Facebook Cyberbully is Jailed

Wow! The unthinkable has happened and that is a Facebook cyber bully is now in jail. Yes, in jail for tormenting another young woman on Facebook and Bebo for several years. However, this did not happen in the United States but in the United Kingdom. I hope the United States will follow suit at some point and start incarcerating these bullies because this is criminal behavior and warants being treated as such.

Emily Moore was the victim of Peer Abuse for four years by Keely Houghton. According to Moore, she was assaulted, called a slag, had her name dragged through the mud on Bebo and then on Facebook. The abuse went on and during this interval, Houghton had been suspended and even expelled but that did not stop her or her band of cohorts from continuing their abuse. She could not walk home from school without being harassed. She had objects like bottles thrown at her. Her hair was pulled out in clumps. There was no escape from this at all. Moore said this consumed her every waking thoughts for four years. All she got was alienation from peers and suffered panic attacks. What finally put an end to this and got Houghton into the trouble she is in now was when Houghton stated on Facebook that she wanted to kill Moore. Moore believed her; Houghton always carried out on her threats and made good on them. Now Moore is looking to relocate so she can take her power back and these bullies will not know where she lives.

Folks, why do we allow this to continue? No, it did not happen here in the US and the UK has taken legal action. This happens daily in our nation and yet we allow it to continue. This is not a person who is living life, liberty and pursuit of happiness. Nobody can live like this and develop into well adjusted adults; not without serious intervention. The psychological affects are devastating and as you see with Moore, she was affected. This is not normal “girls disliking one another so let them work out their differences themselves” sort of thing. Houghton evidently has some deep rooted anger and a lot of psychological issues herself. I hope she is incarcerated that she can seek the help she needs. For her to react to Moore as she did, something is not right with this girl and she needs a great deal of psychological intervention. In the meantime, our own nation needs to crack down further on these cases. If it means incarceration, so be it. At least the bully is getting some help or someone is attempting to help. Also, for the victim to heal from the pain caused by the bully. Its a very haunting feeling and consumes a person; I know as I have been there.

The sad thing in all of this is that Moore never understood why Houghton took such strong dislike to her. She had never done anything directly to trigger this abuse.

Wow! Another day and another case of abuse on the records. Yes, this time it is done by a 40 year old woman in Missouri by the name of Elizabeth A. Thrasher. I guess the acts of Lori Drew were not enough to either wake people up to these things or completely put a stop to them. This is the first case under the new Megan Meier Law in Missouri to be charged with felony harassment.

Mrs. Thrasher was having a feud with the girlfriend of her ex-husband. The 17 year old daughter of the girlfriend went over to MySpace and sent Mrs. Thrasher a note telling her to grow up. Well, Mrs. Thrasher decided to head over to Craig’s List and posted a picture, email address and cell phone number of the 17 year old girl under the Casual Encounters section of the site. The content was suggesting that the girl was looking for contact of a sexual nature.

I do not even know where to begin with this one. I have seen the comments posted in this resource and people are saying “why don’t they grow up?” and things like that. All I know is that if we cannot behave as adults ourselves and handle our problems with one another as adults, how can we expect children to behave and be respectful to others? Folks, I grew up in the same generation as Mrs. Thrasher and I can tell you that this problem with peer abuse and bullying was as alive then as it is now. I can remember many who did not behave with consideration or respect and have probably not outgrown it but taking it to the workplace where we are now talking about these problems at work. Folks, if you get anything from this blog, I hope it is the fact that bullies do not grow up but grow worse. I hear so many say that people outgrow this behavior but can assure you that for the most part, they don’t. They just get more manipulative, charming and subtle in how they abuse their peers. I cannot say whether Mrs. Thrasher is an adult bully considering the fact that I do not know this lady. However, her actions in this situation indicate an adult bully. This is the kind of stuff adult bullies do. No regard for anyone else, especially a child.

I would hope after the Lori Drew case that people would wake up to this problem and not enable it. So far, it does not seem to be the case.

We CAN Stop Peer Abuse with Education

A recent article has been written asking the question as to why can’t we stop the problem of bullying. The Georgia Coalition Against Bullying will be meeting soon and earlier in the summer the American Academy of Pediatrics was encouraged to start taking a bigger role in the prevention of bullying. Is bullying really just a fact of life?

First off, bullying is not a fact of life. The only fact given here is that it traumatizes individuals for a lifetime and it violates civil and human rights. In the United States, we are all promised life, liberty and pursuit of happiness but even these are violated when being abused by our peers. There is no excuse for it and it has been a right of passage for far too long. It can be stopped, it is just a matter of education.

I am going to be honest here and give my own opinion. I know many will disagree and that is fine. Those who know me or have worked with me know where I stand on this. One of the biggest problems here is that we do not consider this a form of abuse. We continue to use the term bullying. Even though the term has taken us a long way in the past 10 years, it is still not hitting the bulls eye. I am to a point where I cannot even use the term bullying as it just is not working where it should. However, I have to because it is the term people know and do not seem to want to let go of. Bullying is outright abuse; Peer Abuse. Yes, just like child, sexual, domestic, animal and elder abuse that we are quick to defend and hold accountability where needed. True, not in all cases but at least they are considered clinical issues. Bullying is not seen as a clinical issue. We are all in such a hurry to speak out and find solutions yet have we even stopped to try and understand the actual problem? I consider putting a victim and their bully alone in a room together to “work things out” like putting a victim and their rapist together in the same manner. Now we would never do the latter, that is unthinkable! However, we always do the former. When I talk to groups, I always equate this with rape, child and other forms of abuse and I ask this question. Its all about mindset and educating others on this mindset. Having the American Academy of Pediatrics on board is a huge step. We need to have hospitals, mental health centers and others trained to treat those dealing with this problem as in any other form of abuse.

Another problem here is that society does not believe that we should hold children accountable for these actions. True, a child’s brain is not formed to full capacity like an adults. Therefore, we cannot hold them accountable for these sort of actions. Even though we cannot hold them accountable like an adult, we sure can hold them accountable to a point. Children are not stupid; they know what abuse is. Don’t we always tell them that when an adult is abusing them, they need to tell someone? Why is this any different? The only difference is that an adult is doing the abuse in one case while a child is doing it in another. Children need to learn to be held accountable for their actions. They understand rules and comprehend them. Why do you think we have tattle tales roaming the playground? Trust me, they have a concrete understanding of right and wrong.

