Queen Bee no More

Oh the joy of the fall season on television. New shows popping up and old ones returning. One that has always grabbed my gut is Gossip Girl. Last season was full of backstabbing, game playing and of course, the glorification of the Queen Bee. Well, The CW has graced us with another season and this time, the group of friends are either in college, hitting up the work force or just trying to find themselves. The bottom line is that they are now adults and as adults should be thinking along the line of adult behavior.

Blair Waldorf was the Queen Bee for two seasons. She ruled her “regime” at school, tried to get a teacher fired, played pathetic games with Chuck Bass and basically took her ever so faithful maid Duroda on every ride. Now, Blair is a first semester freshman at NYU and believe it or not, is now dating Chuck Bass. She also lives on campus and is rooming with nemesis Georgina. Blair insisted on living in the dorms so she could grab that crown and reign again. We see her line up girls on her hall while she and Duroda give them little gifts. Ever the expert on NYC, she tries to give tips on the city as an introduction into her new regime. However, all of this seems to backfire. Blair tries to throw a sushi party for everyone and instead they are more interested in eating popcorn and watching videos. Then, Georgina throws a roof party and invites everyone but Blair. Of course Blair comes and tries to use Georgina’s newfound Christianity against her and get everyone to follow her again. Once again, it backfires. It looks as if Blair has been dethroned in her new environment. Wow! A Queen Bee falls and I, for one, am glad to see this.

Gossip Girl gave a great lesson here. A Queen Bee will not remain a Queen Bee all of her life. When we move on from one situation to the next, we meet new people, get into new environments and in many cases, actually grow up. Blair’s goal was to be Queen Bee at NYU and thus far, people are not interested. Where we saw people having educated conversations at the rooftop party, we saw Blair plotting and scheming to be Queen. It was good to see these college students just relaxing and wanting to interact without these pressures. The only glaring exception I saw was Blair who resorted to her high school behavior by being rude to Dan and Vanessa and then trying to sabotage Georgina. I do not like to see anyone be miserable or hurt. In this case, however, I was glad to see some justice served. As for Queen, lets hope there is not a new regime in the works with anyone at NYU.

Queen Bees fall all the time in life. For someone who has been Queen Bee in her environment for a long time, this can be just as detrimental when they enter different phases of life as they get older and fall from grace. As adults, we need to do what we can to stop fostering this behavior and creating these monsters during these developmental years. I honestly believe a Queen Bee falling is just as traumatic as someone who is being abused by their peers. We need to let these girls know that life changes and situations change and that this is not the way things will always be. Life throws curve balls and we all need to know how to handle and survive them and be ready for them. After all, don’t we all deserve to grow up to be healthy and adjusted individuals? Something to think about.

Gossip Girl and Mean Girls

It is uncommon for me to blog twice in one day. However, I felt this time it was justifiable. As you know by now, I watch these Gossip Girl episodes and cringe. Yet, they give me something to blog about and are a great way for me to educate people on this serious problem of bullying and peer abuse that this show seems to enjoy poking fun at. In other words, they do not see the seriousness of this issue.

Tonight’s episode was one humdinger! We have the 15 year old Jenny coming back to the private school which she dropped out of towards the beginning of the season for her career in fashion design. Even though she was persistent in getting her career off the ground at such a young age, the basis of her leaving school had to do with the mean girls at school who declared her a “victim“. Now, we see a strong and confident Jenny, who got a grand taste of reality, come back and ready to battle these girls. She comes back to school and instantly sees a girl who “serves” this mean crowd who is named Nelly. Jenny witnesses a couple of situations where the girls treat Nelly terribly. They have her do such degrading things like wipe their feet and the way they talk to her is horrific. Instead of buckling under, Jenny and her friend Eric take Nelly in hand and stand up to this vicious beehive. They take the table where the mean girls sit daily and decide to sit there instead. When the girls try and bully them out of the seats, they refuse to move. This prompts the leader of this beehive to call her father to tell him to call the headmistress of the school and let her know that she was being bullied by Jenny and the others. Give me a break! This is classic bullying behavior! They abuse their peers all they want but when someone stands up to them, they play the “you are bullying and hurting me card.” The Fab Five in Texas did it and Megan Hauserman has pressed charges against Sharon Osbourne for attacking her. Never mind their behavior that prompted all of this in the first place! As the episode continued, we see Jenny leaving the headmistresses office letting Eric and Nelly know that she was called in there for her “so called bullying behavior.” Nelly lets a secret slip about this Queen and Jenny decides to use it to her advantage. Towards the end of the episode, we see the beehive, Jenny, Eric and Nelly standing outside a club. Jenny confronts these girls about their dirty secrets that she knew about and if they continued their behavior or tried to sabotage anyone, she was sending the information to the popular blog Gossip Girl. The girls thought she wanted to be “Queen” and Nelly thought maybe they could start a new regime. Jenny scoffed at the idea and Eric let them know that was the last thing on Jenny’s mind.

