Another week and another Google Alert. I opened one recently that talked about celebrities who were bullied growing up. Also, saw information on the recent book written by Miley Cyrus entitled Miles to Go where bullies locked her in a bathroom for over an hour and she thought nobody would ever come and save her. Jessica Simpson mentioned having eggs thrown at her house and toilet papered. Others like Tom Cruise and Taylor Swift also shared memories of being at the hands of these little criminals in training during childhood. Fame has entered their lives and sadly, I do not believe any bullying has stopped. Its grown worse if you ask me.
The lives of celebrities are under a microscope. The public cannot get enough of them. Fans sometimes do not know when to leave them alone. Society has taught us to worship these people and as a result, we expect them to always be nice, giving and live up to the pedestals we put them on. If they have a bad day, forget to sign an autograph or walk out of the house with a shirt that does not settle with fans or others, they are sure to see it plastered all over the internet and be one of the top searches in a search engine. I live in Los Angeles and I have seen the paparazzi chase these people with cameras and cars. There is no privacy in their lives and that life, liberty and pursuit of happiness goes out the window. The public believes that since they are who they are, they must share every aspect of their lives with the rest of us. In other words, we expect them to live as they do because of who they are.
I have to just say it and that is celebrities live their lives being bullied. They are stalked, harassed, slandered, pressured by their peers and are expected to live perfect lives. One step over the line and they are crucified. They have no rights and cannot even throw out the trash without people going through it. Society feels that not only are they expected to be perfect but when they do fail or something bad happens, everyone cannot wait to get their hands on the magazines, tabloids and other fodder. If you ask me, it’s a wonder they can keep their sanity as living under a microscope can be really hard. Sure, they have money but is it really worth all of this? Humans are not wired to exist like this and no wonder many spiral out of control.
Celebrities are people like the rest of us. It just happens that their work is in the public eye whether it be television or radio. In a lot of ways they are like the rest of us. Some have families to support with children to raise. Others use that money to pay the high taxes they accumulate. Some are not even asked to be celebrities as they are born into this lifestyle. Most importantly, they are not superhuman and are fallible like the rest of us. Celebrity Worship Syndrome is a serious problem and we need to stop bullying them and allow them to live that life, liberty and pursuit of happiness like the rest of us. Put yourselves in their shoes for a minute. How would you feel if you had to leave your home incognito everyday? Getting daily threats in the mail and having to protect your children from kidnapping possibilities? Watch everything you do in public or always running away from paparazzi? You could not even drive to Burger King for a Whopper without someone finding out! Have your friends sell you out for money or you get blackmailed? Something to certainly think about in all of this. Is it really necessary? Can’t we just let them live and let live?
Showing posts with label peer abuse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label peer abuse. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Lawmakers Enable this Problem
Recently, I wrote a statement for SB 494 in Montana about the psychological affects that occur when peer abuse at work is occurring. A woman who was abused at work drew up the legislative information and spoke last week to these lawmakers about this. There is now a chance this bill may die.
The workplace has become a battleground in many cases. Office politics is a serious problem and like cancer, does not seem to want to diminish anytime soon. Bullies come in and keep things in an uproar. Micro inequities are an issue that nobody seems to address yet fuels this problem. Targets are developing anxiety, depression and suffer extreme stress as a result of this. Plus, work performance decreases. Who can do a good job with a bully breathing down their backs? As a result of all of this, money is lost daily within the organization. After a period of time, the politics start running rampant and people forget why they are even employed in the first place. Trust me, I have been there and I know I am not alone.
As I have written some of these lawmakers, I have been appalled at their attitudes this. One has stated that by trying to curb this problem, it equates to communism. Another let it be known that the government does not need to be sitting in the back of the office when it doesn’t need to. Communism? Nobody is suggesting this here. All someone wants to do is remedy this problem so people can go to work, do their jobs in a productive manner and go home without having to deal with useless crap on a daily basis. What kind of a world do we live in where people turn away from helping one another? Folks, this is a serious problem! When workers develop stress and depression, this a problem. When losing money these days, it is a problem and a bad one. We cannot afford to loose anymore money in this nation! When people are not living life, liberty and pursuit of happiness, it’s a bad problem and a huge violation. This is a problem and it needs to be fixed! Why do people continue to enable this bullying problem? Why don’t they call a spade a spade and see it for what it is and that is abuse?
Please, when you go to work, do what you can to keep the environment a healthy one. Do not get involved in the gossip, games and bandwagons to get others fired unless they have committed a serious crime. Isn’t there enough stress out there?
Resource Cited
http://www.clarkforkchronicle.com/article.php/20090216163445911
The workplace has become a battleground in many cases. Office politics is a serious problem and like cancer, does not seem to want to diminish anytime soon. Bullies come in and keep things in an uproar. Micro inequities are an issue that nobody seems to address yet fuels this problem. Targets are developing anxiety, depression and suffer extreme stress as a result of this. Plus, work performance decreases. Who can do a good job with a bully breathing down their backs? As a result of all of this, money is lost daily within the organization. After a period of time, the politics start running rampant and people forget why they are even employed in the first place. Trust me, I have been there and I know I am not alone.
As I have written some of these lawmakers, I have been appalled at their attitudes this. One has stated that by trying to curb this problem, it equates to communism. Another let it be known that the government does not need to be sitting in the back of the office when it doesn’t need to. Communism? Nobody is suggesting this here. All someone wants to do is remedy this problem so people can go to work, do their jobs in a productive manner and go home without having to deal with useless crap on a daily basis. What kind of a world do we live in where people turn away from helping one another? Folks, this is a serious problem! When workers develop stress and depression, this a problem. When losing money these days, it is a problem and a bad one. We cannot afford to loose anymore money in this nation! When people are not living life, liberty and pursuit of happiness, it’s a bad problem and a huge violation. This is a problem and it needs to be fixed! Why do people continue to enable this bullying problem? Why don’t they call a spade a spade and see it for what it is and that is abuse?
Please, when you go to work, do what you can to keep the environment a healthy one. Do not get involved in the gossip, games and bandwagons to get others fired unless they have committed a serious crime. Isn’t there enough stress out there?
Resource Cited
http://www.clarkforkchronicle.com/article.php/20090216163445911
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Adult Survivors Face Their Demons
This past Friday, my mother called and told me about something in her local newspaper about adults who were bullied as children encountering their former bullies on social sites such as Facebook and MySpace. As this is something I am dealing with in my own life right now, I really wanted to see this and did a search online. Its not only me but other adult survivors of peer abuse are facing this on these sites. I have had several tell me about this. One became so upset all over again that it was a shock to the system. Another set up a cause page and encouraged former bullies to donate to the bullying cause. One saw the friend request, wrote the bully back and let them know what they did and how it affected them. The bully wrote back, sent scathing messages over and over and took absolutely no responsibility for their actions. The only way the person got them to stop was by blocking them.
There are many adults out there who were abused by their peers as children and are on these sites. There is a feature for reconnecting with old friends from school and work so if you list these schools or former places of employment on your profile, with one click they can easily look and get a blast from the past so to speak. This abuse for some was mild and would be isolated events. Overcoming it was not a problem for them and probably resolved these issues with their bully before entering adulthood. Or, some may remember this, can remember it in a bad light and how it affected them but not really think much about it. So, letting bygones be bygones was not such a big thing and went ahead and accepted these tormentors on their pages. After all, life is too short, right? Yet what about those who were fed this abuse in strong doses and it affected them psychologically? The scars are there and may be there for the remainder of their lives. A daily cocktail of anti-depressants is what keeps them sane. So, they come on these social sites and see that one of the people that added to this damage is sending a friend request? What about these survivors? How do they handle this problem?
Carolyn Hax of the Washington Post gave some great advice. True, these bullies may have reformed and are different now. We don’t know whether this has happened or not. They may want to make amends or apologize. This could be a way of setting the record straight. There are some positives to this. However, those who are severe cases may find this too upsetting. A friend request is sent. No message or even “hello, how are you” in the request. The bully sends a request and behaves as if nothing ever happened. How does one deal with this? Here is what I can suggest. First off, it is basically up to the person and the severity of the abuse. We must forgive these tormenters as hard as it is. If we want to be forgiven we must forgive others. However, this does not mean we have to become friends on social sites and welcome them with open arms into our lives. One does not know if this person has changed or not and taking that risk may be hard. I do know that by them sending these requests and behaving as if nothing has happened, chances are they are still bullies. Folks, hard core bullies do not grow up but grow worse. Many are narcissistic and pathological. Those who run in and out of our lives, hurt us to the core and always come back like nothing ever happened are those who more than likely lack having a conscience. Those with a conscience are going to be remorseful in what happened and will tell you so right off the bat. It is a matter of reading between the lines here.
