and many will do it believing nobody will see these photos but the recipient. However, recipients cannot always be trusted and eventually, these photos can wind up online costing someone a job down the line and ruining their reputation. Also, it can become an issue of distributing child pornography. In this digital age, nobody is safe and privacy has become non existent. As MTV is still popular with youths, having this campaign will be a great way of educating and raising awareness of this problem.

This sexting problem has not been an issue for long but it is rapidly growing. Parents and other adults need to educate themselves on this problem and talk to their children about this. At the end of the day, don’t we all deserve to be safe?

Bullies at Work

2009-12-02T08:40:00.001-08:00

Well, after the Thanksgiving weekend I came back to a lot of stuff to catch up on. One article just stood out and could not let go of it. It was written in Canada but can assure you that this problem is alive and well in America. Adults should know better and grow up, learn to leave this garbage at the door. However, from experience and the feedback I get daily, I can assure you that childhood bullies grow worse and exist in the office as well.

In the article, I read of a woman working in an office who was asked to do some photocopying by her boss which went beyond her job description. While doing this she reached to answer the phone and the paper got jammed in the machine. Instead of reaching to help, the boss snarled “I thought you claimed to be an Administrative Assistant.” Since that incident, she has endured nitpicking, embarrassment and verbal abuse from this boss. As a result, her self esteem plummeted, she developed anxiety, felt incompetent and this filtered into her way of life. A co-worker even stated that they did not like it when the woman was bullied but did not know how to deal with the psychological abuse this boss was inflicting in the office.

Folks, who needs this? Again, let me ask you: Who NEEDS this on a daily basis? These bullies at work will pick up on one mistake and run with it. Someone will do something wrong and they never let it go! If it is the boss that is one thing. However, there are people who are not even in positions of authority and they still pull these stunts. They zone in one person and constantly focus on them. The complaining starts and it becomes contagious. Every little thing the other person does gets magnified and dissected redundantly. It gets to a point where the target cannot even come to work without receiving nasty notes in their box, an email or some nasty remark from either the bully or one of her little helpers. Its no wonder a person looses self-esteem, becomes anxious, stressed and eventually develops depression. Who can work and affectively like that?

Please, if this is happening to you, please document the date, time and what happened. Keep a log of this. If others are seeing this occur in the office, talk to them and ask them to document. That is if you know you can trust them. Check your code of conduct that is outlined in your workplace handbook or if something is hanging on the wall in the office. Do not let one person keep an office in an uproar. Also, for goodness sakes DON’T try to be accepted by the bully. Do you think he cares about you and it will make your job any easier? Most importantly, build up a support system outside of the office where they can be sounding boards. Do not keep all of this inside and to yourself. That only makes it worse for you. Most importantly, do not confront the bully on their behavior. They are looking for drama and games and will use anything you say to them against you. For them, this is about power, control and staying on top. I know the articles states that you should contact them early on but I disagree. They have found a target in you and will do anything they can to keep problems going. Their goal is to get you out of the organization. You are either a threat to them or maybe receive more pay than them. Anyone in your position will get heat from this person.

If you see this at your job, do what you can to help the one being targeted. Nobody needs this abuse and it is nothing more than abuse. Not only do the employees suffer when this is occurring but so does productivity and people are not working to their full potential. I think at the end of the day, we all just want to work, do our job and go home. There is enough stress in the world so why add to it? Something to think about.

Technorati Claim Token

2009-11-24T18:47:00.000-08:00

5QNV4G4UPK2H

I think this is the right code? I tried to get on the page and not sure what else I need to do?

Facebook nips the Bullies

2009-11-18T11:14:00.000-08:00

Yesterday kicked off Anti-bullying Week and it goes from November 16-20 2009. One thing that is really being focused upon is the problem of cyber-bullying. As we all know, this is a problem that is out of control and at some point, someone needs to put a stop to it. The problem is a huge one on social sites like My Space, Facebook, Twitter, Bebo and others where kids can go and interact with their friends as well as adults. . Facebook has decided to take some preventative measures and has launched some safety tips in support of Anti-bullying Week.

I have been a strong advocate of Facebook for a long time. It is designed to keep its members safe for starters. The profiles are set up where one must add a person to their friends list in order for their full profile to be seen by the other user. Users can also set their profile to private which allows only those on their friends list to know that they are members of the site. It is a great place to post photos and organize them so others can view and comment on them. Members on there range from 14-104 and many parents have their children added to their list of friends. That can make it hard for a teen to cyber-bully or add anyone that is questionable to their list of friends. Not to mention it is a great place to network with other professionals and invites and groups can be created to help in the networking process. It has become a site that is family friendly and is why many flock there to communicate.

Facebook has left some helpful comments that I back up completely. I wanted to list and expand on them from what has already been listed.

1. Only accept friends you know: Many times, people who do business on Facebook will add strangers to their lists because they are interested in networking. If this is the case, do not put up personal photos or give a lot of personal information. Also, if one is underage, they do not need to be adding adults that they do not know. As for adults, they do not need to be adding anyone under 18 years of age. Again, some of these teens have parents on their lists and you do not want to be accused of subjecting something that could be considered inappropriate to their children who are underage. Teens please add other teens you already know and if you do add adults, make sure you know them. Adults, please stick to other adults on the site. Unless you know the teen, you really do not need to be interacting with them.

2. Stop abusive behavior: Please, if someone is abusing you on the site, take that person and block them. The block feature is excellent as once you block a person, it is as if they do not exist at all. They cannot see you, what you are doing, who is on your friend list or anything else. People come to the site for various reasons and I am sure nobody wishes to come and engage in any flame wars or useless drama. Block the bully!

3. Report trouble directly to Facebook: Again, Facebook is taking this problem very seriously and if you are encountering a bully on the site, let Facebook know. Show them what has been sent to you and posted on your profile. You can cut and paste it and save it on your computer. They have people who work to investigate and stop this behavior. Get others to report on your behalf as well.

4. Keep your information private: Again, if you do not want anyone to know something about you, the last place it belongs is on Facebook or any other place online. Use good and safe judgment here. Share limited information about yourself. Also, keep your status updates reasonable. What I mean is that not everyone is interested in what you ate for lunch, if you went to the store or how many times you went to the bathroom. Do not post anything that could tip off where you are located. Facebook has a settings area where you can set you level of privacy on the site.

5. Do not react to bullies: block, report or delete them. Again, do not engage with them in petty arguments. Once you flame right back at them you are no longer in a situation where you are being abused. It has then become a full blown flame war between two people. Bullies want you to react and waste your time indulging them with drama. They live for this behavior. If someone is posting gossip or spreading rumors then please save the information they have posted and get others to help you collect it. Send it to Facebook when you report them. Block and delete them from your list. Facebook calls the shots on the site and therefore, its better that you allow them to take control of the situation. Building alliances, flaming each other back and forth is no longer a bullying scenario but again, it’s a full blown conflict between two parties. Let them create the trouble alone and that way, they become responsible for their actions. Plus, it becomes easier for Facebook to see who they real bully is.

Again, it is great to see Anti-bullying Week in full force. Social sites are full of this behavior and it is refreshing to see one that takes this problem seriously. Again, I back Facebook up 100% and the fact that they take this cyber-bullying seriously gives me greater confidence in them. At the end of the day, people just want to go to Facebook and do what they need to do without any hassles. We all deserve a safe online experience.

Dallas Divas and the Mean Girls

2009-11-10T08:34:00.000-08:00

Wow! Another reality show and one that we get to see mother/daughter duos in action. This show Dallas Divas and Daughters airs every Sunday evening at 8pm EST on the Style Network. During this half-hour, we get a glimpse into the lives of five sets of mothers/daughters who live in Dallas, Texas and are considered members of Dallas high society. There has been a polo match, joint birthday party, fashion shows, preparations for the Debutante ball, lunch dates, shopping and many other excursions in the Lone Star State. I have to say that these ladies live some exciting lives. Even though I do not know these people, never met them and can hardly judge them, I can certainly comment on what I have seen on the show thus far.

This show is full of relational aggression and mean girl behavior. For starters, we have a group of five mothers where two of them do not get along. The catty comments they mutter under their breaths towards one another is pretty pathetic. These are not teen girls here but middle age women! One of them has stated it is “fun” to get under the skin of the other. We get to see them attack each other at the graduation party of one of the girls in the group. Then the other catty mother is having a birthday party which is shared with another lady in the group and we learn that the other mother/daughter team is not invited over silly reasons like being late. Sure, being late is rude, I agree but this appeared to be done in a mean spirited fashion on the birthday mothers part. Right there, we have the issue of exclusion. All she had to do was gently remind this woman to be on time. The uninvited mother made a comment that they were adults and this was high school and mean girl behavior. Yes, this looks really stupid in a group of middle age women. It was two of the women who had the birthday party yet one seemed to dominate the spotlight. If that is not bad enough, one mother puts down the daughter of the other mother when she is getting her debutante photos made.

The daughters are catty too. We see two of the girls who are in competition with one another. They are debutantes together, worked at a fashion show together and we see them try and one up each other every time. One girl got four tickets to see a band and it excluded two of the six in the group after promising everyone that they could come. Instead of picking in a fair manner like drawing names, we see the girl pick her three to go and they rub this in to the other girls who did not get picked. Then, we have a 17 year old who has stated that she will bully her mother until she gives in and gets her a Range Rover for her upcoming birthday. At this graduation party, the mother throwing the party had a specialized portrait of herself made for her daughter to carry to college with her. In the interviews, we heard all of the nasty comments from the other mother/daughter teams of the group. One said if her mother gave that to her for graduation she would throw it in her face!

Only one mother/daughter team has managed to stay away from jumping in the catty pool. The daughter is working with her sister to find her mother a boyfriend while we see the mother date. Its refreshing to see at least one team on there not to behave like they are entitled or behave in a rude manner to the others in the group. Sadly, we do not see much of this pair on there.

Folks, this is nothing but exclusion, backstabbing, put downs, silly competition and entitlement of a group of women and daughters. How can we expect these girls to stop their own mean girl behavior if their own mothers participate in this? I have been saying all along that Peer Abuse is an adult problem and am seeing it now more than ever on this show. Why can’t the two women who do not get along put their differences aside and try to get along? Why couldn’t the girl with the tickets have picked her guests in a fair manner? What sort of example is this setting for the daughters? One daughter admitted to bullying her mother! Please, do not use this as a model for your own children. Teach them good values and to treat others as they wish to be treated. At the end of the day, aren’t we better off having a friend rather than a foe? Or a frenemy for that matter?

Zero Tolerance needs Flexibility

2009-11-06T11:30:00.000-08:00

As I was watching the local news last evening, I happened to see a segment on the issue of zero tolerance on there. Basically, local school districts were giving their policies and procedures as to how they handle this problem within their schools. The parents were complaining that zero tolerance was too strict and needed to be handled on a case to case basis. Schools have implemented this policy for quite some time in order to cut down on criminal behavior, catch the bullying going on and to basically keep weapons off campus so school will be safe for all students.
Recently, a kindergarten child was suspended for bringing a camping utensil to school. Another case happened when a first grader brought a knife to school. There was an incident in this nation where a 3rd grade child brought a kitchen knife from home to school. Why? A 5th grade bully threatened to rape him the next day. So, it was brought for protection. True, there are some who have brought weapons to school to start a fight or to do harm to others. It is important that we catch those who are planning to do harm to others in some way.

Lets face it; zero tolerance is too strict. It needs to be handled on a case by case basis. Gangs who bring weapons to school to hurt others should be suspended or expelled. Same with anyone who brings a weapon to do any harm to another person. However, what is a five year old going to know about a camping utensil? I highly doubt this child has threatened another in some way. Also, many bullied kids bring weapons as a way to protect themselves. When a school does not listen and the child is continually abused on a daily basis, he/she begins to feel helpless and looks for a way for protection. Its not going to come from peers or the school so they bring a weapon to school. The student gets caught and gets expelled for having the weapon while the bully walks without any punishment. After all, zero tolerance is zero tolerance.

Folks, the concept is not a bad one. Its just that in cases of Peer Abuse and the B word, the wrong kids are being caught and punished. In doing so, it reinforces the kid who is being abused that their rights, feelings or self as a whole is not nearly as valued as that of the bully. We all know life is not fair. However, must we continue to reinforce this to these kids already in pain? We all have rights in this nation, lets not ever forget that.

Sexting at Degrassi

2009-10-23T09:30:00.000-07:00

This past Friday, an episode of Degrassi The next Generation aired an episode entitled “Shoot to Thrill”. This episode involved a girl named Ali and her boyfriend Johnny. Ali took some pictures of Johnny and a stuffed animal promising never to share them with anyone. As the episode went on, we saw how poorly Johnny treated Ali in their relationship. Instead of breaking up with him, she took it up a notch and decided to take nude pictures of herself and send them to Johnny on his cell phone. Needless to say, this went badly. Ali had posted one of the pictures of Johnny and the stuffed animal on the school wall which resulted in Johnny sending one of the sexting pictures to his friend Bruce. Mr. Simpson, one of the teachers had the displeasure of seeing the picture and sent Bruce and Ali to the office. The principal had a stern talk with Ali about the dangers of sexting and an organization called That’s Not Cool gave a PSA on the dangers of sexting and is a great resource for anyone dealing with abuse through technology.

Sexting has recently become an issue amongst teens and even adults. Teens have been known to take these sexual photos and send to one another. What is troubling is that these texts find their way online by cyber bullies or other abusers in relationships. This occurs when there is a break-up or just as form of blackmail. The thing that is not considered is that once these photos are sent around, they are out there in cyber land for everyone to see. The chances of them disappearing are slim to none. Situations such as this can follow the teen into adulthood and cost them jobs and other problems along the line.

Folks, talk to your children about sexting and the dangers of it. This is also a form of cyber bullying as the photos get passed around to others and are done so in a cruel manner and as a way to hurt the target. This could also result in a criminal record as the ones doing the sending are passing around what appears to be child pornography. Anyone under age taking these photos and sharing them are only adding to the pornography problem, not helping it. Teens do not see these consequences like adults do so its important for them to know this before they attempt it. At the end of the day, we want our children safe. Sexting is the last way to do it.

Big Brother is in the Building

2009-10-20T08:31:00.000-07:00

Wow! Another week and another Google Alert. This time, its about having cameras in the classrooms in the United Kingdom. Wonder if this trend will hit up the United States?

A group in the UK called Class watch sets up cameras in classrooms and uses this as a basis for professional development. So far, they have been set up in over 100 schools and used for in class surveillance. They state that this is not an action of Big Brother existing but of trying to help teachers improve their performance in the classroom. Also, it can catch any abuse of peers as well. However, Civil Liberties advocates tend to disagree with this approach and see it as an invasion of the learning environment. Some at the UK Teachers Union feel these clips can be edited to make the teacher out to be the bad guy. Some at the PTA National Headquarters here in the US feel that if a demand comes in, this could be occurring in US schools at some point.

One thing I have to say is I do not agree with an invasion of privacy. As Americans, we do have our right to privacy. However, since the birth of the Internet, haven’t we lost a good bit of this privilege anyway? At the same time, having cameras in various locations has helped to catch criminals. Cameras do exist on some school buses now and in hallways. So, having them installed really should not be a big issue. One thing it would catch is any abuse that peers are giving to each other. A lot of this happens in the classroom and right under a teachers nose yet it goes undetected. This form of abuse is hard to prove because 99% of it is done away from authority. It sure would help in catching a lot of what is occurring and what parents and students bring to the attention of school personnel. The biggest problem I see is when school personnel will take these and edit them or conveniently loose them. I know that has happened in the past.
As for Big Brother, he has been hanging around for a long time. He has not entered our homes as of yet but he sure is out there in public places. I doubt he is planning to leave the building anytime soon.

Arnie breaks the Bullies

2009-10-14T09:19:00.001-07:00

Well, another week and more news on the Peer Abuse front. This week, its great news and involves someone finally taking a group of bullies by the horns.

In California, there is a serious problem with the paparazzi who try and do what they can to get photos of celebrities without their consent. When I say anything I mean anything! As a result, they become a danger not only to these celebrities but the public in general. All sorts of laws are broken when they are out and about stalking their prey. Recently, Nicole Richie and Madonna were both in accidents as a result of the paparazzi. The late Farrah Fawcett could not even go to the hospital for chemo treatments without them stalking and harassing her. The paparazzi have become nothing more than a danger to themselves and those around them and its high time they were reigned in.

Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger signed an anti-paparazzi bill into law yesterday which now states that celebrities can take legal action towards paparazzi and media outlets when photos are used illegally. This was amended to a law that gave fines when these items were used improperly. The Paparazzi Reform Initiative sponsored this bill. This law will not be used to completely shut down media outlets and other means of reporting. It was formed to try and reign in the behavior the paparazzi uses in obtaining information on celebrities. To try and prevent not only celebrities from being hurt but the public as a whole. Ethically, many boundaries and rights promised to all citizens of this nation have been violated and its high time to bring these back into practice. Respect our fellow man and what is promised to all of us as citizens and as human beings.

Thank you Governor Schwarzenegger for signing this into law. As I have mentioned in the past, this is a form of Peer Abuse and these paparazzi have done nothing but bully these celebrities. They violated laws and endangered others. Now, driving down Wilshire Blvd. or anywhere else in Los Angeles will be safer for everyone. People can relax and I know these celebrities feel better knowing further legal action can be taken. At the end of the day, aren’t we all entitled to live our lives without the fear of being harassed, stalked or invaded on daily basis?
　

Queen Bee no More

2009-09-24T10:51:00.000-07:00

Oh the joy of the fall season on television. New shows popping up and old ones returning. One that has always grabbed my gut is Gossip Girl. Last season was full of backstabbing, game playing and of course, the glorification of the Queen Bee. Well, The CW has graced us with another season and this time, the group of friends are either in college, hitting up the work force or just trying to find themselves. The bottom line is that they are now adults and as adults should be thinking along the line of adult behavior.

Blair Waldorf was the Queen Bee for two seasons. She ruled her “regime” at school, tried to get a teacher fired, played pathetic games with Chuck Bass and basically took her ever so faithful maid Duroda on every ride. Now, Blair is a first semester freshman at NYU and believe it or not, is now dating Chuck Bass. She also lives on campus and is rooming with nemesis Georgina. Blair insisted on living in the dorms so she could grab that crown and reign again. We see her line up girls on her hall while she and Duroda give them little gifts. Ever the expert on NYC, she tries to give tips on the city as an introduction into her new regime. However, all of this seems to backfire. Blair tries to throw a sushi party for everyone and instead they are more interested in eating popcorn and watching videos. Then, Georgina throws a roof party and invites everyone but Blair. Of course Blair comes and tries to use Georgina’s newfound Christianity against her and get everyone to follow her again. Once again, it backfires. It looks as if Blair has been dethroned in her new environment. Wow! A Queen Bee falls and I, for one, am glad to see this.

Gossip Girl gave a great lesson here. A Queen Bee will not remain a Queen Bee all of her life. When we move on from one situation to the next, we meet new people, get into new environments and in many cases, actually grow up. Blair’s goal was to be Queen Bee at NYU and thus far, people are not interested. Where we saw people having educated conversations at the rooftop party, we saw Blair plotting and scheming to be Queen. It was good to see these college students just relaxing and wanting to interact without these pressures. The only glaring exception I saw was Blair who resorted to her high school behavior by being rude to Dan and Vanessa and then trying to sabotage Georgina. I do not like to see anyone be miserable or hurt. In this case, however, I was glad to see some justice served. As for Queen, lets hope there is not a new regime in the works with anyone at NYU.

