Lori Drew: A Woman Lacking a Conscience

As many of you know, I have been following the Megan Meier case. This is the case where Megan committed bullycide after a 16 year old boy she met on the social site My Space, , Josh Evans, who she was infatuated with suddenly turned on her stating “the world would be a better place without you in it.” The twist of all of this? Josh was not a 16 year old boy but a moniker created by a 49 year old woman by the name of Lori Drew along with her daughter, 14 year old Sarah and a colleague, 18 year old Ashley Grills. For a year, America has heard and followed this case and I have been right there along with everyone else. I have blogged and discussed this ad nauseum with friends and colleagues. I have been angry at this woman for even “going there” with this child in the first place. This whole story reeks of drama, cruelty and in the center of it sits this woman who apparently lacks a conscience of any kind. What kind of a person even considers doing this?
Well, Mrs. Drew is now in a Los Angeles Court having to own up to her dirty deeds. She was told by Grills and her hairdresser that what she was doing was wrong. Of course, Grills said it was okay because everyone did this sort of thing all the time on there. Her daughter even admitted to flirting with Megan as “Josh” on My Space. Of course Drew is now saying she never read the terms of service on My Space and her attorneys are lobbying for her case to be dismissed. Okay, I have a My Space account and to even set this up, one must accept the terms of service. You have to click on the little box like anyone else does. She had to have been aware to even open the account in the first place! Plus, she is trying to put a lot of blame on Ashley Grills. Now she is charged with a count of conspiracy and three counts of unauthorized computer access by violating the terms of service on My Space. From what I understand, Grills is the star witness yet has immunity. Why, I have no idea since she is a legal adult and had her own hand in all of this.
Folks, Lori Drew is mean, not stupid. She knew what she was doing was mean. She was well aware of Megan’s battle with clinical depression and her fragile state of mind. She was told by two other people that what she was doing was illegal. She involved her own 13 year old daughter in this mess. She is looking at five years in prison if convicted. Do you know what is so appalling? The judge has considered dismissing this case completely! Yes, you read right he is considering dismissing this case. Do you know the message that sends? That its okay to set up fake profiles online. Its okay to cyber bully young girls who deal with depression and send them over the edge. Engaging in illegal activity is okay. This is not okay and this woman does not deserve to walk. She deserves to be in prison where she belongs. Judge Wu, don’t go easy on her! Give her the book and throw away the key! For once, have a bully take some responsibility for their reprehensible actions. Show the world that yes, the justice system still works and Drew will be taking responsibility for her actions. I, for one, hope she rots.
Resource Cited: http://blog.wired.com/27bstroke6/2008/11/defense-lori-dr.html
Elizabeth Bennett is the author and consultant of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .

Anthony Biggs Jr. Victimized by a Cruel Society

I got an email from my best friend on Saturday. It was a Yahoo story about a young man who committed suicide via a webcam in front of a live, virtual audience. This took place on the site Justin.tv .The way I understand it, this young man was threatening to take his own life and was egged on by other viewers to do so who were watching this take place. A few tried to stop it and contacted the police in his area. However, it was too late. The young man, Abraham Briggs Jr., suffered from bi-polar disorder died from a combination of opiates and benzodiazepines he took for his illness. What sort of a world do we live in where we encourage those who are hurting and are in trouble?
You know, people out there are shocked and appalled by this. Well, I’m not one of them. I have been using the internet for almost 10 years and some of the things I have seen online have been unbelievable. People starting flame wars and trolling chat rooms and communities. There is always some sort of drama somewhere. Then there is the social site problems that are hot beds for gossip, rumors and impersonating or making up monikers to hurt and upset others. My Space and Face book are two of the leading sites for this. I see the callousness people exhibit online towards one another. They waste time and energy fighting and commenting using the most scathing and biting remarks they can find. Plus, while people get their kicks out of breaking each other, I hear the other side of it. The side where people are traumatized by these actions and events. How they are needing therapy to cope with the stress, anxiety and depression that all of this has brought on. So, when I heard of this recent act of bullycide, I was not in the least surprised. Abraham Biggs Sr. was shocked by this behavior as most are but me? No, we have become a callous lot who just do not give a darn about one another at all. Any decency that was once there has left the building.
As I have said many a time, we have to crack down on this cyber bullying problem. Another young life is lost at the hands of tormentors who had fun watching their victim die right in front of their eyes. Why do we continue to stay in the dark? Why are we enabling this? Parents, please talk to your kids and set limits with them on the use of the computer. Educate them on what is right and wrong in this world. I believe many have lost this capacity and everyday, we continue to develop behavior that grows more and more pathological. We are breeding a nation of sociopaths! Let them know that watching someone committing bullycide online is not entertainment. It’s a serious problem and instead of enabling it, teach them to report it. Shouldn’t someone out there give a darn? Is there any human decency left? It can be done if we begin to take this seriously. It only takes a voice and be that voice! My condolences go out to the Biggs family. May your son rest in peace. He was a good kid that fell victim to a cruel society. Nothing more or less.
Resource Cited: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081122/ap_on_re_us/webcam_suicide
Elizabeth Bennett is the author and consultant of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective. She resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .

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What a Way to Get Kicks!

You know, there are some days when you just try and understand why some do not see what is right in front of their faces. I know, I know….not everyone is going to instinctively get that bullying (Peer Abuse) is a serious problem and that maybe those who engage in these behaviors are “just not wired right”. Well, as an Adult Survivor of Peer Abuse who lived 27 years of this nightmare, I am here to say that yes, finally someone has done some experimentation on this. What I am referring to is a recent article published by Reuters entitled Bullies May Get a Kick Out of Seeing Others in Pain. A big part of me understands that again, not everyone is going to instinctively get this problem but a big part of me is saying “Really? No kidding!”