Everyday we are losing children to this problem. They are killing one another and themselves. Clinical issues are arising such as depression, social anxiety and PTSD from this. I have seen people get a different perspective of this when I equate this with other forms of abuse. They say they never thought of this in that light. Isn’t it time we take this to the next level? The clinical level?

http://blogs.ajc.com/get-schooled-blog/2009/08/04/bullying-why-cant-we-stop-it/?cxntfid=blogs_get_schooled_blog

Is Lori Drew Online Again?

As I was reading this morning, I came across this article here online. Lori Drew is once again in the news. Recently, her case was dismissed in a Los Angeles Court which enraged me. It only set a precedence for more cases such as this and the fact that people will get away with online impersonations as she has done. I have feel strongly that social justice was not sought in this case. The Meier family will never have Megan again thanks to this woman. Yet she gets to go home and continue to watch her own daughter grow into adulthood. She has yet to pay for what she has done to the Meier family. An apology would be nice but appears that this is not going to happen.

According to recent events, Ms. Drew is asking to use the internet again as she recently got a job offer that would require her to use it at work. Since June of 2008, she had been banned from going online. Evidently, the woman has moved to an undisclosed state and found possible employment.

Folks, I DO have a problem with this. For starters, this woman took the life of a young girl who suffered from clinical depression by using the internet. She manipulated, plotted and set up a fake account as a 16 year old boy named Josh. As most abusers do, she showed her cruel streak and Josh turned against Megan which led to Megan committing bullycide. This woman was well aware of the fact that Megan was vulnerable, clinically depressed and knew her weak spots. After Megan died, she had the nerve to ask the Meier family to keep a game for her that she was giving someone for Christmas. No admission, apology or any of that. She behaved as if nothing was ever wrong. If you ask me, this is scary behavior.

As Mrs. Drew was not punished or held accountable for her crimes or Megan’s death, who is to say she is not going to go back online and pull this stunt on another child that her daughter may be feuding with? As she expressed no remorse or apology for Megan, who is to say she has changed or learned anything? MySpace is still in existence and is still a online hangout for teens. People who have internet access at their jobs are always sneaking peeks at their email or coming on places to chat like Facebook or Twitter. It does not appear she has learned a lesson the first time around and the fact that she may be going online again is scary.

I understand Mrs. Drew has to work so she can care for her family. However, I do not trust her whatsoever when it comes to the internet. She has proven that she cannot behave responsibly online and will repeat these same behaviors because she knows she will not be punished for her actions. That was the lesson that was learned the first time around. Besides, allowing this woman back online is like handing a serial killer a loaded gun. Now would anyone in their right mind even go there? Something to think about.

Farrah Battles the Bullies with Legislation

Well, like many Americans on Friday night, I sat down and watched the NBC special about 70’s icon Farrah Fawcett and her battle with cancer. It was a 2 hour long documentary that included watching Farrah go through some of the hardest times in her battle with anal cancer. Plus, the support of Alana Stewart and her long time partner Ryan O’Neal. I remember Farrah well from my 70’s childhood as I thought she, Jaclyn Smith and Kate Jackson were three of the “baddest” women on TV as I was a huge Charlie’s Angels fan like every other little girl of that time. Also, I remember the poster in the red bathing suit that everyone had in their homes back in the day. As she moved on from Charlie’s Angels, she met Ryan O’Neal and they were together for a long time. They even share a child Redmond who is in his mid 20’s by now. So, I decided to watch the documentary as I also knew her rights to privacy were violated during her battle with cancer. However, I was not aware as to how far this went.

As I watched this documentary, I saw where the paparazzi was everywhere and would not leave her alone. They were reporting falsehoods in the Enquirer and other tabloid fodder that has nothing better to do than fabricate things. We saw a video of Farrah and I think it was Alana where they were leaving the hospital. Farrah was in a wheelchair holding one of those standard hospital buckets up to her as she was getting sick from the chemo. She had to cover her head when they left because the paparazzi was waiting for her to leave. Not only did they snap those photos but got right in her face, yes, her face with those cameras. I was enraged when I saw that happening. You could hear Farrah say “they always like to get me while in a wheelchair”. So, this was not a one time deal but was happening a lot! We see them at LAX and other places while she was trying to deal with this raging illness and they would not leave her alone. Then, we learn there was a leak at UCLA who violated the Privacy Act and all ethics went out the window. I was floored by this. The paparazzi are one thing but a Doctor at UCLA? When does this ever stop? Since when is it okay to harass and stalk someone when they are battling an illness such as this? Where is the compassion? The empathy for fellow man? I jumped online quickly, found a site called Farrahs Law and signed the petition they have to try and stop this. Not only is Farrah battling cancer but is trying to get legislation going to stop this type of treatment and violation of rights.

Folks, this is just one more form of bullying and Peer Abuse. I know some will disagree but it needs to be said. She was and is in a vulnerable position and these paparazzi jumped on it as a way to benefit themselves. They stalked, harassed and eventually found someone to help them break privacy laws. Bullies stalk and harass and these paparazzi are no different. Also, this was done secretly at UCLA and behind her back which is how bullies operate. I do not know what this Doctor thought he would gain by doing what he did but he should never be allowed to practice medicine again if you ask me. Lets not forget that lies were formed and put out there for everyone else to read. I saw where some of these tabloids and other paparazzi knew about Farrah’s cancer returning before her family and friends knew! They took what they had and printed it before she had a chance to tell them! Where is the empathy? Compassion? How do these people even sleep at night?

Please, if you have a chance, visit the Farrahs Law site and see how you can help. These paparazzi are nothing more than bullies and their lack of conscience is coming through loud and clear. This is very common with bullies. Despite what Ryan O’Neal has done in the past, you have to commend him for standing by Farrah through this and the same with Alana Stewart. Farrah is lucky to have a support system in them. This is illness is horrible and anyone dealing with it deserves compassion and not stress. As for the paparazzi, please stop abusing Farrah. What has she ever done to you?

Resource Cited: http://www.allheadlinenews.com/articles/7015178654

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From a Psychological Perspective and lives in Los Angeles, California.

The Bully on the Apprentice

Last night I sat down in front of my tube and watched three long and grueling hours of the Celebrity Apprentice. I have always watched this show to see the dynamics and if any abuse of ones peers occurs. Of course, every season there is someone who just cannot help themselves. After a few episodes, one or two bullies manage to unravel and show themselves for who they are. The second season of the Celebrity Apprentice is no different. As Donald Trump has had this show on the air since 2004, I have found the concept of having celebrities come on there appealing. They are giving back through their charities that they support and much money is raised for the greater good. You cannot go wrong there. The Donald does have a heart and I commend him for using this format for his show instead of looking to hire people for his organization as was done in the past.