Basically, its up to the person and if they are ready to do this or not. I do know some are not ready and that’s okay. One went into shock at seeing these people on there. It is upsetting to see these people and if it is too upsetting, that person needs to block these people. You wish them well and forgive them but block them until ready to do otherwise. They are no longer a part of your life and why add any pain to it? Not only block them if upsetting but observe their behavior through mutual friends on the site. See if they are exclusive in who they will accept as friends or not. Are they seeking attention in some way or minding their own business? Bullies love to be in charge and in control. Something to consider here. However, if you can add them and not be upset, do so. Again, a lot of this is a matter of the severity of the abuse and whether the person can handle it or not. If you are a survivor with a severe case, don’t do anything to add to the trauma. If you are one who is and can let bygones be bygones, go ahead. Just be careful is all I can say. After all, what happens when a rape victim comes face to face with their rapist? Or, a child faces the parent that abused them and left deep scars? Do we suggest happily ever after in these cases? Something to really think about in all of this.
There are many adults out there who were abused by their peers as children and are on these sites. There is a feature for reconnecting with old friends from school and work so if you list these schools or former places of employment on your profile, with one click they can easily look and get a blast from the past so to speak. This abuse for some was mild and would be isolated events. Overcoming it was not a problem for them and probably resolved these issues with their bully before entering adulthood. Or, some may remember this, can remember it in a bad light and how it affected them but not really think much about it. So, letting bygones be bygones was not such a big thing and went ahead and accepted these tormentors on their pages. After all, life is too short, right? Yet what about those who were fed this abuse in strong doses and it affected them psychologically? The scars are there and may be there for the remainder of their lives. A daily cocktail of anti-depressants is what keeps them sane. So, they come on these social sites and see that one of the people that added to this damage is sending a friend request? What about these survivors? How do they handle this problem?
Carolyn Hax of the Washington Post gave some great advice. True, these bullies may have reformed and are different now. We don’t know whether this has happened or not. They may want to make amends or apologize. This could be a way of setting the record straight. There are some positives to this. However, those who are severe cases may find this too upsetting. A friend request is sent. No message or even “hello, how are you” in the request. The bully sends a request and behaves as if nothing ever happened. How does one deal with this? Here is what I can suggest. First off, it is basically up to the person and the severity of the abuse. We must forgive these tormenters as hard as it is. If we want to be forgiven we must forgive others. However, this does not mean we have to become friends on social sites and welcome them with open arms into our lives. One does not know if this person has changed or not and taking that risk may be hard. I do know that by them sending these requests and behaving as if nothing has happened, chances are they are still bullies. Folks, hard core bullies do not grow up but grow worse. Many are narcissistic and pathological. Those who run in and out of our lives, hurt us to the core and always come back like nothing ever happened are those who more than likely lack having a conscience. Those with a conscience are going to be remorseful in what happened and will tell you so right off the bat. It is a matter of reading between the lines here.
Basically, its up to the person and if they are ready to do this or not. I do know some are not ready and that’s okay. One went into shock at seeing these people on there. It is upsetting to see these people and if it is too upsetting, that person needs to block these people. You wish them well and forgive them but block them until ready to do otherwise. They are no longer a part of your life and why add any pain to it? Not only block them if upsetting but observe their behavior through mutual friends on the site. See if they are exclusive in who they will accept as friends or not. Are they seeking attention in some way or minding their own business? Bullies love to be in charge and in control. Something to consider here. However, if you can add them and not be upset, do so. Again, a lot of this is a matter of the severity of the abuse and whether the person can handle it or not. If you are a survivor with a severe case, don’t do anything to add to the trauma. If you are one who is and can let bygones be bygones, go ahead. Just be careful is all I can say. After all, what happens when a rape victim comes face to face with their rapist? Or, a child faces the parent that abused them and left deep scars? Do we suggest happily ever after in these cases? Something to really think about in all of this.
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Its Not All About Blair!
Well, as I told myself I was never planning to watch The CW’s show Gossip Girl, I wound up catching it again last night. I gave it some thought and someone needs to get the word out that this show may be some sort of mockery of the rich and famous but also glorifies the serious problem of relational aggression in teen girls. The content has gotten sadistic after last weeks stint with the hair burning by a group of minions or wannabees if you will. In a nutshell, I cannot let this go. Sure, I could just “change the channel” but really, does that solve the problem at hand or shed light upon it?
Monday evening we are greeted with Blair and Serena at school. Blair’s mother is having her annual fashion show for fashion week . As Blair wants her Queen Bee status back, she decides to give the wannabees second row seats for the occasion. Well, we also learn that Serena has recently befriended a socialite named Poppy. As Blair approaches her troops with her news, a wannabee pulls out a tabloid with Serena and Poppy. Everyone gets excited as Serena approaches the group on the steps. Of course, the crew ignores Blair and all eyes are on Serena. Blair is furious and stomps off in a tantrum. We see Blair later in the episode continuing to throw tantrums at every turn. It gets so bad that at the fashion show, Blair ruins things for Serena (who was offered a front row seat with her new friend despite tradition that she and Blair watch the show from behind the curtain), the intern Jenny (the one who is targeted by these wannabees) and for the show itself despite the fact that this is her mothers gig and not hers. Later, Jenny saves the day with an outfit of hers and allows Blair’s mother to take the credit for it. We also see a heart to heart between Poppy and Serena and Serena always allowing Blair to shine while she scrunches in the background. Poppy assures her that her real friends will love her regardless. So, later on, Serena lets Blair know this and we see Blair ready to kill as a result.
Blair is not only a Queen Bee but she’s a spoiled brat. Nobody is suppose to outshine her or allow themselves to be noticed for their merits. Its all about Blair and how all attention should center around her. Not all bullies are abusive; some are spoiled (as well as abusive) and grow up this way as I have mentioned in my book Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective. They are so use to having their way and getting everything they want and expect that everywhere they go. So Serena gets closer to the group of friends, Blair cannot handle it. Serena has a talent for modeling and she models Jenny’s dress. Blair cannot stand it. Blair was using her relational aggression to squash Serena and who she was and friends should never do that for one another. I was glad to see Serena stand up to her and use her talents she was blessed with. The world does not revolve around Blair Waldorf and Queen Bees need to learn the same lesson.
Please, if you encounter someone like this, stand up to them! Do not give them any power and allow them to control you. A real friend will love you for who you are and will believe in you. Blair sure could use that lesson herself.
Resouce Cited: http://www.cwtv.com/shows/gossip-girl
Elizabeth Bennett is the Author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .
Monday evening we are greeted with Blair and Serena at school. Blair’s mother is having her annual fashion show for fashion week . As Blair wants her Queen Bee status back, she decides to give the wannabees second row seats for the occasion. Well, we also learn that Serena has recently befriended a socialite named Poppy. As Blair approaches her troops with her news, a wannabee pulls out a tabloid with Serena and Poppy. Everyone gets excited as Serena approaches the group on the steps. Of course, the crew ignores Blair and all eyes are on Serena. Blair is furious and stomps off in a tantrum. We see Blair later in the episode continuing to throw tantrums at every turn. It gets so bad that at the fashion show, Blair ruins things for Serena (who was offered a front row seat with her new friend despite tradition that she and Blair watch the show from behind the curtain), the intern Jenny (the one who is targeted by these wannabees) and for the show itself despite the fact that this is her mothers gig and not hers. Later, Jenny saves the day with an outfit of hers and allows Blair’s mother to take the credit for it. We also see a heart to heart between Poppy and Serena and Serena always allowing Blair to shine while she scrunches in the background. Poppy assures her that her real friends will love her regardless. So, later on, Serena lets Blair know this and we see Blair ready to kill as a result.
Blair is not only a Queen Bee but she’s a spoiled brat. Nobody is suppose to outshine her or allow themselves to be noticed for their merits. Its all about Blair and how all attention should center around her. Not all bullies are abusive; some are spoiled (as well as abusive) and grow up this way as I have mentioned in my book Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective. They are so use to having their way and getting everything they want and expect that everywhere they go. So Serena gets closer to the group of friends, Blair cannot handle it. Serena has a talent for modeling and she models Jenny’s dress. Blair cannot stand it. Blair was using her relational aggression to squash Serena and who she was and friends should never do that for one another. I was glad to see Serena stand up to her and use her talents she was blessed with. The world does not revolve around Blair Waldorf and Queen Bees need to learn the same lesson.
Please, if you encounter someone like this, stand up to them! Do not give them any power and allow them to control you. A real friend will love you for who you are and will believe in you. Blair sure could use that lesson herself.
Resouce Cited: http://www.cwtv.com/shows/gossip-girl
Elizabeth Bennett is the Author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Must We Feed the Bully?
Recently, I heard about this new book entitled “101 Facts About Bullying: What Everyone Should Know” and even though I have not read it, I do commend the author for taking a stand against the problem. Every bit helps in educating on this serious subject.
One point made in the book is that bullies can become victims and visa versa depending on situations and circumstances. Also, that it is not always good to fight back with bullies as that keeps the problem going. I have been saying both all along. The only time I advocate any fighting back is in the case of self-defense. Bullies have no limits whatsoever. Physical or psychological limits and will go the distance regardless. If a bully is trying to murder someone then yes, I do advocate fighting back out of protection and defense alone. Otherwise, I do not agree to fighting back either. Let the bully take the rap and let his actions be shown to everyone. Peer Abuse creates all sorts of problems in victims such as depression, social anxiety and PTSD. Its high time they pay for their crimes instead of the victim doing it for him.