In this article, it states that a study was conducted at The University Of Chicago which used eight boys between the ages of 16 and 18 who have aggressive conduct disorders and eight who do not have these problems. The study consisted of watching a couple of videos where pain is being inflicted by people onto other people. A functional magnetic resonance imaging was used to track brain activity and when the video showed the pain being inflicted, those boys with the conduct problems would have a portion of the brain, the amygdala and ventral striatum light up, become active and excited. The other boys did not exhibit any of this within their brains. Of course, this was a small study and probably more needs to be discovered and tweaked before any conclusions can be drawn but so far, this has been found.

I am not really good with the biological lingo but from what I am getting, those who bully enjoy bullying others. I have always known there was a biological connection and that not all of it was environmental and psychological. Two kids can come from the same family and background and one could be a “bad seed” while others in the family do not have these problems. I am so glad that the nature aspect is finally becoming a consideration in all of this. Many criminals and prisoners thrive on violence, manipulation and game playing. It very well could be that they are suffering from the same problem? Those who kill tend to get a rush from it. Wonder if they have the same problems? I know bullies growing up would get violent and never have remorse but seem to want more and more of it. If this study goes further and they find this to be evident, then it will make more sense as to what makes a bully what he or she is. As children they hurt animals and think its funny. As adults they hurt others and enjoy it. I have never understood that but then again, I have always felt the bully was not wired right in the first place. A huge part of me is saying “What took so long?”

Resource Cited:
http://www.reuters.com/article/scienceNews/idUSTRE4A616020081107

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .

Well, another week and another entry. I was reading in my Google Alerts about an article entitled Workplace Bullies are Costly and was I glad to see this. I was glad because it is time that more is said and done about bullying in the workplace. We focus so much on the schools and getting the kids educated yet we hardly if ever focus upon the problem in the workplace. One reason could be that people probably assume that these childhood bullies outgrow their behavior? Or that its not a big deal with adults like it is with kids? There are many myths out there I know but one thing is for certain. Bullies do NOT grow up but grow worse. Yes, they get more pathological, methodical and sophisticated in their techniques. Trust me, this problem exists; I lived in twice at work. I am well aware of the realities occuring here.

A colleague of mine, Dr. Gary Namie, has been speaking out against this problem for quite some time. He has stated that the bully is trying to put fear into targets and other employees. Also, he tries to weed out the best employees and set them up to fail. Also, he describes the four types of workplace bullies. The first being the Screaming Mimi’s who give a lot of verbal abuse and make sure others are on their side so they do not get bullied themselves. Another is the Constant Critic who does his dirty deeds behind closed doors. He will tear the victim down bit by bit so that person comes to believe he is actually incompetent and unworthy of being at the job. Another one is the Two Headed Snake. This one will try and be your best friend to your face but is out to break you down behind your back. Finally there is a Gatekeeper and this one is one who can withhold any funding or anything where the target is involved so he will fail.

Folks, is this really productive? How can people even work with all of this going on? Not only do companies loose all kinds of money but employees are being fired unjustly. Not only that but they are developing problems such as PTSD, situational depression and anxiety. Who can blame them? A bully will do anything to tear down another without the blink of an eye. Why can’t people just go to work and do a job without all of this crap? So many companies and organizations are in denial and refuse to do anything. If companies have a code of conduct, why can’t a clause about Peer Abuse be added in there? Folks, this is outright abusive behavior! Your abusers are tearing down their victims everyday. People are being affected by this garbage! Why can’t people just go to work, do a job and go home? Why do people have to horn in on others work? Do they not have enough work to do themselves? Most importantly, why can’t we get educated and crawl out of the denial that exists? We are taking the time to teach the children so what is wrong with educating ourselves in our own backyards?

If there is one thing I hope people learn it is that bullies do not grow up but they grow worse. Its time to get educated and put a stop to this once and for all. We have enough stress in this world, must we add to it?

Resource Cited: http://www.tulsaworld.com/business/article.aspx?articleID=20081026_46_E1_DrGary301220&allcom=1#commentform

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .

Juicy Gossip?

Yesterday morning, I came online and found an interesting article on a website called Juicy Campus. This is a site devised for college students to go online, share funny stories, experiences and is general fun for those in college. The founder, Matt Ivester has been out of college for a couple of years and designed the site specifically for college students. One would think that a online place to hang out and have fun is a good thing, right? Absolutely not. I cannot find any fun in this at all.

There is a dark side to Juicy Campus as in any other site where people post and interact. Juicy Campus is also a place to cyber bully. Gossip turns ugly and students are basically slandering one another. One student in particular had a cruel experience on this site. She was raped one night on the street and shared this traumatic experience with her close friends and family. Nine months later, her experience was posted on the Juicy Campus site and many responses of “she deserved it”, “she is a slut” and other derogatory comments were targeted at her. Needless to say, the experience only made her trauma worse, not better. This site has also raised some legal issues and come under the concern of the Consumer Fraud Act. Of course, Ivester is hiding under the First Amendment of free speech and section 230 of the Communications Decency Act of 1996. His attitude is that there should be no censorship and that some of this stuff on there is mean but at the same time its funny. In a nutshell, he has no remorse about what is occurring on this site.

