This past Monday, I was bored and had a sore throat so did not have a lot of energy. I was flipping through the tube and stumbled upon The CW’s Gossip Girl at 8pm. As I follow some of these teen dramas from time to time because of my work, I watched this and was nothing short of appalled. Why do we watch this and why do we want more and more?
The show begins with the first day of school. One character named Jenny is scared to go because of a fallout she had with some girls the year before and declares that last year she was a “project“ but this year is a “victim“. Soon, we see a group of girls sitting on the front steps. The obvious Queen Bee named Blair is sitting with a group of minions leafing through some folders of different new girls in the school. We also see these new girls being “interviewed” by this group and these newbies are classified as either “projects” or “victims” based on the decision of this girl Blair. Later in the episode, we see the same group along with one named Serena barreling down the hall. One new girl, Amanda, has attached herself to Serena’s somewhat ex boyfriend Dan which upsets this little beehive. They invite Amanda to lunch only to warn her to stay away from Dan. Serena seems to be a nice kid who warns Blair not to be so horrible about the situation. Well later, Serena, Dan and this new girl are on a “date” which is very awkward. Serena and Dan of course have a huge blow up. Blair is nowhere to be found but her minions are there. A guy named Chuck who would make a great candidate for the Anti-Christ shows up to the minions with some gel to put in Amanda’s hair and burn it off. So, these minions do so and Serena lets them know not to let anything happen again without going through her first. After this, we see Chuck paying Amanda for a job well done. A job well done? It seems that Chuck set this whole scenario up to shake up Blair’s standing as a Queen Bee and have Serena de-throne her. He does so because he loves Blair and wants her upset so she will run back to him. Then we see these girls together the next day at school where Serena is the obvious Queen Bee and Blair has been de-throned as Chuck wished. In the meantime, these same minions are making Jenny’s life hard by throwing her belongings on the ground and letting her know that the fun is just beginning. Jenny is now skipping school and showing up at a design shop where she interns.
First off, when is burning someone’s hair off a form of entertainment? I am really trying to wrap my head around this one. Second, interviewing people as possible projects or victims? This is school, not a battlefield! Wait, school is a battlefield and this show makes no bones about it. Also, this Chuck is nothing short of a psychopath and will probably be in prison for some white collar crime or become a politician when he becomes an adult. What is entertaining about a smart girl skipping school? A girl who could have a bright future but is being ripped apart by a group of vipers? Most importantly, why does there need to be a Queen Bee? This show is nothing more than a group of kids seeing life as a game of chess. Why must life be a game?
I find this show to be disturbing on so many levels. It glorifies bullying and peer abuse. Kids not even in college are already scheming, plotting and manipulating. Several of them have no conscience. One exhibits sadistic behavior for the love of a girl. This is how they express love for one another? It also proves my theories and what I have said all along. Bullies are pathological, narcissistic and even sadistic. They are mean, selfish, void of compassion and see life as a game. Is there a bright light at the end of this vicious tunnel? Lets face it, we are becoming a culture of psychopaths. There is no other way to say it.
Resources Cited: http://www.cwtv.com/cw-video/gossip-girl
Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info/ .
Friday, September 26, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
As we all know, cyber bullying is a serious problem amongst our nations youth today. It takes the problem of abuse by peers to a whole other dimension. A place that adults today never had to visit. Recently, I learned of two different sites here online that enable online safety for children and also, a place to anonymously report any bullying both on and offline.
A couple by the name of Deborah and Steven Schechner founded a website called Safe Wave. Safe Wave is a site that is set up for children to go online and not have to deal with any cyber bullying by their peers. They require signature on documents for parents and children to sign and agree NOT to cyber bully or bring any other danger on the site. Also, they have a verification process which goes through the school of the child to make sure this child who is applying is who she says she is. Children are learning to use the internet everyday and in learning, we want them to have a place to go that is safe without worrying about bullies around the corner. There is so much on here that brings danger and many kids have encountered them as some have taken their lives as a result. Also, the site welcomes law enforcement which I think it great. These are people who need to be on top of this problem more than anyone.
A Bingham Young student by the name of Justin Berenger created a site based in Utah entitled Schooltipline. This site takes anonymous reports by students of bullying and abusive situations both off and online. Each report is taken seriously and reported to the school in which the complaint is being made. As many children fear being labeled “snitches” and a lot of times do not want to “rat anyone out”, they feel much better reporting without anyone finding out that they are doing the reporting. I am grateful for this young man to step up and see that others are safe from this problem. Many times this abuse does go unreported because kids fear repercussions from these bullies. Or, as stated before, do not want to be known as someone who rats others out. There is a huge difference in reporting what should be considered criminal behavior and ratting someone out. I hope with this site, the bullying will be handled by the school personnel in an expedient manner and taken more seriously.
I commend both websites for taking action against this problem. I wish them both much success in their endeavors. It is good to see folks out there who are doing the right thing for a change. Lets keep these safe havens going. Our children deserve it.
Resources Cited:
http://www.safewave.org http://www.schooltipline.com
Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .
A couple by the name of Deborah and Steven Schechner founded a website called Safe Wave. Safe Wave is a site that is set up for children to go online and not have to deal with any cyber bullying by their peers. They require signature on documents for parents and children to sign and agree NOT to cyber bully or bring any other danger on the site. Also, they have a verification process which goes through the school of the child to make sure this child who is applying is who she says she is. Children are learning to use the internet everyday and in learning, we want them to have a place to go that is safe without worrying about bullies around the corner. There is so much on here that brings danger and many kids have encountered them as some have taken their lives as a result. Also, the site welcomes law enforcement which I think it great. These are people who need to be on top of this problem more than anyone.
A Bingham Young student by the name of Justin Berenger created a site based in Utah entitled Schooltipline. This site takes anonymous reports by students of bullying and abusive situations both off and online. Each report is taken seriously and reported to the school in which the complaint is being made. As many children fear being labeled “snitches” and a lot of times do not want to “rat anyone out”, they feel much better reporting without anyone finding out that they are doing the reporting. I am grateful for this young man to step up and see that others are safe from this problem. Many times this abuse does go unreported because kids fear repercussions from these bullies. Or, as stated before, do not want to be known as someone who rats others out. There is a huge difference in reporting what should be considered criminal behavior and ratting someone out. I hope with this site, the bullying will be handled by the school personnel in an expedient manner and taken more seriously.
I commend both websites for taking action against this problem. I wish them both much success in their endeavors. It is good to see folks out there who are doing the right thing for a change. Lets keep these safe havens going. Our children deserve it.
Resources Cited:
http://www.safewave.org http://www.schooltipline.com
Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Subtlety a Dangerous Thing
As I was going through some of the articles on bullying, one really stood out to me. The article discussed a couple of movies. The first being a personal favorite of mine entitled A Christmas Story which is set in the late 1940’s and despite the movie being a good one, there is a bully in there. A older, stronger boy who lives in the neighborhood. Everyday, he lies in wake to taunt the main character Ralphie and two of his friends. Of course, Ralphie and the others run scared of this menace and his sidekick who is not much bigger than Ralphie. Eventually, Ralphie tires of this daily abuse and attacks this bully back by ferociously hitting and hitting him until his nose bleeds. Then there is a movie that came out in 2004 entitled Mean Girls which starred Lindsay Lohan and Rachel McAdams. A group of popular girls did what they could to tear one another down. The backstabbing, lies and sneaky behavior was shown and the sad fact was these girls were suppose to be best friends! At least with Ralphie, his bully let him know his distain for him but these girls were each others best friends!
I have to say, what kind of a world do we live in where our own best friends are our worst enemies? The people we are to trust and know are there for us besides our own family? These are our people we rely upon to keep our secrets, listen to our problems and basically support us in any endeavor. Maybe this is why people have been used the term frienemies when referring to their friends. Have we become so selfish as people that even our own friends are people we cannot support, help and love? Do we take our friends for granted and feel that we can do whatever we want despite how our behavior affects others? As a nation are we that self centered? Why do we set out to tear one another down instead of build one another up? Relational Aggression has a way of filtering into our daily lives. Its sneaky, deceiving and a great cause for stress in our daily lives.
As for Ralphie, in many ways, I can understand why he became so angry at his bully. He was tired of the daily torment this little punk gave him and his friends. He was tired of running from him. Tired of the taunts and ridicule. It all came out when he sat on this bully and punched him over and over until his nose bled. A person can only take so much until everything bottled up inside is going to come flowing out. When it comes flowing out, its not always pretty. Those who have never experienced peer abuse are not going to understand this. This is why in the school shootings, everyone is so surprised by these actions, never saw them coming then run to declare the shooter mentally ill or a psycho. Folks, a person can only take so much! In A Christmas Story Ralphie’s mother found him outside hitting this bully and came and brought him home. Of course, he was punished for behaving in such a manner. However, what happened to the bully? Was he punished and did it ever come out that he was tormenting others on a daily basis? Not that I can recall and that’s typical in these scenarios.
The article also mentioned a study published in the Denver Post. There have been 260 violent deaths in our schools since 1999 and 71% were a result of bullying and peer abuse. Also, 75% of those between the ages of 8 to 11 have been victims of this abuse. Why am I not surprised?
I understand that both of these movies are pure fiction. However, sometimes life imitates art and these problems are all too real in our society. People need to stop blaming the victim and start punishing the real instigator. As friends, we need to love and support one another, not go and do things that hurt one another. We are all people just trying to get through the day. Can’t we try and respect instead of destroy each other? Is it too much to ask?
Resource Cited: http://www.currentargus.com/ci_10451065
Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, please visit http://www.peerabuse.info/ .
I have to say, what kind of a world do we live in where our own best friends are our worst enemies? The people we are to trust and know are there for us besides our own family? These are our people we rely upon to keep our secrets, listen to our problems and basically support us in any endeavor. Maybe this is why people have been used the term frienemies when referring to their friends. Have we become so selfish as people that even our own friends are people we cannot support, help and love? Do we take our friends for granted and feel that we can do whatever we want despite how our behavior affects others? As a nation are we that self centered? Why do we set out to tear one another down instead of build one another up? Relational Aggression has a way of filtering into our daily lives. Its sneaky, deceiving and a great cause for stress in our daily lives.
As for Ralphie, in many ways, I can understand why he became so angry at his bully. He was tired of the daily torment this little punk gave him and his friends. He was tired of running from him. Tired of the taunts and ridicule. It all came out when he sat on this bully and punched him over and over until his nose bled. A person can only take so much until everything bottled up inside is going to come flowing out. When it comes flowing out, its not always pretty. Those who have never experienced peer abuse are not going to understand this. This is why in the school shootings, everyone is so surprised by these actions, never saw them coming then run to declare the shooter mentally ill or a psycho. Folks, a person can only take so much! In A Christmas Story Ralphie’s mother found him outside hitting this bully and came and brought him home. Of course, he was punished for behaving in such a manner. However, what happened to the bully? Was he punished and did it ever come out that he was tormenting others on a daily basis? Not that I can recall and that’s typical in these scenarios.
The article also mentioned a study published in the Denver Post. There have been 260 violent deaths in our schools since 1999 and 71% were a result of bullying and peer abuse. Also, 75% of those between the ages of 8 to 11 have been victims of this abuse. Why am I not surprised?
I understand that both of these movies are pure fiction. However, sometimes life imitates art and these problems are all too real in our society. People need to stop blaming the victim and start punishing the real instigator. As friends, we need to love and support one another, not go and do things that hurt one another. We are all people just trying to get through the day. Can’t we try and respect instead of destroy each other? Is it too much to ask?
Resource Cited: http://www.currentargus.com/ci_10451065
Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, please visit http://www.peerabuse.info/ .
Saturday, September 13, 2008
I was reading an article about two teenage girls from Northern California. They are Emily and Sarah Buder and they wrote a book entitled Letters to a Bullied Girl. The inspiration for this book was a girl in Northern California named Olivia Gardner. Olivia was experiencing severe bullying and peer abuse at the hands of her peers. She suffered indignities such as having her book bag dragged through mud, peers creating an “Olivia Haters” page on the internet and tormenters would always tell her to die. Needless to say, Olivia was suicidal which comes of no surprise to me. When the Buder sisters found out about Olivia and what she was dealing with, they decided to write this book. The project grew as they started to hear from other bullied kids, kids who did bully and felt bad about it, adults who bullied growing up and felt bad and adult survivors who still struggle with the affects of being bullied and abused by their peers.
I commend these two young ladies for reaching out to Olivia who was a complete stranger. Today, it is so rare to see teens have empathy and reach out to others in a compassionate manner. I have the up most respect for these sisters. They probably do not realize how many other kids and teens they helped in their project. Sometimes, hearing these things from a peer rather than an adult or someone in authority can make a greater difference. I hope this book creates a wave with other kids out there and they learn something from it. Kindness can go a long way.
Olivia being suicidal is not uncommon. Many who are bullied and abused by their peers develop depression which leads to suicide eventually. We refer to it as bullycide as this is suicide as a result of peer abuse and bullying. How can we expect someone to grow into a well adjusted and balanced adult when as children, they suffer these indignities and have nobody there to help them? Or, the kids are told to just ignore it and stop taking it personally as it is a fact of life. Schools put so much emphasis on test scores and grades. How can someone excel when they are constantly told they are scum and need to die?
School is starting back in many places. We need to enforce these programs and laws so our children are safe and safe from each other. So they can score high in grades and become productive citizens some day. Emily and Sarah already know kindness and they exercise it. I hope others use these ladies as an example and not think of them as a joke. They both have hearts of gold and a powerful message to share.
Most importantly, I was glad to see the book was dedicated to Corrine Sides. Corrine was an exceptional young lady who did die of bullycide. May her spirit live on through this book. Angels do exist after all.
Resource Cited: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/emily-and-sarah-buder/letters-to-a-bullied-girl_b_116970.html
Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .
I commend these two young ladies for reaching out to Olivia who was a complete stranger. Today, it is so rare to see teens have empathy and reach out to others in a compassionate manner. I have the up most respect for these sisters. They probably do not realize how many other kids and teens they helped in their project. Sometimes, hearing these things from a peer rather than an adult or someone in authority can make a greater difference. I hope this book creates a wave with other kids out there and they learn something from it. Kindness can go a long way.
Olivia being suicidal is not uncommon. Many who are bullied and abused by their peers develop depression which leads to suicide eventually. We refer to it as bullycide as this is suicide as a result of peer abuse and bullying. How can we expect someone to grow into a well adjusted and balanced adult when as children, they suffer these indignities and have nobody there to help them? Or, the kids are told to just ignore it and stop taking it personally as it is a fact of life. Schools put so much emphasis on test scores and grades. How can someone excel when they are constantly told they are scum and need to die?
School is starting back in many places. We need to enforce these programs and laws so our children are safe and safe from each other. So they can score high in grades and become productive citizens some day. Emily and Sarah already know kindness and they exercise it. I hope others use these ladies as an example and not think of them as a joke. They both have hearts of gold and a powerful message to share.
Most importantly, I was glad to see the book was dedicated to Corrine Sides. Corrine was an exceptional young lady who did die of bullycide. May her spirit live on through this book. Angels do exist after all.
Resource Cited: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/emily-and-sarah-buder/letters-to-a-bullied-girl_b_116970.html
Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .
Friday, September 12, 2008
Bullying Over Obesity According to a Recent Study
Well, a little late on the blogging but as they say “better late than never.” I tend to write about the articles and events that grab me right off the bat and at first this one did not. But as I did something thinking, I realized the value of the article and the fact that the contents involved need to be addressed.
I read an article on the Health Digest website entitled Parents Battle Bulge, Bullying With Overweight and Obese Kids. At the University of Michigan, they have taken the results from a poll taken at Motts Children Hospital. According to this, parents who have overweight children are more concerned about them being bullied rather than their children being obese themselves. Yes folks, you read that correctly. The parents have a greater concern about the bullying factor rather than the overall health of their child. To be honest, I can understand that completely. Bullying should be a strong concern not only with parents but with schools, workplaces and within the community as a whole. Unfortunately, people are more concerned with Steve’s soccer shorts, what President Bush had for dinner and of course, the national election we will be having in November.
I have to say, this bullying over a child’s weight does bother me. All forms of bullying get under my skin but bullying someone over their weight? Many children are chubby because they carry what is known as baby fat. This cannot be helped at all. Some children have a genetic predisposition towards obesity and again, cannot be helped. Yet, because of this sick rite of passage, other kids have to make their lives completely miserable as a result. Why? Because they can. They know where, when and who to bully and they know for the most part, nobody in authority will do anything about it. What ever happened to teaching children some kindness? Manners? To respect others? Has anyone noticed that we are a nation without empathy? If someone does not learn this early in life, they will have greater problems later in life. Yet I hear “kids will be kids” constantly. True, kids are kids but does that mean we forget to teach them to be decent human beings? We live in a world now where the norm is wearing a size 0 in clothes. Everyone strives to be thin. As a result, we have people with eating disorders and other problems. Why is it so important to be thin? Can’t we teach people that its okay to be comfortable in ones own skin?
This article speaks volumes. It says a lot when a parent is more worried about their child’s safety than their own health. The article also suggests that anti-bullying programs add something about obesity in them. Why is this a new revelation? Why are they not already in the programs? Haven’t we been teaching our children all along not to give people a hard time for their weight? Or is this part of the “kids will be kids” mantra? Again, kids will be kids but kids can also be taught empathy and respect. The concept is easy to grasp. It’s a matter of putting it into action.
Resource Cited: http://www.healthnewsdigest.com/news/Family_Health_210/Parents_Battle_Bulge_Bullying_With_Overweight_and_Obese_Kids.shtml
Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .
I read an article on the Health Digest website entitled Parents Battle Bulge, Bullying With Overweight and Obese Kids. At the University of Michigan, they have taken the results from a poll taken at Motts Children Hospital. According to this, parents who have overweight children are more concerned about them being bullied rather than their children being obese themselves. Yes folks, you read that correctly. The parents have a greater concern about the bullying factor rather than the overall health of their child. To be honest, I can understand that completely. Bullying should be a strong concern not only with parents but with schools, workplaces and within the community as a whole. Unfortunately, people are more concerned with Steve’s soccer shorts, what President Bush had for dinner and of course, the national election we will be having in November.
I have to say, this bullying over a child’s weight does bother me. All forms of bullying get under my skin but bullying someone over their weight? Many children are chubby because they carry what is known as baby fat. This cannot be helped at all. Some children have a genetic predisposition towards obesity and again, cannot be helped. Yet, because of this sick rite of passage, other kids have to make their lives completely miserable as a result. Why? Because they can. They know where, when and who to bully and they know for the most part, nobody in authority will do anything about it. What ever happened to teaching children some kindness? Manners? To respect others? Has anyone noticed that we are a nation without empathy? If someone does not learn this early in life, they will have greater problems later in life. Yet I hear “kids will be kids” constantly. True, kids are kids but does that mean we forget to teach them to be decent human beings? We live in a world now where the norm is wearing a size 0 in clothes. Everyone strives to be thin. As a result, we have people with eating disorders and other problems. Why is it so important to be thin? Can’t we teach people that its okay to be comfortable in ones own skin?
This article speaks volumes. It says a lot when a parent is more worried about their child’s safety than their own health. The article also suggests that anti-bullying programs add something about obesity in them. Why is this a new revelation? Why are they not already in the programs? Haven’t we been teaching our children all along not to give people a hard time for their weight? Or is this part of the “kids will be kids” mantra? Again, kids will be kids but kids can also be taught empathy and respect. The concept is easy to grasp. It’s a matter of putting it into action.
Resource Cited: http://www.healthnewsdigest.com/news/Family_Health_210/Parents_Battle_Bulge_Bullying_With_Overweight_and_Obese_Kids.shtml
Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Must We Feed the Bully?
Recently, I heard about this new book entitled “101 Facts About Bullying: What Everyone Should Know” and even though I have not read it, I do commend the author for taking a stand against the problem. Every bit helps in educating on this serious subject.
One point made in the book is that bullies can become victims and visa versa depending on situations and circumstances. Also, that it is not always good to fight back with bullies as that keeps the problem going. I have been saying both all along. The only time I advocate any fighting back is in the case of self-defense. Bullies have no limits whatsoever. Physical or psychological limits and will go the distance regardless. If a bully is trying to murder someone then yes, I do advocate fighting back out of protection and defense alone. Otherwise, I do not agree to fighting back either. Let the bully take the rap and let his actions be shown to everyone. Peer Abuse creates all sorts of problems in victims such as depression, social anxiety and PTSD. Its high time they pay for their crimes instead of the victim doing it for him.
Also, from what I understand, the book mentions that bullies can enjoy high social status. Oh isn’t this so common! Bullies are socially sophisticated and pretty much set the bar for their social environment. Therefore, they are charming and charismatic and people are drawn to them. As a result, they are given a lot of social power because people are so drawn in by them. It reminds me of one selling their souls to the devil. What bothers me is that we are learning this yet we continue to give in to them. Give them a lot of power they do not need. Instead of just saying “that is just the way it is. It is what it is” then why don’t we start educating them and rise to the occasion here? Teach them to use their powers for good instead of bad. They are given these social gifts and why do we have to allow them to misuse them? These gifts could be used to help those peers who are not blessed in these areas. Why does kindness have to be such a bad thing?
Once again, kudos to Dr. Kervokian for taking this initiative and writing the book. As a society, I wish we could learn to take the high road and stop feeding these bullies. Take the time to teach them kindness instead. After all, kindness is not really a bad thing.
Resource Cited
Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .
One point made in the book is that bullies can become victims and visa versa depending on situations and circumstances. Also, that it is not always good to fight back with bullies as that keeps the problem going. I have been saying both all along. The only time I advocate any fighting back is in the case of self-defense. Bullies have no limits whatsoever. Physical or psychological limits and will go the distance regardless. If a bully is trying to murder someone then yes, I do advocate fighting back out of protection and defense alone. Otherwise, I do not agree to fighting back either. Let the bully take the rap and let his actions be shown to everyone. Peer Abuse creates all sorts of problems in victims such as depression, social anxiety and PTSD. Its high time they pay for their crimes instead of the victim doing it for him.
Also, from what I understand, the book mentions that bullies can enjoy high social status. Oh isn’t this so common! Bullies are socially sophisticated and pretty much set the bar for their social environment. Therefore, they are charming and charismatic and people are drawn to them. As a result, they are given a lot of social power because people are so drawn in by them. It reminds me of one selling their souls to the devil. What bothers me is that we are learning this yet we continue to give in to them. Give them a lot of power they do not need. Instead of just saying “that is just the way it is. It is what it is” then why don’t we start educating them and rise to the occasion here? Teach them to use their powers for good instead of bad. They are given these social gifts and why do we have to allow them to misuse them? These gifts could be used to help those peers who are not blessed in these areas. Why does kindness have to be such a bad thing?
Once again, kudos to Dr. Kervokian for taking this initiative and writing the book. As a society, I wish we could learn to take the high road and stop feeding these bullies. Take the time to teach them kindness instead. After all, kindness is not really a bad thing.
Resource Cited
Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .
Monday, September 01, 2008
California is Cracking Down!
As I am located in Los Angeles, I try and keep up with the ins and outs of the bullying and peer abuse problem in this state. Recently, a bill entitled AB86 introduced by Assemblyman Ted Lieu of Torrance would finally crack down on the cyber bullying that so many of our young people face today. Finally, we are cracking down on this never ending and ever growing problem. California’s Education Code already has something in the books about harassment at school. Taking this next step is the best news I have heard in weeks.
Cyber bullying is bullying that occurs on the internet, cell phones and anything used electronically. Kids will go to social sites like My Space and Facebook to set up these pages against their classmates and send bulletins and other messages slandering their good name. Or, they may go to these websites that offer free hosting and make horrible pages about each other. If the internet is not enough, they use the cell phone to take pictures or make videos and put them up on You Tube which is a free site to post videos. Also, the use of text messaging is used and it goes on and on.
Its time that we crack down on our kids and teach them the seriousness of this problem. We can put laws on the books all we want but it is about education and enforcement. Are the schools taking this seriously? What about the parents and others in the community? Peer Abuse is not just a school and workplace problem but a community one as well. Bullying affects everyone in the community; not just the bully, bullied and bystander. If bullying in person is not enough, now we go to the internet.
I commend Assemblyman Lieu on his efforts and lets keep rooting for this bill to become a law. I know he has my vote in the next election.
Resource Cited: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/08/16/MNF11296BN.DTL
Elizabeth Bennett is the Author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, please visit http://www.peerabuse.info .
Cyber bullying is bullying that occurs on the internet, cell phones and anything used electronically. Kids will go to social sites like My Space and Facebook to set up these pages against their classmates and send bulletins and other messages slandering their good name. Or, they may go to these websites that offer free hosting and make horrible pages about each other. If the internet is not enough, they use the cell phone to take pictures or make videos and put them up on You Tube which is a free site to post videos. Also, the use of text messaging is used and it goes on and on.
Its time that we crack down on our kids and teach them the seriousness of this problem. We can put laws on the books all we want but it is about education and enforcement. Are the schools taking this seriously? What about the parents and others in the community? Peer Abuse is not just a school and workplace problem but a community one as well. Bullying affects everyone in the community; not just the bully, bullied and bystander. If bullying in person is not enough, now we go to the internet.
I commend Assemblyman Lieu on his efforts and lets keep rooting for this bill to become a law. I know he has my vote in the next election.
Resource Cited: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/08/16/MNF11296BN.DTL
Elizabeth Bennett is the Author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, please visit http://www.peerabuse.info .
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Can't take the heat? Then stay out of the kitchen!
There are times when I actually have time on my hands to surf around on the internet and just read blogs or message boards. One place I have gone before is the Perez Hilton blog. This is one that shows pictures of celebrities at their worst and pokes fun at their misfortunes in life. I may see a photo of one supposedly leaving rehab and on the picture, white dots are drawn dribbling down the nose of the celebrity at hand indicating cocaine use. Or, I may see another picture where he has written “no talent” on the picture. Plus, I wonder how much of what he is reporting is truth or word on the street so to speak.
I do not know Perez Hilton as a person and have never met him. I am not trying to judge him or slander him. However, I do have an opinion of his blog. I think that he is verbally abusive to celebrities and believe maybe 1/8 of what he reports. Like any other tabloid out there, I feel he is just enjoying his fame by kicking others when they are down. Folks, once again, this is a form of bullying and Peer Abuse. Slander, the pictures, making fun of someone else and their problems. Where is the compassion? The support?
Recently, two ladies have created a blog entitled Perez Revenge where they are standing up to Perez and reporting facts about celebrities and not kicking them when they are down so to speak. As a result, Perez has gone the legal route and seeking damages in this. Why is it okay for Perez to slander celebrities but when the shoe is on the other foot, he seeks legal help? True, his home address did not need to be placed on the internet, however, that is not the issue at hand. The issue at hand is that these ladies are standing up to what I see is a bully and when someone does the same thing that he has done to many others, he reacts in typical abusive and bullying behavior; he reacts and threatens. A bully does not like for people to give them a dose of their own medicine. They get angry and react every time.
I wish these ladies well and commend them for their efforts. It is hard to bring down a bully and in my opinion, Perez comes across as a bully. If he cannot take the heat, he needs to stay out of the kitchen. What comes around goes around and Perez deserves what he is getting as far as I am concerned. Now he sees how it feels to be lied about, slandered and made fun of when the chips are down and he does not like it at all. Hopefully, he will change and for the better.
Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info
I do not know Perez Hilton as a person and have never met him. I am not trying to judge him or slander him. However, I do have an opinion of his blog. I think that he is verbally abusive to celebrities and believe maybe 1/8 of what he reports. Like any other tabloid out there, I feel he is just enjoying his fame by kicking others when they are down. Folks, once again, this is a form of bullying and Peer Abuse. Slander, the pictures, making fun of someone else and their problems. Where is the compassion? The support?
Recently, two ladies have created a blog entitled Perez Revenge where they are standing up to Perez and reporting facts about celebrities and not kicking them when they are down so to speak. As a result, Perez has gone the legal route and seeking damages in this. Why is it okay for Perez to slander celebrities but when the shoe is on the other foot, he seeks legal help? True, his home address did not need to be placed on the internet, however, that is not the issue at hand. The issue at hand is that these ladies are standing up to what I see is a bully and when someone does the same thing that he has done to many others, he reacts in typical abusive and bullying behavior; he reacts and threatens. A bully does not like for people to give them a dose of their own medicine. They get angry and react every time.
I wish these ladies well and commend them for their efforts. It is hard to bring down a bully and in my opinion, Perez comes across as a bully. If he cannot take the heat, he needs to stay out of the kitchen. What comes around goes around and Perez deserves what he is getting as far as I am concerned. Now he sees how it feels to be lied about, slandered and made fun of when the chips are down and he does not like it at all. Hopefully, he will change and for the better.
Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Its Not All About Them!
I watched another Lifetime Movie this weekend. This one was entitled True Confessions Of A Hollywood Starlet which starred young pop star Joanna “JoJo” Levesque and television veteran and Jenny Craig Spokeswoman Valerie Bertinelli. The premise was about a young A-list teen star Morgan Carter (Levesque) who is an alcoholic and after a stint in rehab, was sent to live with her mothers long time friend “Aunt” Trudy (Bertinelli) in Fort Wayne, Indiana as part of her recovery process. She took on another identity as “Claudia Miller” in Indiana and attended a regular high school and required Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. At first, as with anyone in a new environment, adjustment was not easy but eventually, she came to appreciate this new life away from the spotlight and those who were there for her.
As this movie was a good one, those mean girls still had to make their presence known. In the lunchroom, the Queen Bee had to make some comment about Claudia’s clothes. Claudia, even though not the most socially up to date teen was able to stand up to her and put her in her place. Then, we see the two together in the gymnasium for a game of volleyball. Again, this wrenching queen had to slam the volleyball into Claudia’s stomach and again, after Claudia verbally went back to her and allowing her language to go a little far, was sent to the principals office. Needless to say, the queen was not sent to the office. This bothered me as both were in the wrong. I know it’s a small portion of the movie but why wasn’t Queen Bee sent for slamming the volleyball into Claudia’s stomach? Because like any other bully, she was able to fool everyone into believing her slamming the volleyball into her stomach was an “accident”. She should have been right behind Claudia in going to the principals office. This is far too common out there. The bully never seems to be punished while the other party always seems to suffer the consequences. This was not an outright case of bullying because Claudia did verbally come back at her. However, the queen not being punished is the point I am trying to make. She was just as much at fault as Claudia was. Folks, get both sides to a story before handing out punishment. Usually, it’s the bully that starts these tiffs in the first place.
It was nice that we only had a couple of scenes with this queen bee and her honeybees. They did not dominate the movie. We did not see them terrorize everyone around them. In other words, it was not all about them. Many times, Queen Bees have to have the center stage but in this movie, it was good to see the focus not on these mean girls but what became a nice teen and her caring Aunt instead. The kids in this movie were good kids. Of course, another antagonist emerged later in the movie but this was because of a feud over a boy and not everyone around them got involved. She did not spread vicious lies or make Claudia’s life unbearable. If the boy had not been in the picture, I am sure the girls would have gotten along well. Its all about noticing a real bully and what they are about.
This is one movie I recommend. I only wish this Queen Bee had been sent to the principal along with Claudia as she was the one who instigated the problem in the first place. If anyone sees this occurring, please get both sides of a story and see that both parties are punished fairly.
Resource cited: http://www.mylifetime.com/on-tv/movies/true-confessions-hollywood-starlet/cast
Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info/ .
As this movie was a good one, those mean girls still had to make their presence known. In the lunchroom, the Queen Bee had to make some comment about Claudia’s clothes. Claudia, even though not the most socially up to date teen was able to stand up to her and put her in her place. Then, we see the two together in the gymnasium for a game of volleyball. Again, this wrenching queen had to slam the volleyball into Claudia’s stomach and again, after Claudia verbally went back to her and allowing her language to go a little far, was sent to the principals office. Needless to say, the queen was not sent to the office. This bothered me as both were in the wrong. I know it’s a small portion of the movie but why wasn’t Queen Bee sent for slamming the volleyball into Claudia’s stomach? Because like any other bully, she was able to fool everyone into believing her slamming the volleyball into her stomach was an “accident”. She should have been right behind Claudia in going to the principals office. This is far too common out there. The bully never seems to be punished while the other party always seems to suffer the consequences. This was not an outright case of bullying because Claudia did verbally come back at her. However, the queen not being punished is the point I am trying to make. She was just as much at fault as Claudia was. Folks, get both sides to a story before handing out punishment. Usually, it’s the bully that starts these tiffs in the first place.
It was nice that we only had a couple of scenes with this queen bee and her honeybees. They did not dominate the movie. We did not see them terrorize everyone around them. In other words, it was not all about them. Many times, Queen Bees have to have the center stage but in this movie, it was good to see the focus not on these mean girls but what became a nice teen and her caring Aunt instead. The kids in this movie were good kids. Of course, another antagonist emerged later in the movie but this was because of a feud over a boy and not everyone around them got involved. She did not spread vicious lies or make Claudia’s life unbearable. If the boy had not been in the picture, I am sure the girls would have gotten along well. Its all about noticing a real bully and what they are about.
This is one movie I recommend. I only wish this Queen Bee had been sent to the principal along with Claudia as she was the one who instigated the problem in the first place. If anyone sees this occurring, please get both sides of a story and see that both parties are punished fairly.
Resource cited: http://www.mylifetime.com/on-tv/movies/true-confessions-hollywood-starlet/cast
Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info/ .
Saturday, August 09, 2008
As I got up this morning and went online to check the latest news, one of the first things I found was news about Megan Meier. For those who may not remember, Megan was the 13 year old girl in Missouri who committed bullycide (suicide by bullying) after she was dumped by a supposed 16 year old boy named “Josh” on the popular site My Space. It turned out that this 16 year old boy was really a woman pushing 50 named Lori Drew who was a neighbor and had a 13 year old daughter as well. Ms. Drew was posing as a 16 year old boy as she was trying to make sure that Megan was not trying to slander her daughter to others online. After the story broke last November, a blog surfaced online entitled Megan Had It Coming that was fueled with more abuse and slander towards Megan, her family and the situation itself. The blogger stated that he was Lori Drew. This blog fooled many and even made the news. This morning, I learn the real identity of the blogger is a 32 year old Washington State man named Jason Fortuny. Fortuny does not deny his actions and hides behind the freedom of speech in this. Also, he does not care what anyone thinks about him or his actions. His actions really hurt a lot of people but again, he does not care.
As traumatic as this story was for many, what made this man go a step further? What made Lori Drew devise the plan she did to pretend to be a 16 year old boy? One thing I do see in this and that is again, we are ignoring the root of the problem. The fact that we have consenting adults behaving like this is troubling. Is this a case of people having too much time on their hands or the possibility of adults with personality disorders? Both behaved in a pathological manner. Both should have had a child’s best interest at heart. Yet both crossed a line. If we have adults behaving like this, why are we so shocked when children are behaving as they do?
Its time to take this online impersonation problem seriously. You visit social sites like My Space and Facebook and see young favorites like Zac Efron, Chad Michael Murray, Lindsey Lohan and others who have a page on there and guess what? They talk to their fans! Or, people are on there viciously attacking one another and doing so under false identity. After fooling people with these actions and much abuse, it comes out that the person behind the page was not really Zac, Chad or Lindsey but a cyber bully wanting to make problems for others just for fun. Or, kids from the same school spreading lies and making vicious pages about their peers. Some even go as far as being adult predators. Now we have a suburban mom and a bored man pulling the same games. What is the result of all of this? A lot of pain, hurt and psychological trauma ensue for the victims. A young girl kills herself. Then we have those who impersonate, lie and do all of this for their own entertainment. Something is definitely wrong when the welfare of others is at stake and at the hands of people who behave and enable this problem. Or, like Mr. Fortuny, they just don’t care.
Lori Drew is dealing with legal ramifications in Los Angeles and is trying to keep a not guilty plea. What will happen to Mr. Fortuny? Can he hide behind the freedom of speech forever? Why do they feel they have done no wrong? One thing I can say is that this is how a bully operates. Until these sites take the bullying and peer abuse problem seriously, these problems will continue to exist. The innocent will fall and the guilty will rise. At the end of the day, that mind set is pathetic.
Source Cited: http://www.myfoxstl.com/myfox/pages/News/Detail?contentId=7162749&version=1&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=TSTY&pageId=3.2.1
Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .
As traumatic as this story was for many, what made this man go a step further? What made Lori Drew devise the plan she did to pretend to be a 16 year old boy? One thing I do see in this and that is again, we are ignoring the root of the problem. The fact that we have consenting adults behaving like this is troubling. Is this a case of people having too much time on their hands or the possibility of adults with personality disorders? Both behaved in a pathological manner. Both should have had a child’s best interest at heart. Yet both crossed a line. If we have adults behaving like this, why are we so shocked when children are behaving as they do?
Its time to take this online impersonation problem seriously. You visit social sites like My Space and Facebook and see young favorites like Zac Efron, Chad Michael Murray, Lindsey Lohan and others who have a page on there and guess what? They talk to their fans! Or, people are on there viciously attacking one another and doing so under false identity. After fooling people with these actions and much abuse, it comes out that the person behind the page was not really Zac, Chad or Lindsey but a cyber bully wanting to make problems for others just for fun. Or, kids from the same school spreading lies and making vicious pages about their peers. Some even go as far as being adult predators. Now we have a suburban mom and a bored man pulling the same games. What is the result of all of this? A lot of pain, hurt and psychological trauma ensue for the victims. A young girl kills herself. Then we have those who impersonate, lie and do all of this for their own entertainment. Something is definitely wrong when the welfare of others is at stake and at the hands of people who behave and enable this problem. Or, like Mr. Fortuny, they just don’t care.
Lori Drew is dealing with legal ramifications in Los Angeles and is trying to keep a not guilty plea. What will happen to Mr. Fortuny? Can he hide behind the freedom of speech forever? Why do they feel they have done no wrong? One thing I can say is that this is how a bully operates. Until these sites take the bullying and peer abuse problem seriously, these problems will continue to exist. The innocent will fall and the guilty will rise. At the end of the day, that mind set is pathetic.
Source Cited: http://www.myfoxstl.com/myfox/pages/News/Detail?contentId=7162749&version=1&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=TSTY&pageId=3.2.1
Elizabeth Bennett is the author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info .
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
McKinney North High School and The Texas Cheerleading Scandal
As I was sitting down and watching television on Saturday evening, I happened to stumble upon a movie on Lifetime entitled The Fab Five: The Texas Cheerleading Scandal. The movie was based upon a true story that occurred at McKinney North High School in Mckinney, Texas where five cheerleaders (dubbed themselves the Fab Five) were able to get away with all sorts of bullying of their teachers and fellow students. The Principal, Linda Theret, was the mother of one of the girls on the squad. This problem kept occurring until a new Cheerleading Coach, Michaela Ward, came and stood up to the school and the school district. She tried to discipline these girls but to no avail. These girls not only terrorized the school, they also committed such acts as making a sexually explicit video and posted it on My Space while in uniform in a condom store and holding bottles of alcohol. When the story broke and made national news, Ms. Ward was told she was “emotional” and “in need of meds” and was fired from her job as a result of her trying to do the right thing and discipline these girls. However, the investigators also faulted Ms. Theret and other school officials for not enforcing discipline and allowing these girls to get away with so much. The Principal was eventually dismissed from her job and the girls were dismissed from the school. I have no idea what ever happened to these girls but being removed from school was a step in the right direction.
This is a serious problem in our nation. Daily I hear from angry parents who have children being bullied in school by their peers and nothing is ever done to remedy the problem. Many cases are swept under the rug and the bully has carte blanche on everyone and everything around them without consequences. It may not always be a Mckinney North High School situation but the problem is all in the same. Peer Abuse, bullying, misuse of power and its all there. They are quite the little charmers too. They know who to be sweet to and who to walk all over. They fool authority or walk all over them depending on how they can best manipulate the situation. Overall, they make life a living hell for everyone around them.
It is high time these schools get educated. Stop burring their heads in the sand and allow this problem to fester. Ms. Ward laid blame on the adults in the situation but I also blame the students. These girls were seniors in high school and a few short months heading into the real world. They were most certainly old enough to know right from wrong. However, as someone said “kids will be kids”. No, kids need discipline and need to abide by the rules and learn that consequences exist for a reason. That excuse is played out far too much if you ask me. Schools need to enforce these anti-bullying policies and stop the misuse of power not only in adults but in students as well. They need to take things more seriously and have programs on peer abuse and bullying on a regular basis. Incorporate bullying into the curriculum. I know a science teacher who finds a way to incorporate this into his daily lessons. Folks, it can be done.
Hopefully, someone out there learned something from this movie. Again, I have no idea what ever happened to all of the players involved but I do hope McKinney North cleared up its policies and enforced discipline on all without the favoritism and exceptions in anyone.
Source: http://www.mylifetime.com/on-tv/movies/fab-five-texas-cheerleader-scandal
Elizabeth Bennett is the Author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info
This is a serious problem in our nation. Daily I hear from angry parents who have children being bullied in school by their peers and nothing is ever done to remedy the problem. Many cases are swept under the rug and the bully has carte blanche on everyone and everything around them without consequences. It may not always be a Mckinney North High School situation but the problem is all in the same. Peer Abuse, bullying, misuse of power and its all there. They are quite the little charmers too. They know who to be sweet to and who to walk all over. They fool authority or walk all over them depending on how they can best manipulate the situation. Overall, they make life a living hell for everyone around them.