Also, from what I understand, the book mentions that bullies can enjoy high social status. Oh isn’t this so common! Bullies are socially sophisticated and pretty much set the bar for their social environment. Therefore, they are charming and charismatic and people are drawn to them. As a result, they are given a lot of social power because people are so drawn in by them. It reminds me of one selling their souls to the devil. What bothers me is that we are learning this yet we continue to give in to them. Give them a lot of power they do not need. Instead of just saying “that is just the way it is. It is what it is” then why don’t we start educating them and rise to the occasion here? Teach them to use their powers for good instead of bad. They are given these social gifts and why do we have to allow them to misuse them? These gifts could be used to help those peers who are not blessed in these areas. Why does kindness have to be such a bad thing?
Once again, kudos to Dr. Kervokian for taking this initiative and writing the book. As a society, I wish we could learn to take the high road and stop feeding these bullies. Take the time to teach them kindness instead. After all, kindness is not really a bad thing.
Resource Cited
Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .
One point made in the book is that bullies can become victims and visa versa depending on situations and circumstances. Also, that it is not always good to fight back with bullies as that keeps the problem going. I have been saying both all along. The only time I advocate any fighting back is in the case of self-defense. Bullies have no limits whatsoever. Physical or psychological limits and will go the distance regardless. If a bully is trying to murder someone then yes, I do advocate fighting back out of protection and defense alone. Otherwise, I do not agree to fighting back either. Let the bully take the rap and let his actions be shown to everyone. Peer Abuse creates all sorts of problems in victims such as depression, social anxiety and PTSD. Its high time they pay for their crimes instead of the victim doing it for him.
Also, from what I understand, the book mentions that bullies can enjoy high social status. Oh isn’t this so common! Bullies are socially sophisticated and pretty much set the bar for their social environment. Therefore, they are charming and charismatic and people are drawn to them. As a result, they are given a lot of social power because people are so drawn in by them. It reminds me of one selling their souls to the devil. What bothers me is that we are learning this yet we continue to give in to them. Give them a lot of power they do not need. Instead of just saying “that is just the way it is. It is what it is” then why don’t we start educating them and rise to the occasion here? Teach them to use their powers for good instead of bad. They are given these social gifts and why do we have to allow them to misuse them? These gifts could be used to help those peers who are not blessed in these areas. Why does kindness have to be such a bad thing?
Once again, kudos to Dr. Kervokian for taking this initiative and writing the book. As a society, I wish we could learn to take the high road and stop feeding these bullies. Take the time to teach them kindness instead. After all, kindness is not really a bad thing.
Resource Cited
Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Peer Abuse & Relational Aggression
Hi, I know……I have been gone for a week. Well, maybe more than a week. However, my mother came to visit me for mothers day and am just getting back in the swing of things.
Ah, a workshop on Relational Aggression. Again, many kudos to Susan Fee of the New Jersey shore area for getting this up and getting educated on this serious subject. She will be working with some local Girl Scouts in this. If there is a group that this problem exists in, its Girl Scouts. I know because for six weeks in the second grade, I was enrolled in the Brownie Troop and hated every bit of it. I never felt included and always felt isolated. Its that ole “you cannot play with us or be our friend”. I know….I know…..kids stuff. Well, this “kids stuff” really hurt and I begged to get out of it. FINALLY my mother gave in and let me quit. Who needed that crap?
Relational aggression is the “mean girls” and “girl on girl peer abuse”. It starts early folks. As young as preschool. This exclusion has always been considered “kids being kids” yet we wonder why in our society, the behavior of kids is bad and grows worse into adulthood? Well, if we would STOP ENABLING IT and start teaching early on that this behavior is hurtful and not acceptable then MAYBE we will start to see change. By saying this isolation is “kids stuff” is teaching these girls that its okay to exclude others and make them feel bad. Its okay to taunt others and make them feel bad.
I experienced relational aggression most of my life and still do. It still exists! Its not just in girls and tweens, its in grown women as well. I do a LOT of observing and see it alive and well in women and even men have their hands in it. They bring it to work and do things such as leaving others out of lunch invites, circulate emails and nasty notes and spread lies about others. Forming cliques is not uncommon either. You have your in-crowd and the hangers on who will do anything to become members of this elite group. They frequent message boards and use this by ignoring some members, going to pm’s to spread lies, always confront in mob mentalities…..its endless. What saddens me is that as adults they should know better yet this is all any of them really know. Some have been conditioned into being queen bees while others have fallen into the sidekick, banker and other dysfunctional social roles out there. They were never taught any different and now, they bring what they know to the world.
Its time to get serious about this girl on girl crime. The lies, cliques, in-crowds…..it needs to stop. Women, get an education……see what you can do about changing your own social roles out there if you have fallen into any of them. Get your daughters in these workshops so they learn early on the dangers in all of this. The formative years are crucial and we need to start educating. Kudos to Susan Fee for taking that step. Kudos to Tami McCandlish, Rachel Simmons, Dreamsinger and others out there who are working on this and trying to make a difference. Keep doing what you are doing!
As for the psychology in this, the scars can last a lifetime. The social anxiety, post traumatic stress, depression…..nothing saddens me more than to hear of a seven year old girl being diagnosed with clinical depression due to this horrific problem. It happens folks, I have lived it and continue to see it firsthand. Life is cruel, sure. Its hard and we are always going to have to face hurtles. However, with this, do we need to add to the stress that already exists out there? If you see this occurring in young girls, let them know its wrong to exclude others.
The steps in changing the world start with a random act of kindness. We can all make a difference one day at a time with this step. Something to think about….
Source: http://www.app.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080516/GETPUBLISHED/805160480/-1/HOMETOWNS
Elizabeth Bennett is a Consultant and Author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info
Ah, a workshop on Relational Aggression. Again, many kudos to Susan Fee of the New Jersey shore area for getting this up and getting educated on this serious subject. She will be working with some local Girl Scouts in this. If there is a group that this problem exists in, its Girl Scouts. I know because for six weeks in the second grade, I was enrolled in the Brownie Troop and hated every bit of it. I never felt included and always felt isolated. Its that ole “you cannot play with us or be our friend”. I know….I know…..kids stuff. Well, this “kids stuff” really hurt and I begged to get out of it. FINALLY my mother gave in and let me quit. Who needed that crap?
Relational aggression is the “mean girls” and “girl on girl peer abuse”. It starts early folks. As young as preschool. This exclusion has always been considered “kids being kids” yet we wonder why in our society, the behavior of kids is bad and grows worse into adulthood? Well, if we would STOP ENABLING IT and start teaching early on that this behavior is hurtful and not acceptable then MAYBE we will start to see change. By saying this isolation is “kids stuff” is teaching these girls that its okay to exclude others and make them feel bad. Its okay to taunt others and make them feel bad.
I experienced relational aggression most of my life and still do. It still exists! Its not just in girls and tweens, its in grown women as well. I do a LOT of observing and see it alive and well in women and even men have their hands in it. They bring it to work and do things such as leaving others out of lunch invites, circulate emails and nasty notes and spread lies about others. Forming cliques is not uncommon either. You have your in-crowd and the hangers on who will do anything to become members of this elite group. They frequent message boards and use this by ignoring some members, going to pm’s to spread lies, always confront in mob mentalities…..its endless. What saddens me is that as adults they should know better yet this is all any of them really know. Some have been conditioned into being queen bees while others have fallen into the sidekick, banker and other dysfunctional social roles out there. They were never taught any different and now, they bring what they know to the world.
Its time to get serious about this girl on girl crime. The lies, cliques, in-crowds…..it needs to stop. Women, get an education……see what you can do about changing your own social roles out there if you have fallen into any of them. Get your daughters in these workshops so they learn early on the dangers in all of this. The formative years are crucial and we need to start educating. Kudos to Susan Fee for taking that step. Kudos to Tami McCandlish, Rachel Simmons, Dreamsinger and others out there who are working on this and trying to make a difference. Keep doing what you are doing!
As for the psychology in this, the scars can last a lifetime. The social anxiety, post traumatic stress, depression…..nothing saddens me more than to hear of a seven year old girl being diagnosed with clinical depression due to this horrific problem. It happens folks, I have lived it and continue to see it firsthand. Life is cruel, sure. Its hard and we are always going to have to face hurtles. However, with this, do we need to add to the stress that already exists out there? If you see this occurring in young girls, let them know its wrong to exclude others.
The steps in changing the world start with a random act of kindness. We can all make a difference one day at a time with this step. Something to think about….
Source: http://www.app.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080516/GETPUBLISHED/805160480/-1/HOMETOWNS
Elizabeth Bennett is a Consultant and Author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info
Peer Abuse & Relational Aggression
Hi, I know……I have been gone for a week. Well, maybe more than a week. However, my mother came to visit me for mothers day and am just getting back in the swing of things.