Are we a society that wants to continue to enable abusive behavior? Folks, if someone has been raped, its not good to rejoice and encourage slander towards the victim. Its not good to spread vicious gossip about others for fun. I understand that people should be able to speak their mind. However, at the expense of hurting others? What is good about that? I know many will tell me not to take this site so seriously. People are being affected by this! How can I not take this seriously? Not only is this cyber bullying but its abuse and outright slander. My guess is Mr. Ivester has never come under the fire of bullies. If he had, I am sure he would put limits on his site. I do not like censorship either but good grief! Some people just do not know when to stop! Are we becoming a nation lacking a conscience? Is this gossip really that juicy?

Resource Cited:
http://abcnews.go.com/OnCampus/story?id=5985372&page=1

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info/ .

Politics have a way of getting dirty. Lots of verbal mudslinging, parties attack each other, many discussions turning into personal attacks. Every four years we tend to get our juices flowing as we hear debates between different parties and see all kinds of ads running on television. The drama and cheap shots never seem to end.

Recently, an ad ran on television in Montana asking “have you been bullied by Governor Brian Schweitzer?” as endorsed by gubernatorial candidate Roy Brown. The title of this ad is “No More” and talks about a recent presentation in Philadelphia by Governor Schweitzer where he bragged that he bullied election monitors and a woman until she was as nervous as a pregnant nun. Also, he admitted to tampering with the 2006 Senate election in Montana. When misusing tax dollars, he bullied the investigator before being found guilty of violating ethic laws. Of course, Governor Schweitzer has said that all of this was “joking around.” Okay, scaring a lady until she was “as nervous as a pregnant nun”, intimidating election monitors, tampering with an election, misusing tax dollars and going against ethics is “joking around.” No, this is not “joking around” but behavior by someone who believes he is above the law. He pushes people around and brags about it. Rigs an election and misusing tax dollars. Most importantly, the heck with any ethics. He has power and abuses it. People who behave like this are not normal but need professional help.

Politics has a tendency to get ugly and can bring out the worst in all of us. However, when is bullying others when in a position of authority okay? Again, as I have said many times, adult bullies do NOT obey laws. They have a sense of entitlement and treat others as they wish. Many act without any remorse because they have no conscience to begin with. Whether someone is a politician or not, do not give them any power! They do not use it properly and anyone with the attitude of Governor Schweitzer has no business being in office or even in politics for that matter. We elect people who are strong and who we believe can do the best job and make the right decisions for our society. This man sounds about as ethical as Charles Manson. I say that because as he is a bully, he probably has his followers and hangers on who cater to his every whim. Politics are dirty enough, do the people of Montana deserve to be bullied by Brian any longer?
A website is up for the people of Montana to express any experiences they have had with Governor Schweitzer. Visit http://www.brianthebully.com to learn more.

Resources Cited:
http://www.missoulian.com/articles/2008/10/10/news/local/news04.txt
http://brianthebully.com/

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info.

Mean Behavior is Contagious

If there is one thing I have often wondered, it has been why mean behavior seems to be catching or contagious. We see it amongst us and people always seem to think its funny and a way of entertainment. We watch it on television, want more of it and allow it to filter into our daily lives. Two people are in an argument and instead of trying to stop things before they escalate, we sit by and watch. Reality television is a hot bed for relational aggression. Instead of squashing the bad behavior on there, it gets rewarded in some way. Plus, those who behave badly on these shows seem to get more attention from the viewer. I get the impression that being mean is in the “in thing” now.

A recent study was conducted at Bingham Young University where 53 women are asked to watch three video clips containing physical aggression (Kill Bill), relational aggression (Mean Girls) and no aggression (a séance scene from What Lies Beneath). Afterwards, the women took a couple of tests that are used to test aggression. Findings suggested that parents need to pay more attention to relational aggression in their television viewing. We get so caught up with violence in the media and how bad it is. Yet, more attention needs to be paid to relational aggression as well. It is just as harmful if you ask me.

I have to ask, what makes reality television so popular? Why do we want to watch shows like Survivor where people form alliances and stab each other in the back? Gossip Girl is another one full of relational aggression with the glorification of the Queen Bee. This behavior is highly destructive yet we want more and more of it. If that is not bad enough, we allow it to filter into our own lives and relationships. Subconsciously, we take this information and pertain it to our own lives because we know its rewarding and acceptable.

Folks, we need to stop excusing this and start to see it for what it is. We need to stop glorifying this bad behavior and making role models of those who behave this way. Stop the gratification and rewarding of it. Start to see it for the abuse that it really is. Why must this mean behavior be so contagious?

Resource Cited:
http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2008-09-15-aggression-study_N.htm

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .

How Does He Sleep At Night?

As I got online this morning, one of the first things I saw was an article where O.J. Simpson was found guilty on 12 charges with some being kidnapping and armed robbery in a Nevada courtroom. What is more amazing is this verdict was read 13 years to the day that he was found not guilty in what was called “The Trial of the Century” where he was charged and acquitted for the murders of his former wife Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman who was a waiter at the Brentwood restaurant Mezzaluna. During this 13 year period, we saw him in many photos living the good life in Florida. He would play a lot of golf and was always ready for the camera and any photo opportunity he could grab.

I am glad that justice has finally been served. This man literally got away with murder. I got tired of his smug face all over the nation back in 1995 during his trial that bombarded our lives. Then we would see him in photos playing golf and living it up. When he committed these crimes in Nevada, I honestly think he thought he would get away with his crimes. I got the impression that he thought he was above the law. I mean, he kills two people and gets away with it. If he can pull that off, I guess he felt he could do anything else he wanted. Of course, he never paid the Brown and Goldman families the money he was ordered to pay in the civil suit that was held after his criminal trial. He moved to Florida to avoid every loop hole out there in paying that money. Plus, a book was written by him where he gave a hypothetical confession of how Nicole and Ron were murdered. The families put the breaks on that, got the rights to the book, changed the title and all proceeds for that book are now going to the families. Now he will be in prison probably the rest of his life and frankly, I feel this is 13 years too late.