I was proud of Jenny tonight. She did the right thing and could have cared less about any of the abusive beehive stuff. She stood up for Nelly and also, stood up to the beehive that she feared earlier in the season. Also, she refused to even participate in the ugliness that this problem brings. This is just a kid who did the right thing and only wants to go to school. I appreciate kids like this and I appreciate this character for her stand in all of this. I am still appalled that the Queen called her father because she was being bullied yet was the bully herself. As I say, these bullies twist situations to their advantage and abuse any power they may have. Folks, do not let anyone twist any situation you may be in to their advantage like that. It is done intentionally and many are so charismatic that others will buy into this behavior. Be a “Jenny” and do the right thing.

I know many will again try and remind me that this is just a satire on the rich and famous and is not to be taken seriously. If that is the case, why are we not making satires of rape and child abuse victims? This is not something to be taken lightly but very seriously. For once, I commend Gossip Girl for doing what is right instead of feeding into the problem. Maybe now we can see them take this a lot more seriously. I. for one, hope that this is the case.

Resource Cited: http://www.cwtv.com/shows/gossip-girl

Mean Behavior is Contagious

If there is one thing I have often wondered, it has been why mean behavior seems to be catching or contagious. We see it amongst us and people always seem to think its funny and a way of entertainment. We watch it on television, want more of it and allow it to filter into our daily lives. Two people are in an argument and instead of trying to stop things before they escalate, we sit by and watch. Reality television is a hot bed for relational aggression. Instead of squashing the bad behavior on there, it gets rewarded in some way. Plus, those who behave badly on these shows seem to get more attention from the viewer. I get the impression that being mean is in the “in thing” now.

A recent study was conducted at Bingham Young University where 53 women are asked to watch three video clips containing physical aggression (Kill Bill), relational aggression (Mean Girls) and no aggression (a séance scene from What Lies Beneath). Afterwards, the women took a couple of tests that are used to test aggression. Findings suggested that parents need to pay more attention to relational aggression in their television viewing. We get so caught up with violence in the media and how bad it is. Yet, more attention needs to be paid to relational aggression as well. It is just as harmful if you ask me.

I have to ask, what makes reality television so popular? Why do we want to watch shows like Survivor where people form alliances and stab each other in the back? Gossip Girl is another one full of relational aggression with the glorification of the Queen Bee. This behavior is highly destructive yet we want more and more of it. If that is not bad enough, we allow it to filter into our own lives and relationships. Subconsciously, we take this information and pertain it to our own lives because we know its rewarding and acceptable.

Folks, we need to stop excusing this and start to see it for what it is. We need to stop glorifying this bad behavior and making role models of those who behave this way. Stop the gratification and rewarding of it. Start to see it for the abuse that it really is. Why must this mean behavior be so contagious?

Resource Cited:
http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2008-09-15-aggression-study_N.htm

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .

Its Not All About Blair!

Well, as I told myself I was never planning to watch The CW’s show Gossip Girl, I wound up catching it again last night. I gave it some thought and someone needs to get the word out that this show may be some sort of mockery of the rich and famous but also glorifies the serious problem of relational aggression in teen girls. The content has gotten sadistic after last weeks stint with the hair burning by a group of minions or wannabees if you will. In a nutshell, I cannot let this go. Sure, I could just “change the channel” but really, does that solve the problem at hand or shed light upon it?

Monday evening we are greeted with Blair and Serena at school. Blair’s mother is having her annual fashion show for fashion week . As Blair wants her Queen Bee status back, she decides to give the wannabees second row seats for the occasion. Well, we also learn that Serena has recently befriended a socialite named Poppy. As Blair approaches her troops with her news, a wannabee pulls out a tabloid with Serena and Poppy. Everyone gets excited as Serena approaches the group on the steps. Of course, the crew ignores Blair and all eyes are on Serena. Blair is furious and stomps off in a tantrum. We see Blair later in the episode continuing to throw tantrums at every turn. It gets so bad that at the fashion show, Blair ruins things for Serena (who was offered a front row seat with her new friend despite tradition that she and Blair watch the show from behind the curtain), the intern Jenny (the one who is targeted by these wannabees) and for the show itself despite the fact that this is her mothers gig and not hers. Later, Jenny saves the day with an outfit of hers and allows Blair’s mother to take the credit for it. We also see a heart to heart between Poppy and Serena and Serena always allowing Blair to shine while she scrunches in the background. Poppy assures her that her real friends will love her regardless. So, later on, Serena lets Blair know this and we see Blair ready to kill as a result.

