Bullies at Work

Well, after the Thanksgiving weekend I came back to a lot of stuff to catch up on. One article just stood out and could not let go of it. It was written in Canada but can assure you that this problem is alive and well in America. Adults should know better and grow up, learn to leave this garbage at the door. However, from experience and the feedback I get daily, I can assure you that childhood bullies grow worse and exist in the office as well.

In the article, I read of a woman working in an office who was asked to do some photocopying by her boss which went beyond her job description. While doing this she reached to answer the phone and the paper got jammed in the machine. Instead of reaching to help, the boss snarled “I thought you claimed to be an Administrative Assistant.” Since that incident, she has endured nitpicking, embarrassment and verbal abuse from this boss. As a result, her self esteem plummeted, she developed anxiety, felt incompetent and this filtered into her way of life. A co-worker even stated that they did not like it when the woman was bullied but did not know how to deal with the psychological abuse this boss was inflicting in the office.

Folks, who needs this? Again, let me ask you: Who NEEDS this on a daily basis? These bullies at work will pick up on one mistake and run with it. Someone will do something wrong and they never let it go! If it is the boss that is one thing. However, there are people who are not even in positions of authority and they still pull these stunts. They zone in one person and constantly focus on them. The complaining starts and it becomes contagious. Every little thing the other person does gets magnified and dissected redundantly. It gets to a point where the target cannot even come to work without receiving nasty notes in their box, an email or some nasty remark from either the bully or one of her little helpers. Its no wonder a person looses self-esteem, becomes anxious, stressed and eventually develops depression. Who can work and affectively like that?

Please, if this is happening to you, please document the date, time and what happened. Keep a log of this. If others are seeing this occur in the office, talk to them and ask them to document. That is if you know you can trust them. Check your code of conduct that is outlined in your workplace handbook or if something is hanging on the wall in the office. Do not let one person keep an office in an uproar. Also, for goodness sakes DON’T try to be accepted by the bully. Do you think he cares about you and it will make your job any easier? Most importantly, build up a support system outside of the office where they can be sounding boards. Do not keep all of this inside and to yourself. That only makes it worse for you. Most importantly, do not confront the bully on their behavior. They are looking for drama and games and will use anything you say to them against you. For them, this is about power, control and staying on top. I know the articles states that you should contact them early on but I disagree. They have found a target in you and will do anything they can to keep problems going. Their goal is to get you out of the organization. You are either a threat to them or maybe receive more pay than them. Anyone in your position will get heat from this person.

If you see this at your job, do what you can to help the one being targeted. Nobody needs this abuse and it is nothing more than abuse. Not only do the employees suffer when this is occurring but so does productivity and people are not working to their full potential. I think at the end of the day, we all just want to work, do our job and go home. There is enough stress in the world so why add to it? Something to think about.

Peer Abuse & Relational Aggression

Hi, I know……I have been gone for a week. Well, maybe more than a week. However, my mother came to visit me for mothers day and am just getting back in the swing of things.

Ah, a workshop on Relational Aggression. Again, many kudos to Susan Fee of the New Jersey shore area for getting this up and getting educated on this serious subject. She will be working with some local Girl Scouts in this. If there is a group that this problem exists in, its Girl Scouts. I know because for six weeks in the second grade, I was enrolled in the Brownie Troop and hated every bit of it. I never felt included and always felt isolated. Its that ole “you cannot play with us or be our friend”. I know….I know…..kids stuff. Well, this “kids stuff” really hurt and I begged to get out of it. FINALLY my mother gave in and let me quit. Who needed that crap?

Relational aggression is the “mean girls” and “girl on girl peer abuse”. It starts early folks. As young as preschool. This exclusion has always been considered “kids being kids” yet we wonder why in our society, the behavior of kids is bad and grows worse into adulthood? Well, if we would STOP ENABLING IT and start teaching early on that this behavior is hurtful and not acceptable then MAYBE we will start to see change. By saying this isolation is “kids stuff” is teaching these girls that its okay to exclude others and make them feel bad. Its okay to taunt others and make them feel bad.

I experienced relational aggression most of my life and still do. It still exists! Its not just in girls and tweens, its in grown women as well. I do a LOT of observing and see it alive and well in women and even men have their hands in it. They bring it to work and do things such as leaving others out of lunch invites, circulate emails and nasty notes and spread lies about others. Forming cliques is not uncommon either. You have your in-crowd and the hangers on who will do anything to become members of this elite group. They frequent message boards and use this by ignoring some members, going to pm’s to spread lies, always confront in mob mentalities…..its endless. What saddens me is that as adults they should know better yet this is all any of them really know. Some have been conditioned into being queen bees while others have fallen into the sidekick, banker and other dysfunctional social roles out there. They were never taught any different and now, they bring what they know to the world.