O.J. Simpson is your classic narcissist. He has a warped sense of entitlement and believed the laws did not apply to him. He got away with double homicide and moved to a state that allowed him to avoid paying the families of his victims the money that was ordered by the civil suit. If that did not beat all, he published that book with his so called hypothetical confession and trying to profit from these crimes. What kind of a person does that? One who is so vainglorious and so full of himself that he believes that he is someone special. One that lacks a conscience or any empathy for others whatsoever. In a nutshell, a bully. Yes, I said it, a bully. He abused his wife and never batted an eyelash. He murdered his wife and an innocent bystander and had the nerve to publish a book based on this. He avoided paying the money he owed his victims families. Then he comes to Nevada and pulls more crap there. This time it backfired and he was caught. This is classic behavior of an adult bully.

Now that O.J. is finally getting his just deserts, lets hope that the families and society itself can move forward and feel safe knowing that he is behind bars for the rest of his life. Finally, justice is served! Happy trails, O.J. Simpson!

Resource Cited:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/10/04/oj.simpson.verdict/index.html

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .

Its Not All About Blair!

Well, as I told myself I was never planning to watch The CW’s show Gossip Girl, I wound up catching it again last night. I gave it some thought and someone needs to get the word out that this show may be some sort of mockery of the rich and famous but also glorifies the serious problem of relational aggression in teen girls. The content has gotten sadistic after last weeks stint with the hair burning by a group of minions or wannabees if you will. In a nutshell, I cannot let this go. Sure, I could just “change the channel” but really, does that solve the problem at hand or shed light upon it?

Monday evening we are greeted with Blair and Serena at school. Blair’s mother is having her annual fashion show for fashion week . As Blair wants her Queen Bee status back, she decides to give the wannabees second row seats for the occasion. Well, we also learn that Serena has recently befriended a socialite named Poppy. As Blair approaches her troops with her news, a wannabee pulls out a tabloid with Serena and Poppy. Everyone gets excited as Serena approaches the group on the steps. Of course, the crew ignores Blair and all eyes are on Serena. Blair is furious and stomps off in a tantrum. We see Blair later in the episode continuing to throw tantrums at every turn. It gets so bad that at the fashion show, Blair ruins things for Serena (who was offered a front row seat with her new friend despite tradition that she and Blair watch the show from behind the curtain), the intern Jenny (the one who is targeted by these wannabees) and for the show itself despite the fact that this is her mothers gig and not hers. Later, Jenny saves the day with an outfit of hers and allows Blair’s mother to take the credit for it. We also see a heart to heart between Poppy and Serena and Serena always allowing Blair to shine while she scrunches in the background. Poppy assures her that her real friends will love her regardless. So, later on, Serena lets Blair know this and we see Blair ready to kill as a result.

Blair is not only a Queen Bee but she’s a spoiled brat. Nobody is suppose to outshine her or allow themselves to be noticed for their merits. Its all about Blair and how all attention should center around her. Not all bullies are abusive; some are spoiled (as well as abusive) and grow up this way as I have mentioned in my book Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective. They are so use to having their way and getting everything they want and expect that everywhere they go. So Serena gets closer to the group of friends, Blair cannot handle it. Serena has a talent for modeling and she models Jenny’s dress. Blair cannot stand it. Blair was using her relational aggression to squash Serena and who she was and friends should never do that for one another. I was glad to see Serena stand up to her and use her talents she was blessed with. The world does not revolve around Blair Waldorf and Queen Bees need to learn the same lesson.

Please, if you encounter someone like this, stand up to them! Do not give them any power and allow them to control you. A real friend will love you for who you are and will believe in you. Blair sure could use that lesson herself.

Resouce Cited: http://www.cwtv.com/shows/gossip-girl

Elizabeth Bennett is the Author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .

A Culture of Psychopaths?

This past Monday, I was bored and had a sore throat so did not have a lot of energy. I was flipping through the tube and stumbled upon The CW’s Gossip Girl at 8pm. As I follow some of these teen dramas from time to time because of my work, I watched this and was nothing short of appalled. Why do we watch this and why do we want more and more?

The show begins with the first day of school. One character named Jenny is scared to go because of a fallout she had with some girls the year before and declares that last year she was a “project“ but this year is a “victim“. Soon, we see a group of girls sitting on the front steps. The obvious Queen Bee named Blair is sitting with a group of minions leafing through some folders of different new girls in the school. We also see these new girls being “interviewed” by this group and these newbies are classified as either “projects” or “victims” based on the decision of this girl Blair. Later in the episode, we see the same group along with one named Serena barreling down the hall. One new girl, Amanda, has attached herself to Serena’s somewhat ex boyfriend Dan which upsets this little beehive. They invite Amanda to lunch only to warn her to stay away from Dan. Serena seems to be a nice kid who warns Blair not to be so horrible about the situation. Well later, Serena, Dan and this new girl are on a “date” which is very awkward. Serena and Dan of course have a huge blow up. Blair is nowhere to be found but her minions are there. A guy named Chuck who would make a great candidate for the Anti-Christ shows up to the minions with some gel to put in Amanda’s hair and burn it off. So, these minions do so and Serena lets them know not to let anything happen again without going through her first. After this, we see Chuck paying Amanda for a job well done. A job well done? It seems that Chuck set this whole scenario up to shake up Blair’s standing as a Queen Bee and have Serena de-throne her. He does so because he loves Blair and wants her upset so she will run back to him. Then we see these girls together the next day at school where Serena is the obvious Queen Bee and Blair has been de-throned as Chuck wished. In the meantime, these same minions are making Jenny’s life hard by throwing her belongings on the ground and letting her know that the fun is just beginning. Jenny is now skipping school and showing up at a design shop where she interns.

