Cranky Cathy and her Workplace Abuse

Another week and another blog. This time I am focusing upon the constant crank in the workplace. You know, the one that complains about everyone and everything? Nobody can do anything better than her? She zeroes in on every little move made by someone in the office? This is not just having a bad day but a way of life with Cranky Cathy. It never stops and someone is always in her cross fire. Well, except for her little “buddies” that she befriends and enlists in her chronic drama. Sometimes, people just ignore or avoid her and only communicate with them if need be. Or, others may clamor to be a part of her “posse” and will do what they can to be a part of the inner circle. They may do nice things like bring her cookies or let her borrow something in hopes of never becoming their target at work. Oh, they are aware that these Cranky Cathy behaves like a child but everyone seems to be drawn to her out of fear. There is that charisma she projects that draws these people in despite her nasty behavior. Sometimes, her games and foolishness becomes to much and targets or bystanders erupt or verbally attack her. Whala! Cranky Cathy now has another reason to target someone. The cycle continues as people are hired, fired or leave the job and new people come to the office. Cranky Cathy can always find potential recruits and new targets. What is really sad is that over half the time, Cathy is not even the boss but an office contemporary. The boss is generally being charmed by Cathy. Trust me, she knows how to work an office as she probably worked the playground at school.

This cycle is a very unhealthy one and exists in most workplace environments today. It is not productive and companies loose money because of this. Who can go to work and focus on their job with people around them bothering and harassing them? Cranky Cathy never lets up and is always mad about something and she has her targets and allies in place. Why do people enable her behavior? One reason is out of fear for becoming her target themselves. They see others flocking to her out of their own fear and get caught up in her garbage. Oh, everyone knows her behavior is wrong and tiring yet nobody is interested in doing anything about it so they keep up with their dysfunction allowing Cathy to dictate the social setting at work.

Folks, its important to stand up to Cranky Cathy. From the get go, let her know that you have no interest in what Joe said to Sally and how Sally screwed up a tally sheet or did not perform to Cathy’s standards. Also, you cannot sit around and gossip with her but keep your focus on the work at hand. Do not try to befriend her or spend any amount of time with you. Yes, it is scary to stand up to Cranky Cathy but let people know from the beginning that you have no time for office politics. Chances are, these colleagues hold the same opinion but have been afraid to speak up. It may take that one voice to open up and stand up to her. Eventually, she will wear people down with her antics and they will move away from her. She will loose her charm as bit by bit as she runs people off with her behavior. A bully standing alone cannot create so much drama as their power is taken away. Do not do anything that can cause her to gain power and use it to abuse everyone. If you must communicate with her, do so in a calm and professional manner. Most importantly, know that she is the one at fault and the one with the problem. She is good at twisting events to her favor and will try and make you feel like the unstable and nutty one at work. Remain calm at all times. If you must get emotional, please do so in the privacy of a bathroom or go out to the car for something. Do not let Cranky Cathy see your pain. She thrives on pain and drama and will only use this to create more at work.

Again, we all have bad days. Things do not always go right, we may not have made a deadline or just cannot seem to do anything right on those particular days. Its normal and a part of life. However, it becomes an issue when it is chronic and daily by one particular person. Know that their behavior is wrong and not the other way around. Do what you can to keep the environment a good and healthy one. There is enough stress in this world so why add to it? Certainly something to think about.

Elizabeth Bennett is the Social Justice Guru seeking social justice for all. She is also the author of “Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From a Psychological Perspective” along with the e-book “Child Safety Online: Top Tips to Protect your Child from Internet Predators.” Please visit Peer Abuse Know More! To learn more.

Lawmakers Enable this Problem

Recently, I wrote a statement for SB 494 in Montana about the psychological affects that occur when peer abuse at work is occurring. A woman who was abused at work drew up the legislative information and spoke last week to these lawmakers about this. There is now a chance this bill may die.

The workplace has become a battleground in many cases. Office politics is a serious problem and like cancer, does not seem to want to diminish anytime soon. Bullies come in and keep things in an uproar. Micro inequities are an issue that nobody seems to address yet fuels this problem. Targets are developing anxiety, depression and suffer extreme stress as a result of this. Plus, work performance decreases. Who can do a good job with a bully breathing down their backs? As a result of all of this, money is lost daily within the organization. After a period of time, the politics start running rampant and people forget why they are even employed in the first place. Trust me, I have been there and I know I am not alone.

As I have written some of these lawmakers, I have been appalled at their attitudes this. One has stated that by trying to curb this problem, it equates to communism. Another let it be known that the government does not need to be sitting in the back of the office when it doesn’t need to. Communism? Nobody is suggesting this here. All someone wants to do is remedy this problem so people can go to work, do their jobs in a productive manner and go home without having to deal with useless crap on a daily basis. What kind of a world do we live in where people turn away from helping one another? Folks, this is a serious problem! When workers develop stress and depression, this a problem. When losing money these days, it is a problem and a bad one. We cannot afford to loose anymore money in this nation! When people are not living life, liberty and pursuit of happiness, it’s a bad problem and a huge violation. This is a problem and it needs to be fixed! Why do people continue to enable this bullying problem? Why don’t they call a spade a spade and see it for what it is and that is abuse?