Queen Bees fall all the time in life. For someone who has been Queen Bee in her environment for a long time, this can be just as detrimental when they enter different phases of life as they get older and fall from grace. As adults, we need to do what we can to stop fostering this behavior and creating these monsters during these developmental years. I honestly believe a Queen Bee falling is just as traumatic as someone who is being abused by their peers. We need to let these girls know that life changes and situations change and that this is not the way things will always be. Life throws curve balls and we all need to know how to handle and survive them and be ready for them. After all, don’t we all deserve to grow up to be healthy and adjusted individuals? Something to think about.

Stop Bullying Rita Allison!

2009-09-22T08:39:00.001-07:00

South Carolina is in the news a lot these days. As the story broke earlier in the summer about Governor Mark Sanford and his mistress from Argentina, we seem to have more than our share of national publicity. If the Sanford story is not enough to keep people busy, we now have another story break concerning Sanford. The difference is that this story is not true. I guess some people have too much time on their hands.

Rita Allison is a 69 year old grandmother from South Carolina. She is a member of the House of Representatives and has done a lot of great things for the Palmetto State. Most importantly, she has been happily married for 50 years to the same man. Over the past week, a story broke where someone had sent a letter to those in Allison’s House District stating that she also had an affair with Governor Sanford. Who sent the letter? At this point nobody knows. Allison has gone public with this and stated that this is not true. She has filed a defamation lawsuit against this “John Doe.” Good for her is what I say. Nobody deserves to have their character attacked and it shows she will not be abused by her peers.

This is exactly what adult bullies do. They will take a person and spread lies and gossip about them.. Not to mention they nitpick, harass, attack, demean and try to break that person. Through this they use other people and go to extremes. Chances are that this is someone Allison knows. It could be someone she offended or disagreed with in the past. Of course, Doe is not revealing him or herself but just sending a letter with lies. Why Allison? This is not a woman who goes out of her way to make others miserable so why try and attack her? She believes in having a good heart and doing good things for others around her. What is really sad is what people say on these blogs about her. They make jokes and do other things at her expense. What ever happened to compassion for other people? Trying to help their fellow man and support them in troubled times? These people do not even know Allison yet attack her anyway. Bullies seem to take pleasure in others misery. We can take the attitude that this is all in politics. Or, we can do the right thing and stop believing the lies.

Folks, do not believe everything you read. Bullies are alive and well and regardless of the other person will do what they can to bring their victim down. I can assure you this story is false. As for John Doe, please come forward and stop your abuse. Better yet, get a hobby or do something worthwhile for a change. Try and make the world a better place.

The Mind of a School Shooter

2009-09-16T08:33:00.000-07:00

This week I wanted to do something a little different. Even though this event occurred many years ago, the name and event remains the same. Also, I doubt this aspect has been discussed at any great length. This event occurred before I was born and before many today were born. It even occurred before Charles Manson and Helter Skelter. As many of us may not remember this particular event, it does go down in history as one of the greatest mass murders of our time.

The late 1950’s was the birth of television, poodle skirts, Elvis on his way to the top and rebellion just waiting to break out. James Dean brought that rebellion out and many teens in America caught on to it. One particular young man, Charles Starkweather, was especially fond of Dean. He emulated his look and found many parallels within their lives. Starkweather grew up in the state of Nebraska. He came from a good family and was one of seven children. He had a stuttering problem and was bowlegged. Despite that, nothing out of the ordinary was reported during this time. Except for one glaring exception and that was he was bullied in school. The first day of kindergarten was a day that left a strong imprint in his mind and a turning point in his life. He went to school and was teased relentlessly for his stuttering and having bowlegs. Children would distance themselves from him and when picking team sports, he was always picked last. This was not just in kindergarten but throughout his school career. I read a book entitled Waste Land: The Savage Odyssey of Charles Starkweather and Caril Ann Fugate. The book stated his family life was good but his life at school was a nightmare. During his formative years, he felt society failed him and started to believe that the world saw him as garbage. He even had a job as a garbage collector as he dropped out of school in the 9th grade. His marks were poor and nobody ever intervened on his behalf in school. When he reached early adulthood, his attitude was that everyone believed he was trash and he rebelled against society completely. Some may argue that he was not biologically wired right. I do not buy into that. If this were the case, it would have come out during those earlier years in some way. The only thing that seemed to stand out was the abuse he endured at the hands of his peers.

Starkweather shook society to the core. He and his young girlfriend, Caril Ann Fugate, went through Nebraska and a small portion of Wyoming during late 1957 and early 1958 by robbing and murdering eleven people including Fugates own family. He was a angry young man who was tired of being seen and treated like garbage. So, he took action and justified it as he was going to be treated like everyone else for a change. He brought up being abused by peers a great deal. The things he and his girlfriend did are beyond comprehension. Eleven lives lost at his hands. Oh he failed society and was eventually sent to the electric chair. He got his just deserts as nothing excuses the death of another human being. However, I also believe society failed him too. Why was the abuse allowed to continue? Why didn’t the schools step in and try and stop the problem? Were these bullies ever held accountable for their actions? If you ask me, Starkweather had the mind of a modern day school shooter. School shooters go on rampages. The only difference is that school shooters usually do these things at school. Starkweather did it in two different states. Why didn’t anyone try and reach this young man during his formative years?

Again, I am not defending these crimes. He was punished accordingly and held accountable for his actions. I am not blaming it on James Dean either. Thousands of American teens loved Dean but did not go on rampages. What I do see is the bullying ringing loud and clear. Starkweather started to believe he was the garbage everyone made him out to be. As an adult, he got angry and got revenge. I do believe society failed him though as nobody put a stop to this abuse. If this young man had not been bullied, I wonder if those eleven people would have been alive today? Would this tragedy have even happened? Certainly something to think about.

OJ is at it again!

2009-09-09T08:05:00.000-07:00

Whoa boy! I come back from a nice labor day weekend and a friend sends me some information about OJ Simpson and the fact that he wants to get out of prison. He and his recent accomplice, Clarence Stewart, were in high court this past Friday trying to leave prison based upon Nevada’s “heavy burden” clause where evidently, they could post bail and leave. The judge denied this stating that their crime was too serious and stated that they did not meet this clause. Plus, both would be considered flight risks. I know most of America is rejoicing at this decision.

OJ Simpson was acquitted from the high profile double homicide trial back in the mid 90’s involving Nicole Brown-Simpson and Ronald Goldman. In 2007, OJ and Stewart were found guilty of kidnapping and robbing two sports memorabilia dealers at a Las Vegas casino and hotel. During this act, both used firearms and of course, used violence. Vintage OJ, huh? This time he was held accountable for his actions. Simpson is serving 33 years while Stewart is serving 7 ½ to 27 years in prison.

The bottom line is that OJ Simpson does not get it. This is very common amongst the anti-social and narcissistic personality disorders. That sense of entitlement, avoidance of any responsibility and lack of remorse with their actions. Has any lesson been learned on his part? If he were released, would we have the “privilege” of seeing pictures of him playing golf again? OJ committed a crime which warranted prison time and the fact that he was trying to get released is troubling. Has he even apologized to the victims for his recent actions? Does this even begin to register with him?

I commend the judge for not releasing him. He broke the law and needs to pay his dues to society. It is not uncommon for adult bullies to seek loopholes and ways to avoid punishment. They believe they are above the law and do not deserve to be punished. They manipulate their way out of these situations. I am not one who just wants to “lock them up and throw away the key”. However, in this case, OJ should be in prison. His charm is not working any longer. If he were released, he would be back on the streets and another person would be harmed more than likely.

He just does not get it if you ask me. That right there is a scary thought.

Is Anne Heche a Bully?

2009-09-02T09:53:00.000-07:00

I have been reading Google Alerts lately where a few people have called Anne Heche a bully. She was recently on the David Letterman Show discussing her husband and said some things which lead to bullying behavior. Plus, something her own child could watch and hear about his father. From what I could gather, this was not a pleasant interview.

You know, as adults, if we are hurting one another and slandering one another around without any thought to anyone else then how can we expect children to be any different? If a child sees an adult abusing their peers in some way then won’t they learn this too and think it is okay? We are the models that our children follow and become as adults. The things we say, the way we act and what we do affects them. A child should never have to hear or see a parent abuse their other parent or other family members. They should never have to have this happen on national television. That is not an everyday occurrence but still, it should not be happening. Despite what one parent thinks of another, they should never let it get back to the child.

Adult bullies are the hardest to deal with. Their personalities are set. Many are your psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissistic individuals. They do not “get” how their behavior affects others. Rules and regulations do not apply to them. The only interest is themselves and their own welfare. Many adult bullies will have no consideration for their children and their welfare. This is what breeds more bullies in the next generation. Adults should know better but sadly, they don’t. They filter our workplace on a daily basis. Parental alienation is another problem where adult parents who are bullies will forbid the child to see the other parent. Also, they speak lies about the other without any afterthought. All they think about is ME!

How can we expect our children to stop abusing one another when we continue to do it ourselves? This is certainly something to think about.

Remembering Princess Diana and those who Murdered her

2009-09-01T12:42:00.000-07:00

Wow! Its been 12 years since the death of Princess Diana on August 31, 1997. Can you believe how fast time flies? It seems like yesterday I was waking up to read the morning news to find her death sprawled all over the front page. As I was always a fan, I was saddened by this. A woman who had selflessly given herself to help others in time of need. She did a lot for humanity and I certainly miss her presence here on earth.

As I think of Princess Diana’s death, I think of those left behind. Family who loved her dearly like her two sons Prince William and Prince Harry. They were so young when this tragedy occurred. Fortunately, they still had their father but nobody can take the place of a mother. It saddens me that she would never see them finish school and grow up into young men, marry and have their own children. She was entitled to this and was denied it. You see, her death did not have to occur. She could have grown into middle age, continued her work helping others around the world and watch her sons grow into men. At the time of her death, she and her companion Dodi Al-Fayed may have had a chance to see more of one another and could have married at some point. However, these are things we will never know.

While many will say or have their theories on her death, I believe the paparazzi murdered her. For years, they just could not leave her alone or let her be. Anywhere she would go, they would be not far behind. Pictures among pictures appeared in tabloids around the world of her and those close to her. Rumors and lies were printed as well. People just could not get enough of her. At the same time, Diana just wanted to live a decent life. I am sure she understood she was a public figure, however, was it such a crime if she wanted privacy to spend time with her family and friends? You see, she did not have that luxury because the paparazzi just would not allow it. On the night she and Dodi were killed, the paparazzi were everywhere. They followed every move that was made by the couple and it got to be such a pain that they had to sneak out of the building to avoid them. However, the paparazzi were one step ahead of her. They managed to follow her in her car which contained herself and three other men. The car was speeding quickly to avoid these bullies and managed to smash right into a concrete wall in a tunnel. Three of the four in the car were killed. If the paparazzi had left her alone, none of this would have happened and she still would have been with us today more than likely.

These paparazzi are stalkers, bullies and are dangerous. What they report is not news but vicious lies and they look to take pictures of celebrities at the worst possible time for a lot of money. They violate all possible laws within the community and are a hazard to everyone around them. Most importantly, they act without conscience and nobody seems to stop their dangerous behavior. Yet we continue to feed them by purchasing tabloids and other things. Since when is it news when Tyra Banks buys a banana in Ralph’s Grocery Store? Or when Zac Efron goes to the beach? Like me, you are probably thinking this is not news and its not. This is an invasion of privacy, infringement of constitutional rights and that life, liberty and pursuit of happiness that is promised to all of us in this nation. Some think that because they are celebrities, they owe us in this respect and should get over it and allow people to treat them this way. Folks, this is no way to live for anyone. Not being able to throw away a phone number written down because someone may go through their trash and sell it on eBay? These everyday occurrences in life are something we take for granted yet something they do not have. Think of that next time you believe you are entitled to know these things.

Please, visit the Paparazzi Reform Initiative (http://www.paparazzi-reform.org) to see how you can learn about the realities of these situations. These celebs should be able to go to Ralph’s, the beach or anywhere without the paparazzi on their tail. This is a form of Peer Abuse, stalking, violation of constitutional rights as well as human rights. After all, we would probably still have Princess Diana along with Dodi Al -Fayed today if they had just let her live in peace. Something to think about…..

Facebook Cyberbully is Jailed

2009-08-26T09:20:00.000-07:00

Wow! The unthinkable has happened and that is a Facebook cyber bully is now in jail. Yes, in jail for tormenting another young woman on Facebook and Bebo for several years. However, this did not happen in the United States but in the United Kingdom. I hope the United States will follow suit at some point and start incarcerating these bullies because this is criminal behavior and warants being treated as such.

Emily Moore was the victim of Peer Abuse for four years by Keely Houghton. According to Moore, she was assaulted, called a slag, had her name dragged through the mud on Bebo and then on Facebook. The abuse went on and during this interval, Houghton had been suspended and even expelled but that did not stop her or her band of cohorts from continuing their abuse. She could not walk home from school without being harassed. She had objects like bottles thrown at her. Her hair was pulled out in clumps. There was no escape from this at all. Moore said this consumed her every waking thoughts for four years. All she got was alienation from peers and suffered panic attacks. What finally put an end to this and got Houghton into the trouble she is in now was when Houghton stated on Facebook that she wanted to kill Moore. Moore believed her; Houghton always carried out on her threats and made good on them. Now Moore is looking to relocate so she can take her power back and these bullies will not know where she lives.

Folks, why do we allow this to continue? No, it did not happen here in the US and the UK has taken legal action. This happens daily in our nation and yet we allow it to continue. This is not a person who is living life, liberty and pursuit of happiness. Nobody can live like this and develop into well adjusted adults; not without serious intervention. The psychological affects are devastating and as you see with Moore, she was affected. This is not normal “girls disliking one another so let them work out their differences themselves” sort of thing. Houghton evidently has some deep rooted anger and a lot of psychological issues herself. I hope she is incarcerated that she can seek the help she needs. For her to react to Moore as she did, something is not right with this girl and she needs a great deal of psychological intervention. In the meantime, our own nation needs to crack down further on these cases. If it means incarceration, so be it. At least the bully is getting some help or someone is attempting to help. Also, for the victim to heal from the pain caused by the bully. Its a very haunting feeling and consumes a person; I know as I have been there.

The sad thing in all of this is that Moore never understood why Houghton took such strong dislike to her. She had never done anything directly to trigger this abuse.

2009-08-19T10:32:00.000-07:00

Wow! Another day and another case of abuse on the records. Yes, this time it is done by a 40 year old woman in Missouri by the name of Elizabeth A. Thrasher. I guess the acts of Lori Drew were not enough to either wake people up to these things or completely put a stop to them. This is the first case under the new Megan Meier Law in Missouri to be charged with felony harassment.

Mrs. Thrasher was having a feud with the girlfriend of her ex-husband. The 17 year old daughter of the girlfriend went over to MySpace and sent Mrs. Thrasher a note telling her to grow up. Well, Mrs. Thrasher decided to head over to Craig’s List and posted a picture, email address and cell phone number of the 17 year old girl under the Casual Encounters section of the site. The content was suggesting that the girl was looking for contact of a sexual nature.

I do not even know where to begin with this one. I have seen the comments posted in this resource and people are saying “why don’t they grow up?” and things like that. All I know is that if we cannot behave as adults ourselves and handle our problems with one another as adults, how can we expect children to behave and be respectful to others? Folks, I grew up in the same generation as Mrs. Thrasher and I can tell you that this problem with peer abuse and bullying was as alive then as it is now. I can remember many who did not behave with consideration or respect and have probably not outgrown it but taking it to the workplace where we are now talking about these problems at work. Folks, if you get anything from this blog, I hope it is the fact that bullies do not grow up but grow worse. I hear so many say that people outgrow this behavior but can assure you that for the most part, they don’t. They just get more manipulative, charming and subtle in how they abuse their peers. I cannot say whether Mrs. Thrasher is an adult bully considering the fact that I do not know this lady. However, her actions in this situation indicate an adult bully. This is the kind of stuff adult bullies do. No regard for anyone else, especially a child.

I would hope after the Lori Drew case that people would wake up to this problem and not enable it. So far, it does not seem to be the case.

We CAN Stop Peer Abuse with Education

2009-08-11T11:19:00.000-07:00

A recent article has been written asking the question as to why can’t we stop the problem of bullying. The Georgia Coalition Against Bullying will be meeting soon and earlier in the summer the American Academy of Pediatrics was encouraged to start taking a bigger role in the prevention of bullying. Is bullying really just a fact of life?

First off, bullying is not a fact of life. The only fact given here is that it traumatizes individuals for a lifetime and it violates civil and human rights. In the United States, we are all promised life, liberty and pursuit of happiness but even these are violated when being abused by our peers. There is no excuse for it and it has been a right of passage for far too long. It can be stopped, it is just a matter of education.

I am going to be honest here and give my own opinion. I know many will disagree and that is fine. Those who know me or have worked with me know where I stand on this. One of the biggest problems here is that we do not consider this a form of abuse. We continue to use the term bullying. Even though the term has taken us a long way in the past 10 years, it is still not hitting the bulls eye. I am to a point where I cannot even use the term bullying as it just is not working where it should. However, I have to because it is the term people know and do not seem to want to let go of. Bullying is outright abuse; Peer Abuse. Yes, just like child, sexual, domestic, animal and elder abuse that we are quick to defend and hold accountability where needed. True, not in all cases but at least they are considered clinical issues. Bullying is not seen as a clinical issue. We are all in such a hurry to speak out and find solutions yet have we even stopped to try and understand the actual problem? I consider putting a victim and their bully alone in a room together to “work things out” like putting a victim and their rapist together in the same manner. Now we would never do the latter, that is unthinkable! However, we always do the former. When I talk to groups, I always equate this with rape, child and other forms of abuse and I ask this question. Its all about mindset and educating others on this mindset. Having the American Academy of Pediatrics on board is a huge step. We need to have hospitals, mental health centers and others trained to treat those dealing with this problem as in any other form of abuse.

Another problem here is that society does not believe that we should hold children accountable for these actions. True, a child’s brain is not formed to full capacity like an adults. Therefore, we cannot hold them accountable for these sort of actions. Even though we cannot hold them accountable like an adult, we sure can hold them accountable to a point. Children are not stupid; they know what abuse is. Don’t we always tell them that when an adult is abusing them, they need to tell someone? Why is this any different? The only difference is that an adult is doing the abuse in one case while a child is doing it in another. Children need to learn to be held accountable for their actions. They understand rules and comprehend them. Why do you think we have tattle tales roaming the playground? Trust me, they have a concrete understanding of right and wrong.

Everyday we are losing children to this problem. They are killing one another and themselves. Clinical issues are arising such as depression, social anxiety and PTSD from this. I have seen people get a different perspective of this when I equate this with other forms of abuse. They say they never thought of this in that light. Isn’t it time we take this to the next level? The clinical level?

http://blogs.ajc.com/get-schooled-blog/2009/08/04/bullying-why-cant-we-stop-it/?cxntfid=blogs_get_schooled_blog

Is Lori Drew Online Again?

2009-08-07T07:53:00.000-07:00

As I was reading this morning, I came across this article here online. Lori Drew is once again in the news. Recently, her case was dismissed in a Los Angeles Court which enraged me. It only set a precedence for more cases such as this and the fact that people will get away with online impersonations as she has done. I have feel strongly that social justice was not sought in this case. The Meier family will never have Megan again thanks to this woman. Yet she gets to go home and continue to watch her own daughter grow into adulthood. She has yet to pay for what she has done to the Meier family. An apology would be nice but appears that this is not going to happen.

According to recent events, Ms. Drew is asking to use the internet again as she recently got a job offer that would require her to use it at work. Since June of 2008, she had been banned from going online. Evidently, the woman has moved to an undisclosed state and found possible employment.