This season there were a variety of celebrities from Andrew Dice Clay, Clint Black, Jesse James and others. After weeks of completing grueling tasks, the final two standing were Poker Player/Champion Annie Duke and Comedian/Designer/Producer/Fashion Police Joan Rivers. Both ladies are intelligent, sharp and did well. However, what stood out to me was the behavior of both of these ladies. They despised one another and had a season long feud. Annie felt attacked by Joan where as Joan saw right through Annie and her behavior and called a spade a spade. The bottom line came down to the good vs. evil. At the end, The Donald picked Joan Rivers and in my opinion, did the right thing.

Joan Rivers is one tough lady. At her age, she showed extreme strength throughout the show. Sure, she is outspoken, brash, very assertive and never held back on what she really thought. True, she had her moments with Clint Black and other team members. However, was always able to move on and focus on the task at hand. She made it clear that she was there for her charity and to do something good for someone else. You knew where she stood. She also saw right through Annie Duke. I watched Annie on the show and watched her behavior. She called people on her cell phone and yelled at them and used many words that were “beeped” out. She always wanted to be around people she felt she could control. I saw the task between herself, Melissa Rivers and Brandi when Melissa felt like the odd girl out. I knew exactly what those two were doing to Melissa and Melissa’s feelings were very normal considering the situation she was in. Annie was condescending towards her peers which was troublesome. I watched her last night and saw how she talked to Tom and Dennis. I watched her call every contact she had and talked about Joan and how she did this and that with the designers. Every chance she had she attacked Joan and her character behind Joan’s back. Her goal was to “bring this woman down.” Even though Joan held contempt towards Annie and let her know it, she kept it out of the task at hand. She did not go on the phone and trash Annie to others, she kept it in the board room. So, who is the real bully here? The brash lady who had a purpose and held onto it or the poker player who “played” her way through the show?

Joan is not perfect by any stretch. However, I give her props for being perceptive and saw right through Annies behavior. I saw the same stuff as a viewer. However, Joan was not condescending to her peers. She had disagreements and they were usually resolved by the next episode. True, she should not have called Annie “white trash”, a “Nazi” and trash half of Vegas for their profession. That was a little harsh. However, she was not manipulative, did not play “odd girl out” games, focused on the purpose, did not bad mouth Annie to others away from the situation. Annie continuously brought these things up in the board room and during tasks. I watched Annie’s behavior and I found it to be very troubling. Also, very common in our workplace today. I have worked for people like Annie before and was not fun whatsoever. Annie is a workplace bully in my opinion and was glad to see Joan win. You look at the two ladies and really, at the end of the day, who was the real bully? Even though Joan used harsh words, she did not do so repeatedly. Annie did not know when to quit! She always knew who to tell these things to and where to tell them.

A person can be harsh, brash and outspoken. However, that does not make them a bully. Joan saw right through Annie’s manipulations and games and called Annie on them every time. Annie’s behavior was casebook Peer Abuse. I was happy that Trump did the right thing and picked Joan. Joan may not be perfect but she sure knew how to bring down a bully. Nobody can go wrong there.

Resource Cited: http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/b123155_celebrity_apprentice_joan_rivers_trumps.html

Ten Years Later: A Look at Columbine

Well, here we are. Ten years to the day since that horrific day in Littleton, Colorado. A day that forever changed history in the world of Peer Abuse and bullying. It is a day that is hard to comprehend and a day that has left many to speculate. Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris came to Columbine High School and created what is the greatest school massacre in US History. They killed 12 students, wounded 23 others then killed themselves. After this event, we all started to speculate as to why this happened and heard reasons from Harris being a psychopath, a love of violence, they were bullied and isolated and of course video games. Lets not forget the media, parenting skills and the fact they did not know Jesus. All could be a reason for what happened and make for a good argument in all of this. All could have factored into it. I have seen homemade videos they made while planning this event as they came out later in the news. In the videos, they share a love of violence, ground zero which was the school and the jocks and others who they believed acted superior to them. I saw a lot of anger, frustration and cries for help in the videos. Two bright young men who could have had bright futures but instead felt the world let them down. Well guess what? The world did fail them and in my opinion, we still do.

Lets face it folks. These boys were bullied and this came out in a loud manner soon after the fact. I have heard many stories about the abuse they suffered at school. People started listening and paying attention and this gave a whole new meaning to bullying. It jumpstarted many programs, books, websites and experts coming out of the wood work. Then people explored other factors like the fact that Eric was homicidal, they played too many video games and were just plain evil. One thing that I have seen for the zillionth time is societies need to once again excuse this problem. No, it was not the bullying at all! The videos say it all and these boys were homicidal and just plain bad. Yes, have heard it all ad nauseam. It makes me sick to be honest. Were these so called people actually students at Columbine when this occurred? Were they tight with Dylan, Eric or their families? The initial feedback led us all back to the fact that they were bullied and in large doses. So why try and excuse this once again? Where do investigators go to find answers? They go to the source. The source was the school and the feedback given was the boys were bullied. Who gave the information? People at the school. Think about it, folks.

On this day, I pose questions to those who are reading this. If these boys were not bullied then why was ground zero the school? Why not Target, grocery stores or laundromats? A church, playground or the local mall? The local hangout for the kids in Littleton? They could have gone anywhere in the community yet they went to the school. Also, why did they mention jocks and those who they felt wronged them in the videos? Because a video game told them to?

Its been ten years and this event woke society up to the fact that bullying might actually be a problem. Programs are set up, books are written and the mindset is changing. However, we have a way to go in this. This is still not seen as a clinical problem nor is it considered what it really is and that is abuse. Elder Abuse became an issue after Columbine and it is already listed on government forms and that angers me because this is not. On this day, please take a minute and get serious about this! Take a minute to educate someone you know. Help raise awareness and do something kind for someone else. My condolences to all who lost someone in this tragedy. It could have been prevented with a little awareness and education from society. Hopefully the excuses will stop and folks will see this for what it is and that is abuse; Peer Abuse!

Resource Cited:
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/opinion/2009077227_opina19pitts.html

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From a Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info

Celebs are Bullied Too!