Please, when you go to work, do what you can to keep the environment a healthy one. Do not get involved in the gossip, games and bandwagons to get others fired unless they have committed a serious crime. Isn’t there enough stress out there?

Resource Cited
http://www.clarkforkchronicle.com/article.php/20090216163445911

Ladies, Stop the Peer Abuse!

I recently read an article in the New York Times about women in the workplace. It was a great article and the source, Peggy Klaus, knows what she is talking about. She was dead on in her assessment of women and how they treat one another. We would like to think that when we get a group of ladies together, the relational aggression leaves the building and sisterhood and maturity take priority. This is so far from the truth.

Lets face it. Women are covert in their abuse and the workplace is of no exception. Its done in underhanded, backstabbing ways. Instead of talking things out in a rational manner we tend to go to anyone but the source of our problems. If we show emotion, we are considered bitchy which some take as compliments. Someone will correct our errors or criticize and we tend to take it personally. Or, we withhold information from others to benefit our own agendas. Some will take their maternal instincts into work and try and boss others around. Others may hold grudges for some reason and allow this to filter into the office. Or, comments get made which could be considered left handed compliments. In the grand scheme of things, all this does is lower productivity, increase illness and the company looses instead of gains money. Who can work effectively under these circumstances?

This is not meant to slam my own gender here. Men are just as capable of climbing into the sandbox as we are. This is to raise awareness of my gender and how our behavior affects each other and the organization as a whole. Some things I know would help would be some communication training. We are not taught to verbally express ourselves in honest and tactful ways. Therefore, we resort to this petty behavior which at the end of the day leaves everyone an emotional mess. Ladies, stop the clique building and office politics. Please let go of the grudges and lack of trust for one another. Your purpose in being there in the first place is to do a job. Not get gossip and building notebooks full of mistakes on behalf of others. Stay focused on the job at hand. Also, focus on your own job and let your superior worry about what everyone else is doing. If a colleague screws up, let the appropriate people handle it. If there is conflict, sit down with a third mutual party and talk things out. Listen and I mean really listen to what the other party is saying. That is the biggest problem right there; the lack of listening skills and the need to place blame on others without looking at our own behavior and how it is affecting the company. Nobody is perfect but as adults, we can try to at least get along for the sake of the organization.
I have been in this position a couple of times myself. Its not worth the time or energy. Please, put a stop to it if you see it going on. Allow someone who knows about peer abuse at work to come in and speak to you. Keep an open mind and most importantly, do your own job and stop sweating the nonsense!

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/11/jobs/11pre.html?_r=1

The Evil in Peer Abuse at Work

I read an article this morning entitled Workplace Bullying: Psychological Violence? This was well written and informative. It gave a few examples of recent stories shared that involved bullying growing up and how victims were still being affected by this trauma.

One thing I want to point out is that bullies do not “grow up” as they age but they “grow worse”. They take their dirty deeds and bring them into the workplace. You can find them picking out their targets and cornering them like a cat corners a bird. Some examples of what they do are spread lies, exclude others, give false information on purpose, constant criticism. I could go on and on ad nauseum. Basically, they spend their time sucking up to the boss to persuade them that their ideas and beliefs are gospel. If they are the boss, they just revel in their power. They twist things to make themselves look good while making their target look bad. It never ends and it is physically and emotionally draining. Not to mention that companies loose a lot of money each year as a result of this. Victims develop problems like depression, anxiety and are overwhelmed with stress. A lot of sick days are used as a result of this.

One point mentioned in this article that I wanted to point out is that a person cannot work to his full potential if being bullied at work. With constant criticism, games and manipulations, how can one focus and try to do a good job? They can’t! A person does not feel safe or secure then yes, they are going to screw up.


Please, educate yourselves on this problem that persists in the workplace. Do not get involved in the politics and games. Stay away from all of that. Read your code of conduct and if any of these behaviors mentioned in the article sounds like you, do something about it! Bystanders, do something and don’t egg the problem on or add to it. If a bully targets one person, he will target another. Don’t give them any power. This is a great article and one I highly recommend others take a look at.

There is enough evil in the world. Please don’t take it to work and add to it.

Resource Cited:
http://www.fedsmith.com/article/1780/

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From a Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info/

Well, another week and another entry. I was reading in my Google Alerts about an article entitled Workplace Bullies are Costly and was I glad to see this. I was glad because it is time that more is said and done about bullying in the workplace. We focus so much on the schools and getting the kids educated yet we hardly if ever focus upon the problem in the workplace. One reason could be that people probably assume that these childhood bullies outgrow their behavior? Or that its not a big deal with adults like it is with kids? There are many myths out there I know but one thing is for certain. Bullies do NOT grow up but grow worse. Yes, they get more pathological, methodical and sophisticated in their techniques. Trust me, this problem exists; I lived in twice at work. I am well aware of the realities occuring here.