Folks, I DO have a problem with this. For starters, this woman took the life of a young girl who suffered from clinical depression by using the internet. She manipulated, plotted and set up a fake account as a 16 year old boy named Josh. As most abusers do, she showed her cruel streak and Josh turned against Megan which led to Megan committing bullycide. This woman was well aware of the fact that Megan was vulnerable, clinically depressed and knew her weak spots. After Megan died, she had the nerve to ask the Meier family to keep a game for her that she was giving someone for Christmas. No admission, apology or any of that. She behaved as if nothing was ever wrong. If you ask me, this is scary behavior.

As Mrs. Drew was not punished or held accountable for her crimes or Megan’s death, who is to say she is not going to go back online and pull this stunt on another child that her daughter may be feuding with? As she expressed no remorse or apology for Megan, who is to say she has changed or learned anything? MySpace is still in existence and is still a online hangout for teens. People who have internet access at their jobs are always sneaking peeks at their email or coming on places to chat like Facebook or Twitter. It does not appear she has learned a lesson the first time around and the fact that she may be going online again is scary.

I understand Mrs. Drew has to work so she can care for her family. However, I do not trust her whatsoever when it comes to the internet. She has proven that she cannot behave responsibly online and will repeat these same behaviors because she knows she will not be punished for her actions. That was the lesson that was learned the first time around. Besides, allowing this woman back online is like handing a serial killer a loaded gun. Now would anyone in their right mind even go there? Something to think about.

Farrah Battles the Bullies with Legislation

2009-05-19T08:58:00.000-07:00

Well, like many Americans on Friday night, I sat down and watched the NBC special about 70’s icon Farrah Fawcett and her battle with cancer. It was a 2 hour long documentary that included watching Farrah go through some of the hardest times in her battle with anal cancer. Plus, the support of Alana Stewart and her long time partner Ryan O’Neal. I remember Farrah well from my 70’s childhood as I thought she, Jaclyn Smith and Kate Jackson were three of the “baddest” women on TV as I was a huge Charlie’s Angels fan like every other little girl of that time. Also, I remember the poster in the red bathing suit that everyone had in their homes back in the day. As she moved on from Charlie’s Angels, she met Ryan O’Neal and they were together for a long time. They even share a child Redmond who is in his mid 20’s by now. So, I decided to watch the documentary as I also knew her rights to privacy were violated during her battle with cancer. However, I was not aware as to how far this went.

As I watched this documentary, I saw where the paparazzi was everywhere and would not leave her alone. They were reporting falsehoods in the Enquirer and other tabloid fodder that has nothing better to do than fabricate things. We saw a video of Farrah and I think it was Alana where they were leaving the hospital. Farrah was in a wheelchair holding one of those standard hospital buckets up to her as she was getting sick from the chemo. She had to cover her head when they left because the paparazzi was waiting for her to leave. Not only did they snap those photos but got right in her face, yes, her face with those cameras. I was enraged when I saw that happening. You could hear Farrah say “they always like to get me while in a wheelchair”. So, this was not a one time deal but was happening a lot! We see them at LAX and other places while she was trying to deal with this raging illness and they would not leave her alone. Then, we learn there was a leak at UCLA who violated the Privacy Act and all ethics went out the window. I was floored by this. The paparazzi are one thing but a Doctor at UCLA? When does this ever stop? Since when is it okay to harass and stalk someone when they are battling an illness such as this? Where is the compassion? The empathy for fellow man? I jumped online quickly, found a site called Farrahs Law and signed the petition they have to try and stop this. Not only is Farrah battling cancer but is trying to get legislation going to stop this type of treatment and violation of rights.

Folks, this is just one more form of bullying and Peer Abuse. I know some will disagree but it needs to be said. She was and is in a vulnerable position and these paparazzi jumped on it as a way to benefit themselves. They stalked, harassed and eventually found someone to help them break privacy laws. Bullies stalk and harass and these paparazzi are no different. Also, this was done secretly at UCLA and behind her back which is how bullies operate. I do not know what this Doctor thought he would gain by doing what he did but he should never be allowed to practice medicine again if you ask me. Lets not forget that lies were formed and put out there for everyone else to read. I saw where some of these tabloids and other paparazzi knew about Farrah’s cancer returning before her family and friends knew! They took what they had and printed it before she had a chance to tell them! Where is the empathy? Compassion? How do these people even sleep at night?

Please, if you have a chance, visit the Farrahs Law site and see how you can help. These paparazzi are nothing more than bullies and their lack of conscience is coming through loud and clear. This is very common with bullies. Despite what Ryan O’Neal has done in the past, you have to commend him for standing by Farrah through this and the same with Alana Stewart. Farrah is lucky to have a support system in them. This is illness is horrible and anyone dealing with it deserves compassion and not stress. As for the paparazzi, please stop abusing Farrah. What has she ever done to you?

Resource Cited: http://www.allheadlinenews.com/articles/7015178654

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From a Psychological Perspective and lives in Los Angeles, California.

The Bully on the Apprentice

2009-05-12T10:55:00.000-07:00

Last night I sat down in front of my tube and watched three long and grueling hours of the Celebrity Apprentice. I have always watched this show to see the dynamics and if any abuse of ones peers occurs. Of course, every season there is someone who just cannot help themselves. After a few episodes, one or two bullies manage to unravel and show themselves for who they are. The second season of the Celebrity Apprentice is no different. As Donald Trump has had this show on the air since 2004, I have found the concept of having celebrities come on there appealing. They are giving back through their charities that they support and much money is raised for the greater good. You cannot go wrong there. The Donald does have a heart and I commend him for using this format for his show instead of looking to hire people for his organization as was done in the past.

This season there were a variety of celebrities from Andrew Dice Clay, Clint Black, Jesse James and others. After weeks of completing grueling tasks, the final two standing were Poker Player/Champion Annie Duke and Comedian/Designer/Producer/Fashion Police Joan Rivers. Both ladies are intelligent, sharp and did well. However, what stood out to me was the behavior of both of these ladies. They despised one another and had a season long feud. Annie felt attacked by Joan where as Joan saw right through Annie and her behavior and called a spade a spade. The bottom line came down to the good vs. evil. At the end, The Donald picked Joan Rivers and in my opinion, did the right thing.

Joan Rivers is one tough lady. At her age, she showed extreme strength throughout the show. Sure, she is outspoken, brash, very assertive and never held back on what she really thought. True, she had her moments with Clint Black and other team members. However, was always able to move on and focus on the task at hand. She made it clear that she was there for her charity and to do something good for someone else. You knew where she stood. She also saw right through Annie Duke. I watched Annie on the show and watched her behavior. She called people on her cell phone and yelled at them and used many words that were “beeped” out. She always wanted to be around people she felt she could control. I saw the task between herself, Melissa Rivers and Brandi when Melissa felt like the odd girl out. I knew exactly what those two were doing to Melissa and Melissa’s feelings were very normal considering the situation she was in. Annie was condescending towards her peers which was troublesome. I watched her last night and saw how she talked to Tom and Dennis. I watched her call every contact she had and talked about Joan and how she did this and that with the designers. Every chance she had she attacked Joan and her character behind Joan’s back. Her goal was to “bring this woman down.” Even though Joan held contempt towards Annie and let her know it, she kept it out of the task at hand. She did not go on the phone and trash Annie to others, she kept it in the board room. So, who is the real bully here? The brash lady who had a purpose and held onto it or the poker player who “played” her way through the show?

Joan is not perfect by any stretch. However, I give her props for being perceptive and saw right through Annies behavior. I saw the same stuff as a viewer. However, Joan was not condescending to her peers. She had disagreements and they were usually resolved by the next episode. True, she should not have called Annie “white trash”, a “Nazi” and trash half of Vegas for their profession. That was a little harsh. However, she was not manipulative, did not play “odd girl out” games, focused on the purpose, did not bad mouth Annie to others away from the situation. Annie continuously brought these things up in the board room and during tasks. I watched Annie’s behavior and I found it to be very troubling. Also, very common in our workplace today. I have worked for people like Annie before and was not fun whatsoever. Annie is a workplace bully in my opinion and was glad to see Joan win. You look at the two ladies and really, at the end of the day, who was the real bully? Even though Joan used harsh words, she did not do so repeatedly. Annie did not know when to quit! She always knew who to tell these things to and where to tell them.

A person can be harsh, brash and outspoken. However, that does not make them a bully. Joan saw right through Annie’s manipulations and games and called Annie on them every time. Annie’s behavior was casebook Peer Abuse. I was happy that Trump did the right thing and picked Joan. Joan may not be perfect but she sure knew how to bring down a bully. Nobody can go wrong there.

Resource Cited: http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/b123155_celebrity_apprentice_joan_rivers_trumps.html

Ten Years Later: A Look at Columbine

2009-04-21T14:05:00.001-07:00

Well, here we are. Ten years to the day since that horrific day in Littleton, Colorado. A day that forever changed history in the world of Peer Abuse and bullying. It is a day that is hard to comprehend and a day that has left many to speculate. Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris came to Columbine High School and created what is the greatest school massacre in US History. They killed 12 students, wounded 23 others then killed themselves. After this event, we all started to speculate as to why this happened and heard reasons from Harris being a psychopath, a love of violence, they were bullied and isolated and of course video games. Lets not forget the media, parenting skills and the fact they did not know Jesus. All could be a reason for what happened and make for a good argument in all of this. All could have factored into it. I have seen homemade videos they made while planning this event as they came out later in the news. In the videos, they share a love of violence, ground zero which was the school and the jocks and others who they believed acted superior to them. I saw a lot of anger, frustration and cries for help in the videos. Two bright young men who could have had bright futures but instead felt the world let them down. Well guess what? The world did fail them and in my opinion, we still do.

Lets face it folks. These boys were bullied and this came out in a loud manner soon after the fact. I have heard many stories about the abuse they suffered at school. People started listening and paying attention and this gave a whole new meaning to bullying. It jumpstarted many programs, books, websites and experts coming out of the wood work. Then people explored other factors like the fact that Eric was homicidal, they played too many video games and were just plain evil. One thing that I have seen for the zillionth time is societies need to once again excuse this problem. No, it was not the bullying at all! The videos say it all and these boys were homicidal and just plain bad. Yes, have heard it all ad nauseam. It makes me sick to be honest. Were these so called people actually students at Columbine when this occurred? Were they tight with Dylan, Eric or their families? The initial feedback led us all back to the fact that they were bullied and in large doses. So why try and excuse this once again? Where do investigators go to find answers? They go to the source. The source was the school and the feedback given was the boys were bullied. Who gave the information? People at the school. Think about it, folks.

On this day, I pose questions to those who are reading this. If these boys were not bullied then why was ground zero the school? Why not Target, grocery stores or laundromats? A church, playground or the local mall? The local hangout for the kids in Littleton? They could have gone anywhere in the community yet they went to the school. Also, why did they mention jocks and those who they felt wronged them in the videos? Because a video game told them to?

Its been ten years and this event woke society up to the fact that bullying might actually be a problem. Programs are set up, books are written and the mindset is changing. However, we have a way to go in this. This is still not seen as a clinical problem nor is it considered what it really is and that is abuse. Elder Abuse became an issue after Columbine and it is already listed on government forms and that angers me because this is not. On this day, please take a minute and get serious about this! Take a minute to educate someone you know. Help raise awareness and do something kind for someone else. My condolences to all who lost someone in this tragedy. It could have been prevented with a little awareness and education from society. Hopefully the excuses will stop and folks will see this for what it is and that is abuse; Peer Abuse!

Resource Cited:
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/opinion/2009077227_opina19pitts.html

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From a Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info

Celebs are Bullied Too!

2009-03-17T14:20:00.000-07:00

Another week and another Google Alert. I opened one recently that talked about celebrities who were bullied growing up. Also, saw information on the recent book written by Miley Cyrus entitled Miles to Go where bullies locked her in a bathroom for over an hour and she thought nobody would ever come and save her. Jessica Simpson mentioned having eggs thrown at her house and toilet papered. Others like Tom Cruise and Taylor Swift also shared memories of being at the hands of these little criminals in training during childhood. Fame has entered their lives and sadly, I do not believe any bullying has stopped. Its grown worse if you ask me.

The lives of celebrities are under a microscope. The public cannot get enough of them. Fans sometimes do not know when to leave them alone. Society has taught us to worship these people and as a result, we expect them to always be nice, giving and live up to the pedestals we put them on. If they have a bad day, forget to sign an autograph or walk out of the house with a shirt that does not settle with fans or others, they are sure to see it plastered all over the internet and be one of the top searches in a search engine. I live in Los Angeles and I have seen the paparazzi chase these people with cameras and cars. There is no privacy in their lives and that life, liberty and pursuit of happiness goes out the window. The public believes that since they are who they are, they must share every aspect of their lives with the rest of us. In other words, we expect them to live as they do because of who they are.

I have to just say it and that is celebrities live their lives being bullied. They are stalked, harassed, slandered, pressured by their peers and are expected to live perfect lives. One step over the line and they are crucified. They have no rights and cannot even throw out the trash without people going through it. Society feels that not only are they expected to be perfect but when they do fail or something bad happens, everyone cannot wait to get their hands on the magazines, tabloids and other fodder. If you ask me, it’s a wonder they can keep their sanity as living under a microscope can be really hard. Sure, they have money but is it really worth all of this? Humans are not wired to exist like this and no wonder many spiral out of control.

Celebrities are people like the rest of us. It just happens that their work is in the public eye whether it be television or radio. In a lot of ways they are like the rest of us. Some have families to support with children to raise. Others use that money to pay the high taxes they accumulate. Some are not even asked to be celebrities as they are born into this lifestyle. Most importantly, they are not superhuman and are fallible like the rest of us. Celebrity Worship Syndrome is a serious problem and we need to stop bullying them and allow them to live that life, liberty and pursuit of happiness like the rest of us. Put yourselves in their shoes for a minute. How would you feel if you had to leave your home incognito everyday? Getting daily threats in the mail and having to protect your children from kidnapping possibilities? Watch everything you do in public or always running away from paparazzi? You could not even drive to Burger King for a Whopper without someone finding out! Have your friends sell you out for money or you get blackmailed? Something to certainly think about in all of this. Is it really necessary? Can’t we just let them live and let live?

The Real Bully is Holly J!

2009-03-10T09:56:00.000-07:00

As a teen back in the late 80’s and early 90‘s, I use to watch Degrassi High on the PBS network. Then we entered the 21st century and a network called The-N started airing Degrassi The Next Generation which was the same school and the next generation of kids like Spikes daughter Emma. This show has been alive since 2001 and I have watched episodes like Spike and Snakes wedding and a school shooting. Since then I have seen maybe a handful of episodes. Someone tipped me off to one this weekend that aired on The-N. Oh man, was it one humdinger!

There is a character on there by the name of Holly J Sinclair. I did some research on this character and found out she was not only a female bully but she manipulated her best friend (Anya) into cheating on an assignment for a class and proceeded to turn Anya in for cheating. Not only that, she was appointed head cheerleader and Student Council President by the Principal without auditions or elections. If that does not beat all, she gave a tabloid some bad gossip about a fellow cheerleader named Mia who is a model and has grabbed a bit of fame as a result. Her fellow cheerleaders kicked her off the squad as a result. Finally, she is getting some comeuppance here! This girl has taken Queen Bees to a whole new level. One would think she learned something from this, right? Wrong!

On this episode, it begins with a girl named Ali and a friend walking down the hall at school. We see Holly J watching the cheerleaders practice and see Ali tell her friend that someone seems bitter for not being on the squad any longer. Holly J turns around and says something smart in return. A somewhat bitter exchange takes place between the two girls which leads Holly J to approach a boy that Ali has liked but because he is a senior and she is in the 9th grade, he will not go out with her. He denies knowing Ali when Holly J questions him and we see him tell Ali that they cannot be together. This angers Ali who rants that she “hates Holly J!”. Holly J, showing no remorse, keeps on like nothing happened. Ali decides to take action since nothing can be done to stop Holly J. Ali creates an online group entitled “I Hate Holly J” and over 400 students sign up. It starts with insults but leads further with comments like “I want to strangle her with my bare hands” and someone else says “I will bring the rope.” Needless to say, this leads Snake to talk with Ali and her father at school and we learn Holly J will not leave her room at home as a result of this. Ali is suspended and Holly J’s parents go to the police. Ali gets a warning but now has a record, is suspended from school and is grounded for two months and has a loss of computer privileges. She also goes to Holly J’s home with Anya and apologizes. When she returns to school, she gives a public apology and says her lesson is learned after seeing what it did to Holly J. We learn she is also banned from the website where the group was created.
What occurred here was horrible. Comments such as strangling anyone and bringing rope are good reasons to involve not only the school but the police as well. Ali really crossed a line here and yes, deserved what she got. I would have done the same thing if it were me. What bothers me is that Holly J’s behavior has never been stellar either. Why she even started in on Ali is what puzzles me. Ali was not talking to her but her friend and stating an opinion when the episode started. Holly J then takes it further by confronting that boy and we see her later in the cafeteria talking to more people and Ali gets teased as a result. Some of the things Holly J has done have been horrific yet what did she learn from all of this? She never learned a lesson by being kicked off of her cheerleading squad. She got away with turning her friend in and doing other things.

Who do I believe is the real bully here? The bully is Holly J and not Ali. Ali was angry and learned something from the experience. Plus, she showed and expressed remorse. Anger is a normal reaction and Ali found a way to stand up to this girl. She’s a 14 year old girl who is self centered but was remorseful and will probably not pull anything like this again. She was punished fairly as a result and Holly J has yet to express remorse for any of her actions. As a matter of fact, her sense of entitlement increased by being appointed cheerleading captain and school president. Again, a lot of this is being told to me via word of mouth and research but again, Ali probably came off as a bully but the real bully is Holly J. Manipulations, cheating, taunting, spreading gossip and hurting others is what she does. Plus, her sense of entitlement. This right here is what bullies are made of. I hope after this incident, she will learn something but I doubt it. I think she owes Ali an apology for even starting anything in the first place.

Folks, there is a difference in being angry and being a bully. A 14 year old girl who is angry is not left with many resources as to how to deal with this. So, she took the only way she felt she could to stand up to this girl and to make her stop her bullying. She was caught and punished and yes, what she did was wrong. She should have gone to an adult or listened to her friend who kept telling her what she was doing was wrong. Perhaps they could have found a solution in this. Bullies are angry but they keep problems going. They stir up trouble and manipulate. Also, they sell others out with bad gossip. Most importantly, they never seem to learn lessons nor do they show remorse for any actions. The key here is remorse and if a person never shows any, chances are they are your true bullies. Something to think about here…

Pink Day is Celebrated in South Carolina

2009-03-03T09:13:00.000-08:00

This past Wednesday, Pink Day was held in Canada. Pink Day is an annual day where people wear something pink and take a stand against bullying. This originated in Nova Scotia at a high school where a young man wore a pink shirt one day to school. The bullies gave him a terrible time about it. Instead of feeding into this garbage, students decided to wear pink shirts to show these bullies that they would not be pushed around by them. Over time this caught on and became a national issue. However, it is now going international. I know I wore my pink on Wednesday and without a doubt took a stand.

I grew up in South Carolina and was the instigator of the Anti-Bullying Law that now exists there. This law mandates that schools take a stand against bullying and must hold programs once a year or they will be fined. In other words, this crap will not fly in South Carolina any longer. So, when I saw that Wilder Elementary School in Sumter celebrated Pink Day, I was tickled to death. Two police officers Anthony Dennis and Major Hampton Gardner set the bar by wearing pink that day. The school also took an interest and together, this prompted the fifth graders to put this together. On Wednesday, kids wore pink along with faculty and the two officers. Boys generally wear darker colors and if they wear pink, a lot of times they get bullied because this is more of a feminine color. I know this is what prompted the young man in Nova Scotia to be abused by his peers. On Wednesday, one Wilder student stated he was wearing pink and that tough guys wear pink to. Wow! How refreshing to go to school, choosing to wear whatever color is wished and others accepting it.