Its time to get serious about this girl on girl crime. The lies, cliques, in-crowds…..it needs to stop. Women, get an education……see what you can do about changing your own social roles out there if you have fallen into any of them. Get your daughters in these workshops so they learn early on the dangers in all of this. The formative years are crucial and we need to start educating. Kudos to Susan Fee for taking that step. Kudos to Tami McCandlish, Rachel Simmons, Dreamsinger and others out there who are working on this and trying to make a difference. Keep doing what you are doing!

As for the psychology in this, the scars can last a lifetime. The social anxiety, post traumatic stress, depression…..nothing saddens me more than to hear of a seven year old girl being diagnosed with clinical depression due to this horrific problem. It happens folks, I have lived it and continue to see it firsthand. Life is cruel, sure. Its hard and we are always going to have to face hurtles. However, with this, do we need to add to the stress that already exists out there? If you see this occurring in young girls, let them know its wrong to exclude others.

The steps in changing the world start with a random act of kindness. We can all make a difference one day at a time with this step. Something to think about….

Source: http://www.app.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080516/GETPUBLISHED/805160480/-1/HOMETOWNS

Elizabeth Bennett is a Consultant and Author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info

Peer Abuse & Relational Aggression

Hi, I know……I have been gone for a week. Well, maybe more than a week. However, my mother came to visit me for mothers day and am just getting back in the swing of things.

Ah, a workshop on Relational Aggression. Again, many kudos to Susan Fee of the New Jersey shore area for getting this up and getting educated on this serious subject. She will be working with some local Girl Scouts in this. If there is a group that this problem exists in, its Girl Scouts. I know because for six weeks in the second grade, I was enrolled in the Brownie Troop and hated every bit of it. I never felt included and always felt isolated. Its that ole “you cannot play with us or be our friend”. I know….I know…..kids stuff. Well, this “kids stuff” really hurt and I begged to get out of it. FINALLY my mother gave in and let me quit. Who needed that crap?

Relational aggression is the “mean girls” and “girl on girl peer abuse”. It starts early folks. As young as preschool. This exclusion has always been considered “kids being kids” yet we wonder why in our society, the behavior of kids is bad and grows worse into adulthood? Well, if we would STOP ENABLING IT and start teaching early on that this behavior is hurtful and not acceptable then MAYBE we will start to see change. By saying this isolation is “kids stuff” is teaching these girls that its okay to exclude others and make them feel bad. Its okay to taunt others and make them feel bad.

I experienced relational aggression most of my life and still do. It still exists! Its not just in girls and tweens, its in grown women as well. I do a LOT of observing and see it alive and well in women and even men have their hands in it. They bring it to work and do things such as leaving others out of lunch invites, circulate emails and nasty notes and spread lies about others. Forming cliques is not uncommon either. You have your in-crowd and the hangers on who will do anything to become members of this elite group. They frequent message boards and use this by ignoring some members, going to pm’s to spread lies, always confront in mob mentalities…..its endless. What saddens me is that as adults they should know better yet this is all any of them really know. Some have been conditioned into being queen bees while others have fallen into the sidekick, banker and other dysfunctional social roles out there. They were never taught any different and now, they bring what they know to the world.

Its time to get serious about this girl on girl crime. The lies, cliques, in-crowds…..it needs to stop. Women, get an education……see what you can do about changing your own social roles out there if you have fallen into any of them. Get your daughters in these workshops so they learn early on the dangers in all of this. The formative years are crucial and we need to start educating. Kudos to Susan Fee for taking that step. Kudos to Tami McCandlish, Rachel Simmons, Dreamsinger and others out there who are working on this and trying to make a difference. Keep doing what you are doing!

As for the psychology in this, the scars can last a lifetime. The social anxiety, post traumatic stress, depression…..nothing saddens me more than to hear of a seven year old girl being diagnosed with clinical depression due to this horrific problem. It happens folks, I have lived it and continue to see it firsthand. Life is cruel, sure. Its hard and we are always going to have to face hurtles. However, with this, do we need to add to the stress that already exists out there? If you see this occurring in young girls, let them know its wrong to exclude others.

The steps in changing the world start with a random act of kindness. We can all make a difference one day at a time with this step. Something to think about….

Source: http://www.app.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080516/GETPUBLISHED/805160480/-1/HOMETOWNS

Elizabeth Bennett is a Consultant and Author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info

Peer Abuse News

Welcome to the latest edition of the first newsletter on Peer Abuse to grace the world wide web! This is a free quarterly publication that goes out to all continents of the world. Please feel free to share this with others.
In this edition:
GREAT NEWS
SPECIAL OFFER
PEER ABUSE AND THE NEIGHBOR
MORE NEWS AND TIDBITS ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
GREAT NEWS!
That's right, my book "Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From APsychological Perspective" is making news! On May 23, 2008, my bookwill be featured on CNBC radio. Someone is being interviewed onWorkplace Bullying and my book will be featured as a resource during this interview! I am so excited to say the least!