It is high time these schools get educated. Stop burring their heads in the sand and allow this problem to fester. Ms. Ward laid blame on the adults in the situation but I also blame the students. These girls were seniors in high school and a few short months heading into the real world. They were most certainly old enough to know right from wrong. However, as someone said “kids will be kids”. No, kids need discipline and need to abide by the rules and learn that consequences exist for a reason. That excuse is played out far too much if you ask me. Schools need to enforce these anti-bullying policies and stop the misuse of power not only in adults but in students as well. They need to take things more seriously and have programs on peer abuse and bullying on a regular basis. Incorporate bullying into the curriculum. I know a science teacher who finds a way to incorporate this into his daily lessons. Folks, it can be done.
Hopefully, someone out there learned something from this movie. Again, I have no idea what ever happened to all of the players involved but I do hope McKinney North cleared up its policies and enforced discipline on all without the favoritism and exceptions in anyone.
Source: http://www.mylifetime.com/on-tv/movies/fab-five-texas-cheerleader-scandal
Elizabeth Bennett is the Author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Peer Abuse & Relational Aggression
Hi, I know……I have been gone for a week. Well, maybe more than a week. However, my mother came to visit me for mothers day and am just getting back in the swing of things.
Ah, a workshop on Relational Aggression. Again, many kudos to Susan Fee of the New Jersey shore area for getting this up and getting educated on this serious subject. She will be working with some local Girl Scouts in this. If there is a group that this problem exists in, its Girl Scouts. I know because for six weeks in the second grade, I was enrolled in the Brownie Troop and hated every bit of it. I never felt included and always felt isolated. Its that ole “you cannot play with us or be our friend”. I know….I know…..kids stuff. Well, this “kids stuff” really hurt and I begged to get out of it. FINALLY my mother gave in and let me quit. Who needed that crap?
Relational aggression is the “mean girls” and “girl on girl peer abuse”. It starts early folks. As young as preschool. This exclusion has always been considered “kids being kids” yet we wonder why in our society, the behavior of kids is bad and grows worse into adulthood? Well, if we would STOP ENABLING IT and start teaching early on that this behavior is hurtful and not acceptable then MAYBE we will start to see change. By saying this isolation is “kids stuff” is teaching these girls that its okay to exclude others and make them feel bad. Its okay to taunt others and make them feel bad.
I experienced relational aggression most of my life and still do. It still exists! Its not just in girls and tweens, its in grown women as well. I do a LOT of observing and see it alive and well in women and even men have their hands in it. They bring it to work and do things such as leaving others out of lunch invites, circulate emails and nasty notes and spread lies about others. Forming cliques is not uncommon either. You have your in-crowd and the hangers on who will do anything to become members of this elite group. They frequent message boards and use this by ignoring some members, going to pm’s to spread lies, always confront in mob mentalities…..its endless. What saddens me is that as adults they should know better yet this is all any of them really know. Some have been conditioned into being queen bees while others have fallen into the sidekick, banker and other dysfunctional social roles out there. They were never taught any different and now, they bring what they know to the world.
Its time to get serious about this girl on girl crime. The lies, cliques, in-crowds…..it needs to stop. Women, get an education……see what you can do about changing your own social roles out there if you have fallen into any of them. Get your daughters in these workshops so they learn early on the dangers in all of this. The formative years are crucial and we need to start educating. Kudos to Susan Fee for taking that step. Kudos to Tami McCandlish, Rachel Simmons, Dreamsinger and others out there who are working on this and trying to make a difference. Keep doing what you are doing!
As for the psychology in this, the scars can last a lifetime. The social anxiety, post traumatic stress, depression…..nothing saddens me more than to hear of a seven year old girl being diagnosed with clinical depression due to this horrific problem. It happens folks, I have lived it and continue to see it firsthand. Life is cruel, sure. Its hard and we are always going to have to face hurtles. However, with this, do we need to add to the stress that already exists out there? If you see this occurring in young girls, let them know its wrong to exclude others.
The steps in changing the world start with a random act of kindness. We can all make a difference one day at a time with this step. Something to think about….
Source: http://www.app.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080516/GETPUBLISHED/805160480/-1/HOMETOWNS
Elizabeth Bennett is a Consultant and Author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info
Ah, a workshop on Relational Aggression. Again, many kudos to Susan Fee of the New Jersey shore area for getting this up and getting educated on this serious subject. She will be working with some local Girl Scouts in this. If there is a group that this problem exists in, its Girl Scouts. I know because for six weeks in the second grade, I was enrolled in the Brownie Troop and hated every bit of it. I never felt included and always felt isolated. Its that ole “you cannot play with us or be our friend”. I know….I know…..kids stuff. Well, this “kids stuff” really hurt and I begged to get out of it. FINALLY my mother gave in and let me quit. Who needed that crap?
Relational aggression is the “mean girls” and “girl on girl peer abuse”. It starts early folks. As young as preschool. This exclusion has always been considered “kids being kids” yet we wonder why in our society, the behavior of kids is bad and grows worse into adulthood? Well, if we would STOP ENABLING IT and start teaching early on that this behavior is hurtful and not acceptable then MAYBE we will start to see change. By saying this isolation is “kids stuff” is teaching these girls that its okay to exclude others and make them feel bad. Its okay to taunt others and make them feel bad.
I experienced relational aggression most of my life and still do. It still exists! Its not just in girls and tweens, its in grown women as well. I do a LOT of observing and see it alive and well in women and even men have their hands in it. They bring it to work and do things such as leaving others out of lunch invites, circulate emails and nasty notes and spread lies about others. Forming cliques is not uncommon either. You have your in-crowd and the hangers on who will do anything to become members of this elite group. They frequent message boards and use this by ignoring some members, going to pm’s to spread lies, always confront in mob mentalities…..its endless. What saddens me is that as adults they should know better yet this is all any of them really know. Some have been conditioned into being queen bees while others have fallen into the sidekick, banker and other dysfunctional social roles out there. They were never taught any different and now, they bring what they know to the world.
Its time to get serious about this girl on girl crime. The lies, cliques, in-crowds…..it needs to stop. Women, get an education……see what you can do about changing your own social roles out there if you have fallen into any of them. Get your daughters in these workshops so they learn early on the dangers in all of this. The formative years are crucial and we need to start educating. Kudos to Susan Fee for taking that step. Kudos to Tami McCandlish, Rachel Simmons, Dreamsinger and others out there who are working on this and trying to make a difference. Keep doing what you are doing!
As for the psychology in this, the scars can last a lifetime. The social anxiety, post traumatic stress, depression…..nothing saddens me more than to hear of a seven year old girl being diagnosed with clinical depression due to this horrific problem. It happens folks, I have lived it and continue to see it firsthand. Life is cruel, sure. Its hard and we are always going to have to face hurtles. However, with this, do we need to add to the stress that already exists out there? If you see this occurring in young girls, let them know its wrong to exclude others.
The steps in changing the world start with a random act of kindness. We can all make a difference one day at a time with this step. Something to think about….
Source: http://www.app.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080516/GETPUBLISHED/805160480/-1/HOMETOWNS
Elizabeth Bennett is a Consultant and Author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info
Peer Abuse & Relational Aggression
Hi, I know……I have been gone for a week. Well, maybe more than a week. However, my mother came to visit me for mothers day and am just getting back in the swing of things.
Ah, a workshop on Relational Aggression. Again, many kudos to Susan Fee of the New Jersey shore area for getting this up and getting educated on this serious subject. She will be working with some local Girl Scouts in this. If there is a group that this problem exists in, its Girl Scouts. I know because for six weeks in the second grade, I was enrolled in the Brownie Troop and hated every bit of it. I never felt included and always felt isolated. Its that ole “you cannot play with us or be our friend”. I know….I know…..kids stuff. Well, this “kids stuff” really hurt and I begged to get out of it. FINALLY my mother gave in and let me quit. Who needed that crap?
Relational aggression is the “mean girls” and “girl on girl peer abuse”. It starts early folks. As young as preschool. This exclusion has always been considered “kids being kids” yet we wonder why in our society, the behavior of kids is bad and grows worse into adulthood? Well, if we would STOP ENABLING IT and start teaching early on that this behavior is hurtful and not acceptable then MAYBE we will start to see change. By saying this isolation is “kids stuff” is teaching these girls that its okay to exclude others and make them feel bad. Its okay to taunt others and make them feel bad.
I experienced relational aggression most of my life and still do. It still exists! Its not just in girls and tweens, its in grown women as well. I do a LOT of observing and see it alive and well in women and even men have their hands in it. They bring it to work and do things such as leaving others out of lunch invites, circulate emails and nasty notes and spread lies about others. Forming cliques is not uncommon either. You have your in-crowd and the hangers on who will do anything to become members of this elite group. They frequent message boards and use this by ignoring some members, going to pm’s to spread lies, always confront in mob mentalities…..its endless. What saddens me is that as adults they should know better yet this is all any of them really know. Some have been conditioned into being queen bees while others have fallen into the sidekick, banker and other dysfunctional social roles out there. They were never taught any different and now, they bring what they know to the world.
Its time to get serious about this girl on girl crime. The lies, cliques, in-crowds…..it needs to stop. Women, get an education……see what you can do about changing your own social roles out there if you have fallen into any of them. Get your daughters in these workshops so they learn early on the dangers in all of this. The formative years are crucial and we need to start educating. Kudos to Susan Fee for taking that step. Kudos to Tami McCandlish, Rachel Simmons, Dreamsinger and others out there who are working on this and trying to make a difference. Keep doing what you are doing!
As for the psychology in this, the scars can last a lifetime. The social anxiety, post traumatic stress, depression…..nothing saddens me more than to hear of a seven year old girl being diagnosed with clinical depression due to this horrific problem. It happens folks, I have lived it and continue to see it firsthand. Life is cruel, sure. Its hard and we are always going to have to face hurtles. However, with this, do we need to add to the stress that already exists out there? If you see this occurring in young girls, let them know its wrong to exclude others.
The steps in changing the world start with a random act of kindness. We can all make a difference one day at a time with this step. Something to think about….
Source: http://www.app.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080516/GETPUBLISHED/805160480/-1/HOMETOWNS
Elizabeth Bennett is a Consultant and Author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info
Ah, a workshop on Relational Aggression. Again, many kudos to Susan Fee of the New Jersey shore area for getting this up and getting educated on this serious subject. She will be working with some local Girl Scouts in this. If there is a group that this problem exists in, its Girl Scouts. I know because for six weeks in the second grade, I was enrolled in the Brownie Troop and hated every bit of it. I never felt included and always felt isolated. Its that ole “you cannot play with us or be our friend”. I know….I know…..kids stuff. Well, this “kids stuff” really hurt and I begged to get out of it. FINALLY my mother gave in and let me quit. Who needed that crap?
Relational aggression is the “mean girls” and “girl on girl peer abuse”. It starts early folks. As young as preschool. This exclusion has always been considered “kids being kids” yet we wonder why in our society, the behavior of kids is bad and grows worse into adulthood? Well, if we would STOP ENABLING IT and start teaching early on that this behavior is hurtful and not acceptable then MAYBE we will start to see change. By saying this isolation is “kids stuff” is teaching these girls that its okay to exclude others and make them feel bad. Its okay to taunt others and make them feel bad.
I experienced relational aggression most of my life and still do. It still exists! Its not just in girls and tweens, its in grown women as well. I do a LOT of observing and see it alive and well in women and even men have their hands in it. They bring it to work and do things such as leaving others out of lunch invites, circulate emails and nasty notes and spread lies about others. Forming cliques is not uncommon either. You have your in-crowd and the hangers on who will do anything to become members of this elite group. They frequent message boards and use this by ignoring some members, going to pm’s to spread lies, always confront in mob mentalities…..its endless. What saddens me is that as adults they should know better yet this is all any of them really know. Some have been conditioned into being queen bees while others have fallen into the sidekick, banker and other dysfunctional social roles out there. They were never taught any different and now, they bring what they know to the world.
Its time to get serious about this girl on girl crime. The lies, cliques, in-crowds…..it needs to stop. Women, get an education……see what you can do about changing your own social roles out there if you have fallen into any of them. Get your daughters in these workshops so they learn early on the dangers in all of this. The formative years are crucial and we need to start educating. Kudos to Susan Fee for taking that step. Kudos to Tami McCandlish, Rachel Simmons, Dreamsinger and others out there who are working on this and trying to make a difference. Keep doing what you are doing!
As for the psychology in this, the scars can last a lifetime. The social anxiety, post traumatic stress, depression…..nothing saddens me more than to hear of a seven year old girl being diagnosed with clinical depression due to this horrific problem. It happens folks, I have lived it and continue to see it firsthand. Life is cruel, sure. Its hard and we are always going to have to face hurtles. However, with this, do we need to add to the stress that already exists out there? If you see this occurring in young girls, let them know its wrong to exclude others.
The steps in changing the world start with a random act of kindness. We can all make a difference one day at a time with this step. Something to think about….
Source: http://www.app.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080516/GETPUBLISHED/805160480/-1/HOMETOWNS
Elizabeth Bennett is a Consultant and Author of Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info
Saturday, May 03, 2008
Peer Abuse News
Welcome to the latest edition of the first newsletter on Peer Abuse to grace the world wide web! This is a free quarterly publication that goes out to all continents of the world. Please feel free to share this with others.
In this edition:
GREAT NEWS
SPECIAL OFFER
PEER ABUSE AND THE NEIGHBOR
MORE NEWS AND TIDBITS ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
GREAT NEWS!
That's right, my book "Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From APsychological Perspective" is making news! On May 23, 2008, my bookwill be featured on CNBC radio. Someone is being interviewed onWorkplace Bullying and my book will be featured as a resource during this interview! I am so excited to say the least!