We need to let go of these stereotypes and stop giving one another a hard time just because we do or see someone wearing a color they choose or shirt or whatever. If someone wants to wear pink, why should it matter? What is wrong with trying to be an individual? As citizens, we are entitled to that life, liberty and pursuit of happiness. Well in the USA we are but am sure Canada has their own laws and liberties like we do. If wearing pink makes a big tough guy happy, so be it. If wearing pink makes anyone happy, so be it. I like the color pink as it is bright and bright colors create positive energy. Please, stop giving others a hard time for wanting to be themselves. Why is it so important to conform? We are all entitled to liberties and bullies, stop trying to violate those! I am glad Pink Day exists and I hope those bullies were put in their place because they deserved it. Most importantly, I am happy to see that the law in South Carolina is working. To me, this is huge progress.

Resource Cited: http://www.theitem.com/article/20090228/ITNEWS01/702289947/-1/ITNEWS

Lawmakers Enable this Problem

2009-02-26T13:14:00.000-08:00

Recently, I wrote a statement for SB 494 in Montana about the psychological affects that occur when peer abuse at work is occurring. A woman who was abused at work drew up the legislative information and spoke last week to these lawmakers about this. There is now a chance this bill may die.

The workplace has become a battleground in many cases. Office politics is a serious problem and like cancer, does not seem to want to diminish anytime soon. Bullies come in and keep things in an uproar. Micro inequities are an issue that nobody seems to address yet fuels this problem. Targets are developing anxiety, depression and suffer extreme stress as a result of this. Plus, work performance decreases. Who can do a good job with a bully breathing down their backs? As a result of all of this, money is lost daily within the organization. After a period of time, the politics start running rampant and people forget why they are even employed in the first place. Trust me, I have been there and I know I am not alone.

As I have written some of these lawmakers, I have been appalled at their attitudes this. One has stated that by trying to curb this problem, it equates to communism. Another let it be known that the government does not need to be sitting in the back of the office when it doesn’t need to. Communism? Nobody is suggesting this here. All someone wants to do is remedy this problem so people can go to work, do their jobs in a productive manner and go home without having to deal with useless crap on a daily basis. What kind of a world do we live in where people turn away from helping one another? Folks, this is a serious problem! When workers develop stress and depression, this a problem. When losing money these days, it is a problem and a bad one. We cannot afford to loose anymore money in this nation! When people are not living life, liberty and pursuit of happiness, it’s a bad problem and a huge violation. This is a problem and it needs to be fixed! Why do people continue to enable this bullying problem? Why don’t they call a spade a spade and see it for what it is and that is abuse?

Please, when you go to work, do what you can to keep the environment a healthy one. Do not get involved in the gossip, games and bandwagons to get others fired unless they have committed a serious crime. Isn’t there enough stress out there?

Resource Cited
http://www.clarkforkchronicle.com/article.php/20090216163445911

Adult Survivors Face Their Demons

2009-02-24T14:23:00.000-08:00

This past Friday, my mother called and told me about something in her local newspaper about adults who were bullied as children encountering their former bullies on social sites such as Facebook and MySpace. As this is something I am dealing with in my own life right now, I really wanted to see this and did a search online. Its not only me but other adult survivors of peer abuse are facing this on these sites. I have had several tell me about this. One became so upset all over again that it was a shock to the system. Another set up a cause page and encouraged former bullies to donate to the bullying cause. One saw the friend request, wrote the bully back and let them know what they did and how it affected them. The bully wrote back, sent scathing messages over and over and took absolutely no responsibility for their actions. The only way the person got them to stop was by blocking them.

There are many adults out there who were abused by their peers as children and are on these sites. There is a feature for reconnecting with old friends from school and work so if you list these schools or former places of employment on your profile, with one click they can easily look and get a blast from the past so to speak. This abuse for some was mild and would be isolated events. Overcoming it was not a problem for them and probably resolved these issues with their bully before entering adulthood. Or, some may remember this, can remember it in a bad light and how it affected them but not really think much about it. So, letting bygones be bygones was not such a big thing and went ahead and accepted these tormentors on their pages. After all, life is too short, right? Yet what about those who were fed this abuse in strong doses and it affected them psychologically? The scars are there and may be there for the remainder of their lives. A daily cocktail of anti-depressants is what keeps them sane. So, they come on these social sites and see that one of the people that added to this damage is sending a friend request? What about these survivors? How do they handle this problem?

Carolyn Hax of the Washington Post gave some great advice. True, these bullies may have reformed and are different now. We don’t know whether this has happened or not. They may want to make amends or apologize. This could be a way of setting the record straight. There are some positives to this. However, those who are severe cases may find this too upsetting. A friend request is sent. No message or even “hello, how are you” in the request. The bully sends a request and behaves as if nothing ever happened. How does one deal with this? Here is what I can suggest. First off, it is basically up to the person and the severity of the abuse. We must forgive these tormenters as hard as it is. If we want to be forgiven we must forgive others. However, this does not mean we have to become friends on social sites and welcome them with open arms into our lives. One does not know if this person has changed or not and taking that risk may be hard. I do know that by them sending these requests and behaving as if nothing has happened, chances are they are still bullies. Folks, hard core bullies do not grow up but grow worse. Many are narcissistic and pathological. Those who run in and out of our lives, hurt us to the core and always come back like nothing ever happened are those who more than likely lack having a conscience. Those with a conscience are going to be remorseful in what happened and will tell you so right off the bat. It is a matter of reading between the lines here.

Basically, its up to the person and if they are ready to do this or not. I do know some are not ready and that’s okay. One went into shock at seeing these people on there. It is upsetting to see these people and if it is too upsetting, that person needs to block these people. You wish them well and forgive them but block them until ready to do otherwise. They are no longer a part of your life and why add any pain to it? Not only block them if upsetting but observe their behavior through mutual friends on the site. See if they are exclusive in who they will accept as friends or not. Are they seeking attention in some way or minding their own business? Bullies love to be in charge and in control. Something to consider here. However, if you can add them and not be upset, do so. Again, a lot of this is a matter of the severity of the abuse and whether the person can handle it or not. If you are a survivor with a severe case, don’t do anything to add to the trauma. If you are one who is and can let bygones be bygones, go ahead. Just be careful is all I can say. After all, what happens when a rape victim comes face to face with their rapist? Or, a child faces the parent that abused them and left deep scars? Do we suggest happily ever after in these cases? Something to really think about in all of this.

Please! No More Relational Aggression!

2009-02-19T10:31:00.000-08:00

I was in the waiting area at H&R Block the other day waiting to get my taxes done. There was a Seventeen Magazine lying on a chair and I picked it up and started flipping through it. The one thing that grabbed my attention was a quiz called What Draws You In? This is geared towards girls fighting within their “crew” or clique. Two members of the group will be in a fight. There are other bystanders who are left wondering what happened in the first place for a fight to erupt.

This quiz has three categories for results. The first is “you love the attention.” This describes the person who draws themselves into the middle of the conflict to gain attention from everyone. Play mediator yet by placing themselves there, they are only keeping the drama fueled. Another result is “you want to feel needed.” Members will get involved to be the support system for their friends. However, this only leaves the person feeling abandoned once the fight is over. The final result is “you want to bond” meaning the group member will take a side and be close in the moment to one of the two friends. However, this bonding is only occurring during the negative and not the positive stuff.

I am sure that whoever created this quiz was well meaning as it was geared towards helping teen girls deal with these situations. I commend the person who created this as I know their heart was in the right place. However, I want to take it up a notch. By even encouraging this in the first place, we are only fueling teen girls to behave this way in conflict. Why does there have to be a middle man? Do they have to take sides? Is playing “therapist” really helping the conflict or confusing the whole group as to where you stand? My response to this quiz is that bystanders get together and help their two friends work the conflict out. Take both parties aside and get to the bottom of the story and talk it out. Get together in a group and talk it out. Why is that so hard? The problem is over a boy? Maybe the group can try and remember that guys will come and go but friends can last forever and no guy should come between them? Or if it is over clothes or an item, talk it out and figure out who can borrow what at a particular time. Most importantly, why does there even have to be a clique? Groups are fine as long as they are not exclusive. I do not encourage clique behavior at all as it is hurtful and destructive.

I am sure people will think I am naïve in speaking this. Believe me I am not. Teens are self centered but also have the capabilities to talk their problems out in a rational manner. I have seen it done with my own two eyes. What teens do not understand is that by feeding into these three areas of conflict, they only increase the drama and the problem only grows worse and not better. These three areas are a part of relational aggression. Its important that they do know this. Fighting between teen girls is normal. Handling the problem in these three areas only makes the problem worse and this is what teens do need to understand. If it helps, get an impartial adult to help mediate in the problem solving. The bottom line is that conflict is not healthy. Friendships form out of mutual interests and these are important during the teen years. Keep the situation real but deal with it in a healthy manner for everyone. At the end of the day, we all need our friends.

Resource Cited

Elizabeth Bennett is the author, consultant and speaker for Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From a Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California

90210 Naomi is not a Bully

2009-02-17T11:31:00.000-08:00

In the 1990’s, I was a fan of the show Beverly Hills 90210. I watched it in college and during most of the decade. So, when a new 90210 came this season to the CW, I watched some of it as it had some of the old characters come back like Brenda and Kelly. The premise for this new show is about a family from Kansas who come to Beverly Hills to move in with their mother/grandmother who is an actress and getting older needing help from her son and his family. They have a adopted son and daughter who attend West Beverly High. This is the alma mater of the group who attended back in the 1990’s. I have only watched this show in spurts. However, from an anti-bullying perspective, I have to recommend this show as it is a good one.

There are four main female characters who I would say are friends but have had their share of problems. Two of them use to be best friends (Naomi and Silver), one is a child actress supporting her mother (Adriana) and the other is the one from Kansas (Annie). Naomi and Adriana are BFF’s while Annie and Silver (Erin Silver from the original 90210) have grown close. Naomi told everyone about Silvers parents divorcing in middle school which left Silver bitter. Adriana was sent to rehab for a drug problem and is now pregnant. Annie and Naomi have fought over a boy named Ethan who was Naomi’s boyfriend and is now Annie’s. There is a good chance that Silver will be diagnosed as bi-polar this season and she keeps a blog where she expressed her anger but she has stopped posting so much and channeled her energy into her boyfriend Dylan. Despite this drama, there is not any relational aggression going on in this. At first, I figured Naomi would be the mean girl but not only did she apologize to Silver for doing what she did but the girls are learning to get along. When Adriana was in rehab and became pregnant, Naomi turned out to be a loyal and supporting friend to her despite her strong personality and that she did get mad at Adriana while she was in rehab. Naomi did ruin Annie’s 16th birthday party because Annie stole Ethan from her. However, neither girl has allowed their angers towards one another out of control. As a matter of fact, the feud stayed between them alone. Naomi can be nasty but I have found that she reacts only when she has been offended. She shows her anger and moves on and does not dwell on the issue at hand. Also, Annie and Ethan were talking to a girl from their school who talked about have a devastating experience at the hands of mean girls at a former school and you could see the pain in her face. Instead of making it worse, Annie and Ethan both expressed compassion towards her, not rejection. Even though events occurred. The most important thing is that there are no queen bees emerging nor are there power trips and feeding into anyone one persons relationally aggressive behavior.

I will come out and say it. Despite Naomi’s strong will, need to be cool, the fact that she is spoiled and tends to seek revenge when offended, at the end of the day, she is not a bully and here is why. When two girls fight and hurt one another, this is not a situation of bullying. Even though Naomi hurt Silver with her words and Silver retaliated in her blog posts, Naomi took her responsibility in what happened and made things right between them. Even though Naomi and Annie fought over Ethan, this did not filter into other relationships or fester on involving bystanders. Bullies keep drama going and allow their power to get out of control while their targets do not retaliate. What has occurred on this show is typical adolescent drama. It is normal for girls to get angry over a boy. Both Annie and Naomi behaved badly towards one another. This is what happens when two people are in a fight. People are going to disagree and get angry. However, they keep it between each other and nobody is trying to overpower the other. Bullies also do not stand by their friends when they are in trouble unless it benefits them in some way. What does Adriana have that Naomi wants? Naomi comes from a much more affluent background. She lives in an upscale hotel unlike Adriana lives with her mother trying to help made ends meet each month. Maybe Naomi does not see Adriana as a threat but she has shown compassion and support to her and stood up for her. She does not seem to have any hidden agendas in this. I believe she honestly cares for Adriana. Bullies do not have this capacity within them.

Its important to understand these differences between strong personalities and outright bullies. People will probably say Naomi is nasty and yes, she can be. However, this is only when someone has angered her first. She is not targeting people to intentionally inflict pain for the heck of it. There is nothing wrong with being angry nor is there anything wrong with having a strong personality. Naomi is not perfect by any stretch and she has done some bad things. However, she took responsibility and right there that shows she is not a bully. Please, learn to distinguish between the two. Know that a fight is just that; a fight. Disagreement and anger between people is normal. What is not normal is when it festers, gets out of hand, people take sides, someone starts gaining power and queen bees materialize. On 90210, there is not a queen bee and for this reason alone, this show is much better to watch than others out there. On the anti-bully scale, I give it a thumbs up.

Sexual and Peer Abuse in Wisconsin

2009-02-11T16:21:00.000-08:00

Over the weekend I was sent a message about recent events in New Berlin, Wisconsin. This latest escapade is a mind blower yet not surprising. Normally this would fall under sexual predator behavior but I consider it a problem of Peer Abuse as well.

A young man, Anthony R. Stancl, who is 18 years old got on the popular site Facebook and pretended to be a girl. As a girl, he got 31 boys, from ages 13 to 19, from his school to send naked pictures to him on the computer. He used this to his advantage by blackmailing these boys into performing sexual acts on him or he would show their pictures all over New Berlin Eisenhower Middle/High School. Some of these assaults occurred on school grounds while others occurred elsewhere. Stancl had over 300 movie clips and pictures on his computer of his victims plus many more of children. If this was not enough, Stancl sent a bomb threat to the school via an email. This prompted an investigation into what was occurring when one of the boys came forward with what had been going on with the sexual acts. If charged, Stancl could face up to 300 years in prison. From what I understand, he has shown no remorse in these events.

Even though Stancl is only 18, he is still an adult. His victims are still underage. However, they are amongst his peer group. This right here makes it an issue of peer abuse and bullying. Also, he used false identification online which is normal in bullies as they enjoy impersonating others online. He blackmailed to get what he wanted and threatened his peers into doing his bidding. If that’s not enough, he made a bomb threat and then showed no remorse for his actions in court. Folks, these adult bullies are predators and these tactics used were not uncommon in bullying behavior. Manipulation, threats and then pictures of children and peers on his computer in suggestive manners? This is the stuff that bullies are made of. My guess is this young man had been manipulating and threatening others for a long time. For him to devise a plan so devious and vicious, he had to have been learning these skills of manipulation for quite some time now. As you see, at 18, he behaved as a sexual predator would. I think its a good thing that he was caught before he brought more damage to others. Even though the police did not find him to be a danger after the bomb threat, I disagree. This young man is dangerous and I hope he is locked up for a long time.

We need to stop “believing these people are not dangerous” and get educated on the makeup of a bully. From reading about this case, its hard not to see someone with abusive tendencies. Not to mention someone who is behaving as a sexual predator. Please, get educated on these folks. At least the police have investigated further on this case and uncovered what they did. Please, help stop bullying and peer abuse when you see it so these children do not grow up to be like Mr. Stancl. It takes a little education one day at a time.
Resource Cited
Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From a Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California

Juicy Campus is no More!

2009-02-05T09:55:00.000-08:00

Well, good news travels fast I must say. I just caught word over on facebook that the college site Juicy Campus will be shutting down in the near future. They are taking the site down and leaving cyberspace and for good lets hope. I, for one, am rejoicing.

This is the website that was started by a man named Matt Ivester. His intentions were good initially. As he had not been out of school for long, he thought it would be a good idea to set up a website for college kids to go, mingle and share stories at their respective universities. There is no harm in that and I am sure the site started out as a fun place to visit. However, within the last months, this site started to take an ugly turn. Slander was posted about other students and even faculty at the schools. The person was always allowed anonymity which gave them ever more of an incentive to go on there and say degrading things such as “you are a slut” and others. Some are so bad they are not worth repeating. One student had been raped on campus and she had only told three friends about what happened. Nine months later, the story wound up on the site and the responses were “good, she deserved it!”. Eventually, the site came under fire with the legal system. Ivesters story was that the site would not censor anyone and therefore, these lies and slanderous messages were allowed to stay and he hid behind the First Amendment of free speech. After this, the site become more popular than ever.

Folks, there is nothing wrong with speaking ones mind and being honest. However, when it goes into affecting people and harming them, it becomes problematic. Calling someone a “slut” is not right nor is telling a rape victim that “they deserve it.” This right here has gone to show how insensitive we have become towards one another and the lack of empathy that I have been talking about on here. Nobody likes censorship but like anything else, there are limits. The young lady who was raped was traumatized by the words and actions of this site. I have seen other college students speak online about it. I spoke to a reporter about this particular site and the psychological damages it brings. A group of students got together on face book and stood up to Juicy Campus and saw the ugliness and harm that it created. I commend these kids for taking up the cause and speaking out. It does leave some hope that there are people of our future who have some compassion and an understanding of right from wrong.

I wish Mr. Ivester well. This started out as a good idea at the time. College is a good time in ones life. It is a time of learning and becoming an individual. Some of the stories along the way are fun to remember. However, Ivester allowed things to get ugly on there and people were affected by this stuff. So, from that perspective it’s a good thing the site is coming down. If a site like this is ever created again, I hope it will have some rules, dignity and respect to go along with it. In the meantime, we can rejoice in the fact that Juicy Campus will soon be gone. However, the wounds from those who have been hurt will still be fresh and will take a long time to heal.

Resource Cited

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From a Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California.

2009-02-04T10:11:00.000-08:00

As I was sorting through my daily Google Alerts, I found this article amongst the bunch. As a rule of thumb, I try and write about bullying and abuse by peers that occurs in the United States. However, this article which came from India really jumped out at me. If the title alone is not discouraging, the article itself is chop full of reasons to defend this problem we face. How can bullying be a good thing?

I understand the fact that children need to learn that life is hard and not always nice. That’s true; this is a dog eat dog society and people will throw one another under the bus to get what they want. It can be a vicious cycle. I think its important to teach children to stand up for themselves and take an assertive approach to the world. Also, its important to learn good leadership and healthy social skills so they can learn to get along with others and be productive. Conflict resolution is vital in the world today. Children do need to grow up learning these things.
One the flip side, when is abuse good? Abuse is not healthy folks. Constantly verbally, physically and sexually attacking others is not healthy. Since when is it good to beat someone down and break them to a point where some never recover a good thing? I guess this means someone developing depression, PTSD and social anxiety is a good thing too? This stuff happening daily in schools and the workplace is a good thing?

It’s a matter of limits folks! Knowing when it’s a matter of standing up for oneself and others and when it goes into abuse is vital in this. Children can learn healthy behaviors and grow up to be productive without this nonsense occurring. The bottom line is that people need to understand when and where to draw the line. Its pretty simple once you think about it. Teasing, joking around and such is just that; teasing and joking around. Friends do this and all in fun. However, it becomes an issue of peer abuse when the person says “Stop! Its not funny” or other things indicating that the situation is not but hurtful. “No means NO and stop means STOP.” When someone indicates they are bothered by the behavior then its time to stop! You can tell when someone is being hurt or affected as its not that hard. Really, it’s a matter of teaching this to children. Once they learn this, as adults, they will have this understanding can set these limits for their own children.