A colleague of mine, Dr. Gary Namie, has been speaking out against this problem for quite some time. He has stated that the bully is trying to put fear into targets and other employees. Also, he tries to weed out the best employees and set them up to fail. Also, he describes the four types of workplace bullies. The first being the Screaming Mimi’s who give a lot of verbal abuse and make sure others are on their side so they do not get bullied themselves. Another is the Constant Critic who does his dirty deeds behind closed doors. He will tear the victim down bit by bit so that person comes to believe he is actually incompetent and unworthy of being at the job. Another one is the Two Headed Snake. This one will try and be your best friend to your face but is out to break you down behind your back. Finally there is a Gatekeeper and this one is one who can withhold any funding or anything where the target is involved so he will fail.

Folks, is this really productive? How can people even work with all of this going on? Not only do companies loose all kinds of money but employees are being fired unjustly. Not only that but they are developing problems such as PTSD, situational depression and anxiety. Who can blame them? A bully will do anything to tear down another without the blink of an eye. Why can’t people just go to work and do a job without all of this crap? So many companies and organizations are in denial and refuse to do anything. If companies have a code of conduct, why can’t a clause about Peer Abuse be added in there? Folks, this is outright abusive behavior! Your abusers are tearing down their victims everyday. People are being affected by this garbage! Why can’t people just go to work, do a job and go home? Why do people have to horn in on others work? Do they not have enough work to do themselves? Most importantly, why can’t we get educated and crawl out of the denial that exists? We are taking the time to teach the children so what is wrong with educating ourselves in our own backyards?

If there is one thing I hope people learn it is that bullies do not grow up but they grow worse. Its time to get educated and put a stop to this once and for all. We have enough stress in this world, must we add to it?

Resource Cited: http://www.tulsaworld.com/business/article.aspx?articleID=20081026_46_E1_DrGary301220&allcom=1#commentform

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .

Peer Abuse & Relational Aggression

Hi, I know……I have been gone for a week. Well, maybe more than a week. However, my mother came to visit me for mothers day and am just getting back in the swing of things.

Ah, a workshop on Relational Aggression. Again, many kudos to Susan Fee of the New Jersey shore area for getting this up and getting educated on this serious subject. She will be working with some local Girl Scouts in this. If there is a group that this problem exists in, its Girl Scouts. I know because for six weeks in the second grade, I was enrolled in the Brownie Troop and hated every bit of it. I never felt included and always felt isolated. Its that ole “you cannot play with us or be our friend”. I know….I know…..kids stuff. Well, this “kids stuff” really hurt and I begged to get out of it. FINALLY my mother gave in and let me quit. Who needed that crap?

Relational aggression is the “mean girls” and “girl on girl peer abuse”. It starts early folks. As young as preschool. This exclusion has always been considered “kids being kids” yet we wonder why in our society, the behavior of kids is bad and grows worse into adulthood? Well, if we would STOP ENABLING IT and start teaching early on that this behavior is hurtful and not acceptable then MAYBE we will start to see change. By saying this isolation is “kids stuff” is teaching these girls that its okay to exclude others and make them feel bad. Its okay to taunt others and make them feel bad.

I experienced relational aggression most of my life and still do. It still exists! Its not just in girls and tweens, its in grown women as well. I do a LOT of observing and see it alive and well in women and even men have their hands in it. They bring it to work and do things such as leaving others out of lunch invites, circulate emails and nasty notes and spread lies about others. Forming cliques is not uncommon either. You have your in-crowd and the hangers on who will do anything to become members of this elite group. They frequent message boards and use this by ignoring some members, going to pm’s to spread lies, always confront in mob mentalities…..its endless. What saddens me is that as adults they should know better yet this is all any of them really know. Some have been conditioned into being queen bees while others have fallen into the sidekick, banker and other dysfunctional social roles out there. They were never taught any different and now, they bring what they know to the world.

Its time to get serious about this girl on girl crime. The lies, cliques, in-crowds…..it needs to stop. Women, get an education……see what you can do about changing your own social roles out there if you have fallen into any of them. Get your daughters in these workshops so they learn early on the dangers in all of this. The formative years are crucial and we need to start educating. Kudos to Susan Fee for taking that step. Kudos to Tami McCandlish, Rachel Simmons, Dreamsinger and others out there who are working on this and trying to make a difference. Keep doing what you are doing!