Also, A producer at Larry King is interested in my book and I sent him a copy this week. Please keep your fingers crossed that this gets picked up. So there is a chance I could go on Larry King Live. Will keep everyone posted.

Plus, my book was mentioned at the End Teacher Abuse meeting back in March. Thanks goes to Mimi Shapiro for her help. Thanks so much,Mimi!

Harold Cameron has also mentioned the book in a video and let folks know about it. Thanks Harold for all you have done!

Also, I have been blogging and doing some article writing on PeerAbuse online. So, I am getting the word out bit by bit. Just a day at a time…..I tell you, there has been a lot of press about thisstuff recently and we need to step up and speak out! Here is one place you can read more: http://www.peerabuse.blogspot.com/ and feel free to leave comments. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
SPECIAL OFFER FOR A LIMITED TIME
I have started selling my book to others on my own away from the publisher and other online places where it can be purchased. The cost is $16.44 ($13.95 + $2.49 postage). If you purchase a copy from me for a limited time, I will throw in a free phone consultation with it. A phone consultation can run up to $60 a hour but if you purchase my book directly from me, your phone consultation will be free. Free at what is a $60 value. This is for a limited time….a summer special and will end at the end of July. So, think about it and if you wish to purchase a book, please go to http://www.peerabuse.info/ and use the Pay Pal buttons on the site. Again, a limited time……so hurry! Please email me and let me know if you are interested!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
PEER ABUSE AND THE NEIGHBOR
Well, I know I try and focus on the school, workplace and psychology behind this problem of Peer Abuse. However, another place this canoccur is with a neighbor. Someone who lives across the street, next door, in the same apartment building…whatever. It makes doing anything seem strange and you try and do what you can to either avoid or get along with them so your living situation does not get dicey and drama filled. There is enough crap in this world already,why deal with it in or around your home? Some could argue that thisis more of a domestic issue. However, it is also a issue of peer abuse. It is something I am dealing with in my own life right now and I am sure many of you are also caught up in this. Whatever the case may be, it does warrant some attention here. Plus, a reader gave me this suggestion. So, I wanted to take a few minutes and focus on what to do in dealing with this.Are they making too much noise? Coming to visit 3 times a day? Spreading lies to other neighbors about you? Won't keep their toys out of your yard? Their pet is tearing up your flower garden? Want to know how much your Direct TV bill is each month? Have no concept of boundaries? Here are some general suggestions that may help. So far, I have been using them and they have been working for me.

1. Try to approach the neighbor tactfully and let them know what isbothering you. I say tactfully because full on attacks are going toput them on the defense and the problem will grow worse, not better. Maybe set up a time to go over and talk to them. Send them an email. Write out a note. If this is done in email or letter, save a copy for yourself so you have proof that you made the effort here. Again, make sure this is done with tact and understanding. Attacks breed attacks and before long, a small problem is the size of Godzilla. You do not want to let things get out of hand.

2. If you are wanting their stuff off of your property, possibly putup a fence right on the property line. It does not have to anything fancy; just something that will get the boundary set up so their pet or children will not destroy your property and visa versa.

3. Any lies spread, document the day you learned of them and the time. Also, the source that gave you this information. Any nasty notes left on your doorstep or emails? Save them also. Believe me, this can come in handy at some point.

4. Damage of any property: Call the police. Take pictures of thedamages. Let them bring forensics over to dust for fingerprints. Do NOT touch the damaged property on your own. That destroys evidence.

5. Any verbal stuff: Do what you can to get a tape recorder and hide it on you. They still make these tiny tape recorders and are very inexpensive. IF you have a video camera or cell phone with video on it, do what you can to get this recorded. You can hold a cell phone without them knowing you are filming them.

6. It gets physical: Again, pull out the cell. Video recording. Have someone who is home with you to get this on tape. Get pictures….take them to the police. Also, search You Tube, MySpace and other online sites where people love to put these sort of videos on there.

7. If your property is damaged, do NOT retaliate. You do this and it becomes a conflict and not an issue of peer abuse. Cover yourself in any way you can but do NOT retaliate. Otherwise, nobody will listen or help you because of retaliation.