Ah, a workshop on Relational Aggression. Again, many kudos to Susan Fee of the New Jersey shore area for getting this up and getting educated on this serious subject. She will be working with some local Girl Scouts in this. If there is a group that this problem exists in, its Girl Scouts. I know because for six weeks in the second grade, I was enrolled in the Brownie Troop and hated every bit of it. I never felt included and always felt isolated. Its that ole “you cannot play with us or be our friend”. I know….I know…..kids stuff. Well, this “kids stuff” really hurt and I begged to get out of it. FINALLY my mother gave in and let me quit. Who needed that crap?
Relational aggression is the “mean girls” and “girl on girl peer abuse”. It starts early folks. As young as preschool. This exclusion has always been considered “kids being kids” yet we wonder why in our society, the behavior of kids is bad and grows worse into adulthood? Well, if we would STOP ENABLING IT and start teaching early on that this behavior is hurtful and not acceptable then MAYBE we will start to see change. By saying this isolation is “kids stuff” is teaching these girls that its okay to exclude others and make them feel bad. Its okay to taunt others and make them feel bad.
I experienced relational aggression most of my life and still do. It still exists! Its not just in girls and tweens, its in grown women as well. I do a LOT of observing and see it alive and well in women and even men have their hands in it. They bring it to work and do things such as leaving others out of lunch invites, circulate emails and nasty notes and spread lies about others. Forming cliques is not uncommon either. You have your in-crowd and the hangers on who will do anything to become members of this elite group. They frequent message boards and use this by ignoring some members, going to pm’s to spread lies, always confront in mob mentalities…..its endless. What saddens me is that as adults they should know better yet this is all any of them really know. Some have been conditioned into being queen bees while others have fallen into the sidekick, banker and other dysfunctional social roles out there. They were never taught any different and now, they bring what they know to the world.
Its time to get serious about this girl on girl crime. The lies, cliques, in-crowds…..it needs to stop. Women, get an education……see what you can do about changing your own social roles out there if you have fallen into any of them. Get your daughters in these workshops so they learn early on the dangers in all of this. The formative years are crucial and we need to start educating. Kudos to Susan Fee for taking that step. Kudos to Tami McCandlish, Rachel Simmons, Dreamsinger and others out there who are working on this and trying to make a difference. Keep doing what you are doing!
As for the psychology in this, the scars can last a lifetime. The social anxiety, post traumatic stress, depression…..nothing saddens me more than to hear of a seven year old girl being diagnosed with clinical depression due to this horrific problem. It happens folks, I have lived it and continue to see it firsthand. Life is cruel, sure. Its hard and we are always going to have to face hurtles. However, with this, do we need to add to the stress that already exists out there? If you see this occurring in young girls, let them know its wrong to exclude others.
The steps in changing the world start with a random act of kindness. We can all make a difference one day at a time with this step. Something to think about….
Source: http://www.app.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080516/GETPUBLISHED/805160480/-1/HOMETOWNS
Elizabeth Bennett is a Consultant and Author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info
Ah, a workshop on Relational Aggression. Again, many kudos to Susan Fee of the New Jersey shore area for getting this up and getting educated on this serious subject. She will be working with some local Girl Scouts in this. If there is a group that this problem exists in, its Girl Scouts. I know because for six weeks in the second grade, I was enrolled in the Brownie Troop and hated every bit of it. I never felt included and always felt isolated. Its that ole “you cannot play with us or be our friend”. I know….I know…..kids stuff. Well, this “kids stuff” really hurt and I begged to get out of it. FINALLY my mother gave in and let me quit. Who needed that crap?
Relational aggression is the “mean girls” and “girl on girl peer abuse”. It starts early folks. As young as preschool. This exclusion has always been considered “kids being kids” yet we wonder why in our society, the behavior of kids is bad and grows worse into adulthood? Well, if we would STOP ENABLING IT and start teaching early on that this behavior is hurtful and not acceptable then MAYBE we will start to see change. By saying this isolation is “kids stuff” is teaching these girls that its okay to exclude others and make them feel bad. Its okay to taunt others and make them feel bad.
I experienced relational aggression most of my life and still do. It still exists! Its not just in girls and tweens, its in grown women as well. I do a LOT of observing and see it alive and well in women and even men have their hands in it. They bring it to work and do things such as leaving others out of lunch invites, circulate emails and nasty notes and spread lies about others. Forming cliques is not uncommon either. You have your in-crowd and the hangers on who will do anything to become members of this elite group. They frequent message boards and use this by ignoring some members, going to pm’s to spread lies, always confront in mob mentalities…..its endless. What saddens me is that as adults they should know better yet this is all any of them really know. Some have been conditioned into being queen bees while others have fallen into the sidekick, banker and other dysfunctional social roles out there. They were never taught any different and now, they bring what they know to the world.
Its time to get serious about this girl on girl crime. The lies, cliques, in-crowds…..it needs to stop. Women, get an education……see what you can do about changing your own social roles out there if you have fallen into any of them. Get your daughters in these workshops so they learn early on the dangers in all of this. The formative years are crucial and we need to start educating. Kudos to Susan Fee for taking that step. Kudos to Tami McCandlish, Rachel Simmons, Dreamsinger and others out there who are working on this and trying to make a difference. Keep doing what you are doing!
As for the psychology in this, the scars can last a lifetime. The social anxiety, post traumatic stress, depression…..nothing saddens me more than to hear of a seven year old girl being diagnosed with clinical depression due to this horrific problem. It happens folks, I have lived it and continue to see it firsthand. Life is cruel, sure. Its hard and we are always going to have to face hurtles. However, with this, do we need to add to the stress that already exists out there? If you see this occurring in young girls, let them know its wrong to exclude others.
The steps in changing the world start with a random act of kindness. We can all make a difference one day at a time with this step. Something to think about….
Source: http://www.app.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080516/GETPUBLISHED/805160480/-1/HOMETOWNS
Elizabeth Bennett is a Consultant and Author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info
Saturday, May 03, 2008
Peer Abuse News
Welcome to the latest edition of the first newsletter on Peer Abuse to grace the world wide web! This is a free quarterly publication that goes out to all continents of the world. Please feel free to share this with others.
In this edition:
GREAT NEWS
SPECIAL OFFER
PEER ABUSE AND THE NEIGHBOR
MORE NEWS AND TIDBITS ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
GREAT NEWS!
That's right, my book "Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From APsychological Perspective" is making news! On May 23, 2008, my bookwill be featured on CNBC radio. Someone is being interviewed onWorkplace Bullying and my book will be featured as a resource during this interview! I am so excited to say the least!
Also, A producer at Larry King is interested in my book and I sent him a copy this week. Please keep your fingers crossed that this gets picked up. So there is a chance I could go on Larry King Live. Will keep everyone posted.
Plus, my book was mentioned at the End Teacher Abuse meeting back in March. Thanks goes to Mimi Shapiro for her help. Thanks so much,Mimi!
Harold Cameron has also mentioned the book in a video and let folks know about it. Thanks Harold for all you have done!
Also, I have been blogging and doing some article writing on PeerAbuse online. So, I am getting the word out bit by bit. Just a day at a time…..I tell you, there has been a lot of press about thisstuff recently and we need to step up and speak out! Here is one place you can read more: http://www.peerabuse.blogspot.com/ and feel free to leave comments. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
SPECIAL OFFER FOR A LIMITED TIME
I have started selling my book to others on my own away from the publisher and other online places where it can be purchased. The cost is $16.44 ($13.95 + $2.49 postage). If you purchase a copy from me for a limited time, I will throw in a free phone consultation with it. A phone consultation can run up to $60 a hour but if you purchase my book directly from me, your phone consultation will be free. Free at what is a $60 value. This is for a limited time….a summer special and will end at the end of July. So, think about it and if you wish to purchase a book, please go to http://www.peerabuse.info/ and use the Pay Pal buttons on the site. Again, a limited time……so hurry! Please email me and let me know if you are interested!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
PEER ABUSE AND THE NEIGHBOR
Well, I know I try and focus on the school, workplace and psychology behind this problem of Peer Abuse. However, another place this canoccur is with a neighbor. Someone who lives across the street, next door, in the same apartment building…whatever. It makes doing anything seem strange and you try and do what you can to either avoid or get along with them so your living situation does not get dicey and drama filled. There is enough crap in this world already,why deal with it in or around your home? Some could argue that thisis more of a domestic issue. However, it is also a issue of peer abuse. It is something I am dealing with in my own life right now and I am sure many of you are also caught up in this. Whatever the case may be, it does warrant some attention here. Plus, a reader gave me this suggestion. So, I wanted to take a few minutes and focus on what to do in dealing with this.Are they making too much noise? Coming to visit 3 times a day? Spreading lies to other neighbors about you? Won't keep their toys out of your yard? Their pet is tearing up your flower garden? Want to know how much your Direct TV bill is each month? Have no concept of boundaries? Here are some general suggestions that may help. So far, I have been using them and they have been working for me.