As for the psychology in this, the scars can last a lifetime. The social anxiety, post traumatic stress, depression…..nothing saddens me more than to hear of a seven year old girl being diagnosed with clinical depression due to this horrific problem. It happens folks, I have lived it and continue to see it firsthand. Life is cruel, sure. Its hard and we are always going to have to face hurtles. However, with this, do we need to add to the stress that already exists out there? If you see this occurring in young girls, let them know its wrong to exclude others.

The steps in changing the world start with a random act of kindness. We can all make a difference one day at a time with this step. Something to think about….

Source: http://www.app.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080516/GETPUBLISHED/805160480/-1/HOMETOWNS

Elizabeth Bennett is a Consultant and Author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info

Peer Abuse & Relational Aggression

Hi, I know……I have been gone for a week. Well, maybe more than a week. However, my mother came to visit me for mothers day and am just getting back in the swing of things.

Ah, a workshop on Relational Aggression. Again, many kudos to Susan Fee of the New Jersey shore area for getting this up and getting educated on this serious subject. She will be working with some local Girl Scouts in this. If there is a group that this problem exists in, its Girl Scouts. I know because for six weeks in the second grade, I was enrolled in the Brownie Troop and hated every bit of it. I never felt included and always felt isolated. Its that ole “you cannot play with us or be our friend”. I know….I know…..kids stuff. Well, this “kids stuff” really hurt and I begged to get out of it. FINALLY my mother gave in and let me quit. Who needed that crap?

Relational aggression is the “mean girls” and “girl on girl peer abuse”. It starts early folks. As young as preschool. This exclusion has always been considered “kids being kids” yet we wonder why in our society, the behavior of kids is bad and grows worse into adulthood? Well, if we would STOP ENABLING IT and start teaching early on that this behavior is hurtful and not acceptable then MAYBE we will start to see change. By saying this isolation is “kids stuff” is teaching these girls that its okay to exclude others and make them feel bad. Its okay to taunt others and make them feel bad.

I experienced relational aggression most of my life and still do. It still exists! Its not just in girls and tweens, its in grown women as well. I do a LOT of observing and see it alive and well in women and even men have their hands in it. They bring it to work and do things such as leaving others out of lunch invites, circulate emails and nasty notes and spread lies about others. Forming cliques is not uncommon either. You have your in-crowd and the hangers on who will do anything to become members of this elite group. They frequent message boards and use this by ignoring some members, going to pm’s to spread lies, always confront in mob mentalities…..its endless. What saddens me is that as adults they should know better yet this is all any of them really know. Some have been conditioned into being queen bees while others have fallen into the sidekick, banker and other dysfunctional social roles out there. They were never taught any different and now, they bring what they know to the world.

Its time to get serious about this girl on girl crime. The lies, cliques, in-crowds…..it needs to stop. Women, get an education……see what you can do about changing your own social roles out there if you have fallen into any of them. Get your daughters in these workshops so they learn early on the dangers in all of this. The formative years are crucial and we need to start educating. Kudos to Susan Fee for taking that step. Kudos to Tami McCandlish, Rachel Simmons, Dreamsinger and others out there who are working on this and trying to make a difference. Keep doing what you are doing!

As for the psychology in this, the scars can last a lifetime. The social anxiety, post traumatic stress, depression…..nothing saddens me more than to hear of a seven year old girl being diagnosed with clinical depression due to this horrific problem. It happens folks, I have lived it and continue to see it firsthand. Life is cruel, sure. Its hard and we are always going to have to face hurtles. However, with this, do we need to add to the stress that already exists out there? If you see this occurring in young girls, let them know its wrong to exclude others.

The steps in changing the world start with a random act of kindness. We can all make a difference one day at a time with this step. Something to think about….

Source: http://www.app.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080516/GETPUBLISHED/805160480/-1/HOMETOWNS

Elizabeth Bennett is a Consultant and Author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info

Peer Abuse News

Welcome to the latest edition of the first newsletter on Peer Abuse to grace the world wide web! This is a free quarterly publication that goes out to all continents of the world. Please feel free to share this with others.
In this edition:
GREAT NEWS
SPECIAL OFFER
PEER ABUSE AND THE NEIGHBOR
MORE NEWS AND TIDBITS ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
GREAT NEWS!
That's right, my book "Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From APsychological Perspective" is making news! On May 23, 2008, my bookwill be featured on CNBC radio. Someone is being interviewed onWorkplace Bullying and my book will be featured as a resource during this interview! I am so excited to say the least!

Also, A producer at Larry King is interested in my book and I sent him a copy this week. Please keep your fingers crossed that this gets picked up. So there is a chance I could go on Larry King Live. Will keep everyone posted.

Plus, my book was mentioned at the End Teacher Abuse meeting back in March. Thanks goes to Mimi Shapiro for her help. Thanks so much,Mimi!

Harold Cameron has also mentioned the book in a video and let folks know about it. Thanks Harold for all you have done!