Limits and knowing them are everything in this. Bullies have no sense of boundaries and while they are young, its important to catch this and teach them this. Otherwise, they grow up believing rules do not apply to them and they have carte blanche to do as they please. Rules and laws exist for a reason. People just have to learn them and understand them. Its not different with the problem of bullying. In my opinion, this is healthy for everyone.

Resource Cited:

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From a Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California.

Relational Aggression and the Church

2009-01-27T14:18:00.000-08:00

I am finally sitting down to blog again after flying across country last week and getting everything back in order again. While I was away, I managed to pick up the book Escape by Carolyn Jessop. Mrs. Jessop is a former member of the FLDS which is the Fundamentalist Church of Latter Day Saints which is a strict belief system. One thing I do not do is try and give others a hard time when it comes to their religion. We all have our beliefs, grew up in different cultures and are entitled to these freedoms in this nation. This book mentioned some disturbing things such as young teen girls marrying older men, men having several wives and children amongst some of them. However, this will not be the focus of the blog entry here. I have to commend this woman for taking her children out of this abusive environment and standing up to the FLDS culture. If this were me in this situation, I would not have lasted a day. There are so many horrific things occurring behind closed doors and it takes guts to speak out against these horrors. A man by the name of Warren Jeffs who was considered the Prophet in the FLDS committed many crimes and abuses which led to several women escaping the cult and sharing their horror stories and Jeffs eventual prison sentence as these things were exposed.

The aspect I wanted to focus upon is the relationship that these several wives have with one another in these homes. A man can be married to several wives at once and they all live under the same roof. As females, when it comes to men, we tend to fight amongst one another if we are after the same man. Yet what happens when you get a group together who are married to the same man for religious purposes? The FLDS considers these cluster of women “sister wives” and they are suppose to respect and get along with one another. Also, they “keep sweet” and make themselves submissive to their husband and Prophet which leads to nothing more than power hunger and ownership of others. One thing that Mrs. Jessop mentioned was these relations she had with her sister wives. The husband, Merrill Jessop, had six wives while she was married to him. The one most favored was the most abusive and the “Queen Bee” of sorts named Barbara. She ruled her sister wives and all children with an iron fist. These women ganged up on each other, gossiped, and clamored their way into the favor of “Queen Wife Barbara” and Mr. Jessop. They fought amongst one another for his attention. Barbara dictated the social order between them. Any discord amongst Barbara and the other wives filtered into the children and these ladies would take a great deal out on them if their mother was out of favor. Standing up to this Barbara was uncalled for and severe punishment ensued if it was done. Folks, this gossip, backstabbing, verbal abuse, punishments….this is relational aggression and as you see it happens amongst women and not just girls. Barbara is favored by her husband and therefore, she was given a great deal of power. Instead of using this power for the greater good of the family, she abused her sister wives with threats, punishments and other behaviors. The others either feared her or worked hard to get into her good graces by selling her sister wives out. From what I read, this was a vicious circle that never stopped but grew worse with time. As this woman was given carte blanche within the home, she used this to her favor. Mrs. Jessop mentioned several incidents where things got out of control because of this woman and her games. The mind games, favoritism and other behaviors made it impossible for anyone to live in harmony or keep sweet within the home.

Folks, I have said it a zillion times. Favoritism breeds all sorts of underlying problems such as jealousy which breeds a lot of resentment amongst people. Plus, with favoritism comes people who are given power which gets out of control. Its like a flesh eating virus or cancer as it multiplies and eventually kills. As you see, in a culture that is geared towards submissiveness, it occurs. A young girl being married to a man 32 years her senior is bad enough but to have to live with the games, gossip and power problems daily can really break a person. No wonder these women were getting on anti-depressants as mentioned in the book. Please, stop giving someone power within your cluster of friends or family. Try and see everyone for who they are and leave them be. None of us are perfect and when you build someone up, favor them and allow them to have any sort of power, you help create a monster. This Queen Wife Barbara lady became a monster as a result of this. She is one of many who have become monsters as a result.
I wish Mrs. Jessop only the best. Eventually, Queen Wife Barbara had to own up to her abuses in a court of law. Merrill Jessop, the one who favored Barbara and his children lives in the USA on one of the FLDS ranches. As for Warren Jeffs, as I previously stated, he is in prison for his own crimes and I hope he is learning to “keep sweet” himself while he pays for his own dirty deeds within the FLDS community.

Resource Cited: Escape by Carolyn Jessop

Elizabeth Bennett is the Author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From a Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more visit Peer Abuse Know More.

Start Up Biz

2009-01-22T15:35:00.001-08:00

I want to share this with you

2009-01-20T10:42:00.000-08:00

Hi All, How do you feel about 2009? For most of us it holds a great deal ofambivalence. It promises to be a year of great positive change, yetlurking in the background is an element of fear. None of us want tohold onto the fear for we do not want to create a self-fulfilling prophecy. 2009 may therefore be the year for caution, but it can also be your year for great opportunities. Many visionaries from the past have made great gains during times similar to these. And today's visionaries will repeat those success stories.

I am writing to you today to share with you how you can make 2009 your best year ever, a year in which you can succeed beyond your wildest dreams. My friend Eldon Taylor, author of the New York Times best seller, Choices and Illusions, has made available to a very select group his"Essential Pillars of Success" at unheard of savings. These principles have worked for thousands of people around the world, and areguaranteed to work for you. Essential Pillars of Success consists ofnine programs on eight CDs, and comes with a book that explains how and why it is so easy to self-sabotage our best efforts, and provides a road map for correcting those thought patterns and beliefs. It also includes a booklet teaching the learning strategies involved inchoosing the programs or 'scripts' that run through your mind. The entire mind conditioning set normally sells for $243.50 but it is yours today for only $88.00. Plus, you will receive hundreds of dollars in bonus tools to further assist you. Act Now!

http://progressiveawarenesspromotions.com/innertalk/January09/better-life/index.htm

Essential Pillars of Success uses a patented technology that has been repeatedly tested and demonstrated effective by independent scientists in the most rigorous of scientific studies. The studies have been carried out in places such as Stanford University, Colorado State University, Armed Forces University in Munich, Germany and by private research institutions. What is it you would do if you knew you could not fail? Do not delay. This is the year of change for the U.S. and for the world, and it could be your year of remarkable positive change as well. Your new Essential Pillars of Success collection will:
1. supercharge your self belief,
2. convince you that you truly do deserve to 'have it all,'
3. give you the motivation to go make it happen,
4. create a stress free zone so that you can focus on what is truly important to you,
5. activate the optimal thought patterns to bring financialprosperity to you,
6. keep you healthy so that you can maximize your opportunities,
7. fine tune your thinking so that you not only know what it is you want, but you will also know exactly how to achieve it,
8. unleash your own abilities to manifest the life of your dreams, and9. give you the optimism vital for maintaining the perfect state of mind to create even more successes. Regardless of your goals, Essential Pillars provides the key componentsvital for creating success in your life. Wow-and all of it for only$88! Invest In Yourself Today!
http://progressiveawarenesspromotions.com/innertalk/January09/better-life/index.htm

These are trying times and it can be easy to get so caught up in ourday-to-day problems that we forget about taking care of ourselves. Don't put off working on those aspects of change that are truly important to you. InnerTalk is the patented and proven technology written about in Eldon's book, Choices and Illusions. Here is what some are saying about this powerful and patented modality for personal empowerment:
I have been purchasing InnerTalk for years. I left a bad marriage,obtained my bachelor's degree and continued to obtain my JurisDoctorate. I am now an attorney and have my own practice! I still listen to them everyday! L.L., FL.
Your programs have changed my life, I'm in sales and my sales have gonethrough the roof!! M.S., MI.
I have had amazing success with you prosperity program. On the days that I listen to it on my way to work, my stock portfolios go up invalue. Sounds crazy, I know, but this happens predictably andconsistently. At first, I dismissed this as dumb luck, but after monthsand months this phenomenon continues like clockwork virtually everytime I listen to it. A.
I love your programs . . . I have been using them for years . . . keepup the awesome work! These programs have changed me in ways only GODhimself could have. These programs are a gift from GOD himself . . .thank-you for following your dreams because you have helped so many inyour quest.D.W., CAI have actually started and have been sticking to a budget. I think before I spend. I've actually started a saving account. I am paying off debt. It has become fun for me to manage my money. I am paying moreattention to financial related news and information. I have set many'goals' . . . and each day I actually do something to get closer to achieving them . . . My advice to anyone reading this, take a chance .. . and watch your life change for the better! The products actuallywork!L.A., TN

This is a limited time offer. Get your set today while quantities last: Act Now!http://progressiveawarenesspromotions.com/innertalk/January09/better-life/index.htm
I want you to benefit from this wonderful opportunity. I personally wish you the very best in everything and know you will benefit from TheEssential Pillars of Success. I have joined with a number of otherlike-minded visionaries to offer a special gift to you when you take advantage of this offer. So, you not only get the great EssentialPillars of Success set but you will also receive absolutely F R E Emany more gifts, specifically aimed at assisting you in creating thebest year ever. These are valuable gifts worth hundreds of dollars.Make that investment in yourself today. Success Awaits You!
http://progressiveawarenesspromotions.com/innertalk/January09/better-life/index.htm

Thank you and enjoy!
Elizabeth Bennett, M.Ed

Online Predators vs Bullies

2009-01-18T12:37:00.000-08:00

Well, I just finished reading this article and my mouth is still hanging open. Something worse than predators is a greater harm to kids? Well, I should have known. Bullying and Peer Abuse are the root of all evil in my opinion. So, why should this article surprise me? I guess because we are so focused on predators being bad and harmful to our children which they are while we minimalize the problem of peer abuse and bullying. Yeah, maybe that’s it! It sure seems to be the case from where I am standing.

According to this article, The Internet Safety Technical Task Force issued a report that stated with online bullying, all kids are not at risk equally as they are with predators. The bullying will generally start offline and filter its way onto the internet. Also, children who are cyber bullied know who their abuser is offline. The social sites are a hotbed for peer abuse as kids can add friends and send messages through bulletins, private message boxes, friend feeds and chat. Also, can set up groups and use other functions to slander each other. Predators exist and are also on these sites. However, as far as meeting one or searching for any material such as porn, this generally will not happen except in the case of teen males and many predators can be found on those sites. Predators do approach children on social sites, however, a predator does not have a relationship with a child offline and has no history of the child unlike the cyber bully. Unless the child tells a predator his offline address and phone number, they are not likely to have this material at hand. The cyber bully generally knows where his target lives and can gain access to any phone numbers and email addresses without any problems. The task force also suggested that there is not any one way to stop this problem unless adults get involved and take this seriously. Using software helps but parents need to filter and monitor where the child goes online. A history function is usually helpful in this case. Its about education and being aware not only of the predator problem but the cyber bullying as well.

I see children on MySpace and You Tube more often than facebook and others. Even though social sites are a great way to network, do business, reconnect with old friends and stay in touch all at once with everyone, they have a dark side to them. One thing that concerns me is the fact that when children turn 13, they are allowed to have an account on these sites. Why are we even giving teenagers an option to be on a site where adults are? I do not agree with this at all. Children, even by the age of 13, have nothing in common with adults so why give them the option to interact with them? If children are online and wish to have a place to interact, they need to be doing so on a site that is not designed for adults. In my opinion, this adds to the predator problem, not help it. A great site is the Safe Wave site that is designed for children and is set up for children to interact without predator and peer abuse problems and keeps children safe. The most important thing is keeping children safe when using the internet. This site comes recommended and after all, our children are the future so lets do what we can to keep them safe!

Resource Cited: http://www.darkreading.com/security/privacy/showArticle.jhtml?articleID=212900579
Posted at 01:19 PM in Web/Tech Permalink Comments (0) TrackBack (0)

You Go American Girl Dolls!

2009-01-17T08:17:00.000-08:00

I just stumbled upon this information and wow! A doll that is actually doing some good out there. I am so use to these Bratz Dolls and others where being “Miss Thang” is the message sent.

These American Girl dolls have become popular within the last few years. They have books and even movies based upon them and this generation of girls are growing up with them. Many are collectors items and doll collectors are cashing in as well. Now, they have a new 2009 doll called Chrissa Maxwell who is ten years old. Chrissa is special because not only does she have a movie made about her on HBO and DVD entitled An American Girl: Chrissa Stands Strong she also is named Girl of the Year by American Girl. Chrissas story begins where she is a new girl in her class and the other girls begin to tease her which eventually leads to full on bullying and peer abuse. This protagonist learns to stand up to these bullies not only for herself but for others. The message is a positive one where the viewer can learn healthy ways in dealing with relational aggression and peer abuse in their own lives. The story is written by award-winning Mary Casanova and American Girl has teamed up with The Ophelia Project in this endeavor. Also, a national campaign is being organized by these groups entitled Stop the Bullying! Pass It On! along with a poster contest which runs through February 28.

I applaud American Girl and The Ophelia Project for creating this story and doll. Young girls today are dealing with this constantly in their lives. They live it at school, in their neighborhoods and communities. If that is not enough, they see it on television and read it in books. They do not know where to turn or what to do when faced with this. As American Girl is popular today, having a positive role model such as Chrissa will help these girls tremendously in how to deal with this in their own lives. Also, they will learn the seriousness of this problem and how it affects everyone around them. Thank you American Girl and Ophelia Project for trying to make this world a better place.

Resource Cited:
http://www.livingstondaily.com/article/20090112/NEWS01/30112002

Ladies, Stop the Peer Abuse!

2009-01-14T08:09:00.000-08:00

I recently read an article in the New York Times about women in the workplace. It was a great article and the source, Peggy Klaus, knows what she is talking about. She was dead on in her assessment of women and how they treat one another. We would like to think that when we get a group of ladies together, the relational aggression leaves the building and sisterhood and maturity take priority. This is so far from the truth.

Lets face it. Women are covert in their abuse and the workplace is of no exception. Its done in underhanded, backstabbing ways. Instead of talking things out in a rational manner we tend to go to anyone but the source of our problems. If we show emotion, we are considered bitchy which some take as compliments. Someone will correct our errors or criticize and we tend to take it personally. Or, we withhold information from others to benefit our own agendas. Some will take their maternal instincts into work and try and boss others around. Others may hold grudges for some reason and allow this to filter into the office. Or, comments get made which could be considered left handed compliments. In the grand scheme of things, all this does is lower productivity, increase illness and the company looses instead of gains money. Who can work effectively under these circumstances?

This is not meant to slam my own gender here. Men are just as capable of climbing into the sandbox as we are. This is to raise awareness of my gender and how our behavior affects each other and the organization as a whole. Some things I know would help would be some communication training. We are not taught to verbally express ourselves in honest and tactful ways. Therefore, we resort to this petty behavior which at the end of the day leaves everyone an emotional mess. Ladies, stop the clique building and office politics. Please let go of the grudges and lack of trust for one another. Your purpose in being there in the first place is to do a job. Not get gossip and building notebooks full of mistakes on behalf of others. Stay focused on the job at hand. Also, focus on your own job and let your superior worry about what everyone else is doing. If a colleague screws up, let the appropriate people handle it. If there is conflict, sit down with a third mutual party and talk things out. Listen and I mean really listen to what the other party is saying. That is the biggest problem right there; the lack of listening skills and the need to place blame on others without looking at our own behavior and how it is affecting the company. Nobody is perfect but as adults, we can try to at least get along for the sake of the organization.
I have been in this position a couple of times myself. Its not worth the time or energy. Please, put a stop to it if you see it going on. Allow someone who knows about peer abuse at work to come in and speak to you. Keep an open mind and most importantly, do your own job and stop sweating the nonsense!

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/11/jobs/11pre.html?_r=1

Gossip Girl and Mean Girls

2009-01-06T07:47:00.000-08:00

It is uncommon for me to blog twice in one day. However, I felt this time it was justifiable. As you know by now, I watch these Gossip Girl episodes and cringe. Yet, they give me something to blog about and are a great way for me to educate people on this serious problem of bullying and peer abuse that this show seems to enjoy poking fun at. In other words, they do not see the seriousness of this issue.

Tonight’s episode was one humdinger! We have the 15 year old Jenny coming back to the private school which she dropped out of towards the beginning of the season for her career in fashion design. Even though she was persistent in getting her career off the ground at such a young age, the basis of her leaving school had to do with the mean girls at school who declared her a “victim“. Now, we see a strong and confident Jenny, who got a grand taste of reality, come back and ready to battle these girls. She comes back to school and instantly sees a girl who “serves” this mean crowd who is named Nelly. Jenny witnesses a couple of situations where the girls treat Nelly terribly. They have her do such degrading things like wipe their feet and the way they talk to her is horrific. Instead of buckling under, Jenny and her friend Eric take Nelly in hand and stand up to this vicious beehive. They take the table where the mean girls sit daily and decide to sit there instead. When the girls try and bully them out of the seats, they refuse to move. This prompts the leader of this beehive to call her father to tell him to call the headmistress of the school and let her know that she was being bullied by Jenny and the others. Give me a break! This is classic bullying behavior! They abuse their peers all they want but when someone stands up to them, they play the “you are bullying and hurting me card.” The Fab Five in Texas did it and Megan Hauserman has pressed charges against Sharon Osbourne for attacking her. Never mind their behavior that prompted all of this in the first place! As the episode continued, we see Jenny leaving the headmistresses office letting Eric and Nelly know that she was called in there for her “so called bullying behavior.” Nelly lets a secret slip about this Queen and Jenny decides to use it to her advantage. Towards the end of the episode, we see the beehive, Jenny, Eric and Nelly standing outside a club. Jenny confronts these girls about their dirty secrets that she knew about and if they continued their behavior or tried to sabotage anyone, she was sending the information to the popular blog Gossip Girl. The girls thought she wanted to be “Queen” and Nelly thought maybe they could start a new regime. Jenny scoffed at the idea and Eric let them know that was the last thing on Jenny’s mind.

I was proud of Jenny tonight. She did the right thing and could have cared less about any of the abusive beehive stuff. She stood up for Nelly and also, stood up to the beehive that she feared earlier in the season. Also, she refused to even participate in the ugliness that this problem brings. This is just a kid who did the right thing and only wants to go to school. I appreciate kids like this and I appreciate this character for her stand in all of this. I am still appalled that the Queen called her father because she was being bullied yet was the bully herself. As I say, these bullies twist situations to their advantage and abuse any power they may have. Folks, do not let anyone twist any situation you may be in to their advantage like that. It is done intentionally and many are so charismatic that others will buy into this behavior. Be a “Jenny” and do the right thing.

I know many will again try and remind me that this is just a satire on the rich and famous and is not to be taken seriously. If that is the case, why are we not making satires of rape and child abuse victims? This is not something to be taken lightly but very seriously. For once, I commend Gossip Girl for doing what is right instead of feeding into the problem. Maybe now we can see them take this a lot more seriously. I. for one, hope that this is the case.

Resource Cited: http://www.cwtv.com/shows/gossip-girl

Sharon vs Megan: Part Deux

2009-01-05T19:12:00.000-08:00

As the holidays are finally over, I am finally able to start getting back into the swing of things after two weeks of being away from blogging and all things Peer Abuse. Now, I am finally able to catch up and boy and figured a continuation of the Rock of Love Charm School scandal involving Sharon Osborne and Megan Hauserman was in order.

