Monday, March 14, 2011

Rejoice Adult Survivors! Rejoice!

Today at 12:20pm on Facebook DC, there was a live stream from the Facebook Office in Washington, DC. This was a discussion with a panel on the topic of Bullying, cyberbullying and the schools. Even though nothing was mentioned of the Adult Survivors of Peer Abuse, this meeting was a sense of accomplishment. As a survivor myself, it gave me the clarification and validity that’s so needed when it came to my own experiences growing up and even as an adult with Peer Abuse.

Rosalind Wiseman, author of Queen Bees and Wannabes stated something that was easy to resonate with. “Conflict will happen and abuse of any power is inevitable. However, with bullies, they believe they are in the right because the person they are trying to overpower may be of a different race, religion or have any differences from what they believe to be right.” As a survivor, I saw much of this growing up and other survivors I know can vouch for this. We were different in some way and the abuser did not like it. This is also a pattern seen in adults who abuse children, spouses and even peers in the workplace. The question was asked as to why bullies do what they do in the first place? Its simple; they are learning poor social skills, bad role modeling in parents and may I add that for the most part, someone is hurting them somewhere else and they bring their own feelings and put them upon others.

President Obama stated earlier in the day that we all need to be living by the Golden Rule. Think before acting and ask ourselves if we would like someone to hurt us the way we hurt others when we bully them. Many times these abusers do not think and believe what they are doing is wrong. As a result, they put a spin on problems and situations to make themselves look good and others look bad.

Cyberbullying also came up in discussion. It was stated that 86% of parents who are Facebook users add their children as friends. If this is the case, why are there still so many problems with abuse on Facebook? Are parents not watching or paying much attention? Again, this can go back to poor role modeling. This is something that needs to be considered.

As we know the Obama’s do not support this behavior and that it came through a live stream, to me, this is a seal of validation. Survivors who are adults have lived these nightmares firsthand. Learning social skills and in a healthy manner did not happen. We carried a lot of the blame for the behavior of these individuals through they’re projecting or “spinning” situations on us. Many of us are hypersensitive to cyberbullying as adults. As we experienced these things, we were always told to ignore it or that it was a rite of passage. Also, to get mad over something worth getting mad over and this was not worth the heartache and pain. Today, from the White House, we learned differently. The biggest thing was the fact that someone called bullying what it is and that’s abuse. Survivors, our day has come. Our experiences, thoughts and feelings were validated. It was called abuse. To me, this is a step in the right direction.

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