Another week and another Google Alert. I opened one recently that talked about celebrities who were bullied growing up. Also, saw information on the recent book written by Miley Cyrus entitled Miles to Go where bullies locked her in a bathroom for over an hour and she thought nobody would ever come and save her. Jessica Simpson mentioned having eggs thrown at her house and toilet papered. Others like Tom Cruise and Taylor Swift also shared memories of being at the hands of these little criminals in training during childhood. Fame has entered their lives and sadly, I do not believe any bullying has stopped. Its grown worse if you ask me.

The lives of celebrities are under a microscope. The public cannot get enough of them. Fans sometimes do not know when to leave them alone. Society has taught us to worship these people and as a result, we expect them to always be nice, giving and live up to the pedestals we put them on. If they have a bad day, forget to sign an autograph or walk out of the house with a shirt that does not settle with fans or others, they are sure to see it plastered all over the internet and be one of the top searches in a search engine. I live in Los Angeles and I have seen the paparazzi chase these people with cameras and cars. There is no privacy in their lives and that life, liberty and pursuit of happiness goes out the window. The public believes that since they are who they are, they must share every aspect of their lives with the rest of us. In other words, we expect them to live as they do because of who they are.

I have to just say it and that is celebrities live their lives being bullied. They are stalked, harassed, slandered, pressured by their peers and are expected to live perfect lives. One step over the line and they are crucified. They have no rights and cannot even throw out the trash without people going through it. Society feels that not only are they expected to be perfect but when they do fail or something bad happens, everyone cannot wait to get their hands on the magazines, tabloids and other fodder. If you ask me, it’s a wonder they can keep their sanity as living under a microscope can be really hard. Sure, they have money but is it really worth all of this? Humans are not wired to exist like this and no wonder many spiral out of control.

Celebrities are people like the rest of us. It just happens that their work is in the public eye whether it be television or radio. In a lot of ways they are like the rest of us. Some have families to support with children to raise. Others use that money to pay the high taxes they accumulate. Some are not even asked to be celebrities as they are born into this lifestyle. Most importantly, they are not superhuman and are fallible like the rest of us. Celebrity Worship Syndrome is a serious problem and we need to stop bullying them and allow them to live that life, liberty and pursuit of happiness like the rest of us. Put yourselves in their shoes for a minute. How would you feel if you had to leave your home incognito everyday? Getting daily threats in the mail and having to protect your children from kidnapping possibilities? Watch everything you do in public or always running away from paparazzi? You could not even drive to Burger King for a Whopper without someone finding out! Have your friends sell you out for money or you get blackmailed? Something to certainly think about in all of this. Is it really necessary? Can’t we just let them live and let live?

The Real Bully is Holly J!

As a teen back in the late 80’s and early 90‘s, I use to watch Degrassi High on the PBS network. Then we entered the 21st century and a network called The-N started airing Degrassi The Next Generation which was the same school and the next generation of kids like Spikes daughter Emma. This show has been alive since 2001 and I have watched episodes like Spike and Snakes wedding and a school shooting. Since then I have seen maybe a handful of episodes. Someone tipped me off to one this weekend that aired on The-N. Oh man, was it one humdinger!

There is a character on there by the name of Holly J Sinclair. I did some research on this character and found out she was not only a female bully but she manipulated her best friend (Anya) into cheating on an assignment for a class and proceeded to turn Anya in for cheating. Not only that, she was appointed head cheerleader and Student Council President by the Principal without auditions or elections. If that does not beat all, she gave a tabloid some bad gossip about a fellow cheerleader named Mia who is a model and has grabbed a bit of fame as a result. Her fellow cheerleaders kicked her off the squad as a result. Finally, she is getting some comeuppance here! This girl has taken Queen Bees to a whole new level. One would think she learned something from this, right? Wrong!

On this episode, it begins with a girl named Ali and a friend walking down the hall at school. We see Holly J watching the cheerleaders practice and see Ali tell her friend that someone seems bitter for not being on the squad any longer. Holly J turns around and says something smart in return. A somewhat bitter exchange takes place between the two girls which leads Holly J to approach a boy that Ali has liked but because he is a senior and she is in the 9th grade, he will not go out with her. He denies knowing Ali when Holly J questions him and we see him tell Ali that they cannot be together. This angers Ali who rants that she “hates Holly J!”. Holly J, showing no remorse, keeps on like nothing happened. Ali decides to take action since nothing can be done to stop Holly J. Ali creates an online group entitled “I Hate Holly J” and over 400 students sign up. It starts with insults but leads further with comments like “I want to strangle her with my bare hands” and someone else says “I will bring the rope.” Needless to say, this leads Snake to talk with Ali and her father at school and we learn Holly J will not leave her room at home as a result of this. Ali is suspended and Holly J’s parents go to the police. Ali gets a warning but now has a record, is suspended from school and is grounded for two months and has a loss of computer privileges. She also goes to Holly J’s home with Anya and apologizes. When she returns to school, she gives a public apology and says her lesson is learned after seeing what it did to Holly J. We learn she is also banned from the website where the group was created.
What occurred here was horrible. Comments such as strangling anyone and bringing rope are good reasons to involve not only the school but the police as well. Ali really crossed a line here and yes, deserved what she got. I would have done the same thing if it were me. What bothers me is that Holly J’s behavior has never been stellar either. Why she even started in on Ali is what puzzles me. Ali was not talking to her but her friend and stating an opinion when the episode started. Holly J then takes it further by confronting that boy and we see her later in the cafeteria talking to more people and Ali gets teased as a result. Some of the things Holly J has done have been horrific yet what did she learn from all of this? She never learned a lesson by being kicked off of her cheerleading squad. She got away with turning her friend in and doing other things.

Who do I believe is the real bully here? The bully is Holly J and not Ali. Ali was angry and learned something from the experience. Plus, she showed and expressed remorse. Anger is a normal reaction and Ali found a way to stand up to this girl. She’s a 14 year old girl who is self centered but was remorseful and will probably not pull anything like this again. She was punished fairly as a result and Holly J has yet to express remorse for any of her actions. As a matter of fact, her sense of entitlement increased by being appointed cheerleading captain and school president. Again, a lot of this is being told to me via word of mouth and research but again, Ali probably came off as a bully but the real bully is Holly J. Manipulations, cheating, taunting, spreading gossip and hurting others is what she does. Plus, her sense of entitlement. This right here is what bullies are made of. I hope after this incident, she will learn something but I doubt it. I think she owes Ali an apology for even starting anything in the first place.