I was able to watch this Rock of Love Charm School Reunion last night on Vh1. The show itself was a good one where we were updated on the various happenings of the contestants and what they were able to learn and accomplish from the school and how some are applying these lessons in their daily lives. It was good to see these ladies use their social graces and many appreciated Sharon and what she had done for them.

Towards the middle of the reunion, Megan was brought to the stage. She was intoxicated; it was obvious. Osbourne was sober and very much a lady. Another contestant by the name of Cindy “Rodeo” Steedle was brought to the stage when Megan was. When Rodeo was talking with Sharon, Megan kept interrupting and putting Rodeo down. Rodeo was calm and composed despite Megan’s insults. At one point, Megan insulted Rodeos son which prompted Rodeo to get annoyed. At some point of the conversation, Osbourne made an honest comment that Megan should not be allowed to procreate. It was not said in a vicious manner and I think this is something anyone with half a brain would understand. This prompted Megan to spew a line of insults about Ozzy Osborne and the children. Much of what Megan said was “bleeped” out but by the reaction of the audience, it was really bad. Sharon stood up, excused herself in a calm manner, picked up a glass full of red liquid and threw it on Megan. The next thing shown was a huddle of security gathered around the two ladies and Megan being pulled off of the stage. What was not shown was Sharon Osbourne hitting Megan in any form. I did not see her fist touch Megan’s nor was Osbourne’s hair a mess. If she had been in any physical altercation, I would think Osbourne would have had scratches on her and hair completely in disarray. Now, Vh1 could have had her go backstage and pull herself together and edited around this but from what I could see, Osbourne did not appear to be damaged. You could see Megan’s hair was a mess but with all of those people that went to the stage, anyone could have pulled at Megan. The bottom line was that Osbourne threw liquid on Megan but that was the extent of what was shown. I really do not think Sharon hit Megan at all.

Hauserman crossed a line twice on that show. First, she said something degrading to Rodeo about her son. Osbourne agreed with Rodeo that she crossed a line. Then Hauserman proceeded to insult Sharon’s husband and children. Folks, when someone is not well as is the case of Ozzy Osbourne, they are deserving of compassion, not insults. Whatever Rodeos financial status or what is occurring with her son, neither did not deserve to be bashed by Megan. From what I could tell of the situation, Megan was trying hard to push the buttons of both ladies. Intoxicated or not, she said what she did. Besides, when one is intoxicated, they tend to be honest and more so than if they were sober. I believe Megan was aware of what she was doing despite that. She knew both ladies would get upset by those comments. She heard Sharon say something about her comment about Rodeos son was crossing a line. She’s not stupid; she’s very smart and shrewd if anything.

Some may disagree with me and consider this a cat fight. That’s fine, we are all entitled to our opinions. Some may think that because Megan was intoxicated, she was not aware of what she was saying. Megan is insulting and cruel with words whether sober or drunk. All I saw Sharon do was throw liquid on her and I think she did so not only because of what was said about her family but what she said to Rodeo and basically because of Megan’s behavior itself. People start to get irritated by bullying behavior and many times, they bite their tongues until they have had enough. I think last night was the straw that broke the camels back and Sharon had enough. So she reacted but did not see her hit Megan. This is the case in many school shootings; the bullied kid has enough so he snaps. Sharon snapped by throwing the drink on Megan. So again, I wonder who the real bully was in all of this?

http://www.tmz.com/2009/01/05/osbourne-attacks-crying-and-stains-ensue/

2008-12-19T12:31:00.000-08:00

Monday morning, I was pointed in the direction of an article online concerning Sharon Osbourne, the matriarch of the Ozzy Osbourne family and reality television star Megan Hauserman who has been on various shows such as Beauty and the Geek and others. Both were recently on a Vh1 show called Rock of Love Charm School where Megan was a contestant and Sharon was the headmistress of the school. This is a reality based show that aired during the fall season. The show taped its reunion episode on Saturday evening in Los Angeles where both were in attendance. However, things went a little over the edge between the two. Hauserman said something about Ozzy to Osbourne which spurned Osbourne to retaliate physically. A day after this occurred, Houserman went to the hospital and pressed charges against Osbourne. From what I am understanding, the incident is under investigation with the LAPD.

Sharon Osbourne is known for blowing up from time to time. She is fiercely protective of her husband and children. This is not unusual as most mother hens tend to have that protective edge. Plus, Ozzy is not in a good place mentally and does not function with all capacities as we all saw on The Osbournes back in 2002. It was not a laughing matter but a sad situation overall and not someone I would be making hurtful comments about. I am guessing that when Hauserman said what she did, it hit a nerve with Mrs. Osbourne and she reacted. I am also aware of Hauserman and her behavior on television as well. She is known for manipulating others and purposely doing and saying things to get them upset. She also acts without conscience and is hated by most everyone who watches these shows. I saw Hauserman on this recent show and did she love pushing the buttons of others and getting them upset. She enjoyed doing this. Osbourne would come down hard on these ladies and true, was no saint by any stretch. However, I never saw her act out of malice or cruelty unlike Hauserman.

Folks, there is no excuse for physical violence or lashing out at anyone. This stuff does lead to more trouble than it is worth. There are much better ways to handle ones anger. Whether it be in defense a loved one or not, there is no excuse for violence. However, knowing Megan’s track record, I wonder if she intentionally tried to push Osbournes buttons well aware of how she would react? Osbourne is reactive; however, I am well aware that Osbourne has publicly spoken out against bullying in the past. She does not advocate it and she eliminated Hauserman early in this show due to her lack of conscience plus her violence towards another contestant. For the most part, Osbourne does not run around on television manipulating people and trying to keep them upset. Hauserman is the poster child for relational aggression as far as I am concerned. She manipulates, plots against others, has exhibited violence of her own and keeps the people around her upset and seems to enjoy behaving that way. You can see her “Queen Bee” mentality coming through the screen and her followers hanging on to her every action. In my opinion, I find her quite scary and someone who just does not “get it” so to speak. She has behaved as many covert bullies do. Most importantly, she has no remorse either.

I was not at this reunion and can only go on what I have read about this and what I saw on the show when it aired this season. I have not met either lady in person. However, I can have an opinion based on what I have read here and what I know of both of these women. Sharon is the one with the charges slapped on her but Hauserman is the one who made the comment in the first place and has a reputation for being mean and nasty towards others. So, I have to ask, who really bullied who in this situation? Also, why did Hauserman wait a day before seeking care and pressing charges? If she was so bad off, wouldn’t she have gone to get help sooner? At the end of the day, I am guessing Hauserman was the real bully in all of this. It would not surprise me a bit.

Resource Cited:
http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/tv/2008/12/15/2008-12-15_sharon_osbourne_accused_of_attacking_roc.html

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From a Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .

The Evil in Peer Abuse at Work

2008-12-05T09:28:00.000-08:00

I read an article this morning entitled Workplace Bullying: Psychological Violence? This was well written and informative. It gave a few examples of recent stories shared that involved bullying growing up and how victims were still being affected by this trauma.

One thing I want to point out is that bullies do not “grow up” as they age but they “grow worse”. They take their dirty deeds and bring them into the workplace. You can find them picking out their targets and cornering them like a cat corners a bird. Some examples of what they do are spread lies, exclude others, give false information on purpose, constant criticism. I could go on and on ad nauseum. Basically, they spend their time sucking up to the boss to persuade them that their ideas and beliefs are gospel. If they are the boss, they just revel in their power. They twist things to make themselves look good while making their target look bad. It never ends and it is physically and emotionally draining. Not to mention that companies loose a lot of money each year as a result of this. Victims develop problems like depression, anxiety and are overwhelmed with stress. A lot of sick days are used as a result of this.

One point mentioned in this article that I wanted to point out is that a person cannot work to his full potential if being bullied at work. With constant criticism, games and manipulations, how can one focus and try to do a good job? They can’t! A person does not feel safe or secure then yes, they are going to screw up.

Please, educate yourselves on this problem that persists in the workplace. Do not get involved in the politics and games. Stay away from all of that. Read your code of conduct and if any of these behaviors mentioned in the article sounds like you, do something about it! Bystanders, do something and don’t egg the problem on or add to it. If a bully targets one person, he will target another. Don’t give them any power. This is a great article and one I highly recommend others take a look at.

There is enough evil in the world. Please don’t take it to work and add to it.

Resource Cited:
http://www.fedsmith.com/article/1780/

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From a Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info/

Stop the Celebrity Imposters!

2008-12-02T09:31:00.000-08:00

In the aftermath of the Lori Drew trial, I have been reading bits and pieces online as time has permitted. This trial made me think of a few things over the past several days about internet safety, the realities of social sites and other odds and ends pertaining to the internet. I stumbled across this well written blog in the LA Times where the reader is asked to ponder whether or not social sites need to get serious about cyber bullying, online pranks and other debauchery that we see when we go to places such as My Space, Facebook, Twitter and others out there.

Currently, I have an account on these main social sites but the primary reason has to do with business and networking. I also add my family and friends and have reconnected with people I either worked with or went to school with in the past. Plus, you can keep everyone abreast of the latest happenings all at once rather than bit by bit through email or the phone. There are some great advantages to having accounts on these sites. However, in my own experience not only on social sites but on the internet as a whole, there is a very dark side to the dangers that can occur. Predators can be found lurking these sites for their next young prey. People are looking for love and in all of the wrong places. One very scary and overlooked problem is not only with setting up fake profiles as Lori Drew did but setting up profiles pretending to be celebrities. Fans join and see their favorite celebrity on there and will send them an add request asking to be friends. The celebrity will accept and this person is so excited! Not only that but the celebrity is actually sending them messages and leaving comments on their pages and turns out some mentally ill adult, predator or a kid is behind the screen fooling everyone. This does occur because on My Space, some friends and I took the initiative to catch these bogus profiles and report them to My Space a year ago. However, My Space asked us not to do this any further and they created their own celebrity avenue on there. Yet the fake profile and poser issue still exists. This can be very traumatic to the person who thinks they are writing their favorite celebrity only to find out that it was not that person after all.

We need to get tougher on these social sites. Facebook will delete bogus profiles and I commend them. All this problem does is add to the cyber bullying problem and feed into the predator and stalking that occurs. The psychology of the victim is traumatic. They feel violated and like they have been stabbed in the back. This can create trust issues and other psychological problems down the line. Plus, it is a very real problem that exists. I helped to catch two posers of celebrities away from social sites and the rest on social sites. Many consider this a joke but it is no laughing matter. I have defined this as a form of cyber bullying in my book with hope that people become aware of this. They say that they do not tolerate any cyber bullying on their sites? This is a form of cyber bullying so why do they tolerate this? Folks, get educated! Take this seriously! Pretending to be someone online is identity theft and is wrong. Do not enable this; ban these cyber bullies from your site! Keep things clean and safe for everyone. Do what you can to stop these online posers, I know I did.

Resource cited:
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/technology/2008/11/in-the-wake-of.html

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From a Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .

Authors: Check this site out! Its for you!

2008-12-01T09:05:00.000-08:00

Author & Book Event Center!
http://bookeventcenter.ning.com/

If you have written a book, this is for you!

Come and join. On this site, you can:
Find other authors
Reviews for books
Book Events
Book Trailers
Chat Sessions
Discussions
Blogs
Photos
And much more!

So, come over, sign up and I will add you as a friend! You can add as many friends if you wish. Again, this is for authors ONLY! No publishers, marketing or any of that. I look forward to seeing you there!

Take Care,
Elizabeth Bennett
http://www.peerabuse.info Theorist and Consultant
http://www.bullypolice.org National Survivor Specialist
http://www.peerabuse.typepad.com
Nationally Certified Olweus Bullying Prevention Trainer

Lori Drew: A Woman Lacking a Conscience

2008-11-26T09:46:00.000-08:00

As many of you know, I have been following the Megan Meier case. This is the case where Megan committed bullycide after a 16 year old boy she met on the social site My Space, , Josh Evans, who she was infatuated with suddenly turned on her stating “the world would be a better place without you in it.” The twist of all of this? Josh was not a 16 year old boy but a moniker created by a 49 year old woman by the name of Lori Drew along with her daughter, 14 year old Sarah and a colleague, 18 year old Ashley Grills. For a year, America has heard and followed this case and I have been right there along with everyone else. I have blogged and discussed this ad nauseum with friends and colleagues. I have been angry at this woman for even “going there” with this child in the first place. This whole story reeks of drama, cruelty and in the center of it sits this woman who apparently lacks a conscience of any kind. What kind of a person even considers doing this?
Well, Mrs. Drew is now in a Los Angeles Court having to own up to her dirty deeds. She was told by Grills and her hairdresser that what she was doing was wrong. Of course, Grills said it was okay because everyone did this sort of thing all the time on there. Her daughter even admitted to flirting with Megan as “Josh” on My Space. Of course Drew is now saying she never read the terms of service on My Space and her attorneys are lobbying for her case to be dismissed. Okay, I have a My Space account and to even set this up, one must accept the terms of service. You have to click on the little box like anyone else does. She had to have been aware to even open the account in the first place! Plus, she is trying to put a lot of blame on Ashley Grills. Now she is charged with a count of conspiracy and three counts of unauthorized computer access by violating the terms of service on My Space. From what I understand, Grills is the star witness yet has immunity. Why, I have no idea since she is a legal adult and had her own hand in all of this.
Folks, Lori Drew is mean, not stupid. She knew what she was doing was mean. She was well aware of Megan’s battle with clinical depression and her fragile state of mind. She was told by two other people that what she was doing was illegal. She involved her own 13 year old daughter in this mess. She is looking at five years in prison if convicted. Do you know what is so appalling? The judge has considered dismissing this case completely! Yes, you read right he is considering dismissing this case. Do you know the message that sends? That its okay to set up fake profiles online. Its okay to cyber bully young girls who deal with depression and send them over the edge. Engaging in illegal activity is okay. This is not okay and this woman does not deserve to walk. She deserves to be in prison where she belongs. Judge Wu, don’t go easy on her! Give her the book and throw away the key! For once, have a bully take some responsibility for their reprehensible actions. Show the world that yes, the justice system still works and Drew will be taking responsibility for her actions. I, for one, hope she rots.
Resource Cited: http://blog.wired.com/27bstroke6/2008/11/defense-lori-dr.html
Elizabeth Bennett is the author and consultant of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .

Anthony Biggs Jr. Victimized by a Cruel Society

2008-11-26T08:53:00.000-08:00

I got an email from my best friend on Saturday. It was a Yahoo story about a young man who committed suicide via a webcam in front of a live, virtual audience. This took place on the site Justin.tv .The way I understand it, this young man was threatening to take his own life and was egged on by other viewers to do so who were watching this take place. A few tried to stop it and contacted the police in his area. However, it was too late. The young man, Abraham Briggs Jr., suffered from bi-polar disorder died from a combination of opiates and benzodiazepines he took for his illness. What sort of a world do we live in where we encourage those who are hurting and are in trouble?
You know, people out there are shocked and appalled by this. Well, I’m not one of them. I have been using the internet for almost 10 years and some of the things I have seen online have been unbelievable. People starting flame wars and trolling chat rooms and communities. There is always some sort of drama somewhere. Then there is the social site problems that are hot beds for gossip, rumors and impersonating or making up monikers to hurt and upset others. My Space and Face book are two of the leading sites for this. I see the callousness people exhibit online towards one another. They waste time and energy fighting and commenting using the most scathing and biting remarks they can find. Plus, while people get their kicks out of breaking each other, I hear the other side of it. The side where people are traumatized by these actions and events. How they are needing therapy to cope with the stress, anxiety and depression that all of this has brought on. So, when I heard of this recent act of bullycide, I was not in the least surprised. Abraham Biggs Sr. was shocked by this behavior as most are but me? No, we have become a callous lot who just do not give a darn about one another at all. Any decency that was once there has left the building.
As I have said many a time, we have to crack down on this cyber bullying problem. Another young life is lost at the hands of tormentors who had fun watching their victim die right in front of their eyes. Why do we continue to stay in the dark? Why are we enabling this? Parents, please talk to your kids and set limits with them on the use of the computer. Educate them on what is right and wrong in this world. I believe many have lost this capacity and everyday, we continue to develop behavior that grows more and more pathological. We are breeding a nation of sociopaths! Let them know that watching someone committing bullycide online is not entertainment. It’s a serious problem and instead of enabling it, teach them to report it. Shouldn’t someone out there give a darn? Is there any human decency left? It can be done if we begin to take this seriously. It only takes a voice and be that voice! My condolences go out to the Biggs family. May your son rest in peace. He was a good kid that fell victim to a cruel society. Nothing more or less.
Resource Cited: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081122/ap_on_re_us/webcam_suicide
Elizabeth Bennett is the author and consultant of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective. She resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .

Check this out!

2008-11-12T09:29:00.000-08:00

Hi! I hope you are well. Check out Masha Malka and what she has to bring with her book The One Minute Coach.

Masha Malka is a former Soviet refugee who knows first hand what it is like to be living below poverty level; to have low self-esteem; to start out without the language, money, or contacts and to make a great life for herself!

Masha went from living a life with little clarity and focus to becoming a successful entrepreneur, author, Clarity and Focus guru, international speaker and trainer as well as the mother of 3 children.

Understanding what it takes to successfully balance the demands of a growing career as an author, international speaker and a life coach with 3 children, husband, family, friends, and personal needs - she is passionate to show others how they can do it too!

Masha has delivered workshops, seminars, written articles and books, and provided personal training and coaching in the field of success and the skill of learning since 1998.She graduated with Highest Honors from Florida Atlantic University majoring in Elementary Education. She then continued her graduate studies at Capella University completing a graduate certificate in Teaching and Training Online as well as Instructional Design for Online Learning. A life-long student, Masha is currently taking courses for an MBA. She is also a certified trainer in Accelerated Learning Techniques as well as Transformational Thinking.After years of seminars and workshops with influential leaders such as Anthony Robbins, Brian Tracy, Dr. Thomas Madden, Dr. Bill Gould, Mark Victor Hansen and many others, Masha has developed her own 6 Steps to Clarity and Focus Coaching Program that is now changing the lives for the better of many people around the world.Living and working in the diverse cultures of 6 countries - Russia, USA, Austria, England, Bulgaria and Spain, has given her a unique insight on how to achieve success regardless of the person's background.Masha has combined her discoveries on learning in an e-book Discover Your Inborn Genius where she shares with her readers the tools which will allow them to tap into the unlimited possibilities and potential that they possess.Masha Malka deeply believes that we are all potential geniuses and that we are capable of achieving success in ALL areas of our lives leading to greater happiness and piece of mind. She dedicates her life to helping people create balance and fulfillment on the way to their dream lives.Wanting to give back to the community more than just her services, Masha Malka donates 10% of her income to the local charity that assists children of special needs, needy families, as well as religious and communal cultural programs and events. Her latest book, The One Minute Coach, is making a splash around the world transforming the lives of those who read it! You can read more about it and get your own copy on this site.The One Minute Coach: change your life one minute at a time is written in a way that even the busiest of people can find the time to get inspired and learn how to apply new information in their day-to-day life.

The One Minute Coach is a great resource for anyone looking for more balance in their life. Order you own copy of The One Minute Coach within the next 24 hours and receive over $9,000 in bonus gifts from experts around the globe.

Go to http://mashamalka.com/bookpromotion/

The One Minute Coach: change your life one minute at a time. See what she has to offer in her chapters.
The One Minute Coach
By Masha Malka
CONTENTS
Part 1: Freedom To Be Who You Are
Part 2: The Secrets of People Who Are Successful
Part 3: Why Do We Suffer?
Part 4: The Secret to a Great Life
Part 5: Are You a Natural Leader?
Part 6: Time Management and Decision Making
Part 7: The Best Source of Wealth
Part 8: It Is Never Too Late
Conclusion
References and Recommended Reading
To order the book got to http://mashamalka.com/bookpromotion/

What a Way to Get Kicks!