Also, I have been blogging and doing some article writing on PeerAbuse online. So, I am getting the word out bit by bit. Just a day at a time…..I tell you, there has been a lot of press about thisstuff recently and we need to step up and speak out! Here is one place you can read more: http://www.peerabuse.blogspot.com/ and feel free to leave comments. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
SPECIAL OFFER FOR A LIMITED TIME
I have started selling my book to others on my own away from the publisher and other online places where it can be purchased. The cost is $16.44 ($13.95 + $2.49 postage). If you purchase a copy from me for a limited time, I will throw in a free phone consultation with it. A phone consultation can run up to $60 a hour but if you purchase my book directly from me, your phone consultation will be free. Free at what is a $60 value. This is for a limited time….a summer special and will end at the end of July. So, think about it and if you wish to purchase a book, please go to http://www.peerabuse.info/ and use the Pay Pal buttons on the site. Again, a limited time……so hurry! Please email me and let me know if you are interested!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
PEER ABUSE AND THE NEIGHBOR
Well, I know I try and focus on the school, workplace and psychology behind this problem of Peer Abuse. However, another place this canoccur is with a neighbor. Someone who lives across the street, next door, in the same apartment building…whatever. It makes doing anything seem strange and you try and do what you can to either avoid or get along with them so your living situation does not get dicey and drama filled. There is enough crap in this world already,why deal with it in or around your home? Some could argue that thisis more of a domestic issue. However, it is also a issue of peer abuse. It is something I am dealing with in my own life right now and I am sure many of you are also caught up in this. Whatever the case may be, it does warrant some attention here. Plus, a reader gave me this suggestion. So, I wanted to take a few minutes and focus on what to do in dealing with this.Are they making too much noise? Coming to visit 3 times a day? Spreading lies to other neighbors about you? Won't keep their toys out of your yard? Their pet is tearing up your flower garden? Want to know how much your Direct TV bill is each month? Have no concept of boundaries? Here are some general suggestions that may help. So far, I have been using them and they have been working for me.

1. Try to approach the neighbor tactfully and let them know what isbothering you. I say tactfully because full on attacks are going toput them on the defense and the problem will grow worse, not better. Maybe set up a time to go over and talk to them. Send them an email. Write out a note. If this is done in email or letter, save a copy for yourself so you have proof that you made the effort here. Again, make sure this is done with tact and understanding. Attacks breed attacks and before long, a small problem is the size of Godzilla. You do not want to let things get out of hand.

2. If you are wanting their stuff off of your property, possibly putup a fence right on the property line. It does not have to anything fancy; just something that will get the boundary set up so their pet or children will not destroy your property and visa versa.

3. Any lies spread, document the day you learned of them and the time. Also, the source that gave you this information. Any nasty notes left on your doorstep or emails? Save them also. Believe me, this can come in handy at some point.

4. Damage of any property: Call the police. Take pictures of thedamages. Let them bring forensics over to dust for fingerprints. Do NOT touch the damaged property on your own. That destroys evidence.

5. Any verbal stuff: Do what you can to get a tape recorder and hide it on you. They still make these tiny tape recorders and are very inexpensive. IF you have a video camera or cell phone with video on it, do what you can to get this recorded. You can hold a cell phone without them knowing you are filming them.

6. It gets physical: Again, pull out the cell. Video recording. Have someone who is home with you to get this on tape. Get pictures….take them to the police. Also, search You Tube, MySpace and other online sites where people love to put these sort of videos on there.

7. If your property is damaged, do NOT retaliate. You do this and it becomes a conflict and not an issue of peer abuse. Cover yourself in any way you can but do NOT retaliate. Otherwise, nobody will listen or help you because of retaliation.

8. Those who can help: Go to any homeowners group, Neighbor Watch, landlords, trustworthy neighbors, city or county council, any other local neighborhood affiliated groups. Go to the company that managesyour apartment, condo or trailer park. Whatever your living situation, there is an organization which has some authority and let them know what is going on. You can do this anonymously if need be. Go to city hall to see who can help you in this matter. Also, the police. They do nothing, go to their superior. Keep going up the chain of command. Some will try and pass the buck but do not let them.

9. If any of this is done on a continual basis, even after you have verbally or have put it in writing for them to stop and they don't, look into filing harassment charges. Put up "Keep Out" or "No Trespassing" signs and again, if they ignore them, get your documentation in order and look into pressing harassment charges and if there are threats, you can get a restraining order.

10. Again, everyone answers to someone. I know, some people keep going and have no respect for anyone else. They do as they please and ignore your signs and other things. Again, document….this documentation will help you at some point. I know it has been helping me in my situation. A great resource to learn more is a site here called "Neighbors From Hell". There are many links listed that can be helpful too. Bookmark this site and save it in your resources. http://www.borzotta.com/nfh/index.html

Again, do NOT retaliate as much as you want to. You do that thenthat gives them a reason to claim the same problems against you. Let them dig their own grave. Eventually, they will have themselves covered up without being able to get out. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
MORE NEWS AND TIDBITS
JEFFS BILL: Congrats to Debby Johnston and others behind this bill for getting it passed with a 40-0 vote in the Senate. This is a bill in Florida that we hope will become a law called "Jeff's Law". Debra lost her son to bullycide and is working hard to get peer abuse stopped in her area. GO DEBRA!