Folks, there is a difference in being angry and being a bully. A 14 year old girl who is angry is not left with many resources as to how to deal with this. So, she took the only way she felt she could to stand up to this girl and to make her stop her bullying. She was caught and punished and yes, what she did was wrong. She should have gone to an adult or listened to her friend who kept telling her what she was doing was wrong. Perhaps they could have found a solution in this. Bullies are angry but they keep problems going. They stir up trouble and manipulate. Also, they sell others out with bad gossip. Most importantly, they never seem to learn lessons nor do they show remorse for any actions. The key here is remorse and if a person never shows any, chances are they are your true bullies. Something to think about here…

Pink Day is Celebrated in South Carolina

This past Wednesday, Pink Day was held in Canada. Pink Day is an annual day where people wear something pink and take a stand against bullying. This originated in Nova Scotia at a high school where a young man wore a pink shirt one day to school. The bullies gave him a terrible time about it. Instead of feeding into this garbage, students decided to wear pink shirts to show these bullies that they would not be pushed around by them. Over time this caught on and became a national issue. However, it is now going international. I know I wore my pink on Wednesday and without a doubt took a stand.

I grew up in South Carolina and was the instigator of the Anti-Bullying Law that now exists there. This law mandates that schools take a stand against bullying and must hold programs once a year or they will be fined. In other words, this crap will not fly in South Carolina any longer. So, when I saw that Wilder Elementary School in Sumter celebrated Pink Day, I was tickled to death. Two police officers Anthony Dennis and Major Hampton Gardner set the bar by wearing pink that day. The school also took an interest and together, this prompted the fifth graders to put this together. On Wednesday, kids wore pink along with faculty and the two officers. Boys generally wear darker colors and if they wear pink, a lot of times they get bullied because this is more of a feminine color. I know this is what prompted the young man in Nova Scotia to be abused by his peers. On Wednesday, one Wilder student stated he was wearing pink and that tough guys wear pink to. Wow! How refreshing to go to school, choosing to wear whatever color is wished and others accepting it.

We need to let go of these stereotypes and stop giving one another a hard time just because we do or see someone wearing a color they choose or shirt or whatever. If someone wants to wear pink, why should it matter? What is wrong with trying to be an individual? As citizens, we are entitled to that life, liberty and pursuit of happiness. Well in the USA we are but am sure Canada has their own laws and liberties like we do. If wearing pink makes a big tough guy happy, so be it. If wearing pink makes anyone happy, so be it. I like the color pink as it is bright and bright colors create positive energy. Please, stop giving others a hard time for wanting to be themselves. Why is it so important to conform? We are all entitled to liberties and bullies, stop trying to violate those! I am glad Pink Day exists and I hope those bullies were put in their place because they deserved it. Most importantly, I am happy to see that the law in South Carolina is working. To me, this is huge progress.

Resource Cited: http://www.theitem.com/article/20090228/ITNEWS01/702289947/-1/ITNEWS

Lawmakers Enable this Problem

Recently, I wrote a statement for SB 494 in Montana about the psychological affects that occur when peer abuse at work is occurring. A woman who was abused at work drew up the legislative information and spoke last week to these lawmakers about this. There is now a chance this bill may die.

The workplace has become a battleground in many cases. Office politics is a serious problem and like cancer, does not seem to want to diminish anytime soon. Bullies come in and keep things in an uproar. Micro inequities are an issue that nobody seems to address yet fuels this problem. Targets are developing anxiety, depression and suffer extreme stress as a result of this. Plus, work performance decreases. Who can do a good job with a bully breathing down their backs? As a result of all of this, money is lost daily within the organization. After a period of time, the politics start running rampant and people forget why they are even employed in the first place. Trust me, I have been there and I know I am not alone.

As I have written some of these lawmakers, I have been appalled at their attitudes this. One has stated that by trying to curb this problem, it equates to communism. Another let it be known that the government does not need to be sitting in the back of the office when it doesn’t need to. Communism? Nobody is suggesting this here. All someone wants to do is remedy this problem so people can go to work, do their jobs in a productive manner and go home without having to deal with useless crap on a daily basis. What kind of a world do we live in where people turn away from helping one another? Folks, this is a serious problem! When workers develop stress and depression, this a problem. When losing money these days, it is a problem and a bad one. We cannot afford to loose anymore money in this nation! When people are not living life, liberty and pursuit of happiness, it’s a bad problem and a huge violation. This is a problem and it needs to be fixed! Why do people continue to enable this bullying problem? Why don’t they call a spade a spade and see it for what it is and that is abuse?

Please, when you go to work, do what you can to keep the environment a healthy one. Do not get involved in the gossip, games and bandwagons to get others fired unless they have committed a serious crime. Isn’t there enough stress out there?

Resource Cited
http://www.clarkforkchronicle.com/article.php/20090216163445911

Adult Survivors Face Their Demons

This past Friday, my mother called and told me about something in her local newspaper about adults who were bullied as children encountering their former bullies on social sites such as Facebook and MySpace. As this is something I am dealing with in my own life right now, I really wanted to see this and did a search online. Its not only me but other adult survivors of peer abuse are facing this on these sites. I have had several tell me about this. One became so upset all over again that it was a shock to the system. Another set up a cause page and encouraged former bullies to donate to the bullying cause. One saw the friend request, wrote the bully back and let them know what they did and how it affected them. The bully wrote back, sent scathing messages over and over and took absolutely no responsibility for their actions. The only way the person got them to stop was by blocking them.

There are many adults out there who were abused by their peers as children and are on these sites. There is a feature for reconnecting with old friends from school and work so if you list these schools or former places of employment on your profile, with one click they can easily look and get a blast from the past so to speak. This abuse for some was mild and would be isolated events. Overcoming it was not a problem for them and probably resolved these issues with their bully before entering adulthood. Or, some may remember this, can remember it in a bad light and how it affected them but not really think much about it. So, letting bygones be bygones was not such a big thing and went ahead and accepted these tormentors on their pages. After all, life is too short, right? Yet what about those who were fed this abuse in strong doses and it affected them psychologically? The scars are there and may be there for the remainder of their lives. A daily cocktail of anti-depressants is what keeps them sane. So, they come on these social sites and see that one of the people that added to this damage is sending a friend request? What about these survivors? How do they handle this problem?