2008-11-11T11:55:00.000-08:00

You know, there are some days when you just try and understand why some do not see what is right in front of their faces. I know, I know….not everyone is going to instinctively get that bullying (Peer Abuse) is a serious problem and that maybe those who engage in these behaviors are “just not wired right”. Well, as an Adult Survivor of Peer Abuse who lived 27 years of this nightmare, I am here to say that yes, finally someone has done some experimentation on this. What I am referring to is a recent article published by Reuters entitled Bullies May Get a Kick Out of Seeing Others in Pain. A big part of me understands that again, not everyone is going to instinctively get this problem but a big part of me is saying “Really? No kidding!”

In this article, it states that a study was conducted at The University Of Chicago which used eight boys between the ages of 16 and 18 who have aggressive conduct disorders and eight who do not have these problems. The study consisted of watching a couple of videos where pain is being inflicted by people onto other people. A functional magnetic resonance imaging was used to track brain activity and when the video showed the pain being inflicted, those boys with the conduct problems would have a portion of the brain, the amygdala and ventral striatum light up, become active and excited. The other boys did not exhibit any of this within their brains. Of course, this was a small study and probably more needs to be discovered and tweaked before any conclusions can be drawn but so far, this has been found.

I am not really good with the biological lingo but from what I am getting, those who bully enjoy bullying others. I have always known there was a biological connection and that not all of it was environmental and psychological. Two kids can come from the same family and background and one could be a “bad seed” while others in the family do not have these problems. I am so glad that the nature aspect is finally becoming a consideration in all of this. Many criminals and prisoners thrive on violence, manipulation and game playing. It very well could be that they are suffering from the same problem? Those who kill tend to get a rush from it. Wonder if they have the same problems? I know bullies growing up would get violent and never have remorse but seem to want more and more of it. If this study goes further and they find this to be evident, then it will make more sense as to what makes a bully what he or she is. As children they hurt animals and think its funny. As adults they hurt others and enjoy it. I have never understood that but then again, I have always felt the bully was not wired right in the first place. A huge part of me is saying “What took so long?”

Resource Cited:
http://www.reuters.com/article/scienceNews/idUSTRE4A616020081107

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .

2008-10-28T06:10:00.000-07:00

Well, another week and another entry. I was reading in my Google Alerts about an article entitled Workplace Bullies are Costly and was I glad to see this. I was glad because it is time that more is said and done about bullying in the workplace. We focus so much on the schools and getting the kids educated yet we hardly if ever focus upon the problem in the workplace. One reason could be that people probably assume that these childhood bullies outgrow their behavior? Or that its not a big deal with adults like it is with kids? There are many myths out there I know but one thing is for certain. Bullies do NOT grow up but grow worse. Yes, they get more pathological, methodical and sophisticated in their techniques. Trust me, this problem exists; I lived in twice at work. I am well aware of the realities occuring here.

A colleague of mine, Dr. Gary Namie, has been speaking out against this problem for quite some time. He has stated that the bully is trying to put fear into targets and other employees. Also, he tries to weed out the best employees and set them up to fail. Also, he describes the four types of workplace bullies. The first being the Screaming Mimi’s who give a lot of verbal abuse and make sure others are on their side so they do not get bullied themselves. Another is the Constant Critic who does his dirty deeds behind closed doors. He will tear the victim down bit by bit so that person comes to believe he is actually incompetent and unworthy of being at the job. Another one is the Two Headed Snake. This one will try and be your best friend to your face but is out to break you down behind your back. Finally there is a Gatekeeper and this one is one who can withhold any funding or anything where the target is involved so he will fail.

Folks, is this really productive? How can people even work with all of this going on? Not only do companies loose all kinds of money but employees are being fired unjustly. Not only that but they are developing problems such as PTSD, situational depression and anxiety. Who can blame them? A bully will do anything to tear down another without the blink of an eye. Why can’t people just go to work and do a job without all of this crap? So many companies and organizations are in denial and refuse to do anything. If companies have a code of conduct, why can’t a clause about Peer Abuse be added in there? Folks, this is outright abusive behavior! Your abusers are tearing down their victims everyday. People are being affected by this garbage! Why can’t people just go to work, do a job and go home? Why do people have to horn in on others work? Do they not have enough work to do themselves? Most importantly, why can’t we get educated and crawl out of the denial that exists? We are taking the time to teach the children so what is wrong with educating ourselves in our own backyards?

If there is one thing I hope people learn it is that bullies do not grow up but they grow worse. Its time to get educated and put a stop to this once and for all. We have enough stress in this world, must we add to it?

Resource Cited: http://www.tulsaworld.com/business/article.aspx?articleID=20081026_46_E1_DrGary301220&allcom=1#commentform

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .

Juicy Gossip?

2008-10-17T13:35:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning, I came online and found an interesting article on a website called Juicy Campus. This is a site devised for college students to go online, share funny stories, experiences and is general fun for those in college. The founder, Matt Ivester has been out of college for a couple of years and designed the site specifically for college students. One would think that a online place to hang out and have fun is a good thing, right? Absolutely not. I cannot find any fun in this at all.

There is a dark side to Juicy Campus as in any other site where people post and interact. Juicy Campus is also a place to cyber bully. Gossip turns ugly and students are basically slandering one another. One student in particular had a cruel experience on this site. She was raped one night on the street and shared this traumatic experience with her close friends and family. Nine months later, her experience was posted on the Juicy Campus site and many responses of “she deserved it”, “she is a slut” and other derogatory comments were targeted at her. Needless to say, the experience only made her trauma worse, not better. This site has also raised some legal issues and come under the concern of the Consumer Fraud Act. Of course, Ivester is hiding under the First Amendment of free speech and section 230 of the Communications Decency Act of 1996. His attitude is that there should be no censorship and that some of this stuff on there is mean but at the same time its funny. In a nutshell, he has no remorse about what is occurring on this site.

Are we a society that wants to continue to enable abusive behavior? Folks, if someone has been raped, its not good to rejoice and encourage slander towards the victim. Its not good to spread vicious gossip about others for fun. I understand that people should be able to speak their mind. However, at the expense of hurting others? What is good about that? I know many will tell me not to take this site so seriously. People are being affected by this! How can I not take this seriously? Not only is this cyber bullying but its abuse and outright slander. My guess is Mr. Ivester has never come under the fire of bullies. If he had, I am sure he would put limits on his site. I do not like censorship either but good grief! Some people just do not know when to stop! Are we becoming a nation lacking a conscience? Is this gossip really that juicy?

Resource Cited:
http://abcnews.go.com/OnCampus/story?id=5985372&page=1

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info/ .

2008-10-14T10:48:00.000-07:00

Politics have a way of getting dirty. Lots of verbal mudslinging, parties attack each other, many discussions turning into personal attacks. Every four years we tend to get our juices flowing as we hear debates between different parties and see all kinds of ads running on television. The drama and cheap shots never seem to end.

Recently, an ad ran on television in Montana asking “have you been bullied by Governor Brian Schweitzer?” as endorsed by gubernatorial candidate Roy Brown. The title of this ad is “No More” and talks about a recent presentation in Philadelphia by Governor Schweitzer where he bragged that he bullied election monitors and a woman until she was as nervous as a pregnant nun. Also, he admitted to tampering with the 2006 Senate election in Montana. When misusing tax dollars, he bullied the investigator before being found guilty of violating ethic laws. Of course, Governor Schweitzer has said that all of this was “joking around.” Okay, scaring a lady until she was “as nervous as a pregnant nun”, intimidating election monitors, tampering with an election, misusing tax dollars and going against ethics is “joking around.” No, this is not “joking around” but behavior by someone who believes he is above the law. He pushes people around and brags about it. Rigs an election and misusing tax dollars. Most importantly, the heck with any ethics. He has power and abuses it. People who behave like this are not normal but need professional help.

Politics has a tendency to get ugly and can bring out the worst in all of us. However, when is bullying others when in a position of authority okay? Again, as I have said many times, adult bullies do NOT obey laws. They have a sense of entitlement and treat others as they wish. Many act without any remorse because they have no conscience to begin with. Whether someone is a politician or not, do not give them any power! They do not use it properly and anyone with the attitude of Governor Schweitzer has no business being in office or even in politics for that matter. We elect people who are strong and who we believe can do the best job and make the right decisions for our society. This man sounds about as ethical as Charles Manson. I say that because as he is a bully, he probably has his followers and hangers on who cater to his every whim. Politics are dirty enough, do the people of Montana deserve to be bullied by Brian any longer?
A website is up for the people of Montana to express any experiences they have had with Governor Schweitzer. Visit http://www.brianthebully.com to learn more.

Resources Cited:
http://www.missoulian.com/articles/2008/10/10/news/local/news04.txt
http://brianthebully.com/

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info.

Mean Behavior is Contagious

2008-10-07T15:20:00.000-07:00

If there is one thing I have often wondered, it has been why mean behavior seems to be catching or contagious. We see it amongst us and people always seem to think its funny and a way of entertainment. We watch it on television, want more of it and allow it to filter into our daily lives. Two people are in an argument and instead of trying to stop things before they escalate, we sit by and watch. Reality television is a hot bed for relational aggression. Instead of squashing the bad behavior on there, it gets rewarded in some way. Plus, those who behave badly on these shows seem to get more attention from the viewer. I get the impression that being mean is in the “in thing” now.

A recent study was conducted at Bingham Young University where 53 women are asked to watch three video clips containing physical aggression (Kill Bill), relational aggression (Mean Girls) and no aggression (a séance scene from What Lies Beneath). Afterwards, the women took a couple of tests that are used to test aggression. Findings suggested that parents need to pay more attention to relational aggression in their television viewing. We get so caught up with violence in the media and how bad it is. Yet, more attention needs to be paid to relational aggression as well. It is just as harmful if you ask me.

I have to ask, what makes reality television so popular? Why do we want to watch shows like Survivor where people form alliances and stab each other in the back? Gossip Girl is another one full of relational aggression with the glorification of the Queen Bee. This behavior is highly destructive yet we want more and more of it. If that is not bad enough, we allow it to filter into our own lives and relationships. Subconsciously, we take this information and pertain it to our own lives because we know its rewarding and acceptable.

Folks, we need to stop excusing this and start to see it for what it is. We need to stop glorifying this bad behavior and making role models of those who behave this way. Stop the gratification and rewarding of it. Start to see it for the abuse that it really is. Why must this mean behavior be so contagious?

Resource Cited:
http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2008-09-15-aggression-study_N.htm

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .

How Does He Sleep At Night?

2008-10-04T15:47:00.000-07:00

As I got online this morning, one of the first things I saw was an article where O.J. Simpson was found guilty on 12 charges with some being kidnapping and armed robbery in a Nevada courtroom. What is more amazing is this verdict was read 13 years to the day that he was found not guilty in what was called “The Trial of the Century” where he was charged and acquitted for the murders of his former wife Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman who was a waiter at the Brentwood restaurant Mezzaluna. During this 13 year period, we saw him in many photos living the good life in Florida. He would play a lot of golf and was always ready for the camera and any photo opportunity he could grab.

I am glad that justice has finally been served. This man literally got away with murder. I got tired of his smug face all over the nation back in 1995 during his trial that bombarded our lives. Then we would see him in photos playing golf and living it up. When he committed these crimes in Nevada, I honestly think he thought he would get away with his crimes. I got the impression that he thought he was above the law. I mean, he kills two people and gets away with it. If he can pull that off, I guess he felt he could do anything else he wanted. Of course, he never paid the Brown and Goldman families the money he was ordered to pay in the civil suit that was held after his criminal trial. He moved to Florida to avoid every loop hole out there in paying that money. Plus, a book was written by him where he gave a hypothetical confession of how Nicole and Ron were murdered. The families put the breaks on that, got the rights to the book, changed the title and all proceeds for that book are now going to the families. Now he will be in prison probably the rest of his life and frankly, I feel this is 13 years too late.

O.J. Simpson is your classic narcissist. He has a warped sense of entitlement and believed the laws did not apply to him. He got away with double homicide and moved to a state that allowed him to avoid paying the families of his victims the money that was ordered by the civil suit. If that did not beat all, he published that book with his so called hypothetical confession and trying to profit from these crimes. What kind of a person does that? One who is so vainglorious and so full of himself that he believes that he is someone special. One that lacks a conscience or any empathy for others whatsoever. In a nutshell, a bully. Yes, I said it, a bully. He abused his wife and never batted an eyelash. He murdered his wife and an innocent bystander and had the nerve to publish a book based on this. He avoided paying the money he owed his victims families. Then he comes to Nevada and pulls more crap there. This time it backfired and he was caught. This is classic behavior of an adult bully.

Now that O.J. is finally getting his just deserts, lets hope that the families and society itself can move forward and feel safe knowing that he is behind bars for the rest of his life. Finally, justice is served! Happy trails, O.J. Simpson!

Resource Cited:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/10/04/oj.simpson.verdict/index.html

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .

Its Not All About Blair!

2008-10-01T13:52:00.000-07:00

Well, as I told myself I was never planning to watch The CW’s show Gossip Girl, I wound up catching it again last night. I gave it some thought and someone needs to get the word out that this show may be some sort of mockery of the rich and famous but also glorifies the serious problem of relational aggression in teen girls. The content has gotten sadistic after last weeks stint with the hair burning by a group of minions or wannabees if you will. In a nutshell, I cannot let this go. Sure, I could just “change the channel” but really, does that solve the problem at hand or shed light upon it?

Monday evening we are greeted with Blair and Serena at school. Blair’s mother is having her annual fashion show for fashion week . As Blair wants her Queen Bee status back, she decides to give the wannabees second row seats for the occasion. Well, we also learn that Serena has recently befriended a socialite named Poppy. As Blair approaches her troops with her news, a wannabee pulls out a tabloid with Serena and Poppy. Everyone gets excited as Serena approaches the group on the steps. Of course, the crew ignores Blair and all eyes are on Serena. Blair is furious and stomps off in a tantrum. We see Blair later in the episode continuing to throw tantrums at every turn. It gets so bad that at the fashion show, Blair ruins things for Serena (who was offered a front row seat with her new friend despite tradition that she and Blair watch the show from behind the curtain), the intern Jenny (the one who is targeted by these wannabees) and for the show itself despite the fact that this is her mothers gig and not hers. Later, Jenny saves the day with an outfit of hers and allows Blair’s mother to take the credit for it. We also see a heart to heart between Poppy and Serena and Serena always allowing Blair to shine while she scrunches in the background. Poppy assures her that her real friends will love her regardless. So, later on, Serena lets Blair know this and we see Blair ready to kill as a result.

Blair is not only a Queen Bee but she’s a spoiled brat. Nobody is suppose to outshine her or allow themselves to be noticed for their merits. Its all about Blair and how all attention should center around her. Not all bullies are abusive; some are spoiled (as well as abusive) and grow up this way as I have mentioned in my book Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective. They are so use to having their way and getting everything they want and expect that everywhere they go. So Serena gets closer to the group of friends, Blair cannot handle it. Serena has a talent for modeling and she models Jenny’s dress. Blair cannot stand it. Blair was using her relational aggression to squash Serena and who she was and friends should never do that for one another. I was glad to see Serena stand up to her and use her talents she was blessed with. The world does not revolve around Blair Waldorf and Queen Bees need to learn the same lesson.

Please, if you encounter someone like this, stand up to them! Do not give them any power and allow them to control you. A real friend will love you for who you are and will believe in you. Blair sure could use that lesson herself.

Resouce Cited: http://www.cwtv.com/shows/gossip-girl

Elizabeth Bennett is the Author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .

A Culture of Psychopaths?

2008-09-26T09:39:00.000-07:00

This past Monday, I was bored and had a sore throat so did not have a lot of energy. I was flipping through the tube and stumbled upon The CW’s Gossip Girl at 8pm. As I follow some of these teen dramas from time to time because of my work, I watched this and was nothing short of appalled. Why do we watch this and why do we want more and more?

The show begins with the first day of school. One character named Jenny is scared to go because of a fallout she had with some girls the year before and declares that last year she was a “project“ but this year is a “victim“. Soon, we see a group of girls sitting on the front steps. The obvious Queen Bee named Blair is sitting with a group of minions leafing through some folders of different new girls in the school. We also see these new girls being “interviewed” by this group and these newbies are classified as either “projects” or “victims” based on the decision of this girl Blair. Later in the episode, we see the same group along with one named Serena barreling down the hall. One new girl, Amanda, has attached herself to Serena’s somewhat ex boyfriend Dan which upsets this little beehive. They invite Amanda to lunch only to warn her to stay away from Dan. Serena seems to be a nice kid who warns Blair not to be so horrible about the situation. Well later, Serena, Dan and this new girl are on a “date” which is very awkward. Serena and Dan of course have a huge blow up. Blair is nowhere to be found but her minions are there. A guy named Chuck who would make a great candidate for the Anti-Christ shows up to the minions with some gel to put in Amanda’s hair and burn it off. So, these minions do so and Serena lets them know not to let anything happen again without going through her first. After this, we see Chuck paying Amanda for a job well done. A job well done? It seems that Chuck set this whole scenario up to shake up Blair’s standing as a Queen Bee and have Serena de-throne her. He does so because he loves Blair and wants her upset so she will run back to him. Then we see these girls together the next day at school where Serena is the obvious Queen Bee and Blair has been de-throned as Chuck wished. In the meantime, these same minions are making Jenny’s life hard by throwing her belongings on the ground and letting her know that the fun is just beginning. Jenny is now skipping school and showing up at a design shop where she interns.

First off, when is burning someone’s hair off a form of entertainment? I am really trying to wrap my head around this one. Second, interviewing people as possible projects or victims? This is school, not a battlefield! Wait, school is a battlefield and this show makes no bones about it. Also, this Chuck is nothing short of a psychopath and will probably be in prison for some white collar crime or become a politician when he becomes an adult. What is entertaining about a smart girl skipping school? A girl who could have a bright future but is being ripped apart by a group of vipers? Most importantly, why does there need to be a Queen Bee? This show is nothing more than a group of kids seeing life as a game of chess. Why must life be a game?

I find this show to be disturbing on so many levels. It glorifies bullying and peer abuse. Kids not even in college are already scheming, plotting and manipulating. Several of them have no conscience. One exhibits sadistic behavior for the love of a girl. This is how they express love for one another? It also proves my theories and what I have said all along. Bullies are pathological, narcissistic and even sadistic. They are mean, selfish, void of compassion and see life as a game. Is there a bright light at the end of this vicious tunnel? Lets face it, we are becoming a culture of psychopaths. There is no other way to say it.

Resources Cited: http://www.cwtv.com/cw-video/gossip-girl

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info/ .

2008-09-25T09:06:00.000-07:00

As we all know, cyber bullying is a serious problem amongst our nations youth today. It takes the problem of abuse by peers to a whole other dimension. A place that adults today never had to visit. Recently, I learned of two different sites here online that enable online safety for children and also, a place to anonymously report any bullying both on and offline.

A couple by the name of Deborah and Steven Schechner founded a website called Safe Wave. Safe Wave is a site that is set up for children to go online and not have to deal with any cyber bullying by their peers. They require signature on documents for parents and children to sign and agree NOT to cyber bully or bring any other danger on the site. Also, they have a verification process which goes through the school of the child to make sure this child who is applying is who she says she is. Children are learning to use the internet everyday and in learning, we want them to have a place to go that is safe without worrying about bullies around the corner. There is so much on here that brings danger and many kids have encountered them as some have taken their lives as a result. Also, the site welcomes law enforcement which I think it great. These are people who need to be on top of this problem more than anyone.

