Guest Blogger: Kathleen Hubert

Hi, I have a guest blogger this week. This is Kathleen Hubert. She is here to give her take on what to do to stand against Peer Abuse/Bullying.

Steps to Surviving Peer Abuse/Bullying


When you were young, a bully was someone in school who pushed you around, told mean jokes, or laughed at you. You probably dreaded going to school because of the bully. As you grew older, you developed better coping skills to deal with school bullying. However, bullying still exists for adults. Bullying has evolved from laughing at you on the playground to the attempt of intimidating you in the workplace, social settings, and online networking. You may have been taught to 'walk away' from the bully in school, but how do you survive bullying as an adult?

Steps to Surviving Peer Abuse/Bullying:

1. Don't take it personally.

Whenever someone puts you down, in some form they are trying to make themselves feel better. If you remember that their actions reflect nothing on you, you may be able to cope with the adult bully. As a bully, they will seek ways to really get under your skin. There may be no way to determine their motives or intentions, but if you recognize that their bullying is actually a reflection of their own inner struggle, you can make better choices on how to respond.

2. Respond -- don't react.

If there is a way to avoid one-on-one communication with the bully, it is best to take this route. Most times, nothing is solved by emotionally charged bantering. If you must interact with this person, make sure to do so when other people are around. If other people are around, the bully might stop their negative behavior. Even if the bully doesn't stop the behavior, there will be people around to witness it. If you remain calm and composed while someone publicly bullies you, those around will be able to tell immediately who is at fault. If you react in a bad situation, like talking back, you look just as bad as the bully. However, responding calmly doesn't mean you can't stick up for yourself.

3. Stick up for yourself.

If you must interact with a bully via online communication or in person, set your boundaries. Statements, such as, "I would appreciate it if you would refrain from ______" or "You don't have the right to ______", clarify what you're okay with. Even if this does not stop their actions, your boundaries are clear. Exude confidence when dealing with the bully. Typically, if they see you are not very affected by their actions, they may stop altogether.

4. Surround yourself with positive influences.

Whenever possible, surround yourself with family or friends that genuinely care about you. Stewing on a bully can be harmful to your emotional and psychological well-being. By being around people who respect and care about you, you are often reminded of the treatment you genuinely deserve. You most likely have more people in your life who like you, than those who do not. Keep a good sense of self-worth by behaving and doing things you know you deserve.

5. This too shall pass.

All things change. Change is inevitable. Eventually, you will not have to deal with the bullying anymore. If you remember to not take things personally, respond calmly, stick up for yourself, and surround yourself with positivity, things will change. Either your level of tolerance for the bullying will change, or the bullying will dissipate on its' own. Remain confident and hopeful because everything must change.

As an adult, you can identify bullying tactics, such as: intimidation, false allegations, undermining, distrust and unrealistic expectations. Social networking has created a gateway for people to be victimized by bullying. Social networking sites allow information to become public, connect with users, and sometimes used as means communication. A bully may say inappropriate things online about you, harass you through messaging, or even harassing those you know. When these situations occur in your life, you can handle the stress of peer abuse by remembering these steps.


Kathleen Hubert is a blogger who writes on a variety of different sites. Check out more of her work at href="http://www.ledtv.org/">led tv.


Disclaimer: The views expressed in this blog entry may not necessarily reflect the views of the blog owner.

Mean Girls Grow Worse



The issue of “mean girls” in our culture has been growing and expanding over the past several years. It happens in school, at work, in the movies, on our televisions, through technology and basically everywhere two or more people co-exist.

Recently, an article was written entitled Mean Girls Mellow with Age (except on TV), which stemmed from an article in the Washington Post. The article provided research conducted in 2009 by Centers for Disease Control where 9th through 12th graders took a survey on Relational Aggression and maturity. Another mention was a study conducted at a Southeastern University where 202 undergraduates took a survey and the findings indicated that freshmen were more aggressive where seniors started looking at the behavior as immature. Adult survivors who found their childhood abusers to be mature and nice people shared a couple of stories. One of the girls interviewed stated that she befriended her bully on Facebook and the bully wished her a Happy Birthday. “She was perfectly nice,” she stated. Another girl stated that her former tormentor would egg her house during the teen years. As an adult, the girl apologized and told her that her parents were divorcing at the time and was having a hard time herself so she took it out on the girl. “Her apology freed me to realize that we all suffer in those adolescent years,” she stated.