Carolyn Hax of the Washington Post gave some great advice. True, these bullies may have reformed and are different now. We don’t know whether this has happened or not. They may want to make amends or apologize. This could be a way of setting the record straight. There are some positives to this. However, those who are severe cases may find this too upsetting. A friend request is sent. No message or even “hello, how are you” in the request. The bully sends a request and behaves as if nothing ever happened. How does one deal with this? Here is what I can suggest. First off, it is basically up to the person and the severity of the abuse. We must forgive these tormenters as hard as it is. If we want to be forgiven we must forgive others. However, this does not mean we have to become friends on social sites and welcome them with open arms into our lives. One does not know if this person has changed or not and taking that risk may be hard. I do know that by them sending these requests and behaving as if nothing has happened, chances are they are still bullies. Folks, hard core bullies do not grow up but grow worse. Many are narcissistic and pathological. Those who run in and out of our lives, hurt us to the core and always come back like nothing ever happened are those who more than likely lack having a conscience. Those with a conscience are going to be remorseful in what happened and will tell you so right off the bat. It is a matter of reading between the lines here.

Basically, its up to the person and if they are ready to do this or not. I do know some are not ready and that’s okay. One went into shock at seeing these people on there. It is upsetting to see these people and if it is too upsetting, that person needs to block these people. You wish them well and forgive them but block them until ready to do otherwise. They are no longer a part of your life and why add any pain to it? Not only block them if upsetting but observe their behavior through mutual friends on the site. See if they are exclusive in who they will accept as friends or not. Are they seeking attention in some way or minding their own business? Bullies love to be in charge and in control. Something to consider here. However, if you can add them and not be upset, do so. Again, a lot of this is a matter of the severity of the abuse and whether the person can handle it or not. If you are a survivor with a severe case, don’t do anything to add to the trauma. If you are one who is and can let bygones be bygones, go ahead. Just be careful is all I can say. After all, what happens when a rape victim comes face to face with their rapist? Or, a child faces the parent that abused them and left deep scars? Do we suggest happily ever after in these cases? Something to really think about in all of this.

Please! No More Relational Aggression!

I was in the waiting area at H&R Block the other day waiting to get my taxes done. There was a Seventeen Magazine lying on a chair and I picked it up and started flipping through it. The one thing that grabbed my attention was a quiz called What Draws You In? This is geared towards girls fighting within their “crew” or clique. Two members of the group will be in a fight. There are other bystanders who are left wondering what happened in the first place for a fight to erupt.

This quiz has three categories for results. The first is “you love the attention.” This describes the person who draws themselves into the middle of the conflict to gain attention from everyone. Play mediator yet by placing themselves there, they are only keeping the drama fueled. Another result is “you want to feel needed.” Members will get involved to be the support system for their friends. However, this only leaves the person feeling abandoned once the fight is over. The final result is “you want to bond” meaning the group member will take a side and be close in the moment to one of the two friends. However, this bonding is only occurring during the negative and not the positive stuff.

I am sure that whoever created this quiz was well meaning as it was geared towards helping teen girls deal with these situations. I commend the person who created this as I know their heart was in the right place. However, I want to take it up a notch. By even encouraging this in the first place, we are only fueling teen girls to behave this way in conflict. Why does there have to be a middle man? Do they have to take sides? Is playing “therapist” really helping the conflict or confusing the whole group as to where you stand? My response to this quiz is that bystanders get together and help their two friends work the conflict out. Take both parties aside and get to the bottom of the story and talk it out. Get together in a group and talk it out. Why is that so hard? The problem is over a boy? Maybe the group can try and remember that guys will come and go but friends can last forever and no guy should come between them? Or if it is over clothes or an item, talk it out and figure out who can borrow what at a particular time. Most importantly, why does there even have to be a clique? Groups are fine as long as they are not exclusive. I do not encourage clique behavior at all as it is hurtful and destructive.

I am sure people will think I am naïve in speaking this. Believe me I am not. Teens are self centered but also have the capabilities to talk their problems out in a rational manner. I have seen it done with my own two eyes. What teens do not understand is that by feeding into these three areas of conflict, they only increase the drama and the problem only grows worse and not better. These three areas are a part of relational aggression. Its important that they do know this. Fighting between teen girls is normal. Handling the problem in these three areas only makes the problem worse and this is what teens do need to understand. If it helps, get an impartial adult to help mediate in the problem solving. The bottom line is that conflict is not healthy. Friendships form out of mutual interests and these are important during the teen years. Keep the situation real but deal with it in a healthy manner for everyone. At the end of the day, we all need our friends.

Resource Cited

Elizabeth Bennett is the author, consultant and speaker for Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From a Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California

90210 Naomi is not a Bully

In the 1990’s, I was a fan of the show Beverly Hills 90210. I watched it in college and during most of the decade. So, when a new 90210 came this season to the CW, I watched some of it as it had some of the old characters come back like Brenda and Kelly. The premise for this new show is about a family from Kansas who come to Beverly Hills to move in with their mother/grandmother who is an actress and getting older needing help from her son and his family. They have a adopted son and daughter who attend West Beverly High. This is the alma mater of the group who attended back in the 1990’s. I have only watched this show in spurts. However, from an anti-bullying perspective, I have to recommend this show as it is a good one.

There are four main female characters who I would say are friends but have had their share of problems. Two of them use to be best friends (Naomi and Silver), one is a child actress supporting her mother (Adriana) and the other is the one from Kansas (Annie). Naomi and Adriana are BFF’s while Annie and Silver (Erin Silver from the original 90210) have grown close. Naomi told everyone about Silvers parents divorcing in middle school which left Silver bitter. Adriana was sent to rehab for a drug problem and is now pregnant. Annie and Naomi have fought over a boy named Ethan who was Naomi’s boyfriend and is now Annie’s. There is a good chance that Silver will be diagnosed as bi-polar this season and she keeps a blog where she expressed her anger but she has stopped posting so much and channeled her energy into her boyfriend Dylan. Despite this drama, there is not any relational aggression going on in this. At first, I figured Naomi would be the mean girl but not only did she apologize to Silver for doing what she did but the girls are learning to get along. When Adriana was in rehab and became pregnant, Naomi turned out to be a loyal and supporting friend to her despite her strong personality and that she did get mad at Adriana while she was in rehab. Naomi did ruin Annie’s 16th birthday party because Annie stole Ethan from her. However, neither girl has allowed their angers towards one another out of control. As a matter of fact, the feud stayed between them alone. Naomi can be nasty but I have found that she reacts only when she has been offended. She shows her anger and moves on and does not dwell on the issue at hand. Also, Annie and Ethan were talking to a girl from their school who talked about have a devastating experience at the hands of mean girls at a former school and you could see the pain in her face. Instead of making it worse, Annie and Ethan both expressed compassion towards her, not rejection. Even though events occurred. The most important thing is that there are no queen bees emerging nor are there power trips and feeding into anyone one persons relationally aggressive behavior.