Blair is not only a Queen Bee but she’s a spoiled brat. Nobody is suppose to outshine her or allow themselves to be noticed for their merits. Its all about Blair and how all attention should center around her. Not all bullies are abusive; some are spoiled (as well as abusive) and grow up this way as I have mentioned in my book Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective. They are so use to having their way and getting everything they want and expect that everywhere they go. So Serena gets closer to the group of friends, Blair cannot handle it. Serena has a talent for modeling and she models Jenny’s dress. Blair cannot stand it. Blair was using her relational aggression to squash Serena and who she was and friends should never do that for one another. I was glad to see Serena stand up to her and use her talents she was blessed with. The world does not revolve around Blair Waldorf and Queen Bees need to learn the same lesson.

Please, if you encounter someone like this, stand up to them! Do not give them any power and allow them to control you. A real friend will love you for who you are and will believe in you. Blair sure could use that lesson herself.

Resouce Cited: http://www.cwtv.com/shows/gossip-girl

Elizabeth Bennett is the Author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .

A Culture of Psychopaths?

This past Monday, I was bored and had a sore throat so did not have a lot of energy. I was flipping through the tube and stumbled upon The CW’s Gossip Girl at 8pm. As I follow some of these teen dramas from time to time because of my work, I watched this and was nothing short of appalled. Why do we watch this and why do we want more and more?

The show begins with the first day of school. One character named Jenny is scared to go because of a fallout she had with some girls the year before and declares that last year she was a “project“ but this year is a “victim“. Soon, we see a group of girls sitting on the front steps. The obvious Queen Bee named Blair is sitting with a group of minions leafing through some folders of different new girls in the school. We also see these new girls being “interviewed” by this group and these newbies are classified as either “projects” or “victims” based on the decision of this girl Blair. Later in the episode, we see the same group along with one named Serena barreling down the hall. One new girl, Amanda, has attached herself to Serena’s somewhat ex boyfriend Dan which upsets this little beehive. They invite Amanda to lunch only to warn her to stay away from Dan. Serena seems to be a nice kid who warns Blair not to be so horrible about the situation. Well later, Serena, Dan and this new girl are on a “date” which is very awkward. Serena and Dan of course have a huge blow up. Blair is nowhere to be found but her minions are there. A guy named Chuck who would make a great candidate for the Anti-Christ shows up to the minions with some gel to put in Amanda’s hair and burn it off. So, these minions do so and Serena lets them know not to let anything happen again without going through her first. After this, we see Chuck paying Amanda for a job well done. A job well done? It seems that Chuck set this whole scenario up to shake up Blair’s standing as a Queen Bee and have Serena de-throne her. He does so because he loves Blair and wants her upset so she will run back to him. Then we see these girls together the next day at school where Serena is the obvious Queen Bee and Blair has been de-throned as Chuck wished. In the meantime, these same minions are making Jenny’s life hard by throwing her belongings on the ground and letting her know that the fun is just beginning. Jenny is now skipping school and showing up at a design shop where she interns.

First off, when is burning someone’s hair off a form of entertainment? I am really trying to wrap my head around this one. Second, interviewing people as possible projects or victims? This is school, not a battlefield! Wait, school is a battlefield and this show makes no bones about it. Also, this Chuck is nothing short of a psychopath and will probably be in prison for some white collar crime or become a politician when he becomes an adult. What is entertaining about a smart girl skipping school? A girl who could have a bright future but is being ripped apart by a group of vipers? Most importantly, why does there need to be a Queen Bee? This show is nothing more than a group of kids seeing life as a game of chess. Why must life be a game?

I find this show to be disturbing on so many levels. It glorifies bullying and peer abuse. Kids not even in college are already scheming, plotting and manipulating. Several of them have no conscience. One exhibits sadistic behavior for the love of a girl. This is how they express love for one another? It also proves my theories and what I have said all along. Bullies are pathological, narcissistic and even sadistic. They are mean, selfish, void of compassion and see life as a game. Is there a bright light at the end of this vicious tunnel? Lets face it, we are becoming a culture of psychopaths. There is no other way to say it.

Resources Cited: http://www.cwtv.com/cw-video/gossip-girl

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info/ .