8. Those who can help: Go to any homeowners group, Neighbor Watch, landlords, trustworthy neighbors, city or county council, any other local neighborhood affiliated groups. Go to the company that managesyour apartment, condo or trailer park. Whatever your living situation, there is an organization which has some authority and let them know what is going on. You can do this anonymously if need be. Go to city hall to see who can help you in this matter. Also, the police. They do nothing, go to their superior. Keep going up the chain of command. Some will try and pass the buck but do not let them.

9. If any of this is done on a continual basis, even after you have verbally or have put it in writing for them to stop and they don't, look into filing harassment charges. Put up "Keep Out" or "No Trespassing" signs and again, if they ignore them, get your documentation in order and look into pressing harassment charges and if there are threats, you can get a restraining order.

10. Again, everyone answers to someone. I know, some people keep going and have no respect for anyone else. They do as they please and ignore your signs and other things. Again, document….this documentation will help you at some point. I know it has been helping me in my situation. A great resource to learn more is a site here called "Neighbors From Hell". There are many links listed that can be helpful too. Bookmark this site and save it in your resources. http://www.borzotta.com/nfh/index.html

Again, do NOT retaliate as much as you want to. You do that thenthat gives them a reason to claim the same problems against you. Let them dig their own grave. Eventually, they will have themselves covered up without being able to get out. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
MORE NEWS AND TIDBITS
JEFFS BILL: Congrats to Debby Johnston and others behind this bill for getting it passed with a 40-0 vote in the Senate. This is a bill in Florida that we hope will become a law called "Jeff's Law". Debra lost her son to bullycide and is working hard to get peer abuse stopped in her area. GO DEBRA!

A MURDERED FRIEND: Ann Fox Smith who lived in Aiken South Carolinawas murdered last Friday in her home. I knew her when she lived inmy hometown and we were friends. If anyone reading this knew Ann oranything about her, please contact the police. Here is a link to herstory and sadly, this will probably remain in the media.http://www.wrdw.com/home/headlines/18295734.html . Contact info to the police is at the bottom of the article.

CONDOLENCES EXPRESSED: A great lady, Judy K. Beach who was affiliated with the International Women's Writers Guild recently passed away. There is a web log set up where people can offer condolences or words of comfort. Please check it out if any of youknew her or are affiliated with IWWG. http://judikbeach.blogspot.com/ .

WE WANT A CHASING CAIN III: Yes, there is a letter campaign going onto send to the Canadian Broadcasting Company (CBC) for them to makea Chasing Cain III movie. The first two were really good with an intriguing plot and wonderful actors. If you wish to learn more, a My Space page is set up http://www.myspace.com/wewantchasingcain3 or you can contact the CBC directly at /http://www.cbc.ca/contact/ and it only takes 5 minutes to write.

NEED TUPPERWARE?: Check out what my cousin Teresa has going on. http://my.tupperware.com/teresacoggins .

ESQUIRE BEST DRESSED MAN: A friend is running for this and is needing votes. Please, if you have time, vote for Norman for the Best Dressed Man for 2008. http://esquirebdrm.com/NormanD/529

NEED AVON?: My friend Jennifer is selling AVON. If you are interested in purchasing some of this, visit here:http://www.youravon.com/jenniferlarkins

MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS: Mothers Day is just around the corner and some of the folks at MS here on the Pacific Coast area are selling some items. Check them out if you are still looking for that perfect gift for your mother.http://blaster.shop2stopms.com/view_blast.cfm?blast_id=252

CALDWELL BANKER: In need of a new home or looking to purchase some property? Kris Alongi can help you out. Visit this link:http://www.coldwellbankercaine.com/agent_details.php?agent_id=184

THE DAUGHTER IN LAW RULES: Check out Sarah Jane Cions free newsletter. Great stuff!! http://www.thedilrules.com/

FOCUS ON THE FAMILY: These folks have a lot of summer reading material. Visit http://www.mail-family.org/ if interested.

THE GRANT INSTITUTE: They will be hosting a grant proposal writing workshop in Charleston, WV on July 14-16 2008. Visithttp://www.thegrantinstitute.com/ to learn how you can learn more.

DR PHIL: Dr Phil is needing a teenage guest for the fall. He wants someone who has and continues to be cyber bullied. You can email meat http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/PeerAbuse/post?postID=zy6u7xTYhTC03U5LbvDFLSK83pm6V0eM-yFB38HtS6kWONQIJ1WWZ3g94uSv7baqBMRoG3hfAzXCZPO_ij8nQCsg30sd4g and I can tell you more.

BIOLOGICAL DIVERSITY: Global warming is affecting animals in arctic and cold climates. Please, visit this site and see how you can help.http://www.biologicaldiversity.org/

IRIDOLOGY: A new book entitled "Iridology: The Science and Practicein the Healing Arts" by Dr. Bernard Jensen. To obtain a copy, visit Whitman Books at http://www.wwhitman.com/

HAROLD CAMERON: Yup, the "Be Positive Guy" has a You Tube account where he makes videos on different subjects. This is someone whotries hard to make the world a better place. Please check out his videos here http://uk.youtube.com/user/haroldsays. He has made one on Peer Abuse and is doing a great job in getting the word out.