First off, when is burning someone’s hair off a form of entertainment? I am really trying to wrap my head around this one. Second, interviewing people as possible projects or victims? This is school, not a battlefield! Wait, school is a battlefield and this show makes no bones about it. Also, this Chuck is nothing short of a psychopath and will probably be in prison for some white collar crime or become a politician when he becomes an adult. What is entertaining about a smart girl skipping school? A girl who could have a bright future but is being ripped apart by a group of vipers? Most importantly, why does there need to be a Queen Bee? This show is nothing more than a group of kids seeing life as a game of chess. Why must life be a game?

I find this show to be disturbing on so many levels. It glorifies bullying and peer abuse. Kids not even in college are already scheming, plotting and manipulating. Several of them have no conscience. One exhibits sadistic behavior for the love of a girl. This is how they express love for one another? It also proves my theories and what I have said all along. Bullies are pathological, narcissistic and even sadistic. They are mean, selfish, void of compassion and see life as a game. Is there a bright light at the end of this vicious tunnel? Lets face it, we are becoming a culture of psychopaths. There is no other way to say it.

Resources Cited: http://www.cwtv.com/cw-video/gossip-girl

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info/ .

As we all know, cyber bullying is a serious problem amongst our nations youth today. It takes the problem of abuse by peers to a whole other dimension. A place that adults today never had to visit. Recently, I learned of two different sites here online that enable online safety for children and also, a place to anonymously report any bullying both on and offline.

A couple by the name of Deborah and Steven Schechner founded a website called Safe Wave. Safe Wave is a site that is set up for children to go online and not have to deal with any cyber bullying by their peers. They require signature on documents for parents and children to sign and agree NOT to cyber bully or bring any other danger on the site. Also, they have a verification process which goes through the school of the child to make sure this child who is applying is who she says she is. Children are learning to use the internet everyday and in learning, we want them to have a place to go that is safe without worrying about bullies around the corner. There is so much on here that brings danger and many kids have encountered them as some have taken their lives as a result. Also, the site welcomes law enforcement which I think it great. These are people who need to be on top of this problem more than anyone.

A Bingham Young student by the name of Justin Berenger created a site based in Utah entitled Schooltipline. This site takes anonymous reports by students of bullying and abusive situations both off and online. Each report is taken seriously and reported to the school in which the complaint is being made. As many children fear being labeled “snitches” and a lot of times do not want to “rat anyone out”, they feel much better reporting without anyone finding out that they are doing the reporting. I am grateful for this young man to step up and see that others are safe from this problem. Many times this abuse does go unreported because kids fear repercussions from these bullies. Or, as stated before, do not want to be known as someone who rats others out. There is a huge difference in reporting what should be considered criminal behavior and ratting someone out. I hope with this site, the bullying will be handled by the school personnel in an expedient manner and taken more seriously.

I commend both websites for taking action against this problem. I wish them both much success in their endeavors. It is good to see folks out there who are doing the right thing for a change. Lets keep these safe havens going. Our children deserve it.

Resources Cited:
http://www.safewave.org http://www.schooltipline.com

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .

Subtlety a Dangerous Thing

As I was going through some of the articles on bullying, one really stood out to me. The article discussed a couple of movies. The first being a personal favorite of mine entitled A Christmas Story which is set in the late 1940’s and despite the movie being a good one, there is a bully in there. A older, stronger boy who lives in the neighborhood. Everyday, he lies in wake to taunt the main character Ralphie and two of his friends. Of course, Ralphie and the others run scared of this menace and his sidekick who is not much bigger than Ralphie. Eventually, Ralphie tires of this daily abuse and attacks this bully back by ferociously hitting and hitting him until his nose bleeds. Then there is a movie that came out in 2004 entitled Mean Girls which starred Lindsay Lohan and Rachel McAdams. A group of popular girls did what they could to tear one another down. The backstabbing, lies and sneaky behavior was shown and the sad fact was these girls were suppose to be best friends! At least with Ralphie, his bully let him know his distain for him but these girls were each others best friends!

I have to say, what kind of a world do we live in where our own best friends are our worst enemies? The people we are to trust and know are there for us besides our own family? These are our people we rely upon to keep our secrets, listen to our problems and basically support us in any endeavor. Maybe this is why people have been used the term frienemies when referring to their friends. Have we become so selfish as people that even our own friends are people we cannot support, help and love? Do we take our friends for granted and feel that we can do whatever we want despite how our behavior affects others? As a nation are we that self centered? Why do we set out to tear one another down instead of build one another up? Relational Aggression has a way of filtering into our daily lives. Its sneaky, deceiving and a great cause for stress in our daily lives.

As for Ralphie, in many ways, I can understand why he became so angry at his bully. He was tired of the daily torment this little punk gave him and his friends. He was tired of running from him. Tired of the taunts and ridicule. It all came out when he sat on this bully and punched him over and over until his nose bled. A person can only take so much until everything bottled up inside is going to come flowing out. When it comes flowing out, its not always pretty. Those who have never experienced peer abuse are not going to understand this. This is why in the school shootings, everyone is so surprised by these actions, never saw them coming then run to declare the shooter mentally ill or a psycho. Folks, a person can only take so much! In A Christmas Story Ralphie’s mother found him outside hitting this bully and came and brought him home. Of course, he was punished for behaving in such a manner. However, what happened to the bully? Was he punished and did it ever come out that he was tormenting others on a daily basis? Not that I can recall and that’s typical in these scenarios.