I will come out and say it. Despite Naomi’s strong will, need to be cool, the fact that she is spoiled and tends to seek revenge when offended, at the end of the day, she is not a bully and here is why. When two girls fight and hurt one another, this is not a situation of bullying. Even though Naomi hurt Silver with her words and Silver retaliated in her blog posts, Naomi took her responsibility in what happened and made things right between them. Even though Naomi and Annie fought over Ethan, this did not filter into other relationships or fester on involving bystanders. Bullies keep drama going and allow their power to get out of control while their targets do not retaliate. What has occurred on this show is typical adolescent drama. It is normal for girls to get angry over a boy. Both Annie and Naomi behaved badly towards one another. This is what happens when two people are in a fight. People are going to disagree and get angry. However, they keep it between each other and nobody is trying to overpower the other. Bullies also do not stand by their friends when they are in trouble unless it benefits them in some way. What does Adriana have that Naomi wants? Naomi comes from a much more affluent background. She lives in an upscale hotel unlike Adriana lives with her mother trying to help made ends meet each month. Maybe Naomi does not see Adriana as a threat but she has shown compassion and support to her and stood up for her. She does not seem to have any hidden agendas in this. I believe she honestly cares for Adriana. Bullies do not have this capacity within them.

Its important to understand these differences between strong personalities and outright bullies. People will probably say Naomi is nasty and yes, she can be. However, this is only when someone has angered her first. She is not targeting people to intentionally inflict pain for the heck of it. There is nothing wrong with being angry nor is there anything wrong with having a strong personality. Naomi is not perfect by any stretch and she has done some bad things. However, she took responsibility and right there that shows she is not a bully. Please, learn to distinguish between the two. Know that a fight is just that; a fight. Disagreement and anger between people is normal. What is not normal is when it festers, gets out of hand, people take sides, someone starts gaining power and queen bees materialize. On 90210, there is not a queen bee and for this reason alone, this show is much better to watch than others out there. On the anti-bully scale, I give it a thumbs up.

Sexual and Peer Abuse in Wisconsin

Over the weekend I was sent a message about recent events in New Berlin, Wisconsin. This latest escapade is a mind blower yet not surprising. Normally this would fall under sexual predator behavior but I consider it a problem of Peer Abuse as well.

A young man, Anthony R. Stancl, who is 18 years old got on the popular site Facebook and pretended to be a girl. As a girl, he got 31 boys, from ages 13 to 19, from his school to send naked pictures to him on the computer. He used this to his advantage by blackmailing these boys into performing sexual acts on him or he would show their pictures all over New Berlin Eisenhower Middle/High School. Some of these assaults occurred on school grounds while others occurred elsewhere. Stancl had over 300 movie clips and pictures on his computer of his victims plus many more of children. If this was not enough, Stancl sent a bomb threat to the school via an email. This prompted an investigation into what was occurring when one of the boys came forward with what had been going on with the sexual acts. If charged, Stancl could face up to 300 years in prison. From what I understand, he has shown no remorse in these events.

Even though Stancl is only 18, he is still an adult. His victims are still underage. However, they are amongst his peer group. This right here makes it an issue of peer abuse and bullying. Also, he used false identification online which is normal in bullies as they enjoy impersonating others online. He blackmailed to get what he wanted and threatened his peers into doing his bidding. If that’s not enough, he made a bomb threat and then showed no remorse for his actions in court. Folks, these adult bullies are predators and these tactics used were not uncommon in bullying behavior. Manipulation, threats and then pictures of children and peers on his computer in suggestive manners? This is the stuff that bullies are made of. My guess is this young man had been manipulating and threatening others for a long time. For him to devise a plan so devious and vicious, he had to have been learning these skills of manipulation for quite some time now. As you see, at 18, he behaved as a sexual predator would. I think its a good thing that he was caught before he brought more damage to others. Even though the police did not find him to be a danger after the bomb threat, I disagree. This young man is dangerous and I hope he is locked up for a long time.

We need to stop “believing these people are not dangerous” and get educated on the makeup of a bully. From reading about this case, its hard not to see someone with abusive tendencies. Not to mention someone who is behaving as a sexual predator. Please, get educated on these folks. At least the police have investigated further on this case and uncovered what they did. Please, help stop bullying and peer abuse when you see it so these children do not grow up to be like Mr. Stancl. It takes a little education one day at a time.
Resource Cited
Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From a Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California

Juicy Campus is no More!

Well, good news travels fast I must say. I just caught word over on facebook that the college site Juicy Campus will be shutting down in the near future. They are taking the site down and leaving cyberspace and for good lets hope. I, for one, am rejoicing.

This is the website that was started by a man named Matt Ivester. His intentions were good initially. As he had not been out of school for long, he thought it would be a good idea to set up a website for college kids to go, mingle and share stories at their respective universities. There is no harm in that and I am sure the site started out as a fun place to visit. However, within the last months, this site started to take an ugly turn. Slander was posted about other students and even faculty at the schools. The person was always allowed anonymity which gave them ever more of an incentive to go on there and say degrading things such as “you are a slut” and others. Some are so bad they are not worth repeating. One student had been raped on campus and she had only told three friends about what happened. Nine months later, the story wound up on the site and the responses were “good, she deserved it!”. Eventually, the site came under fire with the legal system. Ivesters story was that the site would not censor anyone and therefore, these lies and slanderous messages were allowed to stay and he hid behind the First Amendment of free speech. After this, the site become more popular than ever.

Folks, there is nothing wrong with speaking ones mind and being honest. However, when it goes into affecting people and harming them, it becomes problematic. Calling someone a “slut” is not right nor is telling a rape victim that “they deserve it.” This right here has gone to show how insensitive we have become towards one another and the lack of empathy that I have been talking about on here. Nobody likes censorship but like anything else, there are limits. The young lady who was raped was traumatized by the words and actions of this site. I have seen other college students speak online about it. I spoke to a reporter about this particular site and the psychological damages it brings. A group of students got together on face book and stood up to Juicy Campus and saw the ugliness and harm that it created. I commend these kids for taking up the cause and speaking out. It does leave some hope that there are people of our future who have some compassion and an understanding of right from wrong.

I wish Mr. Ivester well. This started out as a good idea at the time. College is a good time in ones life. It is a time of learning and becoming an individual. Some of the stories along the way are fun to remember. However, Ivester allowed things to get ugly on there and people were affected by this stuff. So, from that perspective it’s a good thing the site is coming down. If a site like this is ever created again, I hope it will have some rules, dignity and respect to go along with it. In the meantime, we can rejoice in the fact that Juicy Campus will soon be gone. However, the wounds from those who have been hurt will still be fresh and will take a long time to heal.