1. Try to approach the neighbor tactfully and let them know what isbothering you. I say tactfully because full on attacks are going toput them on the defense and the problem will grow worse, not better. Maybe set up a time to go over and talk to them. Send them an email. Write out a note. If this is done in email or letter, save a copy for yourself so you have proof that you made the effort here. Again, make sure this is done with tact and understanding. Attacks breed attacks and before long, a small problem is the size of Godzilla. You do not want to let things get out of hand.
2. If you are wanting their stuff off of your property, possibly putup a fence right on the property line. It does not have to anything fancy; just something that will get the boundary set up so their pet or children will not destroy your property and visa versa.
3. Any lies spread, document the day you learned of them and the time. Also, the source that gave you this information. Any nasty notes left on your doorstep or emails? Save them also. Believe me, this can come in handy at some point.
4. Damage of any property: Call the police. Take pictures of thedamages. Let them bring forensics over to dust for fingerprints. Do NOT touch the damaged property on your own. That destroys evidence.
5. Any verbal stuff: Do what you can to get a tape recorder and hide it on you. They still make these tiny tape recorders and are very inexpensive. IF you have a video camera or cell phone with video on it, do what you can to get this recorded. You can hold a cell phone without them knowing you are filming them.
6. It gets physical: Again, pull out the cell. Video recording. Have someone who is home with you to get this on tape. Get pictures….take them to the police. Also, search You Tube, MySpace and other online sites where people love to put these sort of videos on there.
7. If your property is damaged, do NOT retaliate. You do this and it becomes a conflict and not an issue of peer abuse. Cover yourself in any way you can but do NOT retaliate. Otherwise, nobody will listen or help you because of retaliation.
8. Those who can help: Go to any homeowners group, Neighbor Watch, landlords, trustworthy neighbors, city or county council, any other local neighborhood affiliated groups. Go to the company that managesyour apartment, condo or trailer park. Whatever your living situation, there is an organization which has some authority and let them know what is going on. You can do this anonymously if need be. Go to city hall to see who can help you in this matter. Also, the police. They do nothing, go to their superior. Keep going up the chain of command. Some will try and pass the buck but do not let them.
9. If any of this is done on a continual basis, even after you have verbally or have put it in writing for them to stop and they don't, look into filing harassment charges. Put up "Keep Out" or "No Trespassing" signs and again, if they ignore them, get your documentation in order and look into pressing harassment charges and if there are threats, you can get a restraining order.
10. Again, everyone answers to someone. I know, some people keep going and have no respect for anyone else. They do as they please and ignore your signs and other things. Again, document….this documentation will help you at some point. I know it has been helping me in my situation. A great resource to learn more is a site here called "Neighbors From Hell". There are many links listed that can be helpful too. Bookmark this site and save it in your resources. http://www.borzotta.com/nfh/index.html
Again, do NOT retaliate as much as you want to. You do that thenthat gives them a reason to claim the same problems against you. Let them dig their own grave. Eventually, they will have themselves covered up without being able to get out. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
MORE NEWS AND TIDBITS
JEFFS BILL: Congrats to Debby Johnston and others behind this bill for getting it passed with a 40-0 vote in the Senate. This is a bill in Florida that we hope will become a law called "Jeff's Law". Debra lost her son to bullycide and is working hard to get peer abuse stopped in her area. GO DEBRA!
A MURDERED FRIEND: Ann Fox Smith who lived in Aiken South Carolinawas murdered last Friday in her home. I knew her when she lived inmy hometown and we were friends. If anyone reading this knew Ann oranything about her, please contact the police. Here is a link to herstory and sadly, this will probably remain in the media.http://www.wrdw.com/home/headlines/18295734.html . Contact info to the police is at the bottom of the article.
CONDOLENCES EXPRESSED: A great lady, Judy K. Beach who was affiliated with the International Women's Writers Guild recently passed away. There is a web log set up where people can offer condolences or words of comfort. Please check it out if any of youknew her or are affiliated with IWWG. http://judikbeach.blogspot.com/ .
WE WANT A CHASING CAIN III: Yes, there is a letter campaign going onto send to the Canadian Broadcasting Company (CBC) for them to makea Chasing Cain III movie. The first two were really good with an intriguing plot and wonderful actors. If you wish to learn more, a My Space page is set up http://www.myspace.com/wewantchasingcain3 or you can contact the CBC directly at /http://www.cbc.ca/contact/ and it only takes 5 minutes to write.
NEED TUPPERWARE?: Check out what my cousin Teresa has going on. http://my.tupperware.com/teresacoggins .
ESQUIRE BEST DRESSED MAN: A friend is running for this and is needing votes. Please, if you have time, vote for Norman for the Best Dressed Man for 2008. http://esquirebdrm.com/NormanD/529
NEED AVON?: My friend Jennifer is selling AVON. If you are interested in purchasing some of this, visit here:http://www.youravon.com/jenniferlarkins
MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS: Mothers Day is just around the corner and some of the folks at MS here on the Pacific Coast area are selling some items. Check them out if you are still looking for that perfect gift for your mother.http://blaster.shop2stopms.com/view_blast.cfm?blast_id=252
CALDWELL BANKER: In need of a new home or looking to purchase some property? Kris Alongi can help you out. Visit this link:http://www.coldwellbankercaine.com/agent_details.php?agent_id=184
THE DAUGHTER IN LAW RULES: Check out Sarah Jane Cions free newsletter. Great stuff!! http://www.thedilrules.com/
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY: These folks have a lot of summer reading material. Visit http://www.mail-family.org/ if interested.
THE GRANT INSTITUTE: They will be hosting a grant proposal writing workshop in Charleston, WV on July 14-16 2008. Visithttp://www.thegrantinstitute.com/ to learn how you can learn more.
DR PHIL: Dr Phil is needing a teenage guest for the fall. He wants someone who has and continues to be cyber bullied. You can email meat http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/PeerAbuse/post?postID=zy6u7xTYhTC03U5LbvDFLSK83pm6V0eM-yFB38HtS6kWONQIJ1WWZ3g94uSv7baqBMRoG3hfAzXCZPO_ij8nQCsg30sd4g and I can tell you more.
BIOLOGICAL DIVERSITY: Global warming is affecting animals in arctic and cold climates. Please, visit this site and see how you can help.http://www.biologicaldiversity.org/
IRIDOLOGY: A new book entitled "Iridology: The Science and Practicein the Healing Arts" by Dr. Bernard Jensen. To obtain a copy, visit Whitman Books at http://www.wwhitman.com/
HAROLD CAMERON: Yup, the "Be Positive Guy" has a You Tube account where he makes videos on different subjects. This is someone whotries hard to make the world a better place. Please check out his videos here http://uk.youtube.com/user/haroldsays. He has made one on Peer Abuse and is doing a great job in getting the word out.
SAFETY ISSUES: Check these guys out! They have a newsletter and work hard in trying to keep kids safe. http://www.safetyissues.com/ and learn more!
SEEKING AN ATTORNEY: If you are in the process of seeking an Attorney, one place you may want to avoid is http://www.jurisdictionary.com/ . Recently, a friend of mine was scammed by these folks. To the tune of almost $300 and this was money she did not have to begin with. So, please be careful….do not allow yourself to be scammed out there.
DR CHARLOTTE: Recently, Dr. Charlotte published an article about children and the violence in the media and on the internet. Visit here to read the article:http://www.imageryforkids.com/art_imagination.asp
JUVENILLE JUSTICE: Check out what is going on at the Office ofJuvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention. http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/ojjdp.
AUTISM: Do you have or know anyone dealing with autism? Check out this site for some great educational tools. http://www.nlconcepts.com/
NAMI: The National Alliance of the Mentally Ill will be holding awalk on October 4, 2008 in Orange County. More details to follow later…..
SOCIAL ANXIETY INSTITUTE: Once again, I promote this site. A great one for the Adult Survivor Of Peer Abuse: http://www.socialanxietyinstitute.org/
CHILD PREDATOR BUSTERS: Check these guys out! They are doing a LOTof good here online in catching predators on social web sites andother places. Go to this site: http://www.childpredatorbusters.org/
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE or EQ: Need certification? Trainings will be held throughout 2008 in Seattle, Washington. Go to this site to learn more: http://www.learninginaction.com/
THE COMMON BOND INSTITUTE: On September 4-8, they will be hosting a Engaging The Other Conference in San Francisco, CA. Visit this linkto learn more: http://www.cbiworld.org/Pages/Conferences_ETO.htm
ASSOCIATION FOR HUMANISTIC PSYCHOLOGY: Check these guys out! They have a jam packed summer with conferences, workshops and other great stuff going on. Visit http://www.ahpweb.org/ and see what they have going on!