These stories above are good and heartwarming and I am glad these ladies were able to get the closure they needed. At the same time, it is important to understand that in some cases these abusers do not grow up and outgrow this behavior. As I deal with adults who survived this peer abuse as children, I have met some who have been able to go back and get the apologies they deserved. However, this is not always the case and not all bullies grow up. Some grow a lot worse and it is important to understand this. I know of cases where these adults are traumatized once again when finding these abusers on Facebook or anywhere else. In one case, a female bully sent a friend request to her former target on Facebook. The former target confronted the bully and let her know how her behavior left a life long effect. Instead of apologizing, the abuser started stalking and harassing this person on Facebook. There are other stories, but due to privacy and confidentiality, I am not at liberty to say anything else. Since this article came out and was making its way through the blogosphere, I have read comments and found one former abuser state she felt horrible and wanted to apologize to her former target. Other than that I am finding over 98% of the comments to these blogs to disagree with these findings.

Folks, mean girls can also grow worse. Yes, at face value they are nice, polite and appear to have matured over the years. If they had completely matured, why are there problems in the workplace with these individuals? I do a lot of observing online and I watch females in their 30s and older. On message boards I see cliques form where other members are ostracized from the group. On Facebook and other places, I see people interact with some and completely ignore others in their posts. In the world away from technology, women come together and gossip; hold gatherings where some are invited and others are excluded. The silent treatment exists and the person is completely ignored. These adults still seek out people who are like them and whom they believe “fit in” to their world. This study looked at high school and college females who are still growing up. Why did they not poll adults who are out in the world and have personalities that are set for life?

Please, do not take everything at face value. Not every mean girl outgrows this behavior. Psychology is subjective and there is much more to this than we are led to believe. It is vital to know these differences.

* First published on Technorati http://technorati.com/lifestyle/article/mean-girls-some-grow-worse/

Cafe Vamp and the Bullies

Peer Abuse at work continues to be an underappreciated issue in our nation as we continue to enable this problem in our companies and organizations. However, things “down under” seem to be taking a more serious look at this problem.

A recent court decision in Hawthorn, Australia ordered a company, Café Vamp, to pay $335,000 in fines which resulted in an employee committing suicide over the abuse she was receiving at work by her peers. Four workers pled guilty to not taking reasonable care of its employees and failing to provide a safe working environment. A fine was also issued of $220,000 and the cost would have doubled if the defendants had not pled guilty to their behavior. A report conducted by the Productivity Commission estimated that this abusive behavior costs Australia itself $10 billion a year and costs to the economy of about $14.8 billion a year. Wow, that’s a lot of money. So much emphasis is placed upon physical hazards and not nearly enough is placed upon psychological hazards. However, it appears as if the tide is turning in Australia.

Now, we need to start following their lead. As adults, we should know better yet we don’t. We continue to feed into this behavior and nothing is ever done to remedy the problem. When this behavior is allowed, the victims start to suffer from stress, anxiety and depression and it costs a company a lot of money. Not to mention the many absences that are a result of this problem. In America, we have hit an economic low and cannot afford to loose money. We also focus on the physical issues such as environmental control and safety on the job. Organizations exist where they come in, monitor these problems and if action is needed it is taken. Why are we not paying attention to these psychological problems that also exist? If action was taken immediately on a bully at work, I can bet that money would be saved and employees would be working to their potential. A person cannot focus on the job with this negativity in the company.

America, wake up and smell the reality! Take a lesson from Australia! If we were to start imposing these fines on the companies in our nation, I bet this problem would decrease dramatically. Employees, stop feeding these bullies at work. They are capable of anything and by siding with them, it will not make your life easier. Stand up to them and put them in their places. At the end of the day, people just want to go to work, do their jobs and go home. Why increase the stress? If anything, increase the peace! It sure would make a workday a lot easier for everyone. I’m just saying.

Elizabeth Bennett is the Social Justice Guru seeking social justice for all. She is also the author of “Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From a Psychological Perspective” along with the e-book “Child Safety Online: Top Tips to Protect your Child from Internet Predators.” Please visit Peer Abuse Know More! To learn more.

Looks are not everything ya know!

Well, I come back from the holidays and what do I find? A link that someone in the Anti-bullying Community has shared on Twitter and was disgusted by what it contained. I took a glance myself and wanted to be ill. What kind of society do we live in where people sink to this particular level? What is more disgusting is that this site has gone global!

There is a dating site online that only accepts people who are beautiful or the powers that be feel are physically beautiful. This site has a strict ban on ugly people and has axed over 5,000 members because they gained weight over the holiday season. It is elite based and feel that those who do not meet the criteria are a threat to the site. Members must be voted in by current members and if they become unattractive or what is considered unattractive by other members then they are removed from their “club”. The company admits to being elitist, that they are not politically correct and want to be “honest” and that the members back this up completely.

Folks, this is without a doubt a form of bullying and relational aggression. People are accepted based on looks and they are excluded if they do not meet the criteria. Forget politically correct, what about having good manners and genuine care for another human being? By setting this criteria and not allowing others to join them, they show nothing but shallow behavior and no concern for others in my opinion. It also sends a message that in order to be accepted that one MUST look a certain way. I am all for taking care of ones appearance, however, this site is not about doing so. Its about shallowness and exclusion if you ask me. It “drops” members as a result. What ever happened to values? Love for fellow man? Have we as a society gone so low as to behave in this manner?

Please, love people for who they are and not what they look like. Beauty comes in many different forms and not all of them are physical. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder but exists on the inside of a person just as much as the outside. Something to think about here.

Elizabeth Bennett is the Social Justice Guru seeking social justice for all. She is also the author of “Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From a Psychological Perspective” along with the e-book “Child Safety Online: Top Tips to Protect your Child from Internet Predators.” Please visit Peer Abuse Know More! To learn more.

Bullies at Work

Well, after the Thanksgiving weekend I came back to a lot of stuff to catch up on. One article just stood out and could not let go of it. It was written in Canada but can assure you that this problem is alive and well in America. Adults should know better and grow up, learn to leave this garbage at the door. However, from experience and the feedback I get daily, I can assure you that childhood bullies grow worse and exist in the office as well.

In the article, I read of a woman working in an office who was asked to do some photocopying by her boss which went beyond her job description. While doing this she reached to answer the phone and the paper got jammed in the machine. Instead of reaching to help, the boss snarled “I thought you claimed to be an Administrative Assistant.” Since that incident, she has endured nitpicking, embarrassment and verbal abuse from this boss. As a result, her self esteem plummeted, she developed anxiety, felt incompetent and this filtered into her way of life. A co-worker even stated that they did not like it when the woman was bullied but did not know how to deal with the psychological abuse this boss was inflicting in the office.

Folks, who needs this? Again, let me ask you: Who NEEDS this on a daily basis? These bullies at work will pick up on one mistake and run with it. Someone will do something wrong and they never let it go! If it is the boss that is one thing. However, there are people who are not even in positions of authority and they still pull these stunts. They zone in one person and constantly focus on them. The complaining starts and it becomes contagious. Every little thing the other person does gets magnified and dissected redundantly. It gets to a point where the target cannot even come to work without receiving nasty notes in their box, an email or some nasty remark from either the bully or one of her little helpers. Its no wonder a person looses self-esteem, becomes anxious, stressed and eventually develops depression. Who can work and affectively like that?

Please, if this is happening to you, please document the date, time and what happened. Keep a log of this. If others are seeing this occur in the office, talk to them and ask them to document. That is if you know you can trust them. Check your code of conduct that is outlined in your workplace handbook or if something is hanging on the wall in the office. Do not let one person keep an office in an uproar. Also, for goodness sakes DON’T try to be accepted by the bully. Do you think he cares about you and it will make your job any easier? Most importantly, build up a support system outside of the office where they can be sounding boards. Do not keep all of this inside and to yourself. That only makes it worse for you. Most importantly, do not confront the bully on their behavior. They are looking for drama and games and will use anything you say to them against you. For them, this is about power, control and staying on top. I know the articles states that you should contact them early on but I disagree. They have found a target in you and will do anything they can to keep problems going. Their goal is to get you out of the organization. You are either a threat to them or maybe receive more pay than them. Anyone in your position will get heat from this person.

If you see this at your job, do what you can to help the one being targeted. Nobody needs this abuse and it is nothing more than abuse. Not only do the employees suffer when this is occurring but so does productivity and people are not working to their full potential. I think at the end of the day, we all just want to work, do our job and go home. There is enough stress in the world so why add to it? Something to think about.