SAFETY ISSUES: Check these guys out! They have a newsletter and work hard in trying to keep kids safe. http://www.safetyissues.com/ and learn more!

SEEKING AN ATTORNEY: If you are in the process of seeking an Attorney, one place you may want to avoid is http://www.jurisdictionary.com/ . Recently, a friend of mine was scammed by these folks. To the tune of almost $300 and this was money she did not have to begin with. So, please be careful….do not allow yourself to be scammed out there.

DR CHARLOTTE: Recently, Dr. Charlotte published an article about children and the violence in the media and on the internet. Visit here to read the article:http://www.imageryforkids.com/art_imagination.asp

JUVENILLE JUSTICE: Check out what is going on at the Office ofJuvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention. http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/ojjdp.

AUTISM: Do you have or know anyone dealing with autism? Check out this site for some great educational tools. http://www.nlconcepts.com/

NAMI: The National Alliance of the Mentally Ill will be holding awalk on October 4, 2008 in Orange County. More details to follow later…..

SOCIAL ANXIETY INSTITUTE: Once again, I promote this site. A great one for the Adult Survivor Of Peer Abuse: http://www.socialanxietyinstitute.org/

CHILD PREDATOR BUSTERS: Check these guys out! They are doing a LOTof good here online in catching predators on social web sites andother places. Go to this site: http://www.childpredatorbusters.org/

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE or EQ: Need certification? Trainings will be held throughout 2008 in Seattle, Washington. Go to this site to learn more: http://www.learninginaction.com/

THE COMMON BOND INSTITUTE: On September 4-8, they will be hosting a Engaging The Other Conference in San Francisco, CA. Visit this linkto learn more: http://www.cbiworld.org/Pages/Conferences_ETO.htm

ASSOCIATION FOR HUMANISTIC PSYCHOLOGY: Check these guys out! They have a jam packed summer with conferences, workshops and other great stuff going on. Visit http://www.ahpweb.org/ and see what they have going on!

HELPFUL MATERIALS: If you have time, please visit the folks at Psychotherapy dot net. They have many new and great materials inbooks, DVD's and other products.http://www.psychotherapy.net/

BEING ABUSED BY THE SCHOOLS? Check out this great group!http://www.endteacherabuse.org/ to learn more. Also, check out their video on You Tube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3JoiniKNq8

BOOK ON HUMANISTIC PSYCHOLOGY: Recently, a book was published for the purpose of making third force psychology (broadly construed) a stronger presence in child developmental theorizing. The book, Humanizing Child Developmental Theory: A Holistic Approach. This text utilizes ideas from Rogers, Horney, Winnicott, Kohut, Bühler,Knowles, Stern, Schachtel, Koffka and others.http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/results.asp WRD=Humanizing+Child+Developmental+Theory&z=y

Have anything you wish to share? Email me and will include it in the next edition . ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

This is it for the May newsletter. August is "readers choice" and am interested in what you as the reader wish to have here in the newsletter. Please email your ideas to me and will do what I can to do a lesson on it. Thanks for reading….see you all in August! Til then…..have a great and safe summer!

Regards,
Elizabeth Bennett
http://www.peerabuse.info/

Elizabeth Bennett. Copyright © 2008 All Rights Reserved.

Hello! Its another week and sadly, more drama amongst us. Many stories in the news about Peer Abuse and one that has really gotten my goat. There has been talk about peanut allergies and peer abuse. I am not sure how many are aware of this but those who have peanut allergies can die if consuming or even being around peanuts, peanut butter or anything with this in it. Its lethal and dangerous. Yet, these bullies now use this as a weapon in bringing more harm to their victims. I tell you what and have said it many times, we are a nation growing without a conscience and as far as I am concerned, this is criminal behavior. Also, I consider this attempted murder. Sure, I am probably coming off as over zealous in my thoughts here but dangit if it walks like a duck….talks like a duck…..need I say more?

There was an incident with a 14 year old girl with peanut allergies and a group of girls she had known most of her life. They were friends until recently when these girls decided she could not sit at their lunch table any longer. How did they decide to get rid of her and shut her out? Bring peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to school! Okay, if these girls had grown up with her and knew her, they would know about her peanut allergies and the dangers of it. They had planned this together and one girl, with a bout of conscience, warned the girl with the allergies. If this was not bad enough, she walked into class one day and someone had a jar of peanut butter. When she came in, they opened it up and sadly, the girl had a reaction and had to go to the hospital for four days. Thank goodness she was able to get through it. What has gotten me is that the girl told the school about the kids and the lunch table and the school did NOTHING ABOUT IT!!!!!!! Well, until after the fact and the girl went to the hospital they decided to do something. Now, the school has to treat this as a disability and under the 504 laws, there can be no peanut butter within the vicinity of this girl.