HELPFUL MATERIALS: If you have time, please visit the folks at Psychotherapy dot net. They have many new and great materials inbooks, DVD's and other products.http://www.psychotherapy.net/
BEING ABUSED BY THE SCHOOLS? Check out this great group!http://www.endteacherabuse.org/ to learn more. Also, check out their video on You Tube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3JoiniKNq8
BOOK ON HUMANISTIC PSYCHOLOGY: Recently, a book was published for the purpose of making third force psychology (broadly construed) a stronger presence in child developmental theorizing. The book, Humanizing Child Developmental Theory: A Holistic Approach. This text utilizes ideas from Rogers, Horney, Winnicott, Kohut, Bühler,Knowles, Stern, Schachtel, Koffka and others.http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/results.asp WRD=Humanizing+Child+Developmental+Theory&z=y
Have anything you wish to share? Email me and will include it in the next edition . ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
This is it for the May newsletter. August is "readers choice" and am interested in what you as the reader wish to have here in the newsletter. Please email your ideas to me and will do what I can to do a lesson on it. Thanks for reading….see you all in August! Til then…..have a great and safe summer!
Regards,
Elizabeth Bennett
http://www.peerabuse.info/
Elizabeth Bennett. Copyright © 2008 All Rights Reserved.
In this edition:
GREAT NEWS
SPECIAL OFFER
PEER ABUSE AND THE NEIGHBOR
MORE NEWS AND TIDBITS ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
GREAT NEWS!
That's right, my book "Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From APsychological Perspective" is making news! On May 23, 2008, my bookwill be featured on CNBC radio. Someone is being interviewed onWorkplace Bullying and my book will be featured as a resource during this interview! I am so excited to say the least!
Also, A producer at Larry King is interested in my book and I sent him a copy this week. Please keep your fingers crossed that this gets picked up. So there is a chance I could go on Larry King Live. Will keep everyone posted.
Plus, my book was mentioned at the End Teacher Abuse meeting back in March. Thanks goes to Mimi Shapiro for her help. Thanks so much,Mimi!
Harold Cameron has also mentioned the book in a video and let folks know about it. Thanks Harold for all you have done!
Also, I have been blogging and doing some article writing on PeerAbuse online. So, I am getting the word out bit by bit. Just a day at a time…..I tell you, there has been a lot of press about thisstuff recently and we need to step up and speak out! Here is one place you can read more: http://www.peerabuse.blogspot.com/ and feel free to leave comments. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
SPECIAL OFFER FOR A LIMITED TIME
I have started selling my book to others on my own away from the publisher and other online places where it can be purchased. The cost is $16.44 ($13.95 + $2.49 postage). If you purchase a copy from me for a limited time, I will throw in a free phone consultation with it. A phone consultation can run up to $60 a hour but if you purchase my book directly from me, your phone consultation will be free. Free at what is a $60 value. This is for a limited time….a summer special and will end at the end of July. So, think about it and if you wish to purchase a book, please go to http://www.peerabuse.info/ and use the Pay Pal buttons on the site. Again, a limited time……so hurry! Please email me and let me know if you are interested!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
PEER ABUSE AND THE NEIGHBOR
Well, I know I try and focus on the school, workplace and psychology behind this problem of Peer Abuse. However, another place this canoccur is with a neighbor. Someone who lives across the street, next door, in the same apartment building…whatever. It makes doing anything seem strange and you try and do what you can to either avoid or get along with them so your living situation does not get dicey and drama filled. There is enough crap in this world already,why deal with it in or around your home? Some could argue that thisis more of a domestic issue. However, it is also a issue of peer abuse. It is something I am dealing with in my own life right now and I am sure many of you are also caught up in this. Whatever the case may be, it does warrant some attention here. Plus, a reader gave me this suggestion. So, I wanted to take a few minutes and focus on what to do in dealing with this.Are they making too much noise? Coming to visit 3 times a day? Spreading lies to other neighbors about you? Won't keep their toys out of your yard? Their pet is tearing up your flower garden? Want to know how much your Direct TV bill is each month? Have no concept of boundaries? Here are some general suggestions that may help. So far, I have been using them and they have been working for me.
1. Try to approach the neighbor tactfully and let them know what isbothering you. I say tactfully because full on attacks are going toput them on the defense and the problem will grow worse, not better. Maybe set up a time to go over and talk to them. Send them an email. Write out a note. If this is done in email or letter, save a copy for yourself so you have proof that you made the effort here. Again, make sure this is done with tact and understanding. Attacks breed attacks and before long, a small problem is the size of Godzilla. You do not want to let things get out of hand.
2. If you are wanting their stuff off of your property, possibly putup a fence right on the property line. It does not have to anything fancy; just something that will get the boundary set up so their pet or children will not destroy your property and visa versa.
3. Any lies spread, document the day you learned of them and the time. Also, the source that gave you this information. Any nasty notes left on your doorstep or emails? Save them also. Believe me, this can come in handy at some point.
4. Damage of any property: Call the police. Take pictures of thedamages. Let them bring forensics over to dust for fingerprints. Do NOT touch the damaged property on your own. That destroys evidence.
5. Any verbal stuff: Do what you can to get a tape recorder and hide it on you. They still make these tiny tape recorders and are very inexpensive. IF you have a video camera or cell phone with video on it, do what you can to get this recorded. You can hold a cell phone without them knowing you are filming them.
6. It gets physical: Again, pull out the cell. Video recording. Have someone who is home with you to get this on tape. Get pictures….take them to the police. Also, search You Tube, MySpace and other online sites where people love to put these sort of videos on there.
7. If your property is damaged, do NOT retaliate. You do this and it becomes a conflict and not an issue of peer abuse. Cover yourself in any way you can but do NOT retaliate. Otherwise, nobody will listen or help you because of retaliation.
8. Those who can help: Go to any homeowners group, Neighbor Watch, landlords, trustworthy neighbors, city or county council, any other local neighborhood affiliated groups. Go to the company that managesyour apartment, condo or trailer park. Whatever your living situation, there is an organization which has some authority and let them know what is going on. You can do this anonymously if need be. Go to city hall to see who can help you in this matter. Also, the police. They do nothing, go to their superior. Keep going up the chain of command. Some will try and pass the buck but do not let them.
9. If any of this is done on a continual basis, even after you have verbally or have put it in writing for them to stop and they don't, look into filing harassment charges. Put up "Keep Out" or "No Trespassing" signs and again, if they ignore them, get your documentation in order and look into pressing harassment charges and if there are threats, you can get a restraining order.
10. Again, everyone answers to someone. I know, some people keep going and have no respect for anyone else. They do as they please and ignore your signs and other things. Again, document….this documentation will help you at some point. I know it has been helping me in my situation. A great resource to learn more is a site here called "Neighbors From Hell". There are many links listed that can be helpful too. Bookmark this site and save it in your resources. http://www.borzotta.com/nfh/index.html
Again, do NOT retaliate as much as you want to. You do that thenthat gives them a reason to claim the same problems against you. Let them dig their own grave. Eventually, they will have themselves covered up without being able to get out. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
MORE NEWS AND TIDBITS
JEFFS BILL: Congrats to Debby Johnston and others behind this bill for getting it passed with a 40-0 vote in the Senate. This is a bill in Florida that we hope will become a law called "Jeff's Law". Debra lost her son to bullycide and is working hard to get peer abuse stopped in her area. GO DEBRA!
A MURDERED FRIEND: Ann Fox Smith who lived in Aiken South Carolinawas murdered last Friday in her home. I knew her when she lived inmy hometown and we were friends. If anyone reading this knew Ann oranything about her, please contact the police. Here is a link to herstory and sadly, this will probably remain in the media.http://www.wrdw.com/home/headlines/18295734.html . Contact info to the police is at the bottom of the article.
CONDOLENCES EXPRESSED: A great lady, Judy K. Beach who was affiliated with the International Women's Writers Guild recently passed away. There is a web log set up where people can offer condolences or words of comfort. Please check it out if any of youknew her or are affiliated with IWWG. http://judikbeach.blogspot.com/ .
WE WANT A CHASING CAIN III: Yes, there is a letter campaign going onto send to the Canadian Broadcasting Company (CBC) for them to makea Chasing Cain III movie. The first two were really good with an intriguing plot and wonderful actors. If you wish to learn more, a My Space page is set up http://www.myspace.com/wewantchasingcain3 or you can contact the CBC directly at /http://www.cbc.ca/contact/ and it only takes 5 minutes to write.
NEED TUPPERWARE?: Check out what my cousin Teresa has going on. http://my.tupperware.com/teresacoggins .
ESQUIRE BEST DRESSED MAN: A friend is running for this and is needing votes. Please, if you have time, vote for Norman for the Best Dressed Man for 2008. http://esquirebdrm.com/NormanD/529
NEED AVON?: My friend Jennifer is selling AVON. If you are interested in purchasing some of this, visit here:http://www.youravon.com/jenniferlarkins
MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS: Mothers Day is just around the corner and some of the folks at MS here on the Pacific Coast area are selling some items. Check them out if you are still looking for that perfect gift for your mother.http://blaster.shop2stopms.com/view_blast.cfm?blast_id=252
CALDWELL BANKER: In need of a new home or looking to purchase some property? Kris Alongi can help you out. Visit this link:http://www.coldwellbankercaine.com/agent_details.php?agent_id=184
THE DAUGHTER IN LAW RULES: Check out Sarah Jane Cions free newsletter. Great stuff!! http://www.thedilrules.com/
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY: These folks have a lot of summer reading material. Visit http://www.mail-family.org/ if interested.
