Okay or not okay?

Whew! We are half way through the week and I am surviving another day as an adult. A lot of news about Peer Abuse (bullying) in the news. Phoebe Prince can finally RIP because her abusers have been sentenced. Pretty lenient sentences if you ask me but, what do I know? I am not a legal expert just a B word one. My friends at Civilination had a great blog on PTSD and Annie Fox has kept it real with her blog discussing the decline of society. If that does not top it all, there has been some great discussion on my Facebook page about events happening in Dayton, OH where three teens set a young man’s hair on fire. When does it end? When is okay and not okay?


As an adult survivor of this form of abuse, I have heard the classic “life is not fair” many a time and I can tell you that any other adult survivor knows firsthand that life is not fair. Our civil and human rights were violated before we were old enough to drive and vote! Please folks, give me something I do not know already know. One thing I ponder and that is when is it okay and not okay to hurt someone?

To be alive and exist, we will all experience pain at some point. It pretty much goes with the territory. Yes, even when some choose to live with their rose colored glasses on, it does not mean they are completely immune to pain. The same goes with those who take up residence in their fishbowl with everything happily ever after. However, when is pain not okay? When is life not fair? There is an intangible line here and it is important to understand that. Life stops being fair when people are hurt and abused in any form of fashion. I am sorry but, there are no excuses for that behavior towards anyone. Competition? It’s everywhere and on some level human nature. However, it becomes problematic when it is intentional, flaunted and thrown in other faces to bring pain to them. Setting someone’s head on fire? Um, “life is not fair” will not fly with this one. Nor will it not fly when someone suffers from Complex PTSD. Oh and posting “accomplished” on Facebook after you drove your target to kill herself is not acceptable either. What is wrong with us? Have we lost all touch of empathy and compassion? Do we even know right from wrong any longer?

Nobody knows the hard knocks of life like an adult survivor of the B word does. Again, our civil and human rights were violated very early on and our life, liberty and pursuit of happiness did not always apply to us. It’s hard to dodge these hurdles when the abuse is rampant and it is eight-year-old you against 15 or so other children. Survivors get this and still battle these demons. Experiencing pain and having those we care about hurt us are a fact of life. Not getting a promotion that you felt was yours and went to someone else? Yeah, that’s life. Your grandmother passed away from cancer? Sure, we all have to deal with death. However, it is not okay to continue to harm others or bring them pain intentionally. There is a difference and something we all should think about.

Lawmakers Enable this Problem

Recently, I wrote a statement for SB 494 in Montana about the psychological affects that occur when peer abuse at work is occurring. A woman who was abused at work drew up the legislative information and spoke last week to these lawmakers about this. There is now a chance this bill may die.

The workplace has become a battleground in many cases. Office politics is a serious problem and like cancer, does not seem to want to diminish anytime soon. Bullies come in and keep things in an uproar. Micro inequities are an issue that nobody seems to address yet fuels this problem. Targets are developing anxiety, depression and suffer extreme stress as a result of this. Plus, work performance decreases. Who can do a good job with a bully breathing down their backs? As a result of all of this, money is lost daily within the organization. After a period of time, the politics start running rampant and people forget why they are even employed in the first place. Trust me, I have been there and I know I am not alone.

As I have written some of these lawmakers, I have been appalled at their attitudes this. One has stated that by trying to curb this problem, it equates to communism. Another let it be known that the government does not need to be sitting in the back of the office when it doesn’t need to. Communism? Nobody is suggesting this here. All someone wants to do is remedy this problem so people can go to work, do their jobs in a productive manner and go home without having to deal with useless crap on a daily basis. What kind of a world do we live in where people turn away from helping one another? Folks, this is a serious problem! When workers develop stress and depression, this a problem. When losing money these days, it is a problem and a bad one. We cannot afford to loose anymore money in this nation! When people are not living life, liberty and pursuit of happiness, it’s a bad problem and a huge violation. This is a problem and it needs to be fixed! Why do people continue to enable this bullying problem? Why don’t they call a spade a spade and see it for what it is and that is abuse?

Please, when you go to work, do what you can to keep the environment a healthy one. Do not get involved in the gossip, games and bandwagons to get others fired unless they have committed a serious crime. Isn’t there enough stress out there?

Resource Cited
http://www.clarkforkchronicle.com/article.php/20090216163445911