A MURDERED FRIEND: Ann Fox Smith who lived in Aiken South Carolinawas murdered last Friday in her home. I knew her when she lived inmy hometown and we were friends. If anyone reading this knew Ann oranything about her, please contact the police. Here is a link to herstory and sadly, this will probably remain in the media.http://www.wrdw.com/home/headlines/18295734.html . Contact info to the police is at the bottom of the article.

CONDOLENCES EXPRESSED: A great lady, Judy K. Beach who was affiliated with the International Women's Writers Guild recently passed away. There is a web log set up where people can offer condolences or words of comfort. Please check it out if any of youknew her or are affiliated with IWWG. http://judikbeach.blogspot.com/ .

WE WANT A CHASING CAIN III: Yes, there is a letter campaign going onto send to the Canadian Broadcasting Company (CBC) for them to makea Chasing Cain III movie. The first two were really good with an intriguing plot and wonderful actors. If you wish to learn more, a My Space page is set up http://www.myspace.com/wewantchasingcain3 or you can contact the CBC directly at /http://www.cbc.ca/contact/ and it only takes 5 minutes to write.

NEED TUPPERWARE?: Check out what my cousin Teresa has going on. http://my.tupperware.com/teresacoggins .

ESQUIRE BEST DRESSED MAN: A friend is running for this and is needing votes. Please, if you have time, vote for Norman for the Best Dressed Man for 2008. http://esquirebdrm.com/NormanD/529

NEED AVON?: My friend Jennifer is selling AVON. If you are interested in purchasing some of this, visit here:http://www.youravon.com/jenniferlarkins

MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS: Mothers Day is just around the corner and some of the folks at MS here on the Pacific Coast area are selling some items. Check them out if you are still looking for that perfect gift for your mother.http://blaster.shop2stopms.com/view_blast.cfm?blast_id=252

CALDWELL BANKER: In need of a new home or looking to purchase some property? Kris Alongi can help you out. Visit this link:http://www.coldwellbankercaine.com/agent_details.php?agent_id=184

THE DAUGHTER IN LAW RULES: Check out Sarah Jane Cions free newsletter. Great stuff!! http://www.thedilrules.com/

FOCUS ON THE FAMILY: These folks have a lot of summer reading material. Visit http://www.mail-family.org/ if interested.

THE GRANT INSTITUTE: They will be hosting a grant proposal writing workshop in Charleston, WV on July 14-16 2008. Visithttp://www.thegrantinstitute.com/ to learn how you can learn more.

DR PHIL: Dr Phil is needing a teenage guest for the fall. He wants someone who has and continues to be cyber bullied. You can email meat http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/PeerAbuse/post?postID=zy6u7xTYhTC03U5LbvDFLSK83pm6V0eM-yFB38HtS6kWONQIJ1WWZ3g94uSv7baqBMRoG3hfAzXCZPO_ij8nQCsg30sd4g and I can tell you more.

BIOLOGICAL DIVERSITY: Global warming is affecting animals in arctic and cold climates. Please, visit this site and see how you can help.http://www.biologicaldiversity.org/

IRIDOLOGY: A new book entitled "Iridology: The Science and Practicein the Healing Arts" by Dr. Bernard Jensen. To obtain a copy, visit Whitman Books at http://www.wwhitman.com/

HAROLD CAMERON: Yup, the "Be Positive Guy" has a You Tube account where he makes videos on different subjects. This is someone whotries hard to make the world a better place. Please check out his videos here http://uk.youtube.com/user/haroldsays. He has made one on Peer Abuse and is doing a great job in getting the word out.

SAFETY ISSUES: Check these guys out! They have a newsletter and work hard in trying to keep kids safe. http://www.safetyissues.com/ and learn more!

SEEKING AN ATTORNEY: If you are in the process of seeking an Attorney, one place you may want to avoid is http://www.jurisdictionary.com/ . Recently, a friend of mine was scammed by these folks. To the tune of almost $300 and this was money she did not have to begin with. So, please be careful….do not allow yourself to be scammed out there.

DR CHARLOTTE: Recently, Dr. Charlotte published an article about children and the violence in the media and on the internet. Visit here to read the article:http://www.imageryforkids.com/art_imagination.asp

JUVENILLE JUSTICE: Check out what is going on at the Office ofJuvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention. http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/ojjdp.

AUTISM: Do you have or know anyone dealing with autism? Check out this site for some great educational tools. http://www.nlconcepts.com/

NAMI: The National Alliance of the Mentally Ill will be holding awalk on October 4, 2008 in Orange County. More details to follow later…..

SOCIAL ANXIETY INSTITUTE: Once again, I promote this site. A great one for the Adult Survivor Of Peer Abuse: http://www.socialanxietyinstitute.org/

CHILD PREDATOR BUSTERS: Check these guys out! They are doing a LOTof good here online in catching predators on social web sites andother places. Go to this site: http://www.childpredatorbusters.org/

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE or EQ: Need certification? Trainings will be held throughout 2008 in Seattle, Washington. Go to this site to learn more: http://www.learninginaction.com/

THE COMMON BOND INSTITUTE: On September 4-8, they will be hosting a Engaging The Other Conference in San Francisco, CA. Visit this linkto learn more: http://www.cbiworld.org/Pages/Conferences_ETO.htm

ASSOCIATION FOR HUMANISTIC PSYCHOLOGY: Check these guys out! They have a jam packed summer with conferences, workshops and other great stuff going on. Visit http://www.ahpweb.org/ and see what they have going on!

HELPFUL MATERIALS: If you have time, please visit the folks at Psychotherapy dot net. They have many new and great materials inbooks, DVD's and other products.http://www.psychotherapy.net/

BEING ABUSED BY THE SCHOOLS? Check out this great group!http://www.endteacherabuse.org/ to learn more. Also, check out their video on You Tube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3JoiniKNq8

BOOK ON HUMANISTIC PSYCHOLOGY: Recently, a book was published for the purpose of making third force psychology (broadly construed) a stronger presence in child developmental theorizing. The book, Humanizing Child Developmental Theory: A Holistic Approach. This text utilizes ideas from Rogers, Horney, Winnicott, Kohut, Bühler,Knowles, Stern, Schachtel, Koffka and others.http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/results.asp WRD=Humanizing+Child+Developmental+Theory&z=y

Have anything you wish to share? Email me and will include it in the next edition . ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

This is it for the May newsletter. August is "readers choice" and am interested in what you as the reader wish to have here in the newsletter. Please email your ideas to me and will do what I can to do a lesson on it. Thanks for reading….see you all in August! Til then…..have a great and safe summer!

Regards,
Elizabeth Bennett
http://www.peerabuse.info/

Elizabeth Bennett. Copyright © 2008 All Rights Reserved.

Hello! Its another week and sadly, more drama amongst us. Many stories in the news about Peer Abuse and one that has really gotten my goat. There has been talk about peanut allergies and peer abuse. I am not sure how many are aware of this but those who have peanut allergies can die if consuming or even being around peanuts, peanut butter or anything with this in it. Its lethal and dangerous. Yet, these bullies now use this as a weapon in bringing more harm to their victims. I tell you what and have said it many times, we are a nation growing without a conscience and as far as I am concerned, this is criminal behavior. Also, I consider this attempted murder. Sure, I am probably coming off as over zealous in my thoughts here but dangit if it walks like a duck….talks like a duck…..need I say more?

There was an incident with a 14 year old girl with peanut allergies and a group of girls she had known most of her life. They were friends until recently when these girls decided she could not sit at their lunch table any longer. How did they decide to get rid of her and shut her out? Bring peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to school! Okay, if these girls had grown up with her and knew her, they would know about her peanut allergies and the dangers of it. They had planned this together and one girl, with a bout of conscience, warned the girl with the allergies. If this was not bad enough, she walked into class one day and someone had a jar of peanut butter. When she came in, they opened it up and sadly, the girl had a reaction and had to go to the hospital for four days. Thank goodness she was able to get through it. What has gotten me is that the girl told the school about the kids and the lunch table and the school did NOTHING ABOUT IT!!!!!!! Well, until after the fact and the girl went to the hospital they decided to do something. Now, the school has to treat this as a disability and under the 504 laws, there can be no peanut butter within the vicinity of this girl.

Do the schools realize that if this girl had died, they would have really been in trouble? Why is it that it takes actually seeing something to believe it? The school KNEW about these allergies and should have acted before it got out of hand like this. In the article, someone stated that kids do not realize the real danger in these sort of things. Excuse me? These girls grew up with the victim and were probably well aware of the dangers of peanut allergies yet “they were not thinking of the real dangers?” It is well documented that kids pass away from this. I get tired of this problem being swept under the rug. If bullycide is not bad enough, NOW we are going into homicide. Yes folks, intentionally bringing harm to someone, and in this case peanut butter, this is homicide!

My point in all of this is that despite them being underage, this was done with malicious and criminal intent and bullies are your criminals. Peer Abuse is not just “kids stuff”. Not only was this attempted homicide, but of course, good ole Relational Aggression. Yeah, you know the girl on girl stuff. The Queen Bee crap….but of course, I am sure nobody tried to investigate this or try to help until after the fact as “this is just kids stuff and it will blow over“. Kids at 13 and 14 may be testy but they certainly know the difference in right and wrong. Bringing peanut butter around someone who could die from it is wrong and again, attempted homicide. I wish these girls would be charged as such but my guess is they only got detention or were told “now don’t ever do that again, okay”. If it were me and I had a child like this, I would have pressed charges. Taken these abusers straight to the bank!

Thanks for reading.

Source:
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/AllergiesNews/story?id=4659705&page=1

Peer Abuse Using Visuals

I have been reading the recent articles on Peer Abuse (what I call that “bully” word as that “b” word is not cutting it in my opinion) and one stuck out to me. The NBC affiliate KFYR in New Town, North Dakota recently did a segment on a group called R5 Online which deals with that “b” word.

I commend R5 on their efforts. They do presentations with videos and pictures on how harmful words can be to elementary schools in the area. By painting these kids themselves into the pictures, they see themselves actually in that particular situation. This helps them to visualize and try to gain an understanding of each other. True, children do not think abstractly but the use of these pictures helps to put the problem into a concrete perspective. By doing this, children are learning to walk in one another’s shoes. I think this is a great way to learn empathy because early on, that is when children need to be learning it. If not, this can lead to other problems later in life. This day in time, I think we could all use a good dose of empathy training regardless of what age we may be. Not only is R5 using the picture technique, they are also putting up posters around all schools and have a website set up where kids can go and talk to a counselor about these problems. Boy, do I wish these resources were available elsewhere.

However, I have to disagree with a statement that was made concerning the fact that this problem decreases once these kids get into high school. I strongly disagree with this and will explain why. When a person matures and becomes more abstract in their thinking, how they approach things may be less evident and more covert. During the elementary years, child bullies are very vocal and do not have the sophistication that a teen has in disguising these situations. Teens know that vocalizing these things will get them into trouble so they become more sneaky in how they abuse their peers. They have the tools to manipulate these situations and who to take their actions to. As for the abuse, much of it is done relationally and is very hard to detect. Sure, some is overt like hate groups but much of it is done away from authority, in places where nobody will “rat them out” so to speak. The mind of an abuser has become abstract and the actions have developed. Needless to say, as a result of this, it is much harder to detect who the bully is and who they are abusing. Many in authority are missing the mark here and chances are, maybe the group from R5 is missing this as well? If having ones life threatened, do you think they are going to go and freely share the fact that they are being abused by their peers? That is ratting someone out! A form of social suicide! A sad and terrible way to view this but it’s all these kids know. The older they get, the more they know to be a fact. Maybe this is what could be occuring in this case?

As I previously stated, I am glad someone else out there is gaining an understanding and reaching out to others on this serious and lethal issue. Many bullies lack empathy and catching children early on is vital for healthy emotional growth. However, we need to understand that this problem does not “grow up” but it “grows worse” and becomes much harder to detect as a person matures. There are many adult abusers today who started out being childhood bullies. They flew under the radar due to the fact that their behavior was always excused and swept under the rug. They never grew up or out of their behavior, just fine tuned it with time. Remember, bullies do not “grow up” but they “grow worse”. This is definitely something to think about.

Source:http://www.kfyrtv.com/News_Stories.asp?news=16735

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of “Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective” and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info/ .

Folks, bullying IS abuse! Did you know that??

Hey there! Its another week and more bullying and peer abuse occurring out there. Here is the latest…..

Well, we have second graders who are writing their own books about bullying. One even stated that this helps her get her own bad feelings out.

A recent study was conducted where cyber bullying has gone up to 9% from 6% five years ago. One thing that may help is to keep an eye on pages such as MySpace as this is a hotbed for bullying. If parents have access to their childs account, this could well decrease any bullying occurring.

Also, a woman who has a daughter who was ill went last year to purchase cigarettes and wrote a check for $26.61 and the check bounced. She is on a fixed income and was threatened by a company who stated that she needed to pay a certain amount to them or would be facing jail and $1,000 in fines. This was a simple mistake on her part yet the company was relentless. She has fallen victim to a company who contracts with the court system that demands excessive fines from those who have written checks for very little money. They bully others to pay these excessive fines and threaten jail time. Many times, writing a bad check is just a simple mistake on the part of the victim and can usually be cleared up with the bank. Plus, this was the first time this woman ever did this and was bad check book balancing on her part. It happens and we all make mistakes. What is more disturbing is that the victim never received a letter from the merchant letting her know that the check had bounced in the first place.

There was a young man who had written a list of those who had bullied him in school and church. This list was found by another party who took it to her mother. So, with everyone jumping the gun as they do before getting the facts first, took it and the young man was charged and authorities were contacted. However, through actual talking things through to get to the truth, it turned out that the bullies were the ones who pushed him to this point. Really?? Someone is actually getting this?? What took them so long??

Folks, I lived this for 27 years. I KNOW what this can do to a person and it is not some stupid rite of passage. Please, PLEASE know that bullying is actual abuse: Peer Abuse! Why should anyone have to put up with it? Why do people have to do it?