THE GRANT INSTITUTE: They will be hosting a grant proposal writing workshop in Charleston, WV on July 14-16 2008. Visithttp://www.thegrantinstitute.com/ to learn how you can learn more.
DR PHIL: Dr Phil is needing a teenage guest for the fall. He wants someone who has and continues to be cyber bullied. You can email meat http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/PeerAbuse/post?postID=zy6u7xTYhTC03U5LbvDFLSK83pm6V0eM-yFB38HtS6kWONQIJ1WWZ3g94uSv7baqBMRoG3hfAzXCZPO_ij8nQCsg30sd4g and I can tell you more.
BIOLOGICAL DIVERSITY: Global warming is affecting animals in arctic and cold climates. Please, visit this site and see how you can help.http://www.biologicaldiversity.org/
IRIDOLOGY: A new book entitled "Iridology: The Science and Practicein the Healing Arts" by Dr. Bernard Jensen. To obtain a copy, visit Whitman Books at http://www.wwhitman.com/
HAROLD CAMERON: Yup, the "Be Positive Guy" has a You Tube account where he makes videos on different subjects. This is someone whotries hard to make the world a better place. Please check out his videos here http://uk.youtube.com/user/haroldsays. He has made one on Peer Abuse and is doing a great job in getting the word out.
SAFETY ISSUES: Check these guys out! They have a newsletter and work hard in trying to keep kids safe. http://www.safetyissues.com/ and learn more!
SEEKING AN ATTORNEY: If you are in the process of seeking an Attorney, one place you may want to avoid is http://www.jurisdictionary.com/ . Recently, a friend of mine was scammed by these folks. To the tune of almost $300 and this was money she did not have to begin with. So, please be careful….do not allow yourself to be scammed out there.
DR CHARLOTTE: Recently, Dr. Charlotte published an article about children and the violence in the media and on the internet. Visit here to read the article:http://www.imageryforkids.com/art_imagination.asp
JUVENILLE JUSTICE: Check out what is going on at the Office ofJuvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention. http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/ojjdp.
AUTISM: Do you have or know anyone dealing with autism? Check out this site for some great educational tools. http://www.nlconcepts.com/
NAMI: The National Alliance of the Mentally Ill will be holding awalk on October 4, 2008 in Orange County. More details to follow later…..
SOCIAL ANXIETY INSTITUTE: Once again, I promote this site. A great one for the Adult Survivor Of Peer Abuse: http://www.socialanxietyinstitute.org/
CHILD PREDATOR BUSTERS: Check these guys out! They are doing a LOTof good here online in catching predators on social web sites andother places. Go to this site: http://www.childpredatorbusters.org/
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE or EQ: Need certification? Trainings will be held throughout 2008 in Seattle, Washington. Go to this site to learn more: http://www.learninginaction.com/
THE COMMON BOND INSTITUTE: On September 4-8, they will be hosting a Engaging The Other Conference in San Francisco, CA. Visit this linkto learn more: http://www.cbiworld.org/Pages/Conferences_ETO.htm
ASSOCIATION FOR HUMANISTIC PSYCHOLOGY: Check these guys out! They have a jam packed summer with conferences, workshops and other great stuff going on. Visit http://www.ahpweb.org/ and see what they have going on!
HELPFUL MATERIALS: If you have time, please visit the folks at Psychotherapy dot net. They have many new and great materials inbooks, DVD's and other products.http://www.psychotherapy.net/
BEING ABUSED BY THE SCHOOLS? Check out this great group!http://www.endteacherabuse.org/ to learn more. Also, check out their video on You Tube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3JoiniKNq8
BOOK ON HUMANISTIC PSYCHOLOGY: Recently, a book was published for the purpose of making third force psychology (broadly construed) a stronger presence in child developmental theorizing. The book, Humanizing Child Developmental Theory: A Holistic Approach. This text utilizes ideas from Rogers, Horney, Winnicott, Kohut, Bühler,Knowles, Stern, Schachtel, Koffka and others.http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/results.asp WRD=Humanizing+Child+Developmental+Theory&z=y
Have anything you wish to share? Email me and will include it in the next edition . ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
This is it for the May newsletter. August is "readers choice" and am interested in what you as the reader wish to have here in the newsletter. Please email your ideas to me and will do what I can to do a lesson on it. Thanks for reading….see you all in August! Til then…..have a great and safe summer!
Regards,
Elizabeth Bennett
http://www.peerabuse.info/
Elizabeth Bennett. Copyright © 2008 All Rights Reserved.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Hello! Its another week and sadly, more drama amongst us. Many stories in the news about Peer Abuse and one that has really gotten my goat. There has been talk about peanut allergies and peer abuse. I am not sure how many are aware of this but those who have peanut allergies can die if consuming or even being around peanuts, peanut butter or anything with this in it. Its lethal and dangerous. Yet, these bullies now use this as a weapon in bringing more harm to their victims. I tell you what and have said it many times, we are a nation growing without a conscience and as far as I am concerned, this is criminal behavior. Also, I consider this attempted murder. Sure, I am probably coming off as over zealous in my thoughts here but dangit if it walks like a duck….talks like a duck…..need I say more?
There was an incident with a 14 year old girl with peanut allergies and a group of girls she had known most of her life. They were friends until recently when these girls decided she could not sit at their lunch table any longer. How did they decide to get rid of her and shut her out? Bring peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to school! Okay, if these girls had grown up with her and knew her, they would know about her peanut allergies and the dangers of it. They had planned this together and one girl, with a bout of conscience, warned the girl with the allergies. If this was not bad enough, she walked into class one day and someone had a jar of peanut butter. When she came in, they opened it up and sadly, the girl had a reaction and had to go to the hospital for four days. Thank goodness she was able to get through it. What has gotten me is that the girl told the school about the kids and the lunch table and the school did NOTHING ABOUT IT!!!!!!! Well, until after the fact and the girl went to the hospital they decided to do something. Now, the school has to treat this as a disability and under the 504 laws, there can be no peanut butter within the vicinity of this girl.
Do the schools realize that if this girl had died, they would have really been in trouble? Why is it that it takes actually seeing something to believe it? The school KNEW about these allergies and should have acted before it got out of hand like this. In the article, someone stated that kids do not realize the real danger in these sort of things. Excuse me? These girls grew up with the victim and were probably well aware of the dangers of peanut allergies yet “they were not thinking of the real dangers?” It is well documented that kids pass away from this. I get tired of this problem being swept under the rug. If bullycide is not bad enough, NOW we are going into homicide. Yes folks, intentionally bringing harm to someone, and in this case peanut butter, this is homicide!
My point in all of this is that despite them being underage, this was done with malicious and criminal intent and bullies are your criminals. Peer Abuse is not just “kids stuff”. Not only was this attempted homicide, but of course, good ole Relational Aggression. Yeah, you know the girl on girl stuff. The Queen Bee crap….but of course, I am sure nobody tried to investigate this or try to help until after the fact as “this is just kids stuff and it will blow over“. Kids at 13 and 14 may be testy but they certainly know the difference in right and wrong. Bringing peanut butter around someone who could die from it is wrong and again, attempted homicide. I wish these girls would be charged as such but my guess is they only got detention or were told “now don’t ever do that again, okay”. If it were me and I had a child like this, I would have pressed charges. Taken these abusers straight to the bank!
Thanks for reading.
Source:
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/AllergiesNews/story?id=4659705&page=1
There was an incident with a 14 year old girl with peanut allergies and a group of girls she had known most of her life. They were friends until recently when these girls decided she could not sit at their lunch table any longer. How did they decide to get rid of her and shut her out? Bring peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to school! Okay, if these girls had grown up with her and knew her, they would know about her peanut allergies and the dangers of it. They had planned this together and one girl, with a bout of conscience, warned the girl with the allergies. If this was not bad enough, she walked into class one day and someone had a jar of peanut butter. When she came in, they opened it up and sadly, the girl had a reaction and had to go to the hospital for four days. Thank goodness she was able to get through it. What has gotten me is that the girl told the school about the kids and the lunch table and the school did NOTHING ABOUT IT!!!!!!! Well, until after the fact and the girl went to the hospital they decided to do something. Now, the school has to treat this as a disability and under the 504 laws, there can be no peanut butter within the vicinity of this girl.
Do the schools realize that if this girl had died, they would have really been in trouble? Why is it that it takes actually seeing something to believe it? The school KNEW about these allergies and should have acted before it got out of hand like this. In the article, someone stated that kids do not realize the real danger in these sort of things. Excuse me? These girls grew up with the victim and were probably well aware of the dangers of peanut allergies yet “they were not thinking of the real dangers?” It is well documented that kids pass away from this. I get tired of this problem being swept under the rug. If bullycide is not bad enough, NOW we are going into homicide. Yes folks, intentionally bringing harm to someone, and in this case peanut butter, this is homicide!
My point in all of this is that despite them being underage, this was done with malicious and criminal intent and bullies are your criminals. Peer Abuse is not just “kids stuff”. Not only was this attempted homicide, but of course, good ole Relational Aggression. Yeah, you know the girl on girl stuff. The Queen Bee crap….but of course, I am sure nobody tried to investigate this or try to help until after the fact as “this is just kids stuff and it will blow over“. Kids at 13 and 14 may be testy but they certainly know the difference in right and wrong. Bringing peanut butter around someone who could die from it is wrong and again, attempted homicide. I wish these girls would be charged as such but my guess is they only got detention or were told “now don’t ever do that again, okay”. If it were me and I had a child like this, I would have pressed charges. Taken these abusers straight to the bank!
Thanks for reading.
Source:
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/AllergiesNews/story?id=4659705&page=1
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Victoria Lindsay and Peer Abuse
Hello, I know, have not blogged in a couple of weeks. That’s my bad as I was working away from the computer. I am now back and let me tell you, the info I am getting on bullying has me nothing more than peeved to a tea. Oh yeah, Elizabeth Bennett is ANGRY! MAD! TIRED OF THE PEER ABUSE!!!!!!!!
I am well aware of the Victoria Lindsay case. The one in Florida where six teens “jumped” her and caught it on tape to put on My Space and You Tube. Yeah, this is the latest trend in peer abuse; taping assaults and getting them on these sites for everyone to see. Like some prize, you know? Are you aware that with psycho and sociopath, they ALSO look for rewards in their dirty deeds? Many times they will keep a souvenir from the assault. So, I guess this is the “reward” for these criminals in training, huh? Oh I know, its only kids and only bullying …forgive me for overreacting here as calling it abuse is just an exageration. Note the sarcasm in the last sentence. *rolling eyes*
Well, someone finally FINALLY did something right! Yup, those bullies were arrested and put in jail and I rejoiced. YES! A bully is FINALLY paying his dues! However, they screwed up again in my opinion as they are now on house arrest. House arrest? How sweet….now they can stay home and go online, play video games, text their friends and create more useless crap. Boy, I wish I had been punished this way growing up! What really takes the cake is that someone from the Dr. Phil show has bailed one of the bullies out! YES! Now I thought Good ole Phil was against bullying?
I heard the 911 call Victoria made. Describing the side of her head being hurt and blood all over her mouth. I also saw the video which was equally disturbing. The girl in pain and a group of bullies making it worse. I know there is a gag order on this case and can only learn so much about it. I say remove that gag and let it all go……get it out there and keep it real. Keep us abreast of what is going on and get these bullies back in jail. They need to understand that they did wrong and having Dr Phil bail them out of jail is NOT teaching them anything!
Oh and it gets worse…..now these bogus support pages are being set up online. Yeah, they are doing this for notoriety and not with concern for Victoria. Plus, sites are asking for money on behalf of Victoria and her family. Yup, more embezzlement on My Space and other places. Of course, nothing is going to be done I am sure. Yet the police say they are looking into it. Really? I figured these criminals would be rewarded in some way as well. You know, more house arrest or maybe a guest stint on a talk show?
Yes, this is full of sarcasm but you know, someone FINALLY did the right thing in all of this and that was putting the bullies behind bars where they belong. However, they moved them to house arrest. I am sure house arrest is not easy either but at least they are at home with access to the same stuff that started this whole mess. Plus, one gets help from Dr. Phil! The best thing that could help these kids is time in jail. Yes, let them take responsibility here. I know, they are “just kids” but are old enough to know right from wrong. Old enough to know that beating someone to a pulp and putting it online is wrong. Old enough to know all of this is wrong and until they are accepting any sort of responsibility, it is not going to register. So, if I am coming off as sarcastic, I have a damned good reason to. WHEN IS THIS GOING TO STOP??? WHEN ARE WE GOING TO STOP REWARDING AND SENSATIONALIZING BAD BEHAVIOR??? One of these kids faces life in prison? Really? I will believe it when I see it.
In the meantime, I am disgusted. Sickened and most of all, sick of the fact that this is just considered “kids stuff” and everyone is so appalled at the horrible behavior yet have never done anything before about it. GIVE THEM JAIL TIME AND I MEAN REALLY LET THEM LEARN A LESSON. Tough love works best in cases like this one.
Who knows, it may also teach the bullies how to love too.
Thanks for reading. Have a good week and praying that nothing else will spring up. These kids are abusing the crap out of one another and killing each other. ITS ABUSE!!!!!! PEER ABUSE!!!!!!!!
Links to learn more about the case:
http://www.wftv.com/news/15817394/detail.html
http://www.myfoxtampabay.com/myfox/pages/News/Detail?contentId=6295182&version=2&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=TSTY&pageId=3.2.1
http://www.nationalledger.com/artman/publish/article_272620020.shtml
http://www.myfoxtampabay.com/myfox/pages/Home/Detail;jsessionid=60A7A702445D522EB9E58AD31153B20A?contentId=6311709&version=1&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=VSTY&pageId=1.1.1&sflg=1
I am well aware of the Victoria Lindsay case. The one in Florida where six teens “jumped” her and caught it on tape to put on My Space and You Tube. Yeah, this is the latest trend in peer abuse; taping assaults and getting them on these sites for everyone to see. Like some prize, you know? Are you aware that with psycho and sociopath, they ALSO look for rewards in their dirty deeds? Many times they will keep a souvenir from the assault. So, I guess this is the “reward” for these criminals in training, huh? Oh I know, its only kids and only bullying …forgive me for overreacting here as calling it abuse is just an exageration. Note the sarcasm in the last sentence. *rolling eyes*
Well, someone finally FINALLY did something right! Yup, those bullies were arrested and put in jail and I rejoiced. YES! A bully is FINALLY paying his dues! However, they screwed up again in my opinion as they are now on house arrest. House arrest? How sweet….now they can stay home and go online, play video games, text their friends and create more useless crap. Boy, I wish I had been punished this way growing up! What really takes the cake is that someone from the Dr. Phil show has bailed one of the bullies out! YES! Now I thought Good ole Phil was against bullying?
I heard the 911 call Victoria made. Describing the side of her head being hurt and blood all over her mouth. I also saw the video which was equally disturbing. The girl in pain and a group of bullies making it worse. I know there is a gag order on this case and can only learn so much about it. I say remove that gag and let it all go……get it out there and keep it real. Keep us abreast of what is going on and get these bullies back in jail. They need to understand that they did wrong and having Dr Phil bail them out of jail is NOT teaching them anything!
Oh and it gets worse…..now these bogus support pages are being set up online. Yeah, they are doing this for notoriety and not with concern for Victoria. Plus, sites are asking for money on behalf of Victoria and her family. Yup, more embezzlement on My Space and other places. Of course, nothing is going to be done I am sure. Yet the police say they are looking into it. Really? I figured these criminals would be rewarded in some way as well. You know, more house arrest or maybe a guest stint on a talk show?
Yes, this is full of sarcasm but you know, someone FINALLY did the right thing in all of this and that was putting the bullies behind bars where they belong. However, they moved them to house arrest. I am sure house arrest is not easy either but at least they are at home with access to the same stuff that started this whole mess. Plus, one gets help from Dr. Phil! The best thing that could help these kids is time in jail. Yes, let them take responsibility here. I know, they are “just kids” but are old enough to know right from wrong. Old enough to know that beating someone to a pulp and putting it online is wrong. Old enough to know all of this is wrong and until they are accepting any sort of responsibility, it is not going to register. So, if I am coming off as sarcastic, I have a damned good reason to. WHEN IS THIS GOING TO STOP??? WHEN ARE WE GOING TO STOP REWARDING AND SENSATIONALIZING BAD BEHAVIOR??? One of these kids faces life in prison? Really? I will believe it when I see it.
In the meantime, I am disgusted. Sickened and most of all, sick of the fact that this is just considered “kids stuff” and everyone is so appalled at the horrible behavior yet have never done anything before about it. GIVE THEM JAIL TIME AND I MEAN REALLY LET THEM LEARN A LESSON. Tough love works best in cases like this one.
Who knows, it may also teach the bullies how to love too.
Thanks for reading. Have a good week and praying that nothing else will spring up. These kids are abusing the crap out of one another and killing each other. ITS ABUSE!!!!!! PEER ABUSE!!!!!!!!
Links to learn more about the case:
http://www.wftv.com/news/15817394/detail.html
http://www.myfoxtampabay.com/myfox/pages/News/Detail?contentId=6295182&version=2&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=TSTY&pageId=3.2.1
http://www.nationalledger.com/artman/publish/article_272620020.shtml
http://www.myfoxtampabay.com/myfox/pages/Home/Detail;jsessionid=60A7A702445D522EB9E58AD31153B20A?contentId=6311709&version=1&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=VSTY&pageId=1.1.1&sflg=1
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