Do the schools realize that if this girl had died, they would have really been in trouble? Why is it that it takes actually seeing something to believe it? The school KNEW about these allergies and should have acted before it got out of hand like this. In the article, someone stated that kids do not realize the real danger in these sort of things. Excuse me? These girls grew up with the victim and were probably well aware of the dangers of peanut allergies yet “they were not thinking of the real dangers?” It is well documented that kids pass away from this. I get tired of this problem being swept under the rug. If bullycide is not bad enough, NOW we are going into homicide. Yes folks, intentionally bringing harm to someone, and in this case peanut butter, this is homicide!

My point in all of this is that despite them being underage, this was done with malicious and criminal intent and bullies are your criminals. Peer Abuse is not just “kids stuff”. Not only was this attempted homicide, but of course, good ole Relational Aggression. Yeah, you know the girl on girl stuff. The Queen Bee crap….but of course, I am sure nobody tried to investigate this or try to help until after the fact as “this is just kids stuff and it will blow over“. Kids at 13 and 14 may be testy but they certainly know the difference in right and wrong. Bringing peanut butter around someone who could die from it is wrong and again, attempted homicide. I wish these girls would be charged as such but my guess is they only got detention or were told “now don’t ever do that again, okay”. If it were me and I had a child like this, I would have pressed charges. Taken these abusers straight to the bank!

Thanks for reading.

Source:
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/AllergiesNews/story?id=4659705&page=1

Victoria Lindsay and Peer Abuse

Hello, I know, have not blogged in a couple of weeks. That’s my bad as I was working away from the computer. I am now back and let me tell you, the info I am getting on bullying has me nothing more than peeved to a tea. Oh yeah, Elizabeth Bennett is ANGRY! MAD! TIRED OF THE PEER ABUSE!!!!!!!!

I am well aware of the Victoria Lindsay case. The one in Florida where six teens “jumped” her and caught it on tape to put on My Space and You Tube. Yeah, this is the latest trend in peer abuse; taping assaults and getting them on these sites for everyone to see. Like some prize, you know? Are you aware that with psycho and sociopath, they ALSO look for rewards in their dirty deeds? Many times they will keep a souvenir from the assault. So, I guess this is the “reward” for these criminals in training, huh? Oh I know, its only kids and only bullying …forgive me for overreacting here as calling it abuse is just an exageration. Note the sarcasm in the last sentence. *rolling eyes*

Well, someone finally FINALLY did something right! Yup, those bullies were arrested and put in jail and I rejoiced. YES! A bully is FINALLY paying his dues! However, they screwed up again in my opinion as they are now on house arrest. House arrest? How sweet….now they can stay home and go online, play video games, text their friends and create more useless crap. Boy, I wish I had been punished this way growing up! What really takes the cake is that someone from the Dr. Phil show has bailed one of the bullies out! YES! Now I thought Good ole Phil was against bullying?

I heard the 911 call Victoria made. Describing the side of her head being hurt and blood all over her mouth. I also saw the video which was equally disturbing. The girl in pain and a group of bullies making it worse. I know there is a gag order on this case and can only learn so much about it. I say remove that gag and let it all go……get it out there and keep it real. Keep us abreast of what is going on and get these bullies back in jail. They need to understand that they did wrong and having Dr Phil bail them out of jail is NOT teaching them anything!

Oh and it gets worse…..now these bogus support pages are being set up online. Yeah, they are doing this for notoriety and not with concern for Victoria. Plus, sites are asking for money on behalf of Victoria and her family. Yup, more embezzlement on My Space and other places. Of course, nothing is going to be done I am sure. Yet the police say they are looking into it. Really? I figured these criminals would be rewarded in some way as well. You know, more house arrest or maybe a guest stint on a talk show?

Yes, this is full of sarcasm but you know, someone FINALLY did the right thing in all of this and that was putting the bullies behind bars where they belong. However, they moved them to house arrest. I am sure house arrest is not easy either but at least they are at home with access to the same stuff that started this whole mess. Plus, one gets help from Dr. Phil! The best thing that could help these kids is time in jail. Yes, let them take responsibility here. I know, they are “just kids” but are old enough to know right from wrong. Old enough to know that beating someone to a pulp and putting it online is wrong. Old enough to know all of this is wrong and until they are accepting any sort of responsibility, it is not going to register. So, if I am coming off as sarcastic, I have a damned good reason to. WHEN IS THIS GOING TO STOP??? WHEN ARE WE GOING TO STOP REWARDING AND SENSATIONALIZING BAD BEHAVIOR??? One of these kids faces life in prison? Really? I will believe it when I see it.