The article also mentioned a study published in the Denver Post. There have been 260 violent deaths in our schools since 1999 and 71% were a result of bullying and peer abuse. Also, 75% of those between the ages of 8 to 11 have been victims of this abuse. Why am I not surprised?

I understand that both of these movies are pure fiction. However, sometimes life imitates art and these problems are all too real in our society. People need to stop blaming the victim and start punishing the real instigator. As friends, we need to love and support one another, not go and do things that hurt one another. We are all people just trying to get through the day. Can’t we try and respect instead of destroy each other? Is it too much to ask?

Resource Cited: http://www.currentargus.com/ci_10451065

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, please visit http://www.peerabuse.info/ .

I was reading an article about two teenage girls from Northern California. They are Emily and Sarah Buder and they wrote a book entitled Letters to a Bullied Girl. The inspiration for this book was a girl in Northern California named Olivia Gardner. Olivia was experiencing severe bullying and peer abuse at the hands of her peers. She suffered indignities such as having her book bag dragged through mud, peers creating an “Olivia Haters” page on the internet and tormenters would always tell her to die. Needless to say, Olivia was suicidal which comes of no surprise to me. When the Buder sisters found out about Olivia and what she was dealing with, they decided to write this book. The project grew as they started to hear from other bullied kids, kids who did bully and felt bad about it, adults who bullied growing up and felt bad and adult survivors who still struggle with the affects of being bullied and abused by their peers.

I commend these two young ladies for reaching out to Olivia who was a complete stranger. Today, it is so rare to see teens have empathy and reach out to others in a compassionate manner. I have the up most respect for these sisters. They probably do not realize how many other kids and teens they helped in their project. Sometimes, hearing these things from a peer rather than an adult or someone in authority can make a greater difference. I hope this book creates a wave with other kids out there and they learn something from it. Kindness can go a long way.

Olivia being suicidal is not uncommon. Many who are bullied and abused by their peers develop depression which leads to suicide eventually. We refer to it as bullycide as this is suicide as a result of peer abuse and bullying. How can we expect someone to grow into a well adjusted and balanced adult when as children, they suffer these indignities and have nobody there to help them? Or, the kids are told to just ignore it and stop taking it personally as it is a fact of life. Schools put so much emphasis on test scores and grades. How can someone excel when they are constantly told they are scum and need to die?

School is starting back in many places. We need to enforce these programs and laws so our children are safe and safe from each other. So they can score high in grades and become productive citizens some day. Emily and Sarah already know kindness and they exercise it. I hope others use these ladies as an example and not think of them as a joke. They both have hearts of gold and a powerful message to share.

Most importantly, I was glad to see the book was dedicated to Corrine Sides. Corrine was an exceptional young lady who did die of bullycide. May her spirit live on through this book. Angels do exist after all.

Resource Cited: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/emily-and-sarah-buder/letters-to-a-bullied-girl_b_116970.html

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .

Bullying Over Obesity According to a Recent Study

Well, a little late on the blogging but as they say “better late than never.” I tend to write about the articles and events that grab me right off the bat and at first this one did not. But as I did something thinking, I realized the value of the article and the fact that the contents involved need to be addressed.

I read an article on the Health Digest website entitled Parents Battle Bulge, Bullying With Overweight and Obese Kids. At the University of Michigan, they have taken the results from a poll taken at Motts Children Hospital. According to this, parents who have overweight children are more concerned about them being bullied rather than their children being obese themselves. Yes folks, you read that correctly. The parents have a greater concern about the bullying factor rather than the overall health of their child. To be honest, I can understand that completely. Bullying should be a strong concern not only with parents but with schools, workplaces and within the community as a whole. Unfortunately, people are more concerned with Steve’s soccer shorts, what President Bush had for dinner and of course, the national election we will be having in November.

I have to say, this bullying over a child’s weight does bother me. All forms of bullying get under my skin but bullying someone over their weight? Many children are chubby because they carry what is known as baby fat. This cannot be helped at all. Some children have a genetic predisposition towards obesity and again, cannot be helped. Yet, because of this sick rite of passage, other kids have to make their lives completely miserable as a result. Why? Because they can. They know where, when and who to bully and they know for the most part, nobody in authority will do anything about it. What ever happened to teaching children some kindness? Manners? To respect others? Has anyone noticed that we are a nation without empathy? If someone does not learn this early in life, they will have greater problems later in life. Yet I hear “kids will be kids” constantly. True, kids are kids but does that mean we forget to teach them to be decent human beings? We live in a world now where the norm is wearing a size 0 in clothes. Everyone strives to be thin. As a result, we have people with eating disorders and other problems. Why is it so important to be thin? Can’t we teach people that its okay to be comfortable in ones own skin?

This article speaks volumes. It says a lot when a parent is more worried about their child’s safety than their own health. The article also suggests that anti-bullying programs add something about obesity in them. Why is this a new revelation? Why are they not already in the programs? Haven’t we been teaching our children all along not to give people a hard time for their weight? Or is this part of the “kids will be kids” mantra? Again, kids will be kids but kids can also be taught empathy and respect. The concept is easy to grasp. It’s a matter of putting it into action.

Resource Cited: http://www.healthnewsdigest.com/news/Family_Health_210/Parents_Battle_Bulge_Bullying_With_Overweight_and_Obese_Kids.shtml

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .

Must We Feed the Bully?

Recently, I heard about this new book entitled “101 Facts About Bullying: What Everyone Should Know” and even though I have not read it, I do commend the author for taking a stand against the problem. Every bit helps in educating on this serious subject.

One point made in the book is that bullies can become victims and visa versa depending on situations and circumstances. Also, that it is not always good to fight back with bullies as that keeps the problem going. I have been saying both all along. The only time I advocate any fighting back is in the case of self-defense. Bullies have no limits whatsoever. Physical or psychological limits and will go the distance regardless. If a bully is trying to murder someone then yes, I do advocate fighting back out of protection and defense alone. Otherwise, I do not agree to fighting back either. Let the bully take the rap and let his actions be shown to everyone. Peer Abuse creates all sorts of problems in victims such as depression, social anxiety and PTSD. Its high time they pay for their crimes instead of the victim doing it for him.

Also, from what I understand, the book mentions that bullies can enjoy high social status. Oh isn’t this so common! Bullies are socially sophisticated and pretty much set the bar for their social environment. Therefore, they are charming and charismatic and people are drawn to them. As a result, they are given a lot of social power because people are so drawn in by them. It reminds me of one selling their souls to the devil. What bothers me is that we are learning this yet we continue to give in to them. Give them a lot of power they do not need. Instead of just saying “that is just the way it is. It is what it is” then why don’t we start educating them and rise to the occasion here? Teach them to use their powers for good instead of bad. They are given these social gifts and why do we have to allow them to misuse them? These gifts could be used to help those peers who are not blessed in these areas. Why does kindness have to be such a bad thing?

Once again, kudos to Dr. Kervokian for taking this initiative and writing the book. As a society, I wish we could learn to take the high road and stop feeding these bullies. Take the time to teach them kindness instead. After all, kindness is not really a bad thing.

Resource Cited

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .

California is Cracking Down!

As I am located in Los Angeles, I try and keep up with the ins and outs of the bullying and peer abuse problem in this state. Recently, a bill entitled AB86 introduced by Assemblyman Ted Lieu of Torrance would finally crack down on the cyber bullying that so many of our young people face today. Finally, we are cracking down on this never ending and ever growing problem. California’s Education Code already has something in the books about harassment at school. Taking this next step is the best news I have heard in weeks.

Cyber bullying is bullying that occurs on the internet, cell phones and anything used electronically. Kids will go to social sites like My Space and Facebook to set up these pages against their classmates and send bulletins and other messages slandering their good name. Or, they may go to these websites that offer free hosting and make horrible pages about each other. If the internet is not enough, they use the cell phone to take pictures or make videos and put them up on You Tube which is a free site to post videos. Also, the use of text messaging is used and it goes on and on.

Its time that we crack down on our kids and teach them the seriousness of this problem. We can put laws on the books all we want but it is about education and enforcement. Are the schools taking this seriously? What about the parents and others in the community? Peer Abuse is not just a school and workplace problem but a community one as well. Bullying affects everyone in the community; not just the bully, bullied and bystander. If bullying in person is not enough, now we go to the internet.

I commend Assemblyman Lieu on his efforts and lets keep rooting for this bill to become a law. I know he has my vote in the next election.

Resource Cited: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/08/16/MNF11296BN.DTL

Elizabeth Bennett is the Author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, please visit http://www.peerabuse.info .

Can't take the heat? Then stay out of the kitchen!

There are times when I actually have time on my hands to surf around on the internet and just read blogs or message boards. One place I have gone before is the Perez Hilton blog. This is one that shows pictures of celebrities at their worst and pokes fun at their misfortunes in life. I may see a photo of one supposedly leaving rehab and on the picture, white dots are drawn dribbling down the nose of the celebrity at hand indicating cocaine use. Or, I may see another picture where he has written “no talent” on the picture. Plus, I wonder how much of what he is reporting is truth or word on the street so to speak.

I do not know Perez Hilton as a person and have never met him. I am not trying to judge him or slander him. However, I do have an opinion of his blog. I think that he is verbally abusive to celebrities and believe maybe 1/8 of what he reports. Like any other tabloid out there, I feel he is just enjoying his fame by kicking others when they are down. Folks, once again, this is a form of bullying and Peer Abuse. Slander, the pictures, making fun of someone else and their problems. Where is the compassion? The support?

Recently, two ladies have created a blog entitled Perez Revenge where they are standing up to Perez and reporting facts about celebrities and not kicking them when they are down so to speak. As a result, Perez has gone the legal route and seeking damages in this. Why is it okay for Perez to slander celebrities but when the shoe is on the other foot, he seeks legal help? True, his home address did not need to be placed on the internet, however, that is not the issue at hand. The issue at hand is that these ladies are standing up to what I see is a bully and when someone does the same thing that he has done to many others, he reacts in typical abusive and bullying behavior; he reacts and threatens. A bully does not like for people to give them a dose of their own medicine. They get angry and react every time.

I wish these ladies well and commend them for their efforts. It is hard to bring down a bully and in my opinion, Perez comes across as a bully. If he cannot take the heat, he needs to stay out of the kitchen. What comes around goes around and Perez deserves what he is getting as far as I am concerned. Now he sees how it feels to be lied about, slandered and made fun of when the chips are down and he does not like it at all. Hopefully, he will change and for the better.


Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info

Its Not All About Them!