A Bingham Young student by the name of Justin Berenger created a site based in Utah entitled Schooltipline. This site takes anonymous reports by students of bullying and abusive situations both off and online. Each report is taken seriously and reported to the school in which the complaint is being made. As many children fear being labeled “snitches” and a lot of times do not want to “rat anyone out”, they feel much better reporting without anyone finding out that they are doing the reporting. I am grateful for this young man to step up and see that others are safe from this problem. Many times this abuse does go unreported because kids fear repercussions from these bullies. Or, as stated before, do not want to be known as someone who rats others out. There is a huge difference in reporting what should be considered criminal behavior and ratting someone out. I hope with this site, the bullying will be handled by the school personnel in an expedient manner and taken more seriously.

I commend both websites for taking action against this problem. I wish them both much success in their endeavors. It is good to see folks out there who are doing the right thing for a change. Lets keep these safe havens going. Our children deserve it.

Resources Cited:
http://www.safewave.org http://www.schooltipline.com

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .

Subtlety a Dangerous Thing

2008-09-17T14:46:00.000-07:00

As I was going through some of the articles on bullying, one really stood out to me. The article discussed a couple of movies. The first being a personal favorite of mine entitled A Christmas Story which is set in the late 1940’s and despite the movie being a good one, there is a bully in there. A older, stronger boy who lives in the neighborhood. Everyday, he lies in wake to taunt the main character Ralphie and two of his friends. Of course, Ralphie and the others run scared of this menace and his sidekick who is not much bigger than Ralphie. Eventually, Ralphie tires of this daily abuse and attacks this bully back by ferociously hitting and hitting him until his nose bleeds. Then there is a movie that came out in 2004 entitled Mean Girls which starred Lindsay Lohan and Rachel McAdams. A group of popular girls did what they could to tear one another down. The backstabbing, lies and sneaky behavior was shown and the sad fact was these girls were suppose to be best friends! At least with Ralphie, his bully let him know his distain for him but these girls were each others best friends!

I have to say, what kind of a world do we live in where our own best friends are our worst enemies? The people we are to trust and know are there for us besides our own family? These are our people we rely upon to keep our secrets, listen to our problems and basically support us in any endeavor. Maybe this is why people have been used the term frienemies when referring to their friends. Have we become so selfish as people that even our own friends are people we cannot support, help and love? Do we take our friends for granted and feel that we can do whatever we want despite how our behavior affects others? As a nation are we that self centered? Why do we set out to tear one another down instead of build one another up? Relational Aggression has a way of filtering into our daily lives. Its sneaky, deceiving and a great cause for stress in our daily lives.

As for Ralphie, in many ways, I can understand why he became so angry at his bully. He was tired of the daily torment this little punk gave him and his friends. He was tired of running from him. Tired of the taunts and ridicule. It all came out when he sat on this bully and punched him over and over until his nose bled. A person can only take so much until everything bottled up inside is going to come flowing out. When it comes flowing out, its not always pretty. Those who have never experienced peer abuse are not going to understand this. This is why in the school shootings, everyone is so surprised by these actions, never saw them coming then run to declare the shooter mentally ill or a psycho. Folks, a person can only take so much! In A Christmas Story Ralphie’s mother found him outside hitting this bully and came and brought him home. Of course, he was punished for behaving in such a manner. However, what happened to the bully? Was he punished and did it ever come out that he was tormenting others on a daily basis? Not that I can recall and that’s typical in these scenarios.

The article also mentioned a study published in the Denver Post. There have been 260 violent deaths in our schools since 1999 and 71% were a result of bullying and peer abuse. Also, 75% of those between the ages of 8 to 11 have been victims of this abuse. Why am I not surprised?

I understand that both of these movies are pure fiction. However, sometimes life imitates art and these problems are all too real in our society. People need to stop blaming the victim and start punishing the real instigator. As friends, we need to love and support one another, not go and do things that hurt one another. We are all people just trying to get through the day. Can’t we try and respect instead of destroy each other? Is it too much to ask?

Resource Cited: http://www.currentargus.com/ci_10451065

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, please visit http://www.peerabuse.info/ .

2008-09-13T11:03:00.000-07:00

I was reading an article about two teenage girls from Northern California. They are Emily and Sarah Buder and they wrote a book entitled Letters to a Bullied Girl. The inspiration for this book was a girl in Northern California named Olivia Gardner. Olivia was experiencing severe bullying and peer abuse at the hands of her peers. She suffered indignities such as having her book bag dragged through mud, peers creating an “Olivia Haters” page on the internet and tormenters would always tell her to die. Needless to say, Olivia was suicidal which comes of no surprise to me. When the Buder sisters found out about Olivia and what she was dealing with, they decided to write this book. The project grew as they started to hear from other bullied kids, kids who did bully and felt bad about it, adults who bullied growing up and felt bad and adult survivors who still struggle with the affects of being bullied and abused by their peers.

I commend these two young ladies for reaching out to Olivia who was a complete stranger. Today, it is so rare to see teens have empathy and reach out to others in a compassionate manner. I have the up most respect for these sisters. They probably do not realize how many other kids and teens they helped in their project. Sometimes, hearing these things from a peer rather than an adult or someone in authority can make a greater difference. I hope this book creates a wave with other kids out there and they learn something from it. Kindness can go a long way.

Olivia being suicidal is not uncommon. Many who are bullied and abused by their peers develop depression which leads to suicide eventually. We refer to it as bullycide as this is suicide as a result of peer abuse and bullying. How can we expect someone to grow into a well adjusted and balanced adult when as children, they suffer these indignities and have nobody there to help them? Or, the kids are told to just ignore it and stop taking it personally as it is a fact of life. Schools put so much emphasis on test scores and grades. How can someone excel when they are constantly told they are scum and need to die?

School is starting back in many places. We need to enforce these programs and laws so our children are safe and safe from each other. So they can score high in grades and become productive citizens some day. Emily and Sarah already know kindness and they exercise it. I hope others use these ladies as an example and not think of them as a joke. They both have hearts of gold and a powerful message to share.

Most importantly, I was glad to see the book was dedicated to Corrine Sides. Corrine was an exceptional young lady who did die of bullycide. May her spirit live on through this book. Angels do exist after all.

Resource Cited: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/emily-and-sarah-buder/letters-to-a-bullied-girl_b_116970.html

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .

Bullying Over Obesity According to a Recent Study

2008-09-12T10:20:00.000-07:00

Well, a little late on the blogging but as they say “better late than never.” I tend to write about the articles and events that grab me right off the bat and at first this one did not. But as I did something thinking, I realized the value of the article and the fact that the contents involved need to be addressed.

I read an article on the Health Digest website entitled Parents Battle Bulge, Bullying With Overweight and Obese Kids. At the University of Michigan, they have taken the results from a poll taken at Motts Children Hospital. According to this, parents who have overweight children are more concerned about them being bullied rather than their children being obese themselves. Yes folks, you read that correctly. The parents have a greater concern about the bullying factor rather than the overall health of their child. To be honest, I can understand that completely. Bullying should be a strong concern not only with parents but with schools, workplaces and within the community as a whole. Unfortunately, people are more concerned with Steve’s soccer shorts, what President Bush had for dinner and of course, the national election we will be having in November.

I have to say, this bullying over a child’s weight does bother me. All forms of bullying get under my skin but bullying someone over their weight? Many children are chubby because they carry what is known as baby fat. This cannot be helped at all. Some children have a genetic predisposition towards obesity and again, cannot be helped. Yet, because of this sick rite of passage, other kids have to make their lives completely miserable as a result. Why? Because they can. They know where, when and who to bully and they know for the most part, nobody in authority will do anything about it. What ever happened to teaching children some kindness? Manners? To respect others? Has anyone noticed that we are a nation without empathy? If someone does not learn this early in life, they will have greater problems later in life. Yet I hear “kids will be kids” constantly. True, kids are kids but does that mean we forget to teach them to be decent human beings? We live in a world now where the norm is wearing a size 0 in clothes. Everyone strives to be thin. As a result, we have people with eating disorders and other problems. Why is it so important to be thin? Can’t we teach people that its okay to be comfortable in ones own skin?

This article speaks volumes. It says a lot when a parent is more worried about their child’s safety than their own health. The article also suggests that anti-bullying programs add something about obesity in them. Why is this a new revelation? Why are they not already in the programs? Haven’t we been teaching our children all along not to give people a hard time for their weight? Or is this part of the “kids will be kids” mantra? Again, kids will be kids but kids can also be taught empathy and respect. The concept is easy to grasp. It’s a matter of putting it into action.

Resource Cited: http://www.healthnewsdigest.com/news/Family_Health_210/Parents_Battle_Bulge_Bullying_With_Overweight_and_Obese_Kids.shtml

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .

Must We Feed the Bully?

2008-09-03T10:31:00.000-07:00

Recently, I heard about this new book entitled “101 Facts About Bullying: What Everyone Should Know” and even though I have not read it, I do commend the author for taking a stand against the problem. Every bit helps in educating on this serious subject.

One point made in the book is that bullies can become victims and visa versa depending on situations and circumstances. Also, that it is not always good to fight back with bullies as that keeps the problem going. I have been saying both all along. The only time I advocate any fighting back is in the case of self-defense. Bullies have no limits whatsoever. Physical or psychological limits and will go the distance regardless. If a bully is trying to murder someone then yes, I do advocate fighting back out of protection and defense alone. Otherwise, I do not agree to fighting back either. Let the bully take the rap and let his actions be shown to everyone. Peer Abuse creates all sorts of problems in victims such as depression, social anxiety and PTSD. Its high time they pay for their crimes instead of the victim doing it for him.

Also, from what I understand, the book mentions that bullies can enjoy high social status. Oh isn’t this so common! Bullies are socially sophisticated and pretty much set the bar for their social environment. Therefore, they are charming and charismatic and people are drawn to them. As a result, they are given a lot of social power because people are so drawn in by them. It reminds me of one selling their souls to the devil. What bothers me is that we are learning this yet we continue to give in to them. Give them a lot of power they do not need. Instead of just saying “that is just the way it is. It is what it is” then why don’t we start educating them and rise to the occasion here? Teach them to use their powers for good instead of bad. They are given these social gifts and why do we have to allow them to misuse them? These gifts could be used to help those peers who are not blessed in these areas. Why does kindness have to be such a bad thing?

Once again, kudos to Dr. Kervokian for taking this initiative and writing the book. As a society, I wish we could learn to take the high road and stop feeding these bullies. Take the time to teach them kindness instead. After all, kindness is not really a bad thing.

Resource Cited

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .

California is Cracking Down!

2008-09-01T10:45:00.000-07:00

As I am located in Los Angeles, I try and keep up with the ins and outs of the bullying and peer abuse problem in this state. Recently, a bill entitled AB86 introduced by Assemblyman Ted Lieu of Torrance would finally crack down on the cyber bullying that so many of our young people face today. Finally, we are cracking down on this never ending and ever growing problem. California’s Education Code already has something in the books about harassment at school. Taking this next step is the best news I have heard in weeks.

Cyber bullying is bullying that occurs on the internet, cell phones and anything used electronically. Kids will go to social sites like My Space and Facebook to set up these pages against their classmates and send bulletins and other messages slandering their good name. Or, they may go to these websites that offer free hosting and make horrible pages about each other. If the internet is not enough, they use the cell phone to take pictures or make videos and put them up on You Tube which is a free site to post videos. Also, the use of text messaging is used and it goes on and on.

Its time that we crack down on our kids and teach them the seriousness of this problem. We can put laws on the books all we want but it is about education and enforcement. Are the schools taking this seriously? What about the parents and others in the community? Peer Abuse is not just a school and workplace problem but a community one as well. Bullying affects everyone in the community; not just the bully, bullied and bystander. If bullying in person is not enough, now we go to the internet.

I commend Assemblyman Lieu on his efforts and lets keep rooting for this bill to become a law. I know he has my vote in the next election.

Resource Cited: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/08/16/MNF11296BN.DTL

Elizabeth Bennett is the Author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, please visit http://www.peerabuse.info .

Can't take the heat? Then stay out of the kitchen!

2008-08-20T09:53:00.000-07:00

There are times when I actually have time on my hands to surf around on the internet and just read blogs or message boards. One place I have gone before is the Perez Hilton blog. This is one that shows pictures of celebrities at their worst and pokes fun at their misfortunes in life. I may see a photo of one supposedly leaving rehab and on the picture, white dots are drawn dribbling down the nose of the celebrity at hand indicating cocaine use. Or, I may see another picture where he has written “no talent” on the picture. Plus, I wonder how much of what he is reporting is truth or word on the street so to speak.

I do not know Perez Hilton as a person and have never met him. I am not trying to judge him or slander him. However, I do have an opinion of his blog. I think that he is verbally abusive to celebrities and believe maybe 1/8 of what he reports. Like any other tabloid out there, I feel he is just enjoying his fame by kicking others when they are down. Folks, once again, this is a form of bullying and Peer Abuse. Slander, the pictures, making fun of someone else and their problems. Where is the compassion? The support?

Recently, two ladies have created a blog entitled Perez Revenge where they are standing up to Perez and reporting facts about celebrities and not kicking them when they are down so to speak. As a result, Perez has gone the legal route and seeking damages in this. Why is it okay for Perez to slander celebrities but when the shoe is on the other foot, he seeks legal help? True, his home address did not need to be placed on the internet, however, that is not the issue at hand. The issue at hand is that these ladies are standing up to what I see is a bully and when someone does the same thing that he has done to many others, he reacts in typical abusive and bullying behavior; he reacts and threatens. A bully does not like for people to give them a dose of their own medicine. They get angry and react every time.

I wish these ladies well and commend them for their efforts. It is hard to bring down a bully and in my opinion, Perez comes across as a bully. If he cannot take the heat, he needs to stay out of the kitchen. What comes around goes around and Perez deserves what he is getting as far as I am concerned. Now he sees how it feels to be lied about, slandered and made fun of when the chips are down and he does not like it at all. Hopefully, he will change and for the better.

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info

Its Not All About Them!

2008-08-13T13:26:00.000-07:00

I watched another Lifetime Movie this weekend. This one was entitled True Confessions Of A Hollywood Starlet which starred young pop star Joanna “JoJo” Levesque and television veteran and Jenny Craig Spokeswoman Valerie Bertinelli. The premise was about a young A-list teen star Morgan Carter (Levesque) who is an alcoholic and after a stint in rehab, was sent to live with her mothers long time friend “Aunt” Trudy (Bertinelli) in Fort Wayne, Indiana as part of her recovery process. She took on another identity as “Claudia Miller” in Indiana and attended a regular high school and required Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. At first, as with anyone in a new environment, adjustment was not easy but eventually, she came to appreciate this new life away from the spotlight and those who were there for her.

As this movie was a good one, those mean girls still had to make their presence known. In the lunchroom, the Queen Bee had to make some comment about Claudia’s clothes. Claudia, even though not the most socially up to date teen was able to stand up to her and put her in her place. Then, we see the two together in the gymnasium for a game of volleyball. Again, this wrenching queen had to slam the volleyball into Claudia’s stomach and again, after Claudia verbally went back to her and allowing her language to go a little far, was sent to the principals office. Needless to say, the queen was not sent to the office. This bothered me as both were in the wrong. I know it’s a small portion of the movie but why wasn’t Queen Bee sent for slamming the volleyball into Claudia’s stomach? Because like any other bully, she was able to fool everyone into believing her slamming the volleyball into her stomach was an “accident”. She should have been right behind Claudia in going to the principals office. This is far too common out there. The bully never seems to be punished while the other party always seems to suffer the consequences. This was not an outright case of bullying because Claudia did verbally come back at her. However, the queen not being punished is the point I am trying to make. She was just as much at fault as Claudia was. Folks, get both sides to a story before handing out punishment. Usually, it’s the bully that starts these tiffs in the first place.

It was nice that we only had a couple of scenes with this queen bee and her honeybees. They did not dominate the movie. We did not see them terrorize everyone around them. In other words, it was not all about them. Many times, Queen Bees have to have the center stage but in this movie, it was good to see the focus not on these mean girls but what became a nice teen and her caring Aunt instead. The kids in this movie were good kids. Of course, another antagonist emerged later in the movie but this was because of a feud over a boy and not everyone around them got involved. She did not spread vicious lies or make Claudia’s life unbearable. If the boy had not been in the picture, I am sure the girls would have gotten along well. Its all about noticing a real bully and what they are about.

This is one movie I recommend. I only wish this Queen Bee had been sent to the principal along with Claudia as she was the one who instigated the problem in the first place. If anyone sees this occurring, please get both sides of a story and see that both parties are punished fairly.

Resource cited: http://www.mylifetime.com/on-tv/movies/true-confessions-hollywood-starlet/cast
Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info/ .

2008-08-09T15:39:00.000-07:00

As I got up this morning and went online to check the latest news, one of the first things I found was news about Megan Meier. For those who may not remember, Megan was the 13 year old girl in Missouri who committed bullycide (suicide by bullying) after she was dumped by a supposed 16 year old boy named “Josh” on the popular site My Space. It turned out that this 16 year old boy was really a woman pushing 50 named Lori Drew who was a neighbor and had a 13 year old daughter as well. Ms. Drew was posing as a 16 year old boy as she was trying to make sure that Megan was not trying to slander her daughter to others online. After the story broke last November, a blog surfaced online entitled Megan Had It Coming that was fueled with more abuse and slander towards Megan, her family and the situation itself. The blogger stated that he was Lori Drew. This blog fooled many and even made the news. This morning, I learn the real identity of the blogger is a 32 year old Washington State man named Jason Fortuny. Fortuny does not deny his actions and hides behind the freedom of speech in this. Also, he does not care what anyone thinks about him or his actions. His actions really hurt a lot of people but again, he does not care.

As traumatic as this story was for many, what made this man go a step further? What made Lori Drew devise the plan she did to pretend to be a 16 year old boy? One thing I do see in this and that is again, we are ignoring the root of the problem. The fact that we have consenting adults behaving like this is troubling. Is this a case of people having too much time on their hands or the possibility of adults with personality disorders? Both behaved in a pathological manner. Both should have had a child’s best interest at heart. Yet both crossed a line. If we have adults behaving like this, why are we so shocked when children are behaving as they do?

Its time to take this online impersonation problem seriously. You visit social sites like My Space and Facebook and see young favorites like Zac Efron, Chad Michael Murray, Lindsey Lohan and others who have a page on there and guess what? They talk to their fans! Or, people are on there viciously attacking one another and doing so under false identity. After fooling people with these actions and much abuse, it comes out that the person behind the page was not really Zac, Chad or Lindsey but a cyber bully wanting to make problems for others just for fun. Or, kids from the same school spreading lies and making vicious pages about their peers. Some even go as far as being adult predators. Now we have a suburban mom and a bored man pulling the same games. What is the result of all of this? A lot of pain, hurt and psychological trauma ensue for the victims. A young girl kills herself. Then we have those who impersonate, lie and do all of this for their own entertainment. Something is definitely wrong when the welfare of others is at stake and at the hands of people who behave and enable this problem. Or, like Mr. Fortuny, they just don’t care.

Lori Drew is dealing with legal ramifications in Los Angeles and is trying to keep a not guilty plea. What will happen to Mr. Fortuny? Can he hide behind the freedom of speech forever? Why do they feel they have done no wrong? One thing I can say is that this is how a bully operates. Until these sites take the bullying and peer abuse problem seriously, these problems will continue to exist. The innocent will fall and the guilty will rise. At the end of the day, that mind set is pathetic.

Source Cited: http://www.myfoxstl.com/myfox/pages/News/Detail?contentId=7162749&version=1&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=TSTY&pageId=3.2.1

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .