This past Friday, my mother called and told me about something in her local newspaper about adults who were bullied as children encountering their former bullies on social sites such as Facebook and MySpace. As this is something I am dealing with in my own life right now, I really wanted to see this and did a search online. Its not only me but other adult survivors of peer abuse are facing this on these sites. I have had several tell me about this. One became so upset all over again that it was a shock to the system. Another set up a cause page and encouraged former bullies to donate to the bullying cause. One saw the friend request, wrote the bully back and let them know what they did and how it affected them. The bully wrote back, sent scathing messages over and over and took absolutely no responsibility for their actions. The only way the person got them to stop was by blocking them.
There are many adults out there who were abused by their peers as children and are on these sites. There is a feature for reconnecting with old friends from school and work so if you list these schools or former places of employment on your profile, with one click they can easily look and get a blast from the past so to speak. This abuse for some was mild and would be isolated events. Overcoming it was not a problem for them and probably resolved these issues with their bully before entering adulthood. Or, some may remember this, can remember it in a bad light and how it affected them but not really think much about it. So, letting bygones be bygones was not such a big thing and went ahead and accepted these tormentors on their pages. After all, life is too short, right? Yet what about those who were fed this abuse in strong doses and it affected them psychologically? The scars are there and may be there for the remainder of their lives. A daily cocktail of anti-depressants is what keeps them sane. So, they come on these social sites and see that one of the people that added to this damage is sending a friend request? What about these survivors? How do they handle this problem?
Carolyn Hax of the Washington Post gave some great advice. True, these bullies may have reformed and are different now. We don’t know whether this has happened or not. They may want to make amends or apologize. This could be a way of setting the record straight. There are some positives to this. However, those who are severe cases may find this too upsetting. A friend request is sent. No message or even “hello, how are you” in the request. The bully sends a request and behaves as if nothing ever happened. How does one deal with this? Here is what I can suggest. First off, it is basically up to the person and the severity of the abuse. We must forgive these tormenters as hard as it is. If we want to be forgiven we must forgive others. However, this does not mean we have to become friends on social sites and welcome them with open arms into our lives. One does not know if this person has changed or not and taking that risk may be hard. I do know that by them sending these requests and behaving as if nothing has happened, chances are they are still bullies. Folks, hard core bullies do not grow up but grow worse. Many are narcissistic and pathological. Those who run in and out of our lives, hurt us to the core and always come back like nothing ever happened are those who more than likely lack having a conscience. Those with a conscience are going to be remorseful in what happened and will tell you so right off the bat. It is a matter of reading between the lines here.
Basically, its up to the person and if they are ready to do this or not. I do know some are not ready and that’s okay. One went into shock at seeing these people on there. It is upsetting to see these people and if it is too upsetting, that person needs to block these people. You wish them well and forgive them but block them until ready to do otherwise. They are no longer a part of your life and why add any pain to it? Not only block them if upsetting but observe their behavior through mutual friends on the site. See if they are exclusive in who they will accept as friends or not. Are they seeking attention in some way or minding their own business? Bullies love to be in charge and in control. Something to consider here. However, if you can add them and not be upset, do so. Again, a lot of this is a matter of the severity of the abuse and whether the person can handle it or not. If you are a survivor with a severe case, don’t do anything to add to the trauma. If you are one who is and can let bygones be bygones, go ahead. Just be careful is all I can say. After all, what happens when a rape victim comes face to face with their rapist? Or, a child faces the parent that abused them and left deep scars? Do we suggest happily ever after in these cases? Something to really think about in all of this.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Please! No More Relational Aggression!
I was in the waiting area at H&R Block the other day waiting to get my taxes done. There was a Seventeen Magazine lying on a chair and I picked it up and started flipping through it. The one thing that grabbed my attention was a quiz called What Draws You In? This is geared towards girls fighting within their “crew” or clique. Two members of the group will be in a fight. There are other bystanders who are left wondering what happened in the first place for a fight to erupt.
This quiz has three categories for results. The first is “you love the attention.” This describes the person who draws themselves into the middle of the conflict to gain attention from everyone. Play mediator yet by placing themselves there, they are only keeping the drama fueled. Another result is “you want to feel needed.” Members will get involved to be the support system for their friends. However, this only leaves the person feeling abandoned once the fight is over. The final result is “you want to bond” meaning the group member will take a side and be close in the moment to one of the two friends. However, this bonding is only occurring during the negative and not the positive stuff.
I am sure that whoever created this quiz was well meaning as it was geared towards helping teen girls deal with these situations. I commend the person who created this as I know their heart was in the right place. However, I want to take it up a notch. By even encouraging this in the first place, we are only fueling teen girls to behave this way in conflict. Why does there have to be a middle man? Do they have to take sides? Is playing “therapist” really helping the conflict or confusing the whole group as to where you stand? My response to this quiz is that bystanders get together and help their two friends work the conflict out. Take both parties aside and get to the bottom of the story and talk it out. Get together in a group and talk it out. Why is that so hard? The problem is over a boy? Maybe the group can try and remember that guys will come and go but friends can last forever and no guy should come between them? Or if it is over clothes or an item, talk it out and figure out who can borrow what at a particular time. Most importantly, why does there even have to be a clique? Groups are fine as long as they are not exclusive. I do not encourage clique behavior at all as it is hurtful and destructive.
I am sure people will think I am naïve in speaking this. Believe me I am not. Teens are self centered but also have the capabilities to talk their problems out in a rational manner. I have seen it done with my own two eyes. What teens do not understand is that by feeding into these three areas of conflict, they only increase the drama and the problem only grows worse and not better. These three areas are a part of relational aggression. Its important that they do know this. Fighting between teen girls is normal. Handling the problem in these three areas only makes the problem worse and this is what teens do need to understand. If it helps, get an impartial adult to help mediate in the problem solving. The bottom line is that conflict is not healthy. Friendships form out of mutual interests and these are important during the teen years. Keep the situation real but deal with it in a healthy manner for everyone. At the end of the day, we all need our friends.
Resource Cited
Elizabeth Bennett is the author, consultant and speaker for Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From a Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California
This quiz has three categories for results. The first is “you love the attention.” This describes the person who draws themselves into the middle of the conflict to gain attention from everyone. Play mediator yet by placing themselves there, they are only keeping the drama fueled. Another result is “you want to feel needed.” Members will get involved to be the support system for their friends. However, this only leaves the person feeling abandoned once the fight is over. The final result is “you want to bond” meaning the group member will take a side and be close in the moment to one of the two friends. However, this bonding is only occurring during the negative and not the positive stuff.
I am sure that whoever created this quiz was well meaning as it was geared towards helping teen girls deal with these situations. I commend the person who created this as I know their heart was in the right place. However, I want to take it up a notch. By even encouraging this in the first place, we are only fueling teen girls to behave this way in conflict. Why does there have to be a middle man? Do they have to take sides? Is playing “therapist” really helping the conflict or confusing the whole group as to where you stand? My response to this quiz is that bystanders get together and help their two friends work the conflict out. Take both parties aside and get to the bottom of the story and talk it out. Get together in a group and talk it out. Why is that so hard? The problem is over a boy? Maybe the group can try and remember that guys will come and go but friends can last forever and no guy should come between them? Or if it is over clothes or an item, talk it out and figure out who can borrow what at a particular time. Most importantly, why does there even have to be a clique? Groups are fine as long as they are not exclusive. I do not encourage clique behavior at all as it is hurtful and destructive.
I am sure people will think I am naïve in speaking this. Believe me I am not. Teens are self centered but also have the capabilities to talk their problems out in a rational manner. I have seen it done with my own two eyes. What teens do not understand is that by feeding into these three areas of conflict, they only increase the drama and the problem only grows worse and not better. These three areas are a part of relational aggression. Its important that they do know this. Fighting between teen girls is normal. Handling the problem in these three areas only makes the problem worse and this is what teens do need to understand. If it helps, get an impartial adult to help mediate in the problem solving. The bottom line is that conflict is not healthy. Friendships form out of mutual interests and these are important during the teen years. Keep the situation real but deal with it in a healthy manner for everyone. At the end of the day, we all need our friends.
Resource Cited
Elizabeth Bennett is the author, consultant and speaker for Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From a Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
90210 Naomi is not a Bully
In the 1990’s, I was a fan of the show Beverly Hills 90210. I watched it in college and during most of the decade. So, when a new 90210 came this season to the CW, I watched some of it as it had some of the old characters come back like Brenda and Kelly. The premise for this new show is about a family from Kansas who come to Beverly Hills to move in with their mother/grandmother who is an actress and getting older needing help from her son and his family. They have a adopted son and daughter who attend West Beverly High. This is the alma mater of the group who attended back in the 1990’s. I have only watched this show in spurts. However, from an anti-bullying perspective, I have to recommend this show as it is a good one.
There are four main female characters who I would say are friends but have had their share of problems. Two of them use to be best friends (Naomi and Silver), one is a child actress supporting her mother (Adriana) and the other is the one from Kansas (Annie). Naomi and Adriana are BFF’s while Annie and Silver (Erin Silver from the original 90210) have grown close. Naomi told everyone about Silvers parents divorcing in middle school which left Silver bitter. Adriana was sent to rehab for a drug problem and is now pregnant. Annie and Naomi have fought over a boy named Ethan who was Naomi’s boyfriend and is now Annie’s. There is a good chance that Silver will be diagnosed as bi-polar this season and she keeps a blog where she expressed her anger but she has stopped posting so much and channeled her energy into her boyfriend Dylan. Despite this drama, there is not any relational aggression going on in this. At first, I figured Naomi would be the mean girl but not only did she apologize to Silver for doing what she did but the girls are learning to get along. When Adriana was in rehab and became pregnant, Naomi turned out to be a loyal and supporting friend to her despite her strong personality and that she did get mad at Adriana while she was in rehab. Naomi did ruin Annie’s 16th birthday party because Annie stole Ethan from her. However, neither girl has allowed their angers towards one another out of control. As a matter of fact, the feud stayed between them alone. Naomi can be nasty but I have found that she reacts only when she has been offended. She shows her anger and moves on and does not dwell on the issue at hand. Also, Annie and Ethan were talking to a girl from their school who talked about have a devastating experience at the hands of mean girls at a former school and you could see the pain in her face. Instead of making it worse, Annie and Ethan both expressed compassion towards her, not rejection. Even though events occurred. The most important thing is that there are no queen bees emerging nor are there power trips and feeding into anyone one persons relationally aggressive behavior.
I will come out and say it. Despite Naomi’s strong will, need to be cool, the fact that she is spoiled and tends to seek revenge when offended, at the end of the day, she is not a bully and here is why. When two girls fight and hurt one another, this is not a situation of bullying. Even though Naomi hurt Silver with her words and Silver retaliated in her blog posts, Naomi took her responsibility in what happened and made things right between them. Even though Naomi and Annie fought over Ethan, this did not filter into other relationships or fester on involving bystanders. Bullies keep drama going and allow their power to get out of control while their targets do not retaliate. What has occurred on this show is typical adolescent drama. It is normal for girls to get angry over a boy. Both Annie and Naomi behaved badly towards one another. This is what happens when two people are in a fight. People are going to disagree and get angry. However, they keep it between each other and nobody is trying to overpower the other. Bullies also do not stand by their friends when they are in trouble unless it benefits them in some way. What does Adriana have that Naomi wants? Naomi comes from a much more affluent background. She lives in an upscale hotel unlike Adriana lives with her mother trying to help made ends meet each month. Maybe Naomi does not see Adriana as a threat but she has shown compassion and support to her and stood up for her. She does not seem to have any hidden agendas in this. I believe she honestly cares for Adriana. Bullies do not have this capacity within them.
Its important to understand these differences between strong personalities and outright bullies. People will probably say Naomi is nasty and yes, she can be. However, this is only when someone has angered her first. She is not targeting people to intentionally inflict pain for the heck of it. There is nothing wrong with being angry nor is there anything wrong with having a strong personality. Naomi is not perfect by any stretch and she has done some bad things. However, she took responsibility and right there that shows she is not a bully. Please, learn to distinguish between the two. Know that a fight is just that; a fight. Disagreement and anger between people is normal. What is not normal is when it festers, gets out of hand, people take sides, someone starts gaining power and queen bees materialize. On 90210, there is not a queen bee and for this reason alone, this show is much better to watch than others out there. On the anti-bully scale, I give it a thumbs up.
There are four main female characters who I would say are friends but have had their share of problems. Two of them use to be best friends (Naomi and Silver), one is a child actress supporting her mother (Adriana) and the other is the one from Kansas (Annie). Naomi and Adriana are BFF’s while Annie and Silver (Erin Silver from the original 90210) have grown close. Naomi told everyone about Silvers parents divorcing in middle school which left Silver bitter. Adriana was sent to rehab for a drug problem and is now pregnant. Annie and Naomi have fought over a boy named Ethan who was Naomi’s boyfriend and is now Annie’s. There is a good chance that Silver will be diagnosed as bi-polar this season and she keeps a blog where she expressed her anger but she has stopped posting so much and channeled her energy into her boyfriend Dylan. Despite this drama, there is not any relational aggression going on in this. At first, I figured Naomi would be the mean girl but not only did she apologize to Silver for doing what she did but the girls are learning to get along. When Adriana was in rehab and became pregnant, Naomi turned out to be a loyal and supporting friend to her despite her strong personality and that she did get mad at Adriana while she was in rehab. Naomi did ruin Annie’s 16th birthday party because Annie stole Ethan from her. However, neither girl has allowed their angers towards one another out of control. As a matter of fact, the feud stayed between them alone. Naomi can be nasty but I have found that she reacts only when she has been offended. She shows her anger and moves on and does not dwell on the issue at hand. Also, Annie and Ethan were talking to a girl from their school who talked about have a devastating experience at the hands of mean girls at a former school and you could see the pain in her face. Instead of making it worse, Annie and Ethan both expressed compassion towards her, not rejection. Even though events occurred. The most important thing is that there are no queen bees emerging nor are there power trips and feeding into anyone one persons relationally aggressive behavior.
I will come out and say it. Despite Naomi’s strong will, need to be cool, the fact that she is spoiled and tends to seek revenge when offended, at the end of the day, she is not a bully and here is why. When two girls fight and hurt one another, this is not a situation of bullying. Even though Naomi hurt Silver with her words and Silver retaliated in her blog posts, Naomi took her responsibility in what happened and made things right between them. Even though Naomi and Annie fought over Ethan, this did not filter into other relationships or fester on involving bystanders. Bullies keep drama going and allow their power to get out of control while their targets do not retaliate. What has occurred on this show is typical adolescent drama. It is normal for girls to get angry over a boy. Both Annie and Naomi behaved badly towards one another. This is what happens when two people are in a fight. People are going to disagree and get angry. However, they keep it between each other and nobody is trying to overpower the other. Bullies also do not stand by their friends when they are in trouble unless it benefits them in some way. What does Adriana have that Naomi wants? Naomi comes from a much more affluent background. She lives in an upscale hotel unlike Adriana lives with her mother trying to help made ends meet each month. Maybe Naomi does not see Adriana as a threat but she has shown compassion and support to her and stood up for her. She does not seem to have any hidden agendas in this. I believe she honestly cares for Adriana. Bullies do not have this capacity within them.
Its important to understand these differences between strong personalities and outright bullies. People will probably say Naomi is nasty and yes, she can be. However, this is only when someone has angered her first. She is not targeting people to intentionally inflict pain for the heck of it. There is nothing wrong with being angry nor is there anything wrong with having a strong personality. Naomi is not perfect by any stretch and she has done some bad things. However, she took responsibility and right there that shows she is not a bully. Please, learn to distinguish between the two. Know that a fight is just that; a fight. Disagreement and anger between people is normal. What is not normal is when it festers, gets out of hand, people take sides, someone starts gaining power and queen bees materialize. On 90210, there is not a queen bee and for this reason alone, this show is much better to watch than others out there. On the anti-bully scale, I give it a thumbs up.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Sexual and Peer Abuse in Wisconsin
Over the weekend I was sent a message about recent events in New Berlin, Wisconsin. This latest escapade is a mind blower yet not surprising. Normally this would fall under sexual predator behavior but I consider it a problem of Peer Abuse as well.
A young man, Anthony R. Stancl, who is 18 years old got on the popular site Facebook and pretended to be a girl. As a girl, he got 31 boys, from ages 13 to 19, from his school to send naked pictures to him on the computer. He used this to his advantage by blackmailing these boys into performing sexual acts on him or he would show their pictures all over New Berlin Eisenhower Middle/High School. Some of these assaults occurred on school grounds while others occurred elsewhere. Stancl had over 300 movie clips and pictures on his computer of his victims plus many more of children. If this was not enough, Stancl sent a bomb threat to the school via an email. This prompted an investigation into what was occurring when one of the boys came forward with what had been going on with the sexual acts. If charged, Stancl could face up to 300 years in prison. From what I understand, he has shown no remorse in these events.
Even though Stancl is only 18, he is still an adult. His victims are still underage. However, they are amongst his peer group. This right here makes it an issue of peer abuse and bullying. Also, he used false identification online which is normal in bullies as they enjoy impersonating others online. He blackmailed to get what he wanted and threatened his peers into doing his bidding. If that’s not enough, he made a bomb threat and then showed no remorse for his actions in court. Folks, these adult bullies are predators and these tactics used were not uncommon in bullying behavior. Manipulation, threats and then pictures of children and peers on his computer in suggestive manners? This is the stuff that bullies are made of. My guess is this young man had been manipulating and threatening others for a long time. For him to devise a plan so devious and vicious, he had to have been learning these skills of manipulation for quite some time now. As you see, at 18, he behaved as a sexual predator would. I think its a good thing that he was caught before he brought more damage to others. Even though the police did not find him to be a danger after the bomb threat, I disagree. This young man is dangerous and I hope he is locked up for a long time.
We need to stop “believing these people are not dangerous” and get educated on the makeup of a bully. From reading about this case, its hard not to see someone with abusive tendencies. Not to mention someone who is behaving as a sexual predator. Please, get educated on these folks. At least the police have investigated further on this case and uncovered what they did. Please, help stop bullying and peer abuse when you see it so these children do not grow up to be like Mr. Stancl. It takes a little education one day at a time.
Resource Cited
Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From a Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California
A young man, Anthony R. Stancl, who is 18 years old got on the popular site Facebook and pretended to be a girl. As a girl, he got 31 boys, from ages 13 to 19, from his school to send naked pictures to him on the computer. He used this to his advantage by blackmailing these boys into performing sexual acts on him or he would show their pictures all over New Berlin Eisenhower Middle/High School. Some of these assaults occurred on school grounds while others occurred elsewhere. Stancl had over 300 movie clips and pictures on his computer of his victims plus many more of children. If this was not enough, Stancl sent a bomb threat to the school via an email. This prompted an investigation into what was occurring when one of the boys came forward with what had been going on with the sexual acts. If charged, Stancl could face up to 300 years in prison. From what I understand, he has shown no remorse in these events.
Even though Stancl is only 18, he is still an adult. His victims are still underage. However, they are amongst his peer group. This right here makes it an issue of peer abuse and bullying. Also, he used false identification online which is normal in bullies as they enjoy impersonating others online. He blackmailed to get what he wanted and threatened his peers into doing his bidding. If that’s not enough, he made a bomb threat and then showed no remorse for his actions in court. Folks, these adult bullies are predators and these tactics used were not uncommon in bullying behavior. Manipulation, threats and then pictures of children and peers on his computer in suggestive manners? This is the stuff that bullies are made of. My guess is this young man had been manipulating and threatening others for a long time. For him to devise a plan so devious and vicious, he had to have been learning these skills of manipulation for quite some time now. As you see, at 18, he behaved as a sexual predator would. I think its a good thing that he was caught before he brought more damage to others. Even though the police did not find him to be a danger after the bomb threat, I disagree. This young man is dangerous and I hope he is locked up for a long time.
We need to stop “believing these people are not dangerous” and get educated on the makeup of a bully. From reading about this case, its hard not to see someone with abusive tendencies. Not to mention someone who is behaving as a sexual predator. Please, get educated on these folks. At least the police have investigated further on this case and uncovered what they did. Please, help stop bullying and peer abuse when you see it so these children do not grow up to be like Mr. Stancl. It takes a little education one day at a time.
Resource Cited
Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From a Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Juicy Campus is no More!
Well, good news travels fast I must say. I just caught word over on facebook that the college site Juicy Campus will be shutting down in the near future. They are taking the site down and leaving cyberspace and for good lets hope. I, for one, am rejoicing.
This is the website that was started by a man named Matt Ivester. His intentions were good initially. As he had not been out of school for long, he thought it would be a good idea to set up a website for college kids to go, mingle and share stories at their respective universities. There is no harm in that and I am sure the site started out as a fun place to visit. However, within the last months, this site started to take an ugly turn. Slander was posted about other students and even faculty at the schools. The person was always allowed anonymity which gave them ever more of an incentive to go on there and say degrading things such as “you are a slut” and others. Some are so bad they are not worth repeating. One student had been raped on campus and she had only told three friends about what happened. Nine months later, the story wound up on the site and the responses were “good, she deserved it!”. Eventually, the site came under fire with the legal system. Ivesters story was that the site would not censor anyone and therefore, these lies and slanderous messages were allowed to stay and he hid behind the First Amendment of free speech. After this, the site become more popular than ever.
Folks, there is nothing wrong with speaking ones mind and being honest. However, when it goes into affecting people and harming them, it becomes problematic. Calling someone a “slut” is not right nor is telling a rape victim that “they deserve it.” This right here has gone to show how insensitive we have become towards one another and the lack of empathy that I have been talking about on here. Nobody likes censorship but like anything else, there are limits. The young lady who was raped was traumatized by the words and actions of this site. I have seen other college students speak online about it. I spoke to a reporter about this particular site and the psychological damages it brings. A group of students got together on face book and stood up to Juicy Campus and saw the ugliness and harm that it created. I commend these kids for taking up the cause and speaking out. It does leave some hope that there are people of our future who have some compassion and an understanding of right from wrong.
I wish Mr. Ivester well. This started out as a good idea at the time. College is a good time in ones life. It is a time of learning and becoming an individual. Some of the stories along the way are fun to remember. However, Ivester allowed things to get ugly on there and people were affected by this stuff. So, from that perspective it’s a good thing the site is coming down. If a site like this is ever created again, I hope it will have some rules, dignity and respect to go along with it. In the meantime, we can rejoice in the fact that Juicy Campus will soon be gone. However, the wounds from those who have been hurt will still be fresh and will take a long time to heal.
Resource Cited
Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From a Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California.
This is the website that was started by a man named Matt Ivester. His intentions were good initially. As he had not been out of school for long, he thought it would be a good idea to set up a website for college kids to go, mingle and share stories at their respective universities. There is no harm in that and I am sure the site started out as a fun place to visit. However, within the last months, this site started to take an ugly turn. Slander was posted about other students and even faculty at the schools. The person was always allowed anonymity which gave them ever more of an incentive to go on there and say degrading things such as “you are a slut” and others. Some are so bad they are not worth repeating. One student had been raped on campus and she had only told three friends about what happened. Nine months later, the story wound up on the site and the responses were “good, she deserved it!”. Eventually, the site came under fire with the legal system. Ivesters story was that the site would not censor anyone and therefore, these lies and slanderous messages were allowed to stay and he hid behind the First Amendment of free speech. After this, the site become more popular than ever.
Folks, there is nothing wrong with speaking ones mind and being honest. However, when it goes into affecting people and harming them, it becomes problematic. Calling someone a “slut” is not right nor is telling a rape victim that “they deserve it.” This right here has gone to show how insensitive we have become towards one another and the lack of empathy that I have been talking about on here. Nobody likes censorship but like anything else, there are limits. The young lady who was raped was traumatized by the words and actions of this site. I have seen other college students speak online about it. I spoke to a reporter about this particular site and the psychological damages it brings. A group of students got together on face book and stood up to Juicy Campus and saw the ugliness and harm that it created. I commend these kids for taking up the cause and speaking out. It does leave some hope that there are people of our future who have some compassion and an understanding of right from wrong.
I wish Mr. Ivester well. This started out as a good idea at the time. College is a good time in ones life. It is a time of learning and becoming an individual. Some of the stories along the way are fun to remember. However, Ivester allowed things to get ugly on there and people were affected by this stuff. So, from that perspective it’s a good thing the site is coming down. If a site like this is ever created again, I hope it will have some rules, dignity and respect to go along with it. In the meantime, we can rejoice in the fact that Juicy Campus will soon be gone. However, the wounds from those who have been hurt will still be fresh and will take a long time to heal.
Resource Cited
Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From a Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California.
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
As I was sorting through my daily Google Alerts, I found this article amongst the bunch. As a rule of thumb, I try and write about bullying and abuse by peers that occurs in the United States. However, this article which came from India really jumped out at me. If the title alone is not discouraging, the article itself is chop full of reasons to defend this problem we face. How can bullying be a good thing?
I understand the fact that children need to learn that life is hard and not always nice. That’s true; this is a dog eat dog society and people will throw one another under the bus to get what they want. It can be a vicious cycle. I think its important to teach children to stand up for themselves and take an assertive approach to the world. Also, its important to learn good leadership and healthy social skills so they can learn to get along with others and be productive. Conflict resolution is vital in the world today. Children do need to grow up learning these things.
One the flip side, when is abuse good? Abuse is not healthy folks. Constantly verbally, physically and sexually attacking others is not healthy. Since when is it good to beat someone down and break them to a point where some never recover a good thing? I guess this means someone developing depression, PTSD and social anxiety is a good thing too? This stuff happening daily in schools and the workplace is a good thing?
It’s a matter of limits folks! Knowing when it’s a matter of standing up for oneself and others and when it goes into abuse is vital in this. Children can learn healthy behaviors and grow up to be productive without this nonsense occurring. The bottom line is that people need to understand when and where to draw the line. Its pretty simple once you think about it. Teasing, joking around and such is just that; teasing and joking around. Friends do this and all in fun. However, it becomes an issue of peer abuse when the person says “Stop! Its not funny” or other things indicating that the situation is not but hurtful. “No means NO and stop means STOP.” When someone indicates they are bothered by the behavior then its time to stop! You can tell when someone is being hurt or affected as its not that hard. Really, it’s a matter of teaching this to children. Once they learn this, as adults, they will have this understanding can set these limits for their own children.
Limits and knowing them are everything in this. Bullies have no sense of boundaries and while they are young, its important to catch this and teach them this. Otherwise, they grow up believing rules do not apply to them and they have carte blanche to do as they please. Rules and laws exist for a reason. People just have to learn them and understand them. Its not different with the problem of bullying. In my opinion, this is healthy for everyone.
Resource Cited:
Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From a Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California.
I understand the fact that children need to learn that life is hard and not always nice. That’s true; this is a dog eat dog society and people will throw one another under the bus to get what they want. It can be a vicious cycle. I think its important to teach children to stand up for themselves and take an assertive approach to the world. Also, its important to learn good leadership and healthy social skills so they can learn to get along with others and be productive. Conflict resolution is vital in the world today. Children do need to grow up learning these things.
One the flip side, when is abuse good? Abuse is not healthy folks. Constantly verbally, physically and sexually attacking others is not healthy. Since when is it good to beat someone down and break them to a point where some never recover a good thing? I guess this means someone developing depression, PTSD and social anxiety is a good thing too? This stuff happening daily in schools and the workplace is a good thing?
It’s a matter of limits folks! Knowing when it’s a matter of standing up for oneself and others and when it goes into abuse is vital in this. Children can learn healthy behaviors and grow up to be productive without this nonsense occurring. The bottom line is that people need to understand when and where to draw the line. Its pretty simple once you think about it. Teasing, joking around and such is just that; teasing and joking around. Friends do this and all in fun. However, it becomes an issue of peer abuse when the person says “Stop! Its not funny” or other things indicating that the situation is not but hurtful. “No means NO and stop means STOP.” When someone indicates they are bothered by the behavior then its time to stop! You can tell when someone is being hurt or affected as its not that hard. Really, it’s a matter of teaching this to children. Once they learn this, as adults, they will have this understanding can set these limits for their own children.
Limits and knowing them are everything in this. Bullies have no sense of boundaries and while they are young, its important to catch this and teach them this. Otherwise, they grow up believing rules do not apply to them and they have carte blanche to do as they please. Rules and laws exist for a reason. People just have to learn them and understand them. Its not different with the problem of bullying. In my opinion, this is healthy for everyone.
Resource Cited:
Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From a Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Relational Aggression and the Church
I am finally sitting down to blog again after flying across country last week and getting everything back in order again. While I was away, I managed to pick up the book Escape by Carolyn Jessop. Mrs. Jessop is a former member of the FLDS which is the Fundamentalist Church of Latter Day Saints which is a strict belief system. One thing I do not do is try and give others a hard time when it comes to their religion. We all have our beliefs, grew up in different cultures and are entitled to these freedoms in this nation. This book mentioned some disturbing things such as young teen girls marrying older men, men having several wives and children amongst some of them. However, this will not be the focus of the blog entry here. I have to commend this woman for taking her children out of this abusive environment and standing up to the FLDS culture. If this were me in this situation, I would not have lasted a day. There are so many horrific things occurring behind closed doors and it takes guts to speak out against these horrors. A man by the name of Warren Jeffs who was considered the Prophet in the FLDS committed many crimes and abuses which led to several women escaping the cult and sharing their horror stories and Jeffs eventual prison sentence as these things were exposed.
The aspect I wanted to focus upon is the relationship that these several wives have with one another in these homes. A man can be married to several wives at once and they all live under the same roof. As females, when it comes to men, we tend to fight amongst one another if we are after the same man. Yet what happens when you get a group together who are married to the same man for religious purposes? The FLDS considers these cluster of women “sister wives” and they are suppose to respect and get along with one another. Also, they “keep sweet” and make themselves submissive to their husband and Prophet which leads to nothing more than power hunger and ownership of others. One thing that Mrs. Jessop mentioned was these relations she had with her sister wives. The husband, Merrill Jessop, had six wives while she was married to him. The one most favored was the most abusive and the “Queen Bee” of sorts named Barbara. She ruled her sister wives and all children with an iron fist. These women ganged up on each other, gossiped, and clamored their way into the favor of “Queen Wife Barbara” and Mr. Jessop. They fought amongst one another for his attention. Barbara dictated the social order between them. Any discord amongst Barbara and the other wives filtered into the children and these ladies would take a great deal out on them if their mother was out of favor. Standing up to this Barbara was uncalled for and severe punishment ensued if it was done. Folks, this gossip, backstabbing, verbal abuse, punishments….this is relational aggression and as you see it happens amongst women and not just girls. Barbara is favored by her husband and therefore, she was given a great deal of power. Instead of using this power for the greater good of the family, she abused her sister wives with threats, punishments and other behaviors. The others either feared her or worked hard to get into her good graces by selling her sister wives out. From what I read, this was a vicious circle that never stopped but grew worse with time. As this woman was given carte blanche within the home, she used this to her favor. Mrs. Jessop mentioned several incidents where things got out of control because of this woman and her games. The mind games, favoritism and other behaviors made it impossible for anyone to live in harmony or keep sweet within the home.
Folks, I have said it a zillion times. Favoritism breeds all sorts of underlying problems such as jealousy which breeds a lot of resentment amongst people. Plus, with favoritism comes people who are given power which gets out of control. Its like a flesh eating virus or cancer as it multiplies and eventually kills. As you see, in a culture that is geared towards submissiveness, it occurs. A young girl being married to a man 32 years her senior is bad enough but to have to live with the games, gossip and power problems daily can really break a person. No wonder these women were getting on anti-depressants as mentioned in the book. Please, stop giving someone power within your cluster of friends or family. Try and see everyone for who they are and leave them be. None of us are perfect and when you build someone up, favor them and allow them to have any sort of power, you help create a monster. This Queen Wife Barbara lady became a monster as a result of this. She is one of many who have become monsters as a result.
I wish Mrs. Jessop only the best. Eventually, Queen Wife Barbara had to own up to her abuses in a court of law. Merrill Jessop, the one who favored Barbara and his children lives in the USA on one of the FLDS ranches. As for Warren Jeffs, as I previously stated, he is in prison for his own crimes and I hope he is learning to “keep sweet” himself while he pays for his own dirty deeds within the FLDS community.
Resource Cited: Escape by Carolyn Jessop
Elizabeth Bennett is the Author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From a Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more visit Peer Abuse Know More.
The aspect I wanted to focus upon is the relationship that these several wives have with one another in these homes. A man can be married to several wives at once and they all live under the same roof. As females, when it comes to men, we tend to fight amongst one another if we are after the same man. Yet what happens when you get a group together who are married to the same man for religious purposes? The FLDS considers these cluster of women “sister wives” and they are suppose to respect and get along with one another. Also, they “keep sweet” and make themselves submissive to their husband and Prophet which leads to nothing more than power hunger and ownership of others. One thing that Mrs. Jessop mentioned was these relations she had with her sister wives. The husband, Merrill Jessop, had six wives while she was married to him. The one most favored was the most abusive and the “Queen Bee” of sorts named Barbara. She ruled her sister wives and all children with an iron fist. These women ganged up on each other, gossiped, and clamored their way into the favor of “Queen Wife Barbara” and Mr. Jessop. They fought amongst one another for his attention. Barbara dictated the social order between them. Any discord amongst Barbara and the other wives filtered into the children and these ladies would take a great deal out on them if their mother was out of favor. Standing up to this Barbara was uncalled for and severe punishment ensued if it was done. Folks, this gossip, backstabbing, verbal abuse, punishments….this is relational aggression and as you see it happens amongst women and not just girls. Barbara is favored by her husband and therefore, she was given a great deal of power. Instead of using this power for the greater good of the family, she abused her sister wives with threats, punishments and other behaviors. The others either feared her or worked hard to get into her good graces by selling her sister wives out. From what I read, this was a vicious circle that never stopped but grew worse with time. As this woman was given carte blanche within the home, she used this to her favor. Mrs. Jessop mentioned several incidents where things got out of control because of this woman and her games. The mind games, favoritism and other behaviors made it impossible for anyone to live in harmony or keep sweet within the home.
Folks, I have said it a zillion times. Favoritism breeds all sorts of underlying problems such as jealousy which breeds a lot of resentment amongst people. Plus, with favoritism comes people who are given power which gets out of control. Its like a flesh eating virus or cancer as it multiplies and eventually kills. As you see, in a culture that is geared towards submissiveness, it occurs. A young girl being married to a man 32 years her senior is bad enough but to have to live with the games, gossip and power problems daily can really break a person. No wonder these women were getting on anti-depressants as mentioned in the book. Please, stop giving someone power within your cluster of friends or family. Try and see everyone for who they are and leave them be. None of us are perfect and when you build someone up, favor them and allow them to have any sort of power, you help create a monster. This Queen Wife Barbara lady became a monster as a result of this. She is one of many who have become monsters as a result.
I wish Mrs. Jessop only the best. Eventually, Queen Wife Barbara had to own up to her abuses in a court of law. Merrill Jessop, the one who favored Barbara and his children lives in the USA on one of the FLDS ranches. As for Warren Jeffs, as I previously stated, he is in prison for his own crimes and I hope he is learning to “keep sweet” himself while he pays for his own dirty deeds within the FLDS community.
Resource Cited: Escape by Carolyn Jessop
Elizabeth Bennett is the Author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From a Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more visit Peer Abuse Know More.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
I want to share this with you
Hi All, How do you feel about 2009? For most of us it holds a great deal ofambivalence. It promises to be a year of great positive change, yetlurking in the background is an element of fear. None of us want tohold onto the fear for we do not want to create a self-fulfilling prophecy. 2009 may therefore be the year for caution, but it can also be your year for great opportunities. Many visionaries from the past have made great gains during times similar to these. And today's visionaries will repeat those success stories.
I am writing to you today to share with you how you can make 2009 your best year ever, a year in which you can succeed beyond your wildest dreams. My friend Eldon Taylor, author of the New York Times best seller, Choices and Illusions, has made available to a very select group his"Essential Pillars of Success" at unheard of savings. These principles have worked for thousands of people around the world, and areguaranteed to work for you. Essential Pillars of Success consists ofnine programs on eight CDs, and comes with a book that explains how and why it is so easy to self-sabotage our best efforts, and provides a road map for correcting those thought patterns and beliefs. It also includes a booklet teaching the learning strategies involved inchoosing the programs or 'scripts' that run through your mind. The entire mind conditioning set normally sells for $243.50 but it is yours today for only $88.00. Plus, you will receive hundreds of dollars in bonus tools to further assist you. Act Now!
http://progressiveawarenesspromotions.com/innertalk/January09/better-life/index.htm
Essential Pillars of Success uses a patented technology that has been repeatedly tested and demonstrated effective by independent scientists in the most rigorous of scientific studies. The studies have been carried out in places such as Stanford University, Colorado State University, Armed Forces University in Munich, Germany and by private research institutions. What is it you would do if you knew you could not fail? Do not delay. This is the year of change for the U.S. and for the world, and it could be your year of remarkable positive change as well. Your new Essential Pillars of Success collection will:
1. supercharge your self belief,
2. convince you that you truly do deserve to 'have it all,'
3. give you the motivation to go make it happen,
4. create a stress free zone so that you can focus on what is truly important to you,
5. activate the optimal thought patterns to bring financialprosperity to you,
6. keep you healthy so that you can maximize your opportunities,
7. fine tune your thinking so that you not only know what it is you want, but you will also know exactly how to achieve it,
8. unleash your own abilities to manifest the life of your dreams, and9. give you the optimism vital for maintaining the perfect state of mind to create even more successes. Regardless of your goals, Essential Pillars provides the key componentsvital for creating success in your life. Wow-and all of it for only$88! Invest In Yourself Today!
http://progressiveawarenesspromotions.com/innertalk/January09/better-life/index.htm
These are trying times and it can be easy to get so caught up in ourday-to-day problems that we forget about taking care of ourselves. Don't put off working on those aspects of change that are truly important to you. InnerTalk is the patented and proven technology written about in Eldon's book, Choices and Illusions. Here is what some are saying about this powerful and patented modality for personal empowerment:
I have been purchasing InnerTalk for years. I left a bad marriage,obtained my bachelor's degree and continued to obtain my JurisDoctorate. I am now an attorney and have my own practice! I still listen to them everyday! L.L., FL.
Your programs have changed my life, I'm in sales and my sales have gonethrough the roof!! M.S., MI.
I have had amazing success with you prosperity program. On the days that I listen to it on my way to work, my stock portfolios go up invalue. Sounds crazy, I know, but this happens predictably andconsistently. At first, I dismissed this as dumb luck, but after monthsand months this phenomenon continues like clockwork virtually everytime I listen to it. A.
I love your programs . . . I have been using them for years . . . keepup the awesome work! These programs have changed me in ways only GODhimself could have. These programs are a gift from GOD himself . . .thank-you for following your dreams because you have helped so many inyour quest.D.W., CAI have actually started and have been sticking to a budget. I think before I spend. I've actually started a saving account. I am paying off debt. It has become fun for me to manage my money. I am paying moreattention to financial related news and information. I have set many'goals' . . . and each day I actually do something to get closer to achieving them . . . My advice to anyone reading this, take a chance .. . and watch your life change for the better! The products actuallywork!L.A., TN
This is a limited time offer. Get your set today while quantities last: Act Now!http://progressiveawarenesspromotions.com/innertalk/January09/better-life/index.htm
I want you to benefit from this wonderful opportunity. I personally wish you the very best in everything and know you will benefit from TheEssential Pillars of Success. I have joined with a number of otherlike-minded visionaries to offer a special gift to you when you take advantage of this offer. So, you not only get the great EssentialPillars of Success set but you will also receive absolutely F R E Emany more gifts, specifically aimed at assisting you in creating thebest year ever. These are valuable gifts worth hundreds of dollars.Make that investment in yourself today. Success Awaits You!
http://progressiveawarenesspromotions.com/innertalk/January09/better-life/index.htm
Thank you and enjoy!
Elizabeth Bennett, M.Ed
I am writing to you today to share with you how you can make 2009 your best year ever, a year in which you can succeed beyond your wildest dreams. My friend Eldon Taylor, author of the New York Times best seller, Choices and Illusions, has made available to a very select group his"Essential Pillars of Success" at unheard of savings. These principles have worked for thousands of people around the world, and areguaranteed to work for you. Essential Pillars of Success consists ofnine programs on eight CDs, and comes with a book that explains how and why it is so easy to self-sabotage our best efforts, and provides a road map for correcting those thought patterns and beliefs. It also includes a booklet teaching the learning strategies involved inchoosing the programs or 'scripts' that run through your mind. The entire mind conditioning set normally sells for $243.50 but it is yours today for only $88.00. Plus, you will receive hundreds of dollars in bonus tools to further assist you. Act Now!
http://progressiveawarenesspromotions.com/innertalk/January09/better-life/index.htm
Essential Pillars of Success uses a patented technology that has been repeatedly tested and demonstrated effective by independent scientists in the most rigorous of scientific studies. The studies have been carried out in places such as Stanford University, Colorado State University, Armed Forces University in Munich, Germany and by private research institutions. What is it you would do if you knew you could not fail? Do not delay. This is the year of change for the U.S. and for the world, and it could be your year of remarkable positive change as well. Your new Essential Pillars of Success collection will:
1. supercharge your self belief,
2. convince you that you truly do deserve to 'have it all,'
3. give you the motivation to go make it happen,
4. create a stress free zone so that you can focus on what is truly important to you,
5. activate the optimal thought patterns to bring financialprosperity to you,
6. keep you healthy so that you can maximize your opportunities,
7. fine tune your thinking so that you not only know what it is you want, but you will also know exactly how to achieve it,
8. unleash your own abilities to manifest the life of your dreams, and9. give you the optimism vital for maintaining the perfect state of mind to create even more successes. Regardless of your goals, Essential Pillars provides the key componentsvital for creating success in your life. Wow-and all of it for only$88! Invest In Yourself Today!
http://progressiveawarenesspromotions.com/innertalk/January09/better-life/index.htm
These are trying times and it can be easy to get so caught up in ourday-to-day problems that we forget about taking care of ourselves. Don't put off working on those aspects of change that are truly important to you. InnerTalk is the patented and proven technology written about in Eldon's book, Choices and Illusions. Here is what some are saying about this powerful and patented modality for personal empowerment:
I have been purchasing InnerTalk for years. I left a bad marriage,obtained my bachelor's degree and continued to obtain my JurisDoctorate. I am now an attorney and have my own practice! I still listen to them everyday! L.L., FL.
Your programs have changed my life, I'm in sales and my sales have gonethrough the roof!! M.S., MI.
I have had amazing success with you prosperity program. On the days that I listen to it on my way to work, my stock portfolios go up invalue. Sounds crazy, I know, but this happens predictably andconsistently. At first, I dismissed this as dumb luck, but after monthsand months this phenomenon continues like clockwork virtually everytime I listen to it. A.
I love your programs . . . I have been using them for years . . . keepup the awesome work! These programs have changed me in ways only GODhimself could have. These programs are a gift from GOD himself . . .thank-you for following your dreams because you have helped so many inyour quest.D.W., CAI have actually started and have been sticking to a budget. I think before I spend. I've actually started a saving account. I am paying off debt. It has become fun for me to manage my money. I am paying moreattention to financial related news and information. I have set many'goals' . . . and each day I actually do something to get closer to achieving them . . . My advice to anyone reading this, take a chance .. . and watch your life change for the better! The products actuallywork!L.A., TN
This is a limited time offer. Get your set today while quantities last: Act Now!http://progressiveawarenesspromotions.com/innertalk/January09/better-life/index.htm
I want you to benefit from this wonderful opportunity. I personally wish you the very best in everything and know you will benefit from TheEssential Pillars of Success. I have joined with a number of otherlike-minded visionaries to offer a special gift to you when you take advantage of this offer. So, you not only get the great EssentialPillars of Success set but you will also receive absolutely F R E Emany more gifts, specifically aimed at assisting you in creating thebest year ever. These are valuable gifts worth hundreds of dollars.Make that investment in yourself today. Success Awaits You!
http://progressiveawarenesspromotions.com/innertalk/January09/better-life/index.htm
Thank you and enjoy!
Elizabeth Bennett, M.Ed
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Online Predators vs Bullies
Well, I just finished reading this article and my mouth is still hanging open. Something worse than predators is a greater harm to kids? Well, I should have known. Bullying and Peer Abuse are the root of all evil in my opinion. So, why should this article surprise me? I guess because we are so focused on predators being bad and harmful to our children which they are while we minimalize the problem of peer abuse and bullying. Yeah, maybe that’s it! It sure seems to be the case from where I am standing.
According to this article, The Internet Safety Technical Task Force issued a report that stated with online bullying, all kids are not at risk equally as they are with predators. The bullying will generally start offline and filter its way onto the internet. Also, children who are cyber bullied know who their abuser is offline. The social sites are a hotbed for peer abuse as kids can add friends and send messages through bulletins, private message boxes, friend feeds and chat. Also, can set up groups and use other functions to slander each other. Predators exist and are also on these sites. However, as far as meeting one or searching for any material such as porn, this generally will not happen except in the case of teen males and many predators can be found on those sites. Predators do approach children on social sites, however, a predator does not have a relationship with a child offline and has no history of the child unlike the cyber bully. Unless the child tells a predator his offline address and phone number, they are not likely to have this material at hand. The cyber bully generally knows where his target lives and can gain access to any phone numbers and email addresses without any problems. The task force also suggested that there is not any one way to stop this problem unless adults get involved and take this seriously. Using software helps but parents need to filter and monitor where the child goes online. A history function is usually helpful in this case. Its about education and being aware not only of the predator problem but the cyber bullying as well.
I see children on MySpace and You Tube more often than facebook and others. Even though social sites are a great way to network, do business, reconnect with old friends and stay in touch all at once with everyone, they have a dark side to them. One thing that concerns me is the fact that when children turn 13, they are allowed to have an account on these sites. Why are we even giving teenagers an option to be on a site where adults are? I do not agree with this at all. Children, even by the age of 13, have nothing in common with adults so why give them the option to interact with them? If children are online and wish to have a place to interact, they need to be doing so on a site that is not designed for adults. In my opinion, this adds to the predator problem, not help it. A great site is the Safe Wave site that is designed for children and is set up for children to interact without predator and peer abuse problems and keeps children safe. The most important thing is keeping children safe when using the internet. This site comes recommended and after all, our children are the future so lets do what we can to keep them safe!
Resource Cited: http://www.darkreading.com/security/privacy/showArticle.jhtml?articleID=212900579
Posted at 01:19 PM in Web/Tech Permalink Comments (0) TrackBack (0)
According to this article, The Internet Safety Technical Task Force issued a report that stated with online bullying, all kids are not at risk equally as they are with predators. The bullying will generally start offline and filter its way onto the internet. Also, children who are cyber bullied know who their abuser is offline. The social sites are a hotbed for peer abuse as kids can add friends and send messages through bulletins, private message boxes, friend feeds and chat. Also, can set up groups and use other functions to slander each other. Predators exist and are also on these sites. However, as far as meeting one or searching for any material such as porn, this generally will not happen except in the case of teen males and many predators can be found on those sites. Predators do approach children on social sites, however, a predator does not have a relationship with a child offline and has no history of the child unlike the cyber bully. Unless the child tells a predator his offline address and phone number, they are not likely to have this material at hand. The cyber bully generally knows where his target lives and can gain access to any phone numbers and email addresses without any problems. The task force also suggested that there is not any one way to stop this problem unless adults get involved and take this seriously. Using software helps but parents need to filter and monitor where the child goes online. A history function is usually helpful in this case. Its about education and being aware not only of the predator problem but the cyber bullying as well.
I see children on MySpace and You Tube more often than facebook and others. Even though social sites are a great way to network, do business, reconnect with old friends and stay in touch all at once with everyone, they have a dark side to them. One thing that concerns me is the fact that when children turn 13, they are allowed to have an account on these sites. Why are we even giving teenagers an option to be on a site where adults are? I do not agree with this at all. Children, even by the age of 13, have nothing in common with adults so why give them the option to interact with them? If children are online and wish to have a place to interact, they need to be doing so on a site that is not designed for adults. In my opinion, this adds to the predator problem, not help it. A great site is the Safe Wave site that is designed for children and is set up for children to interact without predator and peer abuse problems and keeps children safe. The most important thing is keeping children safe when using the internet. This site comes recommended and after all, our children are the future so lets do what we can to keep them safe!
Resource Cited: http://www.darkreading.com/security/privacy/showArticle.jhtml?articleID=212900579
Posted at 01:19 PM in Web/Tech Permalink Comments (0) TrackBack (0)
Saturday, January 17, 2009
You Go American Girl Dolls!
I just stumbled upon this information and wow! A doll that is actually doing some good out there. I am so use to these Bratz Dolls and others where being “Miss Thang” is the message sent.
These American Girl dolls have become popular within the last few years. They have books and even movies based upon them and this generation of girls are growing up with them. Many are collectors items and doll collectors are cashing in as well. Now, they have a new 2009 doll called Chrissa Maxwell who is ten years old. Chrissa is special because not only does she have a movie made about her on HBO and DVD entitled An American Girl: Chrissa Stands Strong she also is named Girl of the Year by American Girl. Chrissas story begins where she is a new girl in her class and the other girls begin to tease her which eventually leads to full on bullying and peer abuse. This protagonist learns to stand up to these bullies not only for herself but for others. The message is a positive one where the viewer can learn healthy ways in dealing with relational aggression and peer abuse in their own lives. The story is written by award-winning Mary Casanova and American Girl has teamed up with The Ophelia Project in this endeavor. Also, a national campaign is being organized by these groups entitled Stop the Bullying! Pass It On! along with a poster contest which runs through February 28.
I applaud American Girl and The Ophelia Project for creating this story and doll. Young girls today are dealing with this constantly in their lives. They live it at school, in their neighborhoods and communities. If that is not enough, they see it on television and read it in books. They do not know where to turn or what to do when faced with this. As American Girl is popular today, having a positive role model such as Chrissa will help these girls tremendously in how to deal with this in their own lives. Also, they will learn the seriousness of this problem and how it affects everyone around them. Thank you American Girl and Ophelia Project for trying to make this world a better place.
Resource Cited:
http://www.livingstondaily.com/article/20090112/NEWS01/30112002
These American Girl dolls have become popular within the last few years. They have books and even movies based upon them and this generation of girls are growing up with them. Many are collectors items and doll collectors are cashing in as well. Now, they have a new 2009 doll called Chrissa Maxwell who is ten years old. Chrissa is special because not only does she have a movie made about her on HBO and DVD entitled An American Girl: Chrissa Stands Strong she also is named Girl of the Year by American Girl. Chrissas story begins where she is a new girl in her class and the other girls begin to tease her which eventually leads to full on bullying and peer abuse. This protagonist learns to stand up to these bullies not only for herself but for others. The message is a positive one where the viewer can learn healthy ways in dealing with relational aggression and peer abuse in their own lives. The story is written by award-winning Mary Casanova and American Girl has teamed up with The Ophelia Project in this endeavor. Also, a national campaign is being organized by these groups entitled Stop the Bullying! Pass It On! along with a poster contest which runs through February 28.
I applaud American Girl and The Ophelia Project for creating this story and doll. Young girls today are dealing with this constantly in their lives. They live it at school, in their neighborhoods and communities. If that is not enough, they see it on television and read it in books. They do not know where to turn or what to do when faced with this. As American Girl is popular today, having a positive role model such as Chrissa will help these girls tremendously in how to deal with this in their own lives. Also, they will learn the seriousness of this problem and how it affects everyone around them. Thank you American Girl and Ophelia Project for trying to make this world a better place.
Resource Cited:
http://www.livingstondaily.com/article/20090112/NEWS01/30112002
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Ladies, Stop the Peer Abuse!
I recently read an article in the New York Times about women in the workplace. It was a great article and the source, Peggy Klaus, knows what she is talking about. She was dead on in her assessment of women and how they treat one another. We would like to think that when we get a group of ladies together, the relational aggression leaves the building and sisterhood and maturity take priority. This is so far from the truth.
Lets face it. Women are covert in their abuse and the workplace is of no exception. Its done in underhanded, backstabbing ways. Instead of talking things out in a rational manner we tend to go to anyone but the source of our problems. If we show emotion, we are considered bitchy which some take as compliments. Someone will correct our errors or criticize and we tend to take it personally. Or, we withhold information from others to benefit our own agendas. Some will take their maternal instincts into work and try and boss others around. Others may hold grudges for some reason and allow this to filter into the office. Or, comments get made which could be considered left handed compliments. In the grand scheme of things, all this does is lower productivity, increase illness and the company looses instead of gains money. Who can work effectively under these circumstances?
This is not meant to slam my own gender here. Men are just as capable of climbing into the sandbox as we are. This is to raise awareness of my gender and how our behavior affects each other and the organization as a whole. Some things I know would help would be some communication training. We are not taught to verbally express ourselves in honest and tactful ways. Therefore, we resort to this petty behavior which at the end of the day leaves everyone an emotional mess. Ladies, stop the clique building and office politics. Please let go of the grudges and lack of trust for one another. Your purpose in being there in the first place is to do a job. Not get gossip and building notebooks full of mistakes on behalf of others. Stay focused on the job at hand. Also, focus on your own job and let your superior worry about what everyone else is doing. If a colleague screws up, let the appropriate people handle it. If there is conflict, sit down with a third mutual party and talk things out. Listen and I mean really listen to what the other party is saying. That is the biggest problem right there; the lack of listening skills and the need to place blame on others without looking at our own behavior and how it is affecting the company. Nobody is perfect but as adults, we can try to at least get along for the sake of the organization.
I have been in this position a couple of times myself. Its not worth the time or energy. Please, put a stop to it if you see it going on. Allow someone who knows about peer abuse at work to come in and speak to you. Keep an open mind and most importantly, do your own job and stop sweating the nonsense!
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/11/jobs/11pre.html?_r=1
Lets face it. Women are covert in their abuse and the workplace is of no exception. Its done in underhanded, backstabbing ways. Instead of talking things out in a rational manner we tend to go to anyone but the source of our problems. If we show emotion, we are considered bitchy which some take as compliments. Someone will correct our errors or criticize and we tend to take it personally. Or, we withhold information from others to benefit our own agendas. Some will take their maternal instincts into work and try and boss others around. Others may hold grudges for some reason and allow this to filter into the office. Or, comments get made which could be considered left handed compliments. In the grand scheme of things, all this does is lower productivity, increase illness and the company looses instead of gains money. Who can work effectively under these circumstances?
This is not meant to slam my own gender here. Men are just as capable of climbing into the sandbox as we are. This is to raise awareness of my gender and how our behavior affects each other and the organization as a whole. Some things I know would help would be some communication training. We are not taught to verbally express ourselves in honest and tactful ways. Therefore, we resort to this petty behavior which at the end of the day leaves everyone an emotional mess. Ladies, stop the clique building and office politics. Please let go of the grudges and lack of trust for one another. Your purpose in being there in the first place is to do a job. Not get gossip and building notebooks full of mistakes on behalf of others. Stay focused on the job at hand. Also, focus on your own job and let your superior worry about what everyone else is doing. If a colleague screws up, let the appropriate people handle it. If there is conflict, sit down with a third mutual party and talk things out. Listen and I mean really listen to what the other party is saying. That is the biggest problem right there; the lack of listening skills and the need to place blame on others without looking at our own behavior and how it is affecting the company. Nobody is perfect but as adults, we can try to at least get along for the sake of the organization.
I have been in this position a couple of times myself. Its not worth the time or energy. Please, put a stop to it if you see it going on. Allow someone who knows about peer abuse at work to come in and speak to you. Keep an open mind and most importantly, do your own job and stop sweating the nonsense!
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/11/jobs/11pre.html?_r=1
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Gossip Girl and Mean Girls
It is uncommon for me to blog twice in one day. However, I felt this time it was justifiable. As you know by now, I watch these Gossip Girl episodes and cringe. Yet, they give me something to blog about and are a great way for me to educate people on this serious problem of bullying and peer abuse that this show seems to enjoy poking fun at. In other words, they do not see the seriousness of this issue.
Tonight’s episode was one humdinger! We have the 15 year old Jenny coming back to the private school which she dropped out of towards the beginning of the season for her career in fashion design. Even though she was persistent in getting her career off the ground at such a young age, the basis of her leaving school had to do with the mean girls at school who declared her a “victim“. Now, we see a strong and confident Jenny, who got a grand taste of reality, come back and ready to battle these girls. She comes back to school and instantly sees a girl who “serves” this mean crowd who is named Nelly. Jenny witnesses a couple of situations where the girls treat Nelly terribly. They have her do such degrading things like wipe their feet and the way they talk to her is horrific. Instead of buckling under, Jenny and her friend Eric take Nelly in hand and stand up to this vicious beehive. They take the table where the mean girls sit daily and decide to sit there instead. When the girls try and bully them out of the seats, they refuse to move. This prompts the leader of this beehive to call her father to tell him to call the headmistress of the school and let her know that she was being bullied by Jenny and the others. Give me a break! This is classic bullying behavior! They abuse their peers all they want but when someone stands up to them, they play the “you are bullying and hurting me card.” The Fab Five in Texas did it and Megan Hauserman has pressed charges against Sharon Osbourne for attacking her. Never mind their behavior that prompted all of this in the first place! As the episode continued, we see Jenny leaving the headmistresses office letting Eric and Nelly know that she was called in there for her “so called bullying behavior.” Nelly lets a secret slip about this Queen and Jenny decides to use it to her advantage. Towards the end of the episode, we see the beehive, Jenny, Eric and Nelly standing outside a club. Jenny confronts these girls about their dirty secrets that she knew about and if they continued their behavior or tried to sabotage anyone, she was sending the information to the popular blog Gossip Girl. The girls thought she wanted to be “Queen” and Nelly thought maybe they could start a new regime. Jenny scoffed at the idea and Eric let them know that was the last thing on Jenny’s mind.
I was proud of Jenny tonight. She did the right thing and could have cared less about any of the abusive beehive stuff. She stood up for Nelly and also, stood up to the beehive that she feared earlier in the season. Also, she refused to even participate in the ugliness that this problem brings. This is just a kid who did the right thing and only wants to go to school. I appreciate kids like this and I appreciate this character for her stand in all of this. I am still appalled that the Queen called her father because she was being bullied yet was the bully herself. As I say, these bullies twist situations to their advantage and abuse any power they may have. Folks, do not let anyone twist any situation you may be in to their advantage like that. It is done intentionally and many are so charismatic that others will buy into this behavior. Be a “Jenny” and do the right thing.
I know many will again try and remind me that this is just a satire on the rich and famous and is not to be taken seriously. If that is the case, why are we not making satires of rape and child abuse victims? This is not something to be taken lightly but very seriously. For once, I commend Gossip Girl for doing what is right instead of feeding into the problem. Maybe now we can see them take this a lot more seriously. I. for one, hope that this is the case.
Resource Cited: http://www.cwtv.com/shows/gossip-girl
Tonight’s episode was one humdinger! We have the 15 year old Jenny coming back to the private school which she dropped out of towards the beginning of the season for her career in fashion design. Even though she was persistent in getting her career off the ground at such a young age, the basis of her leaving school had to do with the mean girls at school who declared her a “victim“. Now, we see a strong and confident Jenny, who got a grand taste of reality, come back and ready to battle these girls. She comes back to school and instantly sees a girl who “serves” this mean crowd who is named Nelly. Jenny witnesses a couple of situations where the girls treat Nelly terribly. They have her do such degrading things like wipe their feet and the way they talk to her is horrific. Instead of buckling under, Jenny and her friend Eric take Nelly in hand and stand up to this vicious beehive. They take the table where the mean girls sit daily and decide to sit there instead. When the girls try and bully them out of the seats, they refuse to move. This prompts the leader of this beehive to call her father to tell him to call the headmistress of the school and let her know that she was being bullied by Jenny and the others. Give me a break! This is classic bullying behavior! They abuse their peers all they want but when someone stands up to them, they play the “you are bullying and hurting me card.” The Fab Five in Texas did it and Megan Hauserman has pressed charges against Sharon Osbourne for attacking her. Never mind their behavior that prompted all of this in the first place! As the episode continued, we see Jenny leaving the headmistresses office letting Eric and Nelly know that she was called in there for her “so called bullying behavior.” Nelly lets a secret slip about this Queen and Jenny decides to use it to her advantage. Towards the end of the episode, we see the beehive, Jenny, Eric and Nelly standing outside a club. Jenny confronts these girls about their dirty secrets that she knew about and if they continued their behavior or tried to sabotage anyone, she was sending the information to the popular blog Gossip Girl. The girls thought she wanted to be “Queen” and Nelly thought maybe they could start a new regime. Jenny scoffed at the idea and Eric let them know that was the last thing on Jenny’s mind.
I was proud of Jenny tonight. She did the right thing and could have cared less about any of the abusive beehive stuff. She stood up for Nelly and also, stood up to the beehive that she feared earlier in the season. Also, she refused to even participate in the ugliness that this problem brings. This is just a kid who did the right thing and only wants to go to school. I appreciate kids like this and I appreciate this character for her stand in all of this. I am still appalled that the Queen called her father because she was being bullied yet was the bully herself. As I say, these bullies twist situations to their advantage and abuse any power they may have. Folks, do not let anyone twist any situation you may be in to their advantage like that. It is done intentionally and many are so charismatic that others will buy into this behavior. Be a “Jenny” and do the right thing.
I know many will again try and remind me that this is just a satire on the rich and famous and is not to be taken seriously. If that is the case, why are we not making satires of rape and child abuse victims? This is not something to be taken lightly but very seriously. For once, I commend Gossip Girl for doing what is right instead of feeding into the problem. Maybe now we can see them take this a lot more seriously. I. for one, hope that this is the case.
Resource Cited: http://www.cwtv.com/shows/gossip-girl
Monday, January 05, 2009
Sharon vs Megan: Part Deux
As the holidays are finally over, I am finally able to start getting back into the swing of things after two weeks of being away from blogging and all things Peer Abuse. Now, I am finally able to catch up and boy and figured a continuation of the Rock of Love Charm School scandal involving Sharon Osborne and Megan Hauserman was in order.
I was able to watch this Rock of Love Charm School Reunion last night on Vh1. The show itself was a good one where we were updated on the various happenings of the contestants and what they were able to learn and accomplish from the school and how some are applying these lessons in their daily lives. It was good to see these ladies use their social graces and many appreciated Sharon and what she had done for them.
Towards the middle of the reunion, Megan was brought to the stage. She was intoxicated; it was obvious. Osbourne was sober and very much a lady. Another contestant by the name of Cindy “Rodeo” Steedle was brought to the stage when Megan was. When Rodeo was talking with Sharon, Megan kept interrupting and putting Rodeo down. Rodeo was calm and composed despite Megan’s insults. At one point, Megan insulted Rodeos son which prompted Rodeo to get annoyed. At some point of the conversation, Osbourne made an honest comment that Megan should not be allowed to procreate. It was not said in a vicious manner and I think this is something anyone with half a brain would understand. This prompted Megan to spew a line of insults about Ozzy Osborne and the children. Much of what Megan said was “bleeped” out but by the reaction of the audience, it was really bad. Sharon stood up, excused herself in a calm manner, picked up a glass full of red liquid and threw it on Megan. The next thing shown was a huddle of security gathered around the two ladies and Megan being pulled off of the stage. What was not shown was Sharon Osbourne hitting Megan in any form. I did not see her fist touch Megan’s nor was Osbourne’s hair a mess. If she had been in any physical altercation, I would think Osbourne would have had scratches on her and hair completely in disarray. Now, Vh1 could have had her go backstage and pull herself together and edited around this but from what I could see, Osbourne did not appear to be damaged. You could see Megan’s hair was a mess but with all of those people that went to the stage, anyone could have pulled at Megan. The bottom line was that Osbourne threw liquid on Megan but that was the extent of what was shown. I really do not think Sharon hit Megan at all.
Hauserman crossed a line twice on that show. First, she said something degrading to Rodeo about her son. Osbourne agreed with Rodeo that she crossed a line. Then Hauserman proceeded to insult Sharon’s husband and children. Folks, when someone is not well as is the case of Ozzy Osbourne, they are deserving of compassion, not insults. Whatever Rodeos financial status or what is occurring with her son, neither did not deserve to be bashed by Megan. From what I could tell of the situation, Megan was trying hard to push the buttons of both ladies. Intoxicated or not, she said what she did. Besides, when one is intoxicated, they tend to be honest and more so than if they were sober. I believe Megan was aware of what she was doing despite that. She knew both ladies would get upset by those comments. She heard Sharon say something about her comment about Rodeos son was crossing a line. She’s not stupid; she’s very smart and shrewd if anything.
Some may disagree with me and consider this a cat fight. That’s fine, we are all entitled to our opinions. Some may think that because Megan was intoxicated, she was not aware of what she was saying. Megan is insulting and cruel with words whether sober or drunk. All I saw Sharon do was throw liquid on her and I think she did so not only because of what was said about her family but what she said to Rodeo and basically because of Megan’s behavior itself. People start to get irritated by bullying behavior and many times, they bite their tongues until they have had enough. I think last night was the straw that broke the camels back and Sharon had enough. So she reacted but did not see her hit Megan. This is the case in many school shootings; the bullied kid has enough so he snaps. Sharon snapped by throwing the drink on Megan. So again, I wonder who the real bully was in all of this?
http://www.tmz.com/2009/01/05/osbourne-attacks-crying-and-stains-ensue/
I was able to watch this Rock of Love Charm School Reunion last night on Vh1. The show itself was a good one where we were updated on the various happenings of the contestants and what they were able to learn and accomplish from the school and how some are applying these lessons in their daily lives. It was good to see these ladies use their social graces and many appreciated Sharon and what she had done for them.
Towards the middle of the reunion, Megan was brought to the stage. She was intoxicated; it was obvious. Osbourne was sober and very much a lady. Another contestant by the name of Cindy “Rodeo” Steedle was brought to the stage when Megan was. When Rodeo was talking with Sharon, Megan kept interrupting and putting Rodeo down. Rodeo was calm and composed despite Megan’s insults. At one point, Megan insulted Rodeos son which prompted Rodeo to get annoyed. At some point of the conversation, Osbourne made an honest comment that Megan should not be allowed to procreate. It was not said in a vicious manner and I think this is something anyone with half a brain would understand. This prompted Megan to spew a line of insults about Ozzy Osborne and the children. Much of what Megan said was “bleeped” out but by the reaction of the audience, it was really bad. Sharon stood up, excused herself in a calm manner, picked up a glass full of red liquid and threw it on Megan. The next thing shown was a huddle of security gathered around the two ladies and Megan being pulled off of the stage. What was not shown was Sharon Osbourne hitting Megan in any form. I did not see her fist touch Megan’s nor was Osbourne’s hair a mess. If she had been in any physical altercation, I would think Osbourne would have had scratches on her and hair completely in disarray. Now, Vh1 could have had her go backstage and pull herself together and edited around this but from what I could see, Osbourne did not appear to be damaged. You could see Megan’s hair was a mess but with all of those people that went to the stage, anyone could have pulled at Megan. The bottom line was that Osbourne threw liquid on Megan but that was the extent of what was shown. I really do not think Sharon hit Megan at all.
Hauserman crossed a line twice on that show. First, she said something degrading to Rodeo about her son. Osbourne agreed with Rodeo that she crossed a line. Then Hauserman proceeded to insult Sharon’s husband and children. Folks, when someone is not well as is the case of Ozzy Osbourne, they are deserving of compassion, not insults. Whatever Rodeos financial status or what is occurring with her son, neither did not deserve to be bashed by Megan. From what I could tell of the situation, Megan was trying hard to push the buttons of both ladies. Intoxicated or not, she said what she did. Besides, when one is intoxicated, they tend to be honest and more so than if they were sober. I believe Megan was aware of what she was doing despite that. She knew both ladies would get upset by those comments. She heard Sharon say something about her comment about Rodeos son was crossing a line. She’s not stupid; she’s very smart and shrewd if anything.
Some may disagree with me and consider this a cat fight. That’s fine, we are all entitled to our opinions. Some may think that because Megan was intoxicated, she was not aware of what she was saying. Megan is insulting and cruel with words whether sober or drunk. All I saw Sharon do was throw liquid on her and I think she did so not only because of what was said about her family but what she said to Rodeo and basically because of Megan’s behavior itself. People start to get irritated by bullying behavior and many times, they bite their tongues until they have had enough. I think last night was the straw that broke the camels back and Sharon had enough. So she reacted but did not see her hit Megan. This is the case in many school shootings; the bullied kid has enough so he snaps. Sharon snapped by throwing the drink on Megan. So again, I wonder who the real bully was in all of this?
http://www.tmz.com/2009/01/05/osbourne-attacks-crying-and-stains-ensue/
Friday, December 19, 2008
Monday morning, I was pointed in the direction of an article online concerning Sharon Osbourne, the matriarch of the Ozzy Osbourne family and reality television star Megan Hauserman who has been on various shows such as Beauty and the Geek and others. Both were recently on a Vh1 show called Rock of Love Charm School where Megan was a contestant and Sharon was the headmistress of the school. This is a reality based show that aired during the fall season. The show taped its reunion episode on Saturday evening in Los Angeles where both were in attendance. However, things went a little over the edge between the two. Hauserman said something about Ozzy to Osbourne which spurned Osbourne to retaliate physically. A day after this occurred, Houserman went to the hospital and pressed charges against Osbourne. From what I am understanding, the incident is under investigation with the LAPD.
Sharon Osbourne is known for blowing up from time to time. She is fiercely protective of her husband and children. This is not unusual as most mother hens tend to have that protective edge. Plus, Ozzy is not in a good place mentally and does not function with all capacities as we all saw on The Osbournes back in 2002. It was not a laughing matter but a sad situation overall and not someone I would be making hurtful comments about. I am guessing that when Hauserman said what she did, it hit a nerve with Mrs. Osbourne and she reacted. I am also aware of Hauserman and her behavior on television as well. She is known for manipulating others and purposely doing and saying things to get them upset. She also acts without conscience and is hated by most everyone who watches these shows. I saw Hauserman on this recent show and did she love pushing the buttons of others and getting them upset. She enjoyed doing this. Osbourne would come down hard on these ladies and true, was no saint by any stretch. However, I never saw her act out of malice or cruelty unlike Hauserman.
Folks, there is no excuse for physical violence or lashing out at anyone. This stuff does lead to more trouble than it is worth. There are much better ways to handle ones anger. Whether it be in defense a loved one or not, there is no excuse for violence. However, knowing Megan’s track record, I wonder if she intentionally tried to push Osbournes buttons well aware of how she would react? Osbourne is reactive; however, I am well aware that Osbourne has publicly spoken out against bullying in the past. She does not advocate it and she eliminated Hauserman early in this show due to her lack of conscience plus her violence towards another contestant. For the most part, Osbourne does not run around on television manipulating people and trying to keep them upset. Hauserman is the poster child for relational aggression as far as I am concerned. She manipulates, plots against others, has exhibited violence of her own and keeps the people around her upset and seems to enjoy behaving that way. You can see her “Queen Bee” mentality coming through the screen and her followers hanging on to her every action. In my opinion, I find her quite scary and someone who just does not “get it” so to speak. She has behaved as many covert bullies do. Most importantly, she has no remorse either.
I was not at this reunion and can only go on what I have read about this and what I saw on the show when it aired this season. I have not met either lady in person. However, I can have an opinion based on what I have read here and what I know of both of these women. Sharon is the one with the charges slapped on her but Hauserman is the one who made the comment in the first place and has a reputation for being mean and nasty towards others. So, I have to ask, who really bullied who in this situation? Also, why did Hauserman wait a day before seeking care and pressing charges? If she was so bad off, wouldn’t she have gone to get help sooner? At the end of the day, I am guessing Hauserman was the real bully in all of this. It would not surprise me a bit.
Resource Cited:
http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/tv/2008/12/15/2008-12-15_sharon_osbourne_accused_of_attacking_roc.html
Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From a Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .
Sharon Osbourne is known for blowing up from time to time. She is fiercely protective of her husband and children. This is not unusual as most mother hens tend to have that protective edge. Plus, Ozzy is not in a good place mentally and does not function with all capacities as we all saw on The Osbournes back in 2002. It was not a laughing matter but a sad situation overall and not someone I would be making hurtful comments about. I am guessing that when Hauserman said what she did, it hit a nerve with Mrs. Osbourne and she reacted. I am also aware of Hauserman and her behavior on television as well. She is known for manipulating others and purposely doing and saying things to get them upset. She also acts without conscience and is hated by most everyone who watches these shows. I saw Hauserman on this recent show and did she love pushing the buttons of others and getting them upset. She enjoyed doing this. Osbourne would come down hard on these ladies and true, was no saint by any stretch. However, I never saw her act out of malice or cruelty unlike Hauserman.
Folks, there is no excuse for physical violence or lashing out at anyone. This stuff does lead to more trouble than it is worth. There are much better ways to handle ones anger. Whether it be in defense a loved one or not, there is no excuse for violence. However, knowing Megan’s track record, I wonder if she intentionally tried to push Osbournes buttons well aware of how she would react? Osbourne is reactive; however, I am well aware that Osbourne has publicly spoken out against bullying in the past. She does not advocate it and she eliminated Hauserman early in this show due to her lack of conscience plus her violence towards another contestant. For the most part, Osbourne does not run around on television manipulating people and trying to keep them upset. Hauserman is the poster child for relational aggression as far as I am concerned. She manipulates, plots against others, has exhibited violence of her own and keeps the people around her upset and seems to enjoy behaving that way. You can see her “Queen Bee” mentality coming through the screen and her followers hanging on to her every action. In my opinion, I find her quite scary and someone who just does not “get it” so to speak. She has behaved as many covert bullies do. Most importantly, she has no remorse either.
I was not at this reunion and can only go on what I have read about this and what I saw on the show when it aired this season. I have not met either lady in person. However, I can have an opinion based on what I have read here and what I know of both of these women. Sharon is the one with the charges slapped on her but Hauserman is the one who made the comment in the first place and has a reputation for being mean and nasty towards others. So, I have to ask, who really bullied who in this situation? Also, why did Hauserman wait a day before seeking care and pressing charges? If she was so bad off, wouldn’t she have gone to get help sooner? At the end of the day, I am guessing Hauserman was the real bully in all of this. It would not surprise me a bit.
Resource Cited:
http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/tv/2008/12/15/2008-12-15_sharon_osbourne_accused_of_attacking_roc.html
Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From a Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .
Friday, December 05, 2008
The Evil in Peer Abuse at Work
I read an article this morning entitled Workplace Bullying: Psychological Violence? This was well written and informative. It gave a few examples of recent stories shared that involved bullying growing up and how victims were still being affected by this trauma.
One thing I want to point out is that bullies do not “grow up” as they age but they “grow worse”. They take their dirty deeds and bring them into the workplace. You can find them picking out their targets and cornering them like a cat corners a bird. Some examples of what they do are spread lies, exclude others, give false information on purpose, constant criticism. I could go on and on ad nauseum. Basically, they spend their time sucking up to the boss to persuade them that their ideas and beliefs are gospel. If they are the boss, they just revel in their power. They twist things to make themselves look good while making their target look bad. It never ends and it is physically and emotionally draining. Not to mention that companies loose a lot of money each year as a result of this. Victims develop problems like depression, anxiety and are overwhelmed with stress. A lot of sick days are used as a result of this.
One point mentioned in this article that I wanted to point out is that a person cannot work to his full potential if being bullied at work. With constant criticism, games and manipulations, how can one focus and try to do a good job? They can’t! A person does not feel safe or secure then yes, they are going to screw up.
Please, educate yourselves on this problem that persists in the workplace. Do not get involved in the politics and games. Stay away from all of that. Read your code of conduct and if any of these behaviors mentioned in the article sounds like you, do something about it! Bystanders, do something and don’t egg the problem on or add to it. If a bully targets one person, he will target another. Don’t give them any power. This is a great article and one I highly recommend others take a look at.
There is enough evil in the world. Please don’t take it to work and add to it.
Resource Cited:
http://www.fedsmith.com/article/1780/
Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From a Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info/
One thing I want to point out is that bullies do not “grow up” as they age but they “grow worse”. They take their dirty deeds and bring them into the workplace. You can find them picking out their targets and cornering them like a cat corners a bird. Some examples of what they do are spread lies, exclude others, give false information on purpose, constant criticism. I could go on and on ad nauseum. Basically, they spend their time sucking up to the boss to persuade them that their ideas and beliefs are gospel. If they are the boss, they just revel in their power. They twist things to make themselves look good while making their target look bad. It never ends and it is physically and emotionally draining. Not to mention that companies loose a lot of money each year as a result of this. Victims develop problems like depression, anxiety and are overwhelmed with stress. A lot of sick days are used as a result of this.
One point mentioned in this article that I wanted to point out is that a person cannot work to his full potential if being bullied at work. With constant criticism, games and manipulations, how can one focus and try to do a good job? They can’t! A person does not feel safe or secure then yes, they are going to screw up.
Please, educate yourselves on this problem that persists in the workplace. Do not get involved in the politics and games. Stay away from all of that. Read your code of conduct and if any of these behaviors mentioned in the article sounds like you, do something about it! Bystanders, do something and don’t egg the problem on or add to it. If a bully targets one person, he will target another. Don’t give them any power. This is a great article and one I highly recommend others take a look at.
There is enough evil in the world. Please don’t take it to work and add to it.
Resource Cited:
http://www.fedsmith.com/article/1780/
Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From a Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info/
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
Stop the Celebrity Imposters!
In the aftermath of the Lori Drew trial, I have been reading bits and pieces online as time has permitted. This trial made me think of a few things over the past several days about internet safety, the realities of social sites and other odds and ends pertaining to the internet. I stumbled across this well written blog in the LA Times where the reader is asked to ponder whether or not social sites need to get serious about cyber bullying, online pranks and other debauchery that we see when we go to places such as My Space, Facebook, Twitter and others out there.
Currently, I have an account on these main social sites but the primary reason has to do with business and networking. I also add my family and friends and have reconnected with people I either worked with or went to school with in the past. Plus, you can keep everyone abreast of the latest happenings all at once rather than bit by bit through email or the phone. There are some great advantages to having accounts on these sites. However, in my own experience not only on social sites but on the internet as a whole, there is a very dark side to the dangers that can occur. Predators can be found lurking these sites for their next young prey. People are looking for love and in all of the wrong places. One very scary and overlooked problem is not only with setting up fake profiles as Lori Drew did but setting up profiles pretending to be celebrities. Fans join and see their favorite celebrity on there and will send them an add request asking to be friends. The celebrity will accept and this person is so excited! Not only that but the celebrity is actually sending them messages and leaving comments on their pages and turns out some mentally ill adult, predator or a kid is behind the screen fooling everyone. This does occur because on My Space, some friends and I took the initiative to catch these bogus profiles and report them to My Space a year ago. However, My Space asked us not to do this any further and they created their own celebrity avenue on there. Yet the fake profile and poser issue still exists. This can be very traumatic to the person who thinks they are writing their favorite celebrity only to find out that it was not that person after all.
We need to get tougher on these social sites. Facebook will delete bogus profiles and I commend them. All this problem does is add to the cyber bullying problem and feed into the predator and stalking that occurs. The psychology of the victim is traumatic. They feel violated and like they have been stabbed in the back. This can create trust issues and other psychological problems down the line. Plus, it is a very real problem that exists. I helped to catch two posers of celebrities away from social sites and the rest on social sites. Many consider this a joke but it is no laughing matter. I have defined this as a form of cyber bullying in my book with hope that people become aware of this. They say that they do not tolerate any cyber bullying on their sites? This is a form of cyber bullying so why do they tolerate this? Folks, get educated! Take this seriously! Pretending to be someone online is identity theft and is wrong. Do not enable this; ban these cyber bullies from your site! Keep things clean and safe for everyone. Do what you can to stop these online posers, I know I did.
Resource cited:
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/technology/2008/11/in-the-wake-of.html
Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From a Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .
Currently, I have an account on these main social sites but the primary reason has to do with business and networking. I also add my family and friends and have reconnected with people I either worked with or went to school with in the past. Plus, you can keep everyone abreast of the latest happenings all at once rather than bit by bit through email or the phone. There are some great advantages to having accounts on these sites. However, in my own experience not only on social sites but on the internet as a whole, there is a very dark side to the dangers that can occur. Predators can be found lurking these sites for their next young prey. People are looking for love and in all of the wrong places. One very scary and overlooked problem is not only with setting up fake profiles as Lori Drew did but setting up profiles pretending to be celebrities. Fans join and see their favorite celebrity on there and will send them an add request asking to be friends. The celebrity will accept and this person is so excited! Not only that but the celebrity is actually sending them messages and leaving comments on their pages and turns out some mentally ill adult, predator or a kid is behind the screen fooling everyone. This does occur because on My Space, some friends and I took the initiative to catch these bogus profiles and report them to My Space a year ago. However, My Space asked us not to do this any further and they created their own celebrity avenue on there. Yet the fake profile and poser issue still exists. This can be very traumatic to the person who thinks they are writing their favorite celebrity only to find out that it was not that person after all.
We need to get tougher on these social sites. Facebook will delete bogus profiles and I commend them. All this problem does is add to the cyber bullying problem and feed into the predator and stalking that occurs. The psychology of the victim is traumatic. They feel violated and like they have been stabbed in the back. This can create trust issues and other psychological problems down the line. Plus, it is a very real problem that exists. I helped to catch two posers of celebrities away from social sites and the rest on social sites. Many consider this a joke but it is no laughing matter. I have defined this as a form of cyber bullying in my book with hope that people become aware of this. They say that they do not tolerate any cyber bullying on their sites? This is a form of cyber bullying so why do they tolerate this? Folks, get educated! Take this seriously! Pretending to be someone online is identity theft and is wrong. Do not enable this; ban these cyber bullies from your site! Keep things clean and safe for everyone. Do what you can to stop these online posers, I know I did.
Resource cited:
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/technology/2008/11/in-the-wake-of.html
Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From a Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .
Monday, December 01, 2008
Authors: Check this site out! Its for you!
Author & Book Event Center!
http://bookeventcenter.ning.com/
If you have written a book, this is for you!
Come and join. On this site, you can:
Find other authors
Reviews for books
Book Events
Book Trailers
Chat Sessions
Discussions
Blogs
Photos
And much more!
So, come over, sign up and I will add you as a friend! You can add as many friends if you wish. Again, this is for authors ONLY! No publishers, marketing or any of that. I look forward to seeing you there!
Take Care,
Elizabeth Bennett
http://www.peerabuse.info Theorist and Consultant
http://www.bullypolice.org National Survivor Specialist
http://www.peerabuse.typepad.com
Nationally Certified Olweus Bullying Prevention Trainer
http://bookeventcenter.ning.com/
If you have written a book, this is for you!
Come and join. On this site, you can:
Find other authors
Reviews for books
Book Events
Book Trailers
Chat Sessions
Discussions
Blogs
Photos
And much more!
So, come over, sign up and I will add you as a friend! You can add as many friends if you wish. Again, this is for authors ONLY! No publishers, marketing or any of that. I look forward to seeing you there!
Take Care,
Elizabeth Bennett
http://www.peerabuse.info Theorist and Consultant
http://www.bullypolice.org National Survivor Specialist
http://www.peerabuse.typepad.com
Nationally Certified Olweus Bullying Prevention Trainer
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Lori Drew: A Woman Lacking a Conscience
As many of you know, I have been following the Megan Meier case. This is the case where Megan committed bullycide after a 16 year old boy she met on the social site My Space, , Josh Evans, who she was infatuated with suddenly turned on her stating “the world would be a better place without you in it.” The twist of all of this? Josh was not a 16 year old boy but a moniker created by a 49 year old woman by the name of Lori Drew along with her daughter, 14 year old Sarah and a colleague, 18 year old Ashley Grills. For a year, America has heard and followed this case and I have been right there along with everyone else. I have blogged and discussed this ad nauseum with friends and colleagues. I have been angry at this woman for even “going there” with this child in the first place. This whole story reeks of drama, cruelty and in the center of it sits this woman who apparently lacks a conscience of any kind. What kind of a person even considers doing this?
Well, Mrs. Drew is now in a Los Angeles Court having to own up to her dirty deeds. She was told by Grills and her hairdresser that what she was doing was wrong. Of course, Grills said it was okay because everyone did this sort of thing all the time on there. Her daughter even admitted to flirting with Megan as “Josh” on My Space. Of course Drew is now saying she never read the terms of service on My Space and her attorneys are lobbying for her case to be dismissed. Okay, I have a My Space account and to even set this up, one must accept the terms of service. You have to click on the little box like anyone else does. She had to have been aware to even open the account in the first place! Plus, she is trying to put a lot of blame on Ashley Grills. Now she is charged with a count of conspiracy and three counts of unauthorized computer access by violating the terms of service on My Space. From what I understand, Grills is the star witness yet has immunity. Why, I have no idea since she is a legal adult and had her own hand in all of this.
Folks, Lori Drew is mean, not stupid. She knew what she was doing was mean. She was well aware of Megan’s battle with clinical depression and her fragile state of mind. She was told by two other people that what she was doing was illegal. She involved her own 13 year old daughter in this mess. She is looking at five years in prison if convicted. Do you know what is so appalling? The judge has considered dismissing this case completely! Yes, you read right he is considering dismissing this case. Do you know the message that sends? That its okay to set up fake profiles online. Its okay to cyber bully young girls who deal with depression and send them over the edge. Engaging in illegal activity is okay. This is not okay and this woman does not deserve to walk. She deserves to be in prison where she belongs. Judge Wu, don’t go easy on her! Give her the book and throw away the key! For once, have a bully take some responsibility for their reprehensible actions. Show the world that yes, the justice system still works and Drew will be taking responsibility for her actions. I, for one, hope she rots.
Resource Cited: http://blog.wired.com/27bstroke6/2008/11/defense-lori-dr.html
Elizabeth Bennett is the author and consultant of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .
Well, Mrs. Drew is now in a Los Angeles Court having to own up to her dirty deeds. She was told by Grills and her hairdresser that what she was doing was wrong. Of course, Grills said it was okay because everyone did this sort of thing all the time on there. Her daughter even admitted to flirting with Megan as “Josh” on My Space. Of course Drew is now saying she never read the terms of service on My Space and her attorneys are lobbying for her case to be dismissed. Okay, I have a My Space account and to even set this up, one must accept the terms of service. You have to click on the little box like anyone else does. She had to have been aware to even open the account in the first place! Plus, she is trying to put a lot of blame on Ashley Grills. Now she is charged with a count of conspiracy and three counts of unauthorized computer access by violating the terms of service on My Space. From what I understand, Grills is the star witness yet has immunity. Why, I have no idea since she is a legal adult and had her own hand in all of this.
Folks, Lori Drew is mean, not stupid. She knew what she was doing was mean. She was well aware of Megan’s battle with clinical depression and her fragile state of mind. She was told by two other people that what she was doing was illegal. She involved her own 13 year old daughter in this mess. She is looking at five years in prison if convicted. Do you know what is so appalling? The judge has considered dismissing this case completely! Yes, you read right he is considering dismissing this case. Do you know the message that sends? That its okay to set up fake profiles online. Its okay to cyber bully young girls who deal with depression and send them over the edge. Engaging in illegal activity is okay. This is not okay and this woman does not deserve to walk. She deserves to be in prison where she belongs. Judge Wu, don’t go easy on her! Give her the book and throw away the key! For once, have a bully take some responsibility for their reprehensible actions. Show the world that yes, the justice system still works and Drew will be taking responsibility for her actions. I, for one, hope she rots.
Resource Cited: http://blog.wired.com/27bstroke6/2008/11/defense-lori-dr.html
Elizabeth Bennett is the author and consultant of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .
Anthony Biggs Jr. Victimized by a Cruel Society
I got an email from my best friend on Saturday. It was a Yahoo story about a young man who committed suicide via a webcam in front of a live, virtual audience. This took place on the site Justin.tv .The way I understand it, this young man was threatening to take his own life and was egged on by other viewers to do so who were watching this take place. A few tried to stop it and contacted the police in his area. However, it was too late. The young man, Abraham Briggs Jr., suffered from bi-polar disorder died from a combination of opiates and benzodiazepines he took for his illness. What sort of a world do we live in where we encourage those who are hurting and are in trouble?
You know, people out there are shocked and appalled by this. Well, I’m not one of them. I have been using the internet for almost 10 years and some of the things I have seen online have been unbelievable. People starting flame wars and trolling chat rooms and communities. There is always some sort of drama somewhere. Then there is the social site problems that are hot beds for gossip, rumors and impersonating or making up monikers to hurt and upset others. My Space and Face book are two of the leading sites for this. I see the callousness people exhibit online towards one another. They waste time and energy fighting and commenting using the most scathing and biting remarks they can find. Plus, while people get their kicks out of breaking each other, I hear the other side of it. The side where people are traumatized by these actions and events. How they are needing therapy to cope with the stress, anxiety and depression that all of this has brought on. So, when I heard of this recent act of bullycide, I was not in the least surprised. Abraham Biggs Sr. was shocked by this behavior as most are but me? No, we have become a callous lot who just do not give a darn about one another at all. Any decency that was once there has left the building.
As I have said many a time, we have to crack down on this cyber bullying problem. Another young life is lost at the hands of tormentors who had fun watching their victim die right in front of their eyes. Why do we continue to stay in the dark? Why are we enabling this? Parents, please talk to your kids and set limits with them on the use of the computer. Educate them on what is right and wrong in this world. I believe many have lost this capacity and everyday, we continue to develop behavior that grows more and more pathological. We are breeding a nation of sociopaths! Let them know that watching someone committing bullycide online is not entertainment. It’s a serious problem and instead of enabling it, teach them to report it. Shouldn’t someone out there give a darn? Is there any human decency left? It can be done if we begin to take this seriously. It only takes a voice and be that voice! My condolences go out to the Biggs family. May your son rest in peace. He was a good kid that fell victim to a cruel society. Nothing more or less.
Resource Cited: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081122/ap_on_re_us/webcam_suicide
Elizabeth Bennett is the author and consultant of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective. She resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .
You know, people out there are shocked and appalled by this. Well, I’m not one of them. I have been using the internet for almost 10 years and some of the things I have seen online have been unbelievable. People starting flame wars and trolling chat rooms and communities. There is always some sort of drama somewhere. Then there is the social site problems that are hot beds for gossip, rumors and impersonating or making up monikers to hurt and upset others. My Space and Face book are two of the leading sites for this. I see the callousness people exhibit online towards one another. They waste time and energy fighting and commenting using the most scathing and biting remarks they can find. Plus, while people get their kicks out of breaking each other, I hear the other side of it. The side where people are traumatized by these actions and events. How they are needing therapy to cope with the stress, anxiety and depression that all of this has brought on. So, when I heard of this recent act of bullycide, I was not in the least surprised. Abraham Biggs Sr. was shocked by this behavior as most are but me? No, we have become a callous lot who just do not give a darn about one another at all. Any decency that was once there has left the building.
As I have said many a time, we have to crack down on this cyber bullying problem. Another young life is lost at the hands of tormentors who had fun watching their victim die right in front of their eyes. Why do we continue to stay in the dark? Why are we enabling this? Parents, please talk to your kids and set limits with them on the use of the computer. Educate them on what is right and wrong in this world. I believe many have lost this capacity and everyday, we continue to develop behavior that grows more and more pathological. We are breeding a nation of sociopaths! Let them know that watching someone committing bullycide online is not entertainment. It’s a serious problem and instead of enabling it, teach them to report it. Shouldn’t someone out there give a darn? Is there any human decency left? It can be done if we begin to take this seriously. It only takes a voice and be that voice! My condolences go out to the Biggs family. May your son rest in peace. He was a good kid that fell victim to a cruel society. Nothing more or less.
Resource Cited: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081122/ap_on_re_us/webcam_suicide
Elizabeth Bennett is the author and consultant of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective. She resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