I watched another Lifetime Movie this weekend. This one was entitled True Confessions Of A Hollywood Starlet which starred young pop star Joanna “JoJo” Levesque and television veteran and Jenny Craig Spokeswoman Valerie Bertinelli. The premise was about a young A-list teen star Morgan Carter (Levesque) who is an alcoholic and after a stint in rehab, was sent to live with her mothers long time friend “Aunt” Trudy (Bertinelli) in Fort Wayne, Indiana as part of her recovery process. She took on another identity as “Claudia Miller” in Indiana and attended a regular high school and required Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. At first, as with anyone in a new environment, adjustment was not easy but eventually, she came to appreciate this new life away from the spotlight and those who were there for her.

As this movie was a good one, those mean girls still had to make their presence known. In the lunchroom, the Queen Bee had to make some comment about Claudia’s clothes. Claudia, even though not the most socially up to date teen was able to stand up to her and put her in her place. Then, we see the two together in the gymnasium for a game of volleyball. Again, this wrenching queen had to slam the volleyball into Claudia’s stomach and again, after Claudia verbally went back to her and allowing her language to go a little far, was sent to the principals office. Needless to say, the queen was not sent to the office. This bothered me as both were in the wrong. I know it’s a small portion of the movie but why wasn’t Queen Bee sent for slamming the volleyball into Claudia’s stomach? Because like any other bully, she was able to fool everyone into believing her slamming the volleyball into her stomach was an “accident”. She should have been right behind Claudia in going to the principals office. This is far too common out there. The bully never seems to be punished while the other party always seems to suffer the consequences. This was not an outright case of bullying because Claudia did verbally come back at her. However, the queen not being punished is the point I am trying to make. She was just as much at fault as Claudia was. Folks, get both sides to a story before handing out punishment. Usually, it’s the bully that starts these tiffs in the first place.

It was nice that we only had a couple of scenes with this queen bee and her honeybees. They did not dominate the movie. We did not see them terrorize everyone around them. In other words, it was not all about them. Many times, Queen Bees have to have the center stage but in this movie, it was good to see the focus not on these mean girls but what became a nice teen and her caring Aunt instead. The kids in this movie were good kids. Of course, another antagonist emerged later in the movie but this was because of a feud over a boy and not everyone around them got involved. She did not spread vicious lies or make Claudia’s life unbearable. If the boy had not been in the picture, I am sure the girls would have gotten along well. Its all about noticing a real bully and what they are about.

This is one movie I recommend. I only wish this Queen Bee had been sent to the principal along with Claudia as she was the one who instigated the problem in the first place. If anyone sees this occurring, please get both sides of a story and see that both parties are punished fairly.

Resource cited: http://www.mylifetime.com/on-tv/movies/true-confessions-hollywood-starlet/cast
Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info/ .

As I got up this morning and went online to check the latest news, one of the first things I found was news about Megan Meier. For those who may not remember, Megan was the 13 year old girl in Missouri who committed bullycide (suicide by bullying) after she was dumped by a supposed 16 year old boy named “Josh” on the popular site My Space. It turned out that this 16 year old boy was really a woman pushing 50 named Lori Drew who was a neighbor and had a 13 year old daughter as well. Ms. Drew was posing as a 16 year old boy as she was trying to make sure that Megan was not trying to slander her daughter to others online. After the story broke last November, a blog surfaced online entitled Megan Had It Coming that was fueled with more abuse and slander towards Megan, her family and the situation itself. The blogger stated that he was Lori Drew. This blog fooled many and even made the news. This morning, I learn the real identity of the blogger is a 32 year old Washington State man named Jason Fortuny. Fortuny does not deny his actions and hides behind the freedom of speech in this. Also, he does not care what anyone thinks about him or his actions. His actions really hurt a lot of people but again, he does not care.

As traumatic as this story was for many, what made this man go a step further? What made Lori Drew devise the plan she did to pretend to be a 16 year old boy? One thing I do see in this and that is again, we are ignoring the root of the problem. The fact that we have consenting adults behaving like this is troubling. Is this a case of people having too much time on their hands or the possibility of adults with personality disorders? Both behaved in a pathological manner. Both should have had a child’s best interest at heart. Yet both crossed a line. If we have adults behaving like this, why are we so shocked when children are behaving as they do?

Its time to take this online impersonation problem seriously. You visit social sites like My Space and Facebook and see young favorites like Zac Efron, Chad Michael Murray, Lindsey Lohan and others who have a page on there and guess what? They talk to their fans! Or, people are on there viciously attacking one another and doing so under false identity. After fooling people with these actions and much abuse, it comes out that the person behind the page was not really Zac, Chad or Lindsey but a cyber bully wanting to make problems for others just for fun. Or, kids from the same school spreading lies and making vicious pages about their peers. Some even go as far as being adult predators. Now we have a suburban mom and a bored man pulling the same games. What is the result of all of this? A lot of pain, hurt and psychological trauma ensue for the victims. A young girl kills herself. Then we have those who impersonate, lie and do all of this for their own entertainment. Something is definitely wrong when the welfare of others is at stake and at the hands of people who behave and enable this problem. Or, like Mr. Fortuny, they just don’t care.

Lori Drew is dealing with legal ramifications in Los Angeles and is trying to keep a not guilty plea. What will happen to Mr. Fortuny? Can he hide behind the freedom of speech forever? Why do they feel they have done no wrong? One thing I can say is that this is how a bully operates. Until these sites take the bullying and peer abuse problem seriously, these problems will continue to exist. The innocent will fall and the guilty will rise. At the end of the day, that mind set is pathetic.

Source Cited: http://www.myfoxstl.com/myfox/pages/News/Detail?contentId=7162749&version=1&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=TSTY&pageId=3.2.1

Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .