Wow! Another day and another case of abuse on the records. Yes, this time it is done by a 40 year old woman in Missouri by the name of Elizabeth A. Thrasher. I guess the acts of Lori Drew were not enough to either wake people up to these things or completely put a stop to them. This is the first case under the new Megan Meier Law in Missouri to be charged with felony harassment.

Mrs. Thrasher was having a feud with the girlfriend of her ex-husband. The 17 year old daughter of the girlfriend went over to MySpace and sent Mrs. Thrasher a note telling her to grow up. Well, Mrs. Thrasher decided to head over to Craig’s List and posted a picture, email address and cell phone number of the 17 year old girl under the Casual Encounters section of the site. The content was suggesting that the girl was looking for contact of a sexual nature.

I do not even know where to begin with this one. I have seen the comments posted in this resource and people are saying “why don’t they grow up?” and things like that. All I know is that if we cannot behave as adults ourselves and handle our problems with one another as adults, how can we expect children to behave and be respectful to others? Folks, I grew up in the same generation as Mrs. Thrasher and I can tell you that this problem with peer abuse and bullying was as alive then as it is now. I can remember many who did not behave with consideration or respect and have probably not outgrown it but taking it to the workplace where we are now talking about these problems at work. Folks, if you get anything from this blog, I hope it is the fact that bullies do not grow up but grow worse. I hear so many say that people outgrow this behavior but can assure you that for the most part, they don’t. They just get more manipulative, charming and subtle in how they abuse their peers. I cannot say whether Mrs. Thrasher is an adult bully considering the fact that I do not know this lady. However, her actions in this situation indicate an adult bully. This is the kind of stuff adult bullies do. No regard for anyone else, especially a child.

I would hope after the Lori Drew case that people would wake up to this problem and not enable it. So far, it does not seem to be the case.

Is Lori Drew Online Again?

As I was reading this morning, I came across this article here online. Lori Drew is once again in the news. Recently, her case was dismissed in a Los Angeles Court which enraged me. It only set a precedence for more cases such as this and the fact that people will get away with online impersonations as she has done. I have feel strongly that social justice was not sought in this case. The Meier family will never have Megan again thanks to this woman. Yet she gets to go home and continue to watch her own daughter grow into adulthood. She has yet to pay for what she has done to the Meier family. An apology would be nice but appears that this is not going to happen.

According to recent events, Ms. Drew is asking to use the internet again as she recently got a job offer that would require her to use it at work. Since June of 2008, she had been banned from going online. Evidently, the woman has moved to an undisclosed state and found possible employment.

Folks, I DO have a problem with this. For starters, this woman took the life of a young girl who suffered from clinical depression by using the internet. She manipulated, plotted and set up a fake account as a 16 year old boy named Josh. As most abusers do, she showed her cruel streak and Josh turned against Megan which led to Megan committing bullycide. This woman was well aware of the fact that Megan was vulnerable, clinically depressed and knew her weak spots. After Megan died, she had the nerve to ask the Meier family to keep a game for her that she was giving someone for Christmas. No admission, apology or any of that. She behaved as if nothing was ever wrong. If you ask me, this is scary behavior.

As Mrs. Drew was not punished or held accountable for her crimes or Megan’s death, who is to say she is not going to go back online and pull this stunt on another child that her daughter may be feuding with? As she expressed no remorse or apology for Megan, who is to say she has changed or learned anything? MySpace is still in existence and is still a online hangout for teens. People who have internet access at their jobs are always sneaking peeks at their email or coming on places to chat like Facebook or Twitter. It does not appear she has learned a lesson the first time around and the fact that she may be going online again is scary.

I understand Mrs. Drew has to work so she can care for her family. However, I do not trust her whatsoever when it comes to the internet. She has proven that she cannot behave responsibly online and will repeat these same behaviors because she knows she will not be punished for her actions. That was the lesson that was learned the first time around. Besides, allowing this woman back online is like handing a serial killer a loaded gun. Now would anyone in their right mind even go there? Something to think about.

Adult Survivors Face Their Demons

This past Friday, my mother called and told me about something in her local newspaper about adults who were bullied as children encountering their former bullies on social sites such as Facebook and MySpace. As this is something I am dealing with in my own life right now, I really wanted to see this and did a search online. Its not only me but other adult survivors of peer abuse are facing this on these sites. I have had several tell me about this. One became so upset all over again that it was a shock to the system. Another set up a cause page and encouraged former bullies to donate to the bullying cause. One saw the friend request, wrote the bully back and let them know what they did and how it affected them. The bully wrote back, sent scathing messages over and over and took absolutely no responsibility for their actions. The only way the person got them to stop was by blocking them.

There are many adults out there who were abused by their peers as children and are on these sites. There is a feature for reconnecting with old friends from school and work so if you list these schools or former places of employment on your profile, with one click they can easily look and get a blast from the past so to speak. This abuse for some was mild and would be isolated events. Overcoming it was not a problem for them and probably resolved these issues with their bully before entering adulthood. Or, some may remember this, can remember it in a bad light and how it affected them but not really think much about it. So, letting bygones be bygones was not such a big thing and went ahead and accepted these tormentors on their pages. After all, life is too short, right? Yet what about those who were fed this abuse in strong doses and it affected them psychologically? The scars are there and may be there for the remainder of their lives. A daily cocktail of anti-depressants is what keeps them sane. So, they come on these social sites and see that one of the people that added to this damage is sending a friend request? What about these survivors? How do they handle this problem?

Carolyn Hax of the Washington Post gave some great advice. True, these bullies may have reformed and are different now. We don’t know whether this has happened or not. They may want to make amends or apologize. This could be a way of setting the record straight. There are some positives to this. However, those who are severe cases may find this too upsetting. A friend request is sent. No message or even “hello, how are you” in the request. The bully sends a request and behaves as if nothing ever happened. How does one deal with this? Here is what I can suggest. First off, it is basically up to the person and the severity of the abuse. We must forgive these tormenters as hard as it is. If we want to be forgiven we must forgive others. However, this does not mean we have to become friends on social sites and welcome them with open arms into our lives. One does not know if this person has changed or not and taking that risk may be hard. I do know that by them sending these requests and behaving as if nothing has happened, chances are they are still bullies. Folks, hard core bullies do not grow up but grow worse. Many are narcissistic and pathological. Those who run in and out of our lives, hurt us to the core and always come back like nothing ever happened are those who more than likely lack having a conscience. Those with a conscience are going to be remorseful in what happened and will tell you so right off the bat. It is a matter of reading between the lines here.

Basically, its up to the person and if they are ready to do this or not. I do know some are not ready and that’s okay. One went into shock at seeing these people on there. It is upsetting to see these people and if it is too upsetting, that person needs to block these people. You wish them well and forgive them but block them until ready to do otherwise. They are no longer a part of your life and why add any pain to it? Not only block them if upsetting but observe their behavior through mutual friends on the site. See if they are exclusive in who they will accept as friends or not. Are they seeking attention in some way or minding their own business? Bullies love to be in charge and in control. Something to consider here. However, if you can add them and not be upset, do so. Again, a lot of this is a matter of the severity of the abuse and whether the person can handle it or not. If you are a survivor with a severe case, don’t do anything to add to the trauma. If you are one who is and can let bygones be bygones, go ahead. Just be careful is all I can say. After all, what happens when a rape victim comes face to face with their rapist? Or, a child faces the parent that abused them and left deep scars? Do we suggest happily ever after in these cases? Something to really think about in all of this.