Resource Cited

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From a Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California.

As I was sorting through my daily Google Alerts, I found this article amongst the bunch. As a rule of thumb, I try and write about bullying and abuse by peers that occurs in the United States. However, this article which came from India really jumped out at me. If the title alone is not discouraging, the article itself is chop full of reasons to defend this problem we face. How can bullying be a good thing?

I understand the fact that children need to learn that life is hard and not always nice. That’s true; this is a dog eat dog society and people will throw one another under the bus to get what they want. It can be a vicious cycle. I think its important to teach children to stand up for themselves and take an assertive approach to the world. Also, its important to learn good leadership and healthy social skills so they can learn to get along with others and be productive. Conflict resolution is vital in the world today. Children do need to grow up learning these things.
One the flip side, when is abuse good? Abuse is not healthy folks. Constantly verbally, physically and sexually attacking others is not healthy. Since when is it good to beat someone down and break them to a point where some never recover a good thing? I guess this means someone developing depression, PTSD and social anxiety is a good thing too? This stuff happening daily in schools and the workplace is a good thing?

It’s a matter of limits folks! Knowing when it’s a matter of standing up for oneself and others and when it goes into abuse is vital in this. Children can learn healthy behaviors and grow up to be productive without this nonsense occurring. The bottom line is that people need to understand when and where to draw the line. Its pretty simple once you think about it. Teasing, joking around and such is just that; teasing and joking around. Friends do this and all in fun. However, it becomes an issue of peer abuse when the person says “Stop! Its not funny” or other things indicating that the situation is not but hurtful. “No means NO and stop means STOP.” When someone indicates they are bothered by the behavior then its time to stop! You can tell when someone is being hurt or affected as its not that hard. Really, it’s a matter of teaching this to children. Once they learn this, as adults, they will have this understanding can set these limits for their own children.

Limits and knowing them are everything in this. Bullies have no sense of boundaries and while they are young, its important to catch this and teach them this. Otherwise, they grow up believing rules do not apply to them and they have carte blanche to do as they please. Rules and laws exist for a reason. People just have to learn them and understand them. Its not different with the problem of bullying. In my opinion, this is healthy for everyone.

Resource Cited:

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From a Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California.

Relational Aggression and the Church

I am finally sitting down to blog again after flying across country last week and getting everything back in order again. While I was away, I managed to pick up the book Escape by Carolyn Jessop. Mrs. Jessop is a former member of the FLDS which is the Fundamentalist Church of Latter Day Saints which is a strict belief system. One thing I do not do is try and give others a hard time when it comes to their religion. We all have our beliefs, grew up in different cultures and are entitled to these freedoms in this nation. This book mentioned some disturbing things such as young teen girls marrying older men, men having several wives and children amongst some of them. However, this will not be the focus of the blog entry here. I have to commend this woman for taking her children out of this abusive environment and standing up to the FLDS culture. If this were me in this situation, I would not have lasted a day. There are so many horrific things occurring behind closed doors and it takes guts to speak out against these horrors. A man by the name of Warren Jeffs who was considered the Prophet in the FLDS committed many crimes and abuses which led to several women escaping the cult and sharing their horror stories and Jeffs eventual prison sentence as these things were exposed.

The aspect I wanted to focus upon is the relationship that these several wives have with one another in these homes. A man can be married to several wives at once and they all live under the same roof. As females, when it comes to men, we tend to fight amongst one another if we are after the same man. Yet what happens when you get a group together who are married to the same man for religious purposes? The FLDS considers these cluster of women “sister wives” and they are suppose to respect and get along with one another. Also, they “keep sweet” and make themselves submissive to their husband and Prophet which leads to nothing more than power hunger and ownership of others. One thing that Mrs. Jessop mentioned was these relations she had with her sister wives. The husband, Merrill Jessop, had six wives while she was married to him. The one most favored was the most abusive and the “Queen Bee” of sorts named Barbara. She ruled her sister wives and all children with an iron fist. These women ganged up on each other, gossiped, and clamored their way into the favor of “Queen Wife Barbara” and Mr. Jessop. They fought amongst one another for his attention. Barbara dictated the social order between them. Any discord amongst Barbara and the other wives filtered into the children and these ladies would take a great deal out on them if their mother was out of favor. Standing up to this Barbara was uncalled for and severe punishment ensued if it was done. Folks, this gossip, backstabbing, verbal abuse, punishments….this is relational aggression and as you see it happens amongst women and not just girls. Barbara is favored by her husband and therefore, she was given a great deal of power. Instead of using this power for the greater good of the family, she abused her sister wives with threats, punishments and other behaviors. The others either feared her or worked hard to get into her good graces by selling her sister wives out. From what I read, this was a vicious circle that never stopped but grew worse with time. As this woman was given carte blanche within the home, she used this to her favor. Mrs. Jessop mentioned several incidents where things got out of control because of this woman and her games. The mind games, favoritism and other behaviors made it impossible for anyone to live in harmony or keep sweet within the home.

Folks, I have said it a zillion times. Favoritism breeds all sorts of underlying problems such as jealousy which breeds a lot of resentment amongst people. Plus, with favoritism comes people who are given power which gets out of control. Its like a flesh eating virus or cancer as it multiplies and eventually kills. As you see, in a culture that is geared towards submissiveness, it occurs. A young girl being married to a man 32 years her senior is bad enough but to have to live with the games, gossip and power problems daily can really break a person. No wonder these women were getting on anti-depressants as mentioned in the book. Please, stop giving someone power within your cluster of friends or family. Try and see everyone for who they are and leave them be. None of us are perfect and when you build someone up, favor them and allow them to have any sort of power, you help create a monster. This Queen Wife Barbara lady became a monster as a result of this. She is one of many who have become monsters as a result.
I wish Mrs. Jessop only the best. Eventually, Queen Wife Barbara had to own up to her abuses in a court of law. Merrill Jessop, the one who favored Barbara and his children lives in the USA on one of the FLDS ranches. As for Warren Jeffs, as I previously stated, he is in prison for his own crimes and I hope he is learning to “keep sweet” himself while he pays for his own dirty deeds within the FLDS community.

Resource Cited: Escape by Carolyn Jessop

Elizabeth Bennett is the Author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From a Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more visit Peer Abuse Know More.

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Thank you and enjoy!
Elizabeth Bennett, M.Ed