In the meantime, I am disgusted. Sickened and most of all, sick of the fact that this is just considered “kids stuff” and everyone is so appalled at the horrible behavior yet have never done anything before about it. GIVE THEM JAIL TIME AND I MEAN REALLY LET THEM LEARN A LESSON. Tough love works best in cases like this one.

Who knows, it may also teach the bullies how to love too.

Thanks for reading. Have a good week and praying that nothing else will spring up. These kids are abusing the crap out of one another and killing each other. ITS ABUSE!!!!!! PEER ABUSE!!!!!!!!


Links to learn more about the case:
http://www.wftv.com/news/15817394/detail.html
http://www.myfoxtampabay.com/myfox/pages/News/Detail?contentId=6295182&version=2&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=TSTY&pageId=3.2.1
http://www.nationalledger.com/artman/publish/article_272620020.shtml
http://www.myfoxtampabay.com/myfox/pages/Home/Detail;jsessionid=60A7A702445D522EB9E58AD31153B20A?contentId=6311709&version=1&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=VSTY&pageId=1.1.1&sflg=1

Billy Wolfe and Peer Abuse

Hello, yes, am back again and this time, am back with a vengeance. I AM MAD!
I have been reading online about this young man named Billy Wolfe. He is the boy in Arkansas whose family is suing the schools and his bullies for their actions and neglect. He is the boy that the bullies LOVE to beat up. Its sick!

Billy is a 15 year old high school sophomore. He has been bullied since elementary school by the same little sadists (yes, bullies are just that, sadists) and they went on and on and never stopped. The parents tried dealing with the schools and the bullies parents and to no avail. So, enough was enough and now, they are suing them all! Good on them, I hope they take them all straight to the bank.

I am sick and tired of people considering this some sick rite of passage. I am sick and tired of the denial, excuses and the whole she-bang! Just because these are kids does not mean they are immune to punishment yet we think just that…..guess what, if they are old enough to know right from wrong, they should be old enough to be held accountable for their actions. In Billy’s unfortunate journey, these sadists would beat him up, put it on camera phone and share it with everyone at school. Also, in one case, they pushed his head against a window in a school bus, it was caught on tape and STILL, nothing was done! EXCUSE ME???????????????????????? Oh and it gets worse, he has had to have dental work because of this and other things. Yet NOTHING WAS DONE! Hey, he was told that he deserved some of it. WHAT???????
Its high time we stop excusing this and get an education. Its high time we call a spade a spade and see it for what it is: ABUSE! Yes, this is outright ABUSE and that term “bullying” is not cutting it. This problem is growing worse and we are continuing to excuse it. Some are getting educated and I commend them but to allow this situation with Billy to reach these proportions is inexcusable! What is WRONG with people?

Folks, bullies “bully” or should I say abusers “abuse” because THEY CAN! They know nobody will do anything about it so it continues and continues…..would someone listen for once and save these kids from themselves????? For the love of GOD, PLEASE! They are creating so much havoc and I am sorry but in high school, a teen is old enough to think abstractly and therefore, old enough to accept some responsibility and know the difference between right from wrong.
Life is hard, sure. However, THIS is not “just life” but a violation of human and constitutional rights. IT MAKES ME ANGRY! GET REAL SOCIETY! STOP EXCUSING THIS! Yes, I am yelling because….well….I AM ANGRY and it is high time someone DOES GET ANGRY! I hope that Billy’s family is compensated in spades and that they seek him some counseling. This stuff leaves psychological scars that are horrific. As for the bullies, I hope they get help too…..they are the ones that needed it to begin with. If they had kept their crap to themselves, none of this would have ever happened. That’s right: I AM PLACING THE BLAME WHERE IT BELONGS AND NOT ON BILLY!

If anyone is reading this…..help! STOP FEEDING THE BULLY AND ENABLING THIS PROBLEM! DO THE RIGHT THING! PLEASE!

Thank you for reading and have a good day. Again, this angers me and there is no excuse. May Billy and his family prosper from this.

Folks, bullying IS abuse! Did you know that??

Hey there! Its another week and more bullying and peer abuse occurring out there. Here is the latest…..

Well, we have second graders who are writing their own books about bullying. One even stated that this helps her get her own bad feelings out.

A recent study was conducted where cyber bullying has gone up to 9% from 6% five years ago. One thing that may help is to keep an eye on pages such as MySpace as this is a hotbed for bullying. If parents have access to their childs account, this could well decrease any bullying occurring.

Also, a woman who has a daughter who was ill went last year to purchase cigarettes and wrote a check for $26.61 and the check bounced. She is on a fixed income and was threatened by a company who stated that she needed to pay a certain amount to them or would be facing jail and $1,000 in fines. This was a simple mistake on her part yet the company was relentless. She has fallen victim to a company who contracts with the court system that demands excessive fines from those who have written checks for very little money. They bully others to pay these excessive fines and threaten jail time. Many times, writing a bad check is just a simple mistake on the part of the victim and can usually be cleared up with the bank. Plus, this was the first time this woman ever did this and was bad check book balancing on her part. It happens and we all make mistakes. What is more disturbing is that the victim never received a letter from the merchant letting her know that the check had bounced in the first place.

There was a young man who had written a list of those who had bullied him in school and church. This list was found by another party who took it to her mother. So, with everyone jumping the gun as they do before getting the facts first, took it and the young man was charged and authorities were contacted. However, through actual talking things through to get to the truth, it turned out that the bullies were the ones who pushed him to this point. Really?? Someone is actually getting this?? What took them so long??

Folks, I lived this for 27 years. I KNOW what this can do to a person and it is not some stupid rite of passage. Please, PLEASE know that bullying is actual abuse: Peer Abuse! Why should anyone have to put up with it? Why do people have to do it?

This Week In Peer Abuse

Dear Reader,
Well, another week and more news on what everyone knows as “bullying” but what I know “Peer Abuse”.
I have to commend the Police Department in Novi Michigan for getting on top of this problem. They are aware of the dangers of this and have suggestions to combat the problem. In Overland Park Kansas, Lakeview Middle School has decided to add the Olweus Program to their curriculum. In Altoona Pennsylvania, a group of kindergartners to third graders had to do an exercise where they shut their eyes and imagined what a bully is. Many saw a bigger boy picking on a smaller child. That was the first thing that came to their minds. In Pueblo Colorado, a girl was fined $230 for abusing another girl. In Salt Lake City Utah, some legislation is being worked on to combat this problem. In Savannah Georgia, a video was taken of a thirteen year old boy sitting at his desk minding his own business while a couple of kids came up and kept hitting him and hitting him. Then, the video showed up on My Space but was removed. The bully faces expulsion and possible charges. The officer on campus is an Adult Survivor Of Peer Abuse.
I am glad people around the nation are cramping down on this. Taking some sort of action towards education. Reaching kids while they are still young. Punishing the bully for their behavior and holding them responsible. For one adult survivor to speak out on his own experiences. It does my heart good that some are actually “getting it” so to speak. Kudos to them!
However, there is a couple of elements still missing. Why are we still calling this bullying? Folks, a thirteen year old boy had been attacked and attacked while “trying to ignore it” and then was more humiliated as he was videotaped and had the tape thrown up on My Space for millions to see. The eleven year old girl was cited $230 for disorderly conduct yet was standing up to the real bullies. A group of girls had been aggravating this one girl and bullying her since Christmas yet she is the one in trouble. For what? Fighting back? Taking it and taking it until she cannot take it anymore? After this group started to harass her, her grades dropped and she started having other problems. Yet, she gets charged and the other girls? Well, my guess is they are getting off with nothing. Which is par for the course. Blame the victim in all of this. Yes, two elements are missing here. Bullying is a form of abuse, its PEER ABUSE! How can someone just attacking and harassing someone over and over and OVER NOT be considered a form of abuse? Man, in other forms of abuse these issues are seen as such. Also, in other forms of abuse, the victim is protected and the abuser is punished. In one case, this happened but in another, it did not.
Its time to get real, America. Time to call a spade a spade here. This problem is growing worse by the minute and the same tactics are not cutting it. When I was growing up in the 70’s and 80’s, I was bullied nearly to death and nothing was ever done about it. So I KNOW how these kids feel. Peer Abuse is probably one of the worst things anyone can go through. Yet, we still enable the problem and again, another victim is punished for the bullies own crap. Also, what really baffles me is that a video camera was used in this assault. How does a video camera even get in there? Evidently it was brought to school by the bully for them to even get the video downloaded online and placed on My Space. The video has shot out the actual faces of the abuser and his victim but the movement is on the screen. The adult survivor said it was one of the most disturbing things he had ever seen.
Society, please…..PLEASE wake up! This is not kids being kids but is outright abuse! It needs to stop and needs to be treated seriously and brought to a clinical and psychological level. People have died and are continuing to die from this. Open your eyes! Please!
Elizabeth Bennett
http://www.peerabuse.info
“Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective” on sale now for $13.95. Visit the website to learn more.