Also, A producer at Larry King is interested in my book and I sent him a copy this week. Please keep your fingers crossed that this gets picked up. So there is a chance I could go on Larry King Live. Will keep everyone posted.
Plus, my book was mentioned at the End Teacher Abuse meeting back in March. Thanks goes to Mimi Shapiro for her help. Thanks so much,Mimi!
Harold Cameron has also mentioned the book in a video and let folks know about it. Thanks Harold for all you have done!
Also, I have been blogging and doing some article writing on PeerAbuse online. So, I am getting the word out bit by bit. Just a day at a time…..I tell you, there has been a lot of press about thisstuff recently and we need to step up and speak out! Here is one place you can read more: http://www.peerabuse.blogspot.com/ and feel free to leave comments. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
SPECIAL OFFER FOR A LIMITED TIME
I have started selling my book to others on my own away from the publisher and other online places where it can be purchased. The cost is $16.44 ($13.95 + $2.49 postage). If you purchase a copy from me for a limited time, I will throw in a free phone consultation with it. A phone consultation can run up to $60 a hour but if you purchase my book directly from me, your phone consultation will be free. Free at what is a $60 value. This is for a limited time….a summer special and will end at the end of July. So, think about it and if you wish to purchase a book, please go to http://www.peerabuse.info/ and use the Pay Pal buttons on the site. Again, a limited time……so hurry! Please email me and let me know if you are interested!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
PEER ABUSE AND THE NEIGHBOR
Well, I know I try and focus on the school, workplace and psychology behind this problem of Peer Abuse. However, another place this canoccur is with a neighbor. Someone who lives across the street, next door, in the same apartment building…whatever. It makes doing anything seem strange and you try and do what you can to either avoid or get along with them so your living situation does not get dicey and drama filled. There is enough crap in this world already,why deal with it in or around your home? Some could argue that thisis more of a domestic issue. However, it is also a issue of peer abuse. It is something I am dealing with in my own life right now and I am sure many of you are also caught up in this. Whatever the case may be, it does warrant some attention here. Plus, a reader gave me this suggestion. So, I wanted to take a few minutes and focus on what to do in dealing with this.Are they making too much noise? Coming to visit 3 times a day? Spreading lies to other neighbors about you? Won't keep their toys out of your yard? Their pet is tearing up your flower garden? Want to know how much your Direct TV bill is each month? Have no concept of boundaries? Here are some general suggestions that may help. So far, I have been using them and they have been working for me.
1. Try to approach the neighbor tactfully and let them know what isbothering you. I say tactfully because full on attacks are going toput them on the defense and the problem will grow worse, not better. Maybe set up a time to go over and talk to them. Send them an email. Write out a note. If this is done in email or letter, save a copy for yourself so you have proof that you made the effort here. Again, make sure this is done with tact and understanding. Attacks breed attacks and before long, a small problem is the size of Godzilla. You do not want to let things get out of hand.
2. If you are wanting their stuff off of your property, possibly putup a fence right on the property line. It does not have to anything fancy; just something that will get the boundary set up so their pet or children will not destroy your property and visa versa.
3. Any lies spread, document the day you learned of them and the time. Also, the source that gave you this information. Any nasty notes left on your doorstep or emails? Save them also. Believe me, this can come in handy at some point.
4. Damage of any property: Call the police. Take pictures of thedamages. Let them bring forensics over to dust for fingerprints. Do NOT touch the damaged property on your own. That destroys evidence.
5. Any verbal stuff: Do what you can to get a tape recorder and hide it on you. They still make these tiny tape recorders and are very inexpensive. IF you have a video camera or cell phone with video on it, do what you can to get this recorded. You can hold a cell phone without them knowing you are filming them.
6. It gets physical: Again, pull out the cell. Video recording. Have someone who is home with you to get this on tape. Get pictures….take them to the police. Also, search You Tube, MySpace and other online sites where people love to put these sort of videos on there.
7. If your property is damaged, do NOT retaliate. You do this and it becomes a conflict and not an issue of peer abuse. Cover yourself in any way you can but do NOT retaliate. Otherwise, nobody will listen or help you because of retaliation.
8. Those who can help: Go to any homeowners group, Neighbor Watch, landlords, trustworthy neighbors, city or county council, any other local neighborhood affiliated groups. Go to the company that managesyour apartment, condo or trailer park. Whatever your living situation, there is an organization which has some authority and let them know what is going on. You can do this anonymously if need be. Go to city hall to see who can help you in this matter. Also, the police. They do nothing, go to their superior. Keep going up the chain of command. Some will try and pass the buck but do not let them.
9. If any of this is done on a continual basis, even after you have verbally or have put it in writing for them to stop and they don't, look into filing harassment charges. Put up "Keep Out" or "No Trespassing" signs and again, if they ignore them, get your documentation in order and look into pressing harassment charges and if there are threats, you can get a restraining order.
10. Again, everyone answers to someone. I know, some people keep going and have no respect for anyone else. They do as they please and ignore your signs and other things. Again, document….this documentation will help you at some point. I know it has been helping me in my situation. A great resource to learn more is a site here called "Neighbors From Hell". There are many links listed that can be helpful too. Bookmark this site and save it in your resources. http://www.borzotta.com/nfh/index.html
Again, do NOT retaliate as much as you want to. You do that thenthat gives them a reason to claim the same problems against you. Let them dig their own grave. Eventually, they will have themselves covered up without being able to get out. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
MORE NEWS AND TIDBITS
JEFFS BILL: Congrats to Debby Johnston and others behind this bill for getting it passed with a 40-0 vote in the Senate. This is a bill in Florida that we hope will become a law called "Jeff's Law". Debra lost her son to bullycide and is working hard to get peer abuse stopped in her area. GO DEBRA!
A MURDERED FRIEND: Ann Fox Smith who lived in Aiken South Carolinawas murdered last Friday in her home. I knew her when she lived inmy hometown and we were friends. If anyone reading this knew Ann oranything about her, please contact the police. Here is a link to herstory and sadly, this will probably remain in the media.http://www.wrdw.com/home/headlines/18295734.html . Contact info to the police is at the bottom of the article.
CONDOLENCES EXPRESSED: A great lady, Judy K. Beach who was affiliated with the International Women's Writers Guild recently passed away. There is a web log set up where people can offer condolences or words of comfort. Please check it out if any of youknew her or are affiliated with IWWG. http://judikbeach.blogspot.com/ .
WE WANT A CHASING CAIN III: Yes, there is a letter campaign going onto send to the Canadian Broadcasting Company (CBC) for them to makea Chasing Cain III movie. The first two were really good with an intriguing plot and wonderful actors. If you wish to learn more, a My Space page is set up http://www.myspace.com/wewantchasingcain3 or you can contact the CBC directly at /http://www.cbc.ca/contact/ and it only takes 5 minutes to write.
NEED TUPPERWARE?: Check out what my cousin Teresa has going on. http://my.tupperware.com/teresacoggins .
ESQUIRE BEST DRESSED MAN: A friend is running for this and is needing votes. Please, if you have time, vote for Norman for the Best Dressed Man for 2008. http://esquirebdrm.com/NormanD/529
NEED AVON?: My friend Jennifer is selling AVON. If you are interested in purchasing some of this, visit here:http://www.youravon.com/jenniferlarkins
MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS: Mothers Day is just around the corner and some of the folks at MS here on the Pacific Coast area are selling some items. Check them out if you are still looking for that perfect gift for your mother.http://blaster.shop2stopms.com/view_blast.cfm?blast_id=252
CALDWELL BANKER: In need of a new home or looking to purchase some property? Kris Alongi can help you out. Visit this link:http://www.coldwellbankercaine.com/agent_details.php?agent_id=184
THE DAUGHTER IN LAW RULES: Check out Sarah Jane Cions free newsletter. Great stuff!! http://www.thedilrules.com/
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY: These folks have a lot of summer reading material. Visit http://www.mail-family.org/ if interested.
THE GRANT INSTITUTE: They will be hosting a grant proposal writing workshop in Charleston, WV on July 14-16 2008. Visithttp://www.thegrantinstitute.com/ to learn how you can learn more.
DR PHIL: Dr Phil is needing a teenage guest for the fall. He wants someone who has and continues to be cyber bullied. You can email meat http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/PeerAbuse/post?postID=zy6u7xTYhTC03U5LbvDFLSK83pm6V0eM-yFB38HtS6kWONQIJ1WWZ3g94uSv7baqBMRoG3hfAzXCZPO_ij8nQCsg30sd4g and I can tell you more.
BIOLOGICAL DIVERSITY: Global warming is affecting animals in arctic and cold climates. Please, visit this site and see how you can help.http://www.biologicaldiversity.org/
IRIDOLOGY: A new book entitled "Iridology: The Science and Practicein the Healing Arts" by Dr. Bernard Jensen. To obtain a copy, visit Whitman Books at http://www.wwhitman.com/
HAROLD CAMERON: Yup, the "Be Positive Guy" has a You Tube account where he makes videos on different subjects. This is someone whotries hard to make the world a better place. Please check out his videos here http://uk.youtube.com/user/haroldsays. He has made one on Peer Abuse and is doing a great job in getting the word out.
SAFETY ISSUES: Check these guys out! They have a newsletter and work hard in trying to keep kids safe. http://www.safetyissues.com/ and learn more!
SEEKING AN ATTORNEY: If you are in the process of seeking an Attorney, one place you may want to avoid is http://www.jurisdictionary.com/ . Recently, a friend of mine was scammed by these folks. To the tune of almost $300 and this was money she did not have to begin with. So, please be careful….do not allow yourself to be scammed out there.
DR CHARLOTTE: Recently, Dr. Charlotte published an article about children and the violence in the media and on the internet. Visit here to read the article:http://www.imageryforkids.com/art_imagination.asp
JUVENILLE JUSTICE: Check out what is going on at the Office ofJuvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention. http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/ojjdp.
AUTISM: Do you have or know anyone dealing with autism? Check out this site for some great educational tools. http://www.nlconcepts.com/
NAMI: The National Alliance of the Mentally Ill will be holding awalk on October 4, 2008 in Orange County. More details to follow later…..
SOCIAL ANXIETY INSTITUTE: Once again, I promote this site. A great one for the Adult Survivor Of Peer Abuse: http://www.socialanxietyinstitute.org/
CHILD PREDATOR BUSTERS: Check these guys out! They are doing a LOTof good here online in catching predators on social web sites andother places. Go to this site: http://www.childpredatorbusters.org/
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE or EQ: Need certification? Trainings will be held throughout 2008 in Seattle, Washington. Go to this site to learn more: http://www.learninginaction.com/
THE COMMON BOND INSTITUTE: On September 4-8, they will be hosting a Engaging The Other Conference in San Francisco, CA. Visit this linkto learn more: http://www.cbiworld.org/Pages/Conferences_ETO.htm
ASSOCIATION FOR HUMANISTIC PSYCHOLOGY: Check these guys out! They have a jam packed summer with conferences, workshops and other great stuff going on. Visit http://www.ahpweb.org/ and see what they have going on!
HELPFUL MATERIALS: If you have time, please visit the folks at Psychotherapy dot net. They have many new and great materials inbooks, DVD's and other products.http://www.psychotherapy.net/
BEING ABUSED BY THE SCHOOLS? Check out this great group!http://www.endteacherabuse.org/ to learn more. Also, check out their video on You Tube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3JoiniKNq8
BOOK ON HUMANISTIC PSYCHOLOGY: Recently, a book was published for the purpose of making third force psychology (broadly construed) a stronger presence in child developmental theorizing. The book, Humanizing Child Developmental Theory: A Holistic Approach. This text utilizes ideas from Rogers, Horney, Winnicott, Kohut, Bühler,Knowles, Stern, Schachtel, Koffka and others.http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/results.asp WRD=Humanizing+Child+Developmental+Theory&z=y
Have anything you wish to share? Email me and will include it in the next edition . ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
This is it for the May newsletter. August is "readers choice" and am interested in what you as the reader wish to have here in the newsletter. Please email your ideas to me and will do what I can to do a lesson on it. Thanks for reading….see you all in August! Til then…..have a great and safe summer!
Regards,
Elizabeth Bennett
http://www.peerabuse.info/
Elizabeth Bennett. Copyright © 2008 All Rights Reserved.
In this edition:
GREAT NEWS
SPECIAL OFFER
PEER ABUSE AND THE NEIGHBOR
MORE NEWS AND TIDBITS ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
GREAT NEWS!
That's right, my book "Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From APsychological Perspective" is making news! On May 23, 2008, my bookwill be featured on CNBC radio. Someone is being interviewed onWorkplace Bullying and my book will be featured as a resource during this interview! I am so excited to say the least!
Also, A producer at Larry King is interested in my book and I sent him a copy this week. Please keep your fingers crossed that this gets picked up. So there is a chance I could go on Larry King Live. Will keep everyone posted.
Plus, my book was mentioned at the End Teacher Abuse meeting back in March. Thanks goes to Mimi Shapiro for her help. Thanks so much,Mimi!
Harold Cameron has also mentioned the book in a video and let folks know about it. Thanks Harold for all you have done!
Also, I have been blogging and doing some article writing on PeerAbuse online. So, I am getting the word out bit by bit. Just a day at a time…..I tell you, there has been a lot of press about thisstuff recently and we need to step up and speak out! Here is one place you can read more: http://www.peerabuse.blogspot.com/ and feel free to leave comments. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
SPECIAL OFFER FOR A LIMITED TIME
I have started selling my book to others on my own away from the publisher and other online places where it can be purchased. The cost is $16.44 ($13.95 + $2.49 postage). If you purchase a copy from me for a limited time, I will throw in a free phone consultation with it. A phone consultation can run up to $60 a hour but if you purchase my book directly from me, your phone consultation will be free. Free at what is a $60 value. This is for a limited time….a summer special and will end at the end of July. So, think about it and if you wish to purchase a book, please go to http://www.peerabuse.info/ and use the Pay Pal buttons on the site. Again, a limited time……so hurry! Please email me and let me know if you are interested!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
PEER ABUSE AND THE NEIGHBOR
Well, I know I try and focus on the school, workplace and psychology behind this problem of Peer Abuse. However, another place this canoccur is with a neighbor. Someone who lives across the street, next door, in the same apartment building…whatever. It makes doing anything seem strange and you try and do what you can to either avoid or get along with them so your living situation does not get dicey and drama filled. There is enough crap in this world already,why deal with it in or around your home? Some could argue that thisis more of a domestic issue. However, it is also a issue of peer abuse. It is something I am dealing with in my own life right now and I am sure many of you are also caught up in this. Whatever the case may be, it does warrant some attention here. Plus, a reader gave me this suggestion. So, I wanted to take a few minutes and focus on what to do in dealing with this.Are they making too much noise? Coming to visit 3 times a day? Spreading lies to other neighbors about you? Won't keep their toys out of your yard? Their pet is tearing up your flower garden? Want to know how much your Direct TV bill is each month? Have no concept of boundaries? Here are some general suggestions that may help. So far, I have been using them and they have been working for me.
1. Try to approach the neighbor tactfully and let them know what isbothering you. I say tactfully because full on attacks are going toput them on the defense and the problem will grow worse, not better. Maybe set up a time to go over and talk to them. Send them an email. Write out a note. If this is done in email or letter, save a copy for yourself so you have proof that you made the effort here. Again, make sure this is done with tact and understanding. Attacks breed attacks and before long, a small problem is the size of Godzilla. You do not want to let things get out of hand.
2. If you are wanting their stuff off of your property, possibly putup a fence right on the property line. It does not have to anything fancy; just something that will get the boundary set up so their pet or children will not destroy your property and visa versa.
3. Any lies spread, document the day you learned of them and the time. Also, the source that gave you this information. Any nasty notes left on your doorstep or emails? Save them also. Believe me, this can come in handy at some point.
4. Damage of any property: Call the police. Take pictures of thedamages. Let them bring forensics over to dust for fingerprints. Do NOT touch the damaged property on your own. That destroys evidence.
5. Any verbal stuff: Do what you can to get a tape recorder and hide it on you. They still make these tiny tape recorders and are very inexpensive. IF you have a video camera or cell phone with video on it, do what you can to get this recorded. You can hold a cell phone without them knowing you are filming them.
6. It gets physical: Again, pull out the cell. Video recording. Have someone who is home with you to get this on tape. Get pictures….take them to the police. Also, search You Tube, MySpace and other online sites where people love to put these sort of videos on there.
7. If your property is damaged, do NOT retaliate. You do this and it becomes a conflict and not an issue of peer abuse. Cover yourself in any way you can but do NOT retaliate. Otherwise, nobody will listen or help you because of retaliation.
8. Those who can help: Go to any homeowners group, Neighbor Watch, landlords, trustworthy neighbors, city or county council, any other local neighborhood affiliated groups. Go to the company that managesyour apartment, condo or trailer park. Whatever your living situation, there is an organization which has some authority and let them know what is going on. You can do this anonymously if need be. Go to city hall to see who can help you in this matter. Also, the police. They do nothing, go to their superior. Keep going up the chain of command. Some will try and pass the buck but do not let them.
9. If any of this is done on a continual basis, even after you have verbally or have put it in writing for them to stop and they don't, look into filing harassment charges. Put up "Keep Out" or "No Trespassing" signs and again, if they ignore them, get your documentation in order and look into pressing harassment charges and if there are threats, you can get a restraining order.
10. Again, everyone answers to someone. I know, some people keep going and have no respect for anyone else. They do as they please and ignore your signs and other things. Again, document….this documentation will help you at some point. I know it has been helping me in my situation. A great resource to learn more is a site here called "Neighbors From Hell". There are many links listed that can be helpful too. Bookmark this site and save it in your resources. http://www.borzotta.com/nfh/index.html
Again, do NOT retaliate as much as you want to. You do that thenthat gives them a reason to claim the same problems against you. Let them dig their own grave. Eventually, they will have themselves covered up without being able to get out. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
MORE NEWS AND TIDBITS
JEFFS BILL: Congrats to Debby Johnston and others behind this bill for getting it passed with a 40-0 vote in the Senate. This is a bill in Florida that we hope will become a law called "Jeff's Law". Debra lost her son to bullycide and is working hard to get peer abuse stopped in her area. GO DEBRA!
A MURDERED FRIEND: Ann Fox Smith who lived in Aiken South Carolinawas murdered last Friday in her home. I knew her when she lived inmy hometown and we were friends. If anyone reading this knew Ann oranything about her, please contact the police. Here is a link to herstory and sadly, this will probably remain in the media.http://www.wrdw.com/home/headlines/18295734.html . Contact info to the police is at the bottom of the article.
CONDOLENCES EXPRESSED: A great lady, Judy K. Beach who was affiliated with the International Women's Writers Guild recently passed away. There is a web log set up where people can offer condolences or words of comfort. Please check it out if any of youknew her or are affiliated with IWWG. http://judikbeach.blogspot.com/ .
WE WANT A CHASING CAIN III: Yes, there is a letter campaign going onto send to the Canadian Broadcasting Company (CBC) for them to makea Chasing Cain III movie. The first two were really good with an intriguing plot and wonderful actors. If you wish to learn more, a My Space page is set up http://www.myspace.com/wewantchasingcain3 or you can contact the CBC directly at /http://www.cbc.ca/contact/ and it only takes 5 minutes to write.
NEED TUPPERWARE?: Check out what my cousin Teresa has going on. http://my.tupperware.com/teresacoggins .
ESQUIRE BEST DRESSED MAN: A friend is running for this and is needing votes. Please, if you have time, vote for Norman for the Best Dressed Man for 2008. http://esquirebdrm.com/NormanD/529
NEED AVON?: My friend Jennifer is selling AVON. If you are interested in purchasing some of this, visit here:http://www.youravon.com/jenniferlarkins
MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS: Mothers Day is just around the corner and some of the folks at MS here on the Pacific Coast area are selling some items. Check them out if you are still looking for that perfect gift for your mother.http://blaster.shop2stopms.com/view_blast.cfm?blast_id=252
CALDWELL BANKER: In need of a new home or looking to purchase some property? Kris Alongi can help you out. Visit this link:http://www.coldwellbankercaine.com/agent_details.php?agent_id=184
THE DAUGHTER IN LAW RULES: Check out Sarah Jane Cions free newsletter. Great stuff!! http://www.thedilrules.com/
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY: These folks have a lot of summer reading material. Visit http://www.mail-family.org/ if interested.
THE GRANT INSTITUTE: They will be hosting a grant proposal writing workshop in Charleston, WV on July 14-16 2008. Visithttp://www.thegrantinstitute.com/ to learn how you can learn more.
DR PHIL: Dr Phil is needing a teenage guest for the fall. He wants someone who has and continues to be cyber bullied. You can email meat http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/PeerAbuse/post?postID=zy6u7xTYhTC03U5LbvDFLSK83pm6V0eM-yFB38HtS6kWONQIJ1WWZ3g94uSv7baqBMRoG3hfAzXCZPO_ij8nQCsg30sd4g and I can tell you more.
BIOLOGICAL DIVERSITY: Global warming is affecting animals in arctic and cold climates. Please, visit this site and see how you can help.http://www.biologicaldiversity.org/
IRIDOLOGY: A new book entitled "Iridology: The Science and Practicein the Healing Arts" by Dr. Bernard Jensen. To obtain a copy, visit Whitman Books at http://www.wwhitman.com/
HAROLD CAMERON: Yup, the "Be Positive Guy" has a You Tube account where he makes videos on different subjects. This is someone whotries hard to make the world a better place. Please check out his videos here http://uk.youtube.com/user/haroldsays. He has made one on Peer Abuse and is doing a great job in getting the word out.
SAFETY ISSUES: Check these guys out! They have a newsletter and work hard in trying to keep kids safe. http://www.safetyissues.com/ and learn more!
SEEKING AN ATTORNEY: If you are in the process of seeking an Attorney, one place you may want to avoid is http://www.jurisdictionary.com/ . Recently, a friend of mine was scammed by these folks. To the tune of almost $300 and this was money she did not have to begin with. So, please be careful….do not allow yourself to be scammed out there.
DR CHARLOTTE: Recently, Dr. Charlotte published an article about children and the violence in the media and on the internet. Visit here to read the article:http://www.imageryforkids.com/art_imagination.asp
JUVENILLE JUSTICE: Check out what is going on at the Office ofJuvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention. http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/ojjdp.
AUTISM: Do you have or know anyone dealing with autism? Check out this site for some great educational tools. http://www.nlconcepts.com/
NAMI: The National Alliance of the Mentally Ill will be holding awalk on October 4, 2008 in Orange County. More details to follow later…..
SOCIAL ANXIETY INSTITUTE: Once again, I promote this site. A great one for the Adult Survivor Of Peer Abuse: http://www.socialanxietyinstitute.org/
CHILD PREDATOR BUSTERS: Check these guys out! They are doing a LOTof good here online in catching predators on social web sites andother places. Go to this site: http://www.childpredatorbusters.org/
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE or EQ: Need certification? Trainings will be held throughout 2008 in Seattle, Washington. Go to this site to learn more: http://www.learninginaction.com/
THE COMMON BOND INSTITUTE: On September 4-8, they will be hosting a Engaging The Other Conference in San Francisco, CA. Visit this linkto learn more: http://www.cbiworld.org/Pages/Conferences_ETO.htm
ASSOCIATION FOR HUMANISTIC PSYCHOLOGY: Check these guys out! They have a jam packed summer with conferences, workshops and other great stuff going on. Visit http://www.ahpweb.org/ and see what they have going on!
HELPFUL MATERIALS: If you have time, please visit the folks at Psychotherapy dot net. They have many new and great materials inbooks, DVD's and other products.http://www.psychotherapy.net/
BEING ABUSED BY THE SCHOOLS? Check out this great group!http://www.endteacherabuse.org/ to learn more. Also, check out their video on You Tube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3JoiniKNq8
BOOK ON HUMANISTIC PSYCHOLOGY: Recently, a book was published for the purpose of making third force psychology (broadly construed) a stronger presence in child developmental theorizing. The book, Humanizing Child Developmental Theory: A Holistic Approach. This text utilizes ideas from Rogers, Horney, Winnicott, Kohut, Bühler,Knowles, Stern, Schachtel, Koffka and others.http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/results.asp WRD=Humanizing+Child+Developmental+Theory&z=y
Have anything you wish to share? Email me and will include it in the next edition . ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
This is it for the May newsletter. August is "readers choice" and am interested in what you as the reader wish to have here in the newsletter. Please email your ideas to me and will do what I can to do a lesson on it. Thanks for reading….see you all in August! Til then…..have a great and safe summer!
Regards,
Elizabeth Bennett
http://www.peerabuse.info/
Elizabeth Bennett. Copyright © 2008 All Rights Reserved.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Hello! Its another week and sadly, more drama amongst us. Many stories in the news about Peer Abuse and one that has really gotten my goat. There has been talk about peanut allergies and peer abuse. I am not sure how many are aware of this but those who have peanut allergies can die if consuming or even being around peanuts, peanut butter or anything with this in it. Its lethal and dangerous. Yet, these bullies now use this as a weapon in bringing more harm to their victims. I tell you what and have said it many times, we are a nation growing without a conscience and as far as I am concerned, this is criminal behavior. Also, I consider this attempted murder. Sure, I am probably coming off as over zealous in my thoughts here but dangit if it walks like a duck….talks like a duck…..need I say more?
There was an incident with a 14 year old girl with peanut allergies and a group of girls she had known most of her life. They were friends until recently when these girls decided she could not sit at their lunch table any longer. How did they decide to get rid of her and shut her out? Bring peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to school! Okay, if these girls had grown up with her and knew her, they would know about her peanut allergies and the dangers of it. They had planned this together and one girl, with a bout of conscience, warned the girl with the allergies. If this was not bad enough, she walked into class one day and someone had a jar of peanut butter. When she came in, they opened it up and sadly, the girl had a reaction and had to go to the hospital for four days. Thank goodness she was able to get through it. What has gotten me is that the girl told the school about the kids and the lunch table and the school did NOTHING ABOUT IT!!!!!!! Well, until after the fact and the girl went to the hospital they decided to do something. Now, the school has to treat this as a disability and under the 504 laws, there can be no peanut butter within the vicinity of this girl.
Do the schools realize that if this girl had died, they would have really been in trouble? Why is it that it takes actually seeing something to believe it? The school KNEW about these allergies and should have acted before it got out of hand like this. In the article, someone stated that kids do not realize the real danger in these sort of things. Excuse me? These girls grew up with the victim and were probably well aware of the dangers of peanut allergies yet “they were not thinking of the real dangers?” It is well documented that kids pass away from this. I get tired of this problem being swept under the rug. If bullycide is not bad enough, NOW we are going into homicide. Yes folks, intentionally bringing harm to someone, and in this case peanut butter, this is homicide!
My point in all of this is that despite them being underage, this was done with malicious and criminal intent and bullies are your criminals. Peer Abuse is not just “kids stuff”. Not only was this attempted homicide, but of course, good ole Relational Aggression. Yeah, you know the girl on girl stuff. The Queen Bee crap….but of course, I am sure nobody tried to investigate this or try to help until after the fact as “this is just kids stuff and it will blow over“. Kids at 13 and 14 may be testy but they certainly know the difference in right and wrong. Bringing peanut butter around someone who could die from it is wrong and again, attempted homicide. I wish these girls would be charged as such but my guess is they only got detention or were told “now don’t ever do that again, okay”. If it were me and I had a child like this, I would have pressed charges. Taken these abusers straight to the bank!
Thanks for reading.
Source:
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/AllergiesNews/story?id=4659705&page=1
There was an incident with a 14 year old girl with peanut allergies and a group of girls she had known most of her life. They were friends until recently when these girls decided she could not sit at their lunch table any longer. How did they decide to get rid of her and shut her out? Bring peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to school! Okay, if these girls had grown up with her and knew her, they would know about her peanut allergies and the dangers of it. They had planned this together and one girl, with a bout of conscience, warned the girl with the allergies. If this was not bad enough, she walked into class one day and someone had a jar of peanut butter. When she came in, they opened it up and sadly, the girl had a reaction and had to go to the hospital for four days. Thank goodness she was able to get through it. What has gotten me is that the girl told the school about the kids and the lunch table and the school did NOTHING ABOUT IT!!!!!!! Well, until after the fact and the girl went to the hospital they decided to do something. Now, the school has to treat this as a disability and under the 504 laws, there can be no peanut butter within the vicinity of this girl.
Do the schools realize that if this girl had died, they would have really been in trouble? Why is it that it takes actually seeing something to believe it? The school KNEW about these allergies and should have acted before it got out of hand like this. In the article, someone stated that kids do not realize the real danger in these sort of things. Excuse me? These girls grew up with the victim and were probably well aware of the dangers of peanut allergies yet “they were not thinking of the real dangers?” It is well documented that kids pass away from this. I get tired of this problem being swept under the rug. If bullycide is not bad enough, NOW we are going into homicide. Yes folks, intentionally bringing harm to someone, and in this case peanut butter, this is homicide!
My point in all of this is that despite them being underage, this was done with malicious and criminal intent and bullies are your criminals. Peer Abuse is not just “kids stuff”. Not only was this attempted homicide, but of course, good ole Relational Aggression. Yeah, you know the girl on girl stuff. The Queen Bee crap….but of course, I am sure nobody tried to investigate this or try to help until after the fact as “this is just kids stuff and it will blow over“. Kids at 13 and 14 may be testy but they certainly know the difference in right and wrong. Bringing peanut butter around someone who could die from it is wrong and again, attempted homicide. I wish these girls would be charged as such but my guess is they only got detention or were told “now don’t ever do that again, okay”. If it were me and I had a child like this, I would have pressed charges. Taken these abusers straight to the bank!
Thanks for reading.
Source:
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/AllergiesNews/story?id=4659705&page=1
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Victoria Lindsay and Peer Abuse
Hello, I know, have not blogged in a couple of weeks. That’s my bad as I was working away from the computer. I am now back and let me tell you, the info I am getting on bullying has me nothing more than peeved to a tea. Oh yeah, Elizabeth Bennett is ANGRY! MAD! TIRED OF THE PEER ABUSE!!!!!!!!
I am well aware of the Victoria Lindsay case. The one in Florida where six teens “jumped” her and caught it on tape to put on My Space and You Tube. Yeah, this is the latest trend in peer abuse; taping assaults and getting them on these sites for everyone to see. Like some prize, you know? Are you aware that with psycho and sociopath, they ALSO look for rewards in their dirty deeds? Many times they will keep a souvenir from the assault. So, I guess this is the “reward” for these criminals in training, huh? Oh I know, its only kids and only bullying …forgive me for overreacting here as calling it abuse is just an exageration. Note the sarcasm in the last sentence. *rolling eyes*
Well, someone finally FINALLY did something right! Yup, those bullies were arrested and put in jail and I rejoiced. YES! A bully is FINALLY paying his dues! However, they screwed up again in my opinion as they are now on house arrest. House arrest? How sweet….now they can stay home and go online, play video games, text their friends and create more useless crap. Boy, I wish I had been punished this way growing up! What really takes the cake is that someone from the Dr. Phil show has bailed one of the bullies out! YES! Now I thought Good ole Phil was against bullying?
I heard the 911 call Victoria made. Describing the side of her head being hurt and blood all over her mouth. I also saw the video which was equally disturbing. The girl in pain and a group of bullies making it worse. I know there is a gag order on this case and can only learn so much about it. I say remove that gag and let it all go……get it out there and keep it real. Keep us abreast of what is going on and get these bullies back in jail. They need to understand that they did wrong and having Dr Phil bail them out of jail is NOT teaching them anything!
Oh and it gets worse…..now these bogus support pages are being set up online. Yeah, they are doing this for notoriety and not with concern for Victoria. Plus, sites are asking for money on behalf of Victoria and her family. Yup, more embezzlement on My Space and other places. Of course, nothing is going to be done I am sure. Yet the police say they are looking into it. Really? I figured these criminals would be rewarded in some way as well. You know, more house arrest or maybe a guest stint on a talk show?
Yes, this is full of sarcasm but you know, someone FINALLY did the right thing in all of this and that was putting the bullies behind bars where they belong. However, they moved them to house arrest. I am sure house arrest is not easy either but at least they are at home with access to the same stuff that started this whole mess. Plus, one gets help from Dr. Phil! The best thing that could help these kids is time in jail. Yes, let them take responsibility here. I know, they are “just kids” but are old enough to know right from wrong. Old enough to know that beating someone to a pulp and putting it online is wrong. Old enough to know all of this is wrong and until they are accepting any sort of responsibility, it is not going to register. So, if I am coming off as sarcastic, I have a damned good reason to. WHEN IS THIS GOING TO STOP??? WHEN ARE WE GOING TO STOP REWARDING AND SENSATIONALIZING BAD BEHAVIOR??? One of these kids faces life in prison? Really? I will believe it when I see it.
In the meantime, I am disgusted. Sickened and most of all, sick of the fact that this is just considered “kids stuff” and everyone is so appalled at the horrible behavior yet have never done anything before about it. GIVE THEM JAIL TIME AND I MEAN REALLY LET THEM LEARN A LESSON. Tough love works best in cases like this one.
Who knows, it may also teach the bullies how to love too.
Thanks for reading. Have a good week and praying that nothing else will spring up. These kids are abusing the crap out of one another and killing each other. ITS ABUSE!!!!!! PEER ABUSE!!!!!!!!
Links to learn more about the case:
http://www.wftv.com/news/15817394/detail.html
http://www.myfoxtampabay.com/myfox/pages/News/Detail?contentId=6295182&version=2&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=TSTY&pageId=3.2.1
http://www.nationalledger.com/artman/publish/article_272620020.shtml
http://www.myfoxtampabay.com/myfox/pages/Home/Detail;jsessionid=60A7A702445D522EB9E58AD31153B20A?contentId=6311709&version=1&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=VSTY&pageId=1.1.1&sflg=1
I am well aware of the Victoria Lindsay case. The one in Florida where six teens “jumped” her and caught it on tape to put on My Space and You Tube. Yeah, this is the latest trend in peer abuse; taping assaults and getting them on these sites for everyone to see. Like some prize, you know? Are you aware that with psycho and sociopath, they ALSO look for rewards in their dirty deeds? Many times they will keep a souvenir from the assault. So, I guess this is the “reward” for these criminals in training, huh? Oh I know, its only kids and only bullying …forgive me for overreacting here as calling it abuse is just an exageration. Note the sarcasm in the last sentence. *rolling eyes*
Well, someone finally FINALLY did something right! Yup, those bullies were arrested and put in jail and I rejoiced. YES! A bully is FINALLY paying his dues! However, they screwed up again in my opinion as they are now on house arrest. House arrest? How sweet….now they can stay home and go online, play video games, text their friends and create more useless crap. Boy, I wish I had been punished this way growing up! What really takes the cake is that someone from the Dr. Phil show has bailed one of the bullies out! YES! Now I thought Good ole Phil was against bullying?
I heard the 911 call Victoria made. Describing the side of her head being hurt and blood all over her mouth. I also saw the video which was equally disturbing. The girl in pain and a group of bullies making it worse. I know there is a gag order on this case and can only learn so much about it. I say remove that gag and let it all go……get it out there and keep it real. Keep us abreast of what is going on and get these bullies back in jail. They need to understand that they did wrong and having Dr Phil bail them out of jail is NOT teaching them anything!
Oh and it gets worse…..now these bogus support pages are being set up online. Yeah, they are doing this for notoriety and not with concern for Victoria. Plus, sites are asking for money on behalf of Victoria and her family. Yup, more embezzlement on My Space and other places. Of course, nothing is going to be done I am sure. Yet the police say they are looking into it. Really? I figured these criminals would be rewarded in some way as well. You know, more house arrest or maybe a guest stint on a talk show?
Yes, this is full of sarcasm but you know, someone FINALLY did the right thing in all of this and that was putting the bullies behind bars where they belong. However, they moved them to house arrest. I am sure house arrest is not easy either but at least they are at home with access to the same stuff that started this whole mess. Plus, one gets help from Dr. Phil! The best thing that could help these kids is time in jail. Yes, let them take responsibility here. I know, they are “just kids” but are old enough to know right from wrong. Old enough to know that beating someone to a pulp and putting it online is wrong. Old enough to know all of this is wrong and until they are accepting any sort of responsibility, it is not going to register. So, if I am coming off as sarcastic, I have a damned good reason to. WHEN IS THIS GOING TO STOP??? WHEN ARE WE GOING TO STOP REWARDING AND SENSATIONALIZING BAD BEHAVIOR??? One of these kids faces life in prison? Really? I will believe it when I see it.
In the meantime, I am disgusted. Sickened and most of all, sick of the fact that this is just considered “kids stuff” and everyone is so appalled at the horrible behavior yet have never done anything before about it. GIVE THEM JAIL TIME AND I MEAN REALLY LET THEM LEARN A LESSON. Tough love works best in cases like this one.
Who knows, it may also teach the bullies how to love too.
Thanks for reading. Have a good week and praying that nothing else will spring up. These kids are abusing the crap out of one another and killing each other. ITS ABUSE!!!!!! PEER ABUSE!!!!!!!!
Links to learn more about the case:
http://www.wftv.com/news/15817394/detail.html
http://www.myfoxtampabay.com/myfox/pages/News/Detail?contentId=6295182&version=2&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=TSTY&pageId=3.2.1
http://www.nationalledger.com/artman/publish/article_272620020.shtml
http://www.myfoxtampabay.com/myfox/pages/Home/Detail;jsessionid=60A7A702445D522EB9E58AD31153B20A?contentId=6311709&version=1&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=VSTY&pageId=1.1.1&sflg=1
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Billy Wolfe and Peer Abuse
Hello, yes, am back again and this time, am back with a vengeance. I AM MAD!
I have been reading online about this young man named Billy Wolfe. He is the boy in Arkansas whose family is suing the schools and his bullies for their actions and neglect. He is the boy that the bullies LOVE to beat up. Its sick!
Billy is a 15 year old high school sophomore. He has been bullied since elementary school by the same little sadists (yes, bullies are just that, sadists) and they went on and on and never stopped. The parents tried dealing with the schools and the bullies parents and to no avail. So, enough was enough and now, they are suing them all! Good on them, I hope they take them all straight to the bank.
I am sick and tired of people considering this some sick rite of passage. I am sick and tired of the denial, excuses and the whole she-bang! Just because these are kids does not mean they are immune to punishment yet we think just that…..guess what, if they are old enough to know right from wrong, they should be old enough to be held accountable for their actions. In Billy’s unfortunate journey, these sadists would beat him up, put it on camera phone and share it with everyone at school. Also, in one case, they pushed his head against a window in a school bus, it was caught on tape and STILL, nothing was done! EXCUSE ME???????????????????????? Oh and it gets worse, he has had to have dental work because of this and other things. Yet NOTHING WAS DONE! Hey, he was told that he deserved some of it. WHAT???????
Its high time we stop excusing this and get an education. Its high time we call a spade a spade and see it for what it is: ABUSE! Yes, this is outright ABUSE and that term “bullying” is not cutting it. This problem is growing worse and we are continuing to excuse it. Some are getting educated and I commend them but to allow this situation with Billy to reach these proportions is inexcusable! What is WRONG with people?
Folks, bullies “bully” or should I say abusers “abuse” because THEY CAN! They know nobody will do anything about it so it continues and continues…..would someone listen for once and save these kids from themselves????? For the love of GOD, PLEASE! They are creating so much havoc and I am sorry but in high school, a teen is old enough to think abstractly and therefore, old enough to accept some responsibility and know the difference between right from wrong.
Life is hard, sure. However, THIS is not “just life” but a violation of human and constitutional rights. IT MAKES ME ANGRY! GET REAL SOCIETY! STOP EXCUSING THIS! Yes, I am yelling because….well….I AM ANGRY and it is high time someone DOES GET ANGRY! I hope that Billy’s family is compensated in spades and that they seek him some counseling. This stuff leaves psychological scars that are horrific. As for the bullies, I hope they get help too…..they are the ones that needed it to begin with. If they had kept their crap to themselves, none of this would have ever happened. That’s right: I AM PLACING THE BLAME WHERE IT BELONGS AND NOT ON BILLY!
If anyone is reading this…..help! STOP FEEDING THE BULLY AND ENABLING THIS PROBLEM! DO THE RIGHT THING! PLEASE!
Thank you for reading and have a good day. Again, this angers me and there is no excuse. May Billy and his family prosper from this.
I have been reading online about this young man named Billy Wolfe. He is the boy in Arkansas whose family is suing the schools and his bullies for their actions and neglect. He is the boy that the bullies LOVE to beat up. Its sick!
Billy is a 15 year old high school sophomore. He has been bullied since elementary school by the same little sadists (yes, bullies are just that, sadists) and they went on and on and never stopped. The parents tried dealing with the schools and the bullies parents and to no avail. So, enough was enough and now, they are suing them all! Good on them, I hope they take them all straight to the bank.
I am sick and tired of people considering this some sick rite of passage. I am sick and tired of the denial, excuses and the whole she-bang! Just because these are kids does not mean they are immune to punishment yet we think just that…..guess what, if they are old enough to know right from wrong, they should be old enough to be held accountable for their actions. In Billy’s unfortunate journey, these sadists would beat him up, put it on camera phone and share it with everyone at school. Also, in one case, they pushed his head against a window in a school bus, it was caught on tape and STILL, nothing was done! EXCUSE ME???????????????????????? Oh and it gets worse, he has had to have dental work because of this and other things. Yet NOTHING WAS DONE! Hey, he was told that he deserved some of it. WHAT???????
Its high time we stop excusing this and get an education. Its high time we call a spade a spade and see it for what it is: ABUSE! Yes, this is outright ABUSE and that term “bullying” is not cutting it. This problem is growing worse and we are continuing to excuse it. Some are getting educated and I commend them but to allow this situation with Billy to reach these proportions is inexcusable! What is WRONG with people?
Folks, bullies “bully” or should I say abusers “abuse” because THEY CAN! They know nobody will do anything about it so it continues and continues…..would someone listen for once and save these kids from themselves????? For the love of GOD, PLEASE! They are creating so much havoc and I am sorry but in high school, a teen is old enough to think abstractly and therefore, old enough to accept some responsibility and know the difference between right from wrong.
Life is hard, sure. However, THIS is not “just life” but a violation of human and constitutional rights. IT MAKES ME ANGRY! GET REAL SOCIETY! STOP EXCUSING THIS! Yes, I am yelling because….well….I AM ANGRY and it is high time someone DOES GET ANGRY! I hope that Billy’s family is compensated in spades and that they seek him some counseling. This stuff leaves psychological scars that are horrific. As for the bullies, I hope they get help too…..they are the ones that needed it to begin with. If they had kept their crap to themselves, none of this would have ever happened. That’s right: I AM PLACING THE BLAME WHERE IT BELONGS AND NOT ON BILLY!
If anyone is reading this…..help! STOP FEEDING THE BULLY AND ENABLING THIS PROBLEM! DO THE RIGHT THING! PLEASE!
Thank you for reading and have a good day. Again, this angers me and there is no excuse. May Billy and his family prosper from this.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Peer Abuse and the Workplace
So, another week has reached us and with that comes more interesting news on Peer Abuse. As we know it happens in the schools, it also happens at the workplace. I have included work place tips in my book and a lot of times, we focus so much on the schools that the workplace tends to get overlooked in trying to reach others with this problem.
I have been reading an article on the Forbes web site about this very same problem. It is mentioned that little is done about this problem. One reason is that unless someone is at the receiving end of the abuse, it is unlikely that anyone will recognize it. Never mind that we are adults here and should understand that harassing someone and constantly harping on others and their work is wrong and that that unless someone is a supervisor themselves, they really have no place ordering others around or creating stressful nonsense. To think we are the ones at our prime and raising children! I guess those with children are teaching their children that it is okay to behave like this. The article also mentions that the victim is harmed health wise and their job performance is affected. Well no joke! Anyone who is reading this, can you function with someone ALWAYS on your back, sending you daily nasty notes in your mailbox or inbox, blaming you for others mistakes and trying to mob you out of the company? If anyone answers “yes” then they are fooling themselves in my opinion. A person can get so bogged down in this that they cannot come up for air and it affects everyone’s work performance….except the bullies who get their kicks off of this nonsense.
Yes, the health problems are there and 45% of the people out there are having to deal with these problems. These can be cardiovascular and heart problems, immune system problems, post traumatic stress and anxiety. Gee! Don’t people who are abused in other situations experience some of this? Yes, they do! However, there is a difference. The difference being that what they are dealing with is considered a clinical problem and what these in the workplace are dealing with is not. This 45% is growing daily and is not about to stop. Until people get serious about this problem that is.
There are ten signs left in the article that show that someone is being abused at work. Again, I have this in my book but does not harm in mentioning them on here. Some things one should look for is misery, constant criticism, yelling, keeping track of your mistakes, gossip and lies, left out of lunch meetings, constant need for mental health days, sabotage, impossible scheduling and having your work stolen. If any of this is occurring with you by a bully co-worker or boss, you are experiencing peer abuse and I suggest either hunting for another job before quitting this one or go a legal route. Also, keep up with that code of conduct which the company enforces. Catch the bully in his/her own stuff. If you wish to learn more, check out my book! Nobody and I mean nobody deserves this.
If you know someone who is dealing with this at work, help them. If you are the one who is the bully, you need to take two steps back and stop pricking the other guy in the eye when what you are doing is twice as bad. It takes one voice to create change, be that voice!
Source: http://www.forbes.com/health/2008/03/22/health-bullying-office-forbeslife-cx_avd_0324health.html
Elizabeth Bennett is the author of “Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective” and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info/ .
I have been reading an article on the Forbes web site about this very same problem. It is mentioned that little is done about this problem. One reason is that unless someone is at the receiving end of the abuse, it is unlikely that anyone will recognize it. Never mind that we are adults here and should understand that harassing someone and constantly harping on others and their work is wrong and that that unless someone is a supervisor themselves, they really have no place ordering others around or creating stressful nonsense. To think we are the ones at our prime and raising children! I guess those with children are teaching their children that it is okay to behave like this. The article also mentions that the victim is harmed health wise and their job performance is affected. Well no joke! Anyone who is reading this, can you function with someone ALWAYS on your back, sending you daily nasty notes in your mailbox or inbox, blaming you for others mistakes and trying to mob you out of the company? If anyone answers “yes” then they are fooling themselves in my opinion. A person can get so bogged down in this that they cannot come up for air and it affects everyone’s work performance….except the bullies who get their kicks off of this nonsense.
Yes, the health problems are there and 45% of the people out there are having to deal with these problems. These can be cardiovascular and heart problems, immune system problems, post traumatic stress and anxiety. Gee! Don’t people who are abused in other situations experience some of this? Yes, they do! However, there is a difference. The difference being that what they are dealing with is considered a clinical problem and what these in the workplace are dealing with is not. This 45% is growing daily and is not about to stop. Until people get serious about this problem that is.
There are ten signs left in the article that show that someone is being abused at work. Again, I have this in my book but does not harm in mentioning them on here. Some things one should look for is misery, constant criticism, yelling, keeping track of your mistakes, gossip and lies, left out of lunch meetings, constant need for mental health days, sabotage, impossible scheduling and having your work stolen. If any of this is occurring with you by a bully co-worker or boss, you are experiencing peer abuse and I suggest either hunting for another job before quitting this one or go a legal route. Also, keep up with that code of conduct which the company enforces. Catch the bully in his/her own stuff. If you wish to learn more, check out my book! Nobody and I mean nobody deserves this.
If you know someone who is dealing with this at work, help them. If you are the one who is the bully, you need to take two steps back and stop pricking the other guy in the eye when what you are doing is twice as bad. It takes one voice to create change, be that voice!
Source: http://www.forbes.com/health/2008/03/22/health-bullying-office-forbeslife-cx_avd_0324health.html
Elizabeth Bennett is the author of “Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective” and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info/ .
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Peer Abuse Using Visuals
I have been reading the recent articles on Peer Abuse (what I call that “bully” word as that “b” word is not cutting it in my opinion) and one stuck out to me. The NBC affiliate KFYR in New Town, North Dakota recently did a segment on a group called R5 Online which deals with that “b” word.
I commend R5 on their efforts. They do presentations with videos and pictures on how harmful words can be to elementary schools in the area. By painting these kids themselves into the pictures, they see themselves actually in that particular situation. This helps them to visualize and try to gain an understanding of each other. True, children do not think abstractly but the use of these pictures helps to put the problem into a concrete perspective. By doing this, children are learning to walk in one another’s shoes. I think this is a great way to learn empathy because early on, that is when children need to be learning it. If not, this can lead to other problems later in life. This day in time, I think we could all use a good dose of empathy training regardless of what age we may be. Not only is R5 using the picture technique, they are also putting up posters around all schools and have a website set up where kids can go and talk to a counselor about these problems. Boy, do I wish these resources were available elsewhere.
However, I have to disagree with a statement that was made concerning the fact that this problem decreases once these kids get into high school. I strongly disagree with this and will explain why. When a person matures and becomes more abstract in their thinking, how they approach things may be less evident and more covert. During the elementary years, child bullies are very vocal and do not have the sophistication that a teen has in disguising these situations. Teens know that vocalizing these things will get them into trouble so they become more sneaky in how they abuse their peers. They have the tools to manipulate these situations and who to take their actions to. As for the abuse, much of it is done relationally and is very hard to detect. Sure, some is overt like hate groups but much of it is done away from authority, in places where nobody will “rat them out” so to speak. The mind of an abuser has become abstract and the actions have developed. Needless to say, as a result of this, it is much harder to detect who the bully is and who they are abusing. Many in authority are missing the mark here and chances are, maybe the group from R5 is missing this as well? If having ones life threatened, do you think they are going to go and freely share the fact that they are being abused by their peers? That is ratting someone out! A form of social suicide! A sad and terrible way to view this but it’s all these kids know. The older they get, the more they know to be a fact. Maybe this is what could be occuring in this case?
As I previously stated, I am glad someone else out there is gaining an understanding and reaching out to others on this serious and lethal issue. Many bullies lack empathy and catching children early on is vital for healthy emotional growth. However, we need to understand that this problem does not “grow up” but it “grows worse” and becomes much harder to detect as a person matures. There are many adult abusers today who started out being childhood bullies. They flew under the radar due to the fact that their behavior was always excused and swept under the rug. They never grew up or out of their behavior, just fine tuned it with time. Remember, bullies do not “grow up” but they “grow worse”. This is definitely something to think about.
Source:http://www.kfyrtv.com/News_Stories.asp?news=16735
Elizabeth Bennett is the author of “Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective” and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info/ .
I commend R5 on their efforts. They do presentations with videos and pictures on how harmful words can be to elementary schools in the area. By painting these kids themselves into the pictures, they see themselves actually in that particular situation. This helps them to visualize and try to gain an understanding of each other. True, children do not think abstractly but the use of these pictures helps to put the problem into a concrete perspective. By doing this, children are learning to walk in one another’s shoes. I think this is a great way to learn empathy because early on, that is when children need to be learning it. If not, this can lead to other problems later in life. This day in time, I think we could all use a good dose of empathy training regardless of what age we may be. Not only is R5 using the picture technique, they are also putting up posters around all schools and have a website set up where kids can go and talk to a counselor about these problems. Boy, do I wish these resources were available elsewhere.
However, I have to disagree with a statement that was made concerning the fact that this problem decreases once these kids get into high school. I strongly disagree with this and will explain why. When a person matures and becomes more abstract in their thinking, how they approach things may be less evident and more covert. During the elementary years, child bullies are very vocal and do not have the sophistication that a teen has in disguising these situations. Teens know that vocalizing these things will get them into trouble so they become more sneaky in how they abuse their peers. They have the tools to manipulate these situations and who to take their actions to. As for the abuse, much of it is done relationally and is very hard to detect. Sure, some is overt like hate groups but much of it is done away from authority, in places where nobody will “rat them out” so to speak. The mind of an abuser has become abstract and the actions have developed. Needless to say, as a result of this, it is much harder to detect who the bully is and who they are abusing. Many in authority are missing the mark here and chances are, maybe the group from R5 is missing this as well? If having ones life threatened, do you think they are going to go and freely share the fact that they are being abused by their peers? That is ratting someone out! A form of social suicide! A sad and terrible way to view this but it’s all these kids know. The older they get, the more they know to be a fact. Maybe this is what could be occuring in this case?
As I previously stated, I am glad someone else out there is gaining an understanding and reaching out to others on this serious and lethal issue. Many bullies lack empathy and catching children early on is vital for healthy emotional growth. However, we need to understand that this problem does not “grow up” but it “grows worse” and becomes much harder to detect as a person matures. There are many adult abusers today who started out being childhood bullies. They flew under the radar due to the fact that their behavior was always excused and swept under the rug. They never grew up or out of their behavior, just fine tuned it with time. Remember, bullies do not “grow up” but they “grow worse”. This is definitely something to think about.
Source:http://www.kfyrtv.com/News_Stories.asp?news=16735
Elizabeth Bennett is the author of “Peer Abuse Know More! Bullying From A Psychological Perspective” and resides in Los Angeles, California. To learn more, visit http://www.peerabuse.info/ .
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Folks, bullying IS abuse! Did you know that??
Hey there! Its another week and more bullying and peer abuse occurring out there. Here is the latest…..
Well, we have second graders who are writing their own books about bullying. One even stated that this helps her get her own bad feelings out.
A recent study was conducted where cyber bullying has gone up to 9% from 6% five years ago. One thing that may help is to keep an eye on pages such as MySpace as this is a hotbed for bullying. If parents have access to their childs account, this could well decrease any bullying occurring.
Also, a woman who has a daughter who was ill went last year to purchase cigarettes and wrote a check for $26.61 and the check bounced. She is on a fixed income and was threatened by a company who stated that she needed to pay a certain amount to them or would be facing jail and $1,000 in fines. This was a simple mistake on her part yet the company was relentless. She has fallen victim to a company who contracts with the court system that demands excessive fines from those who have written checks for very little money. They bully others to pay these excessive fines and threaten jail time. Many times, writing a bad check is just a simple mistake on the part of the victim and can usually be cleared up with the bank. Plus, this was the first time this woman ever did this and was bad check book balancing on her part. It happens and we all make mistakes. What is more disturbing is that the victim never received a letter from the merchant letting her know that the check had bounced in the first place.
There was a young man who had written a list of those who had bullied him in school and church. This list was found by another party who took it to her mother. So, with everyone jumping the gun as they do before getting the facts first, took it and the young man was charged and authorities were contacted. However, through actual talking things through to get to the truth, it turned out that the bullies were the ones who pushed him to this point. Really?? Someone is actually getting this?? What took them so long??
Folks, I lived this for 27 years. I KNOW what this can do to a person and it is not some stupid rite of passage. Please, PLEASE know that bullying is actual abuse: Peer Abuse! Why should anyone have to put up with it? Why do people have to do it?
Well, we have second graders who are writing their own books about bullying. One even stated that this helps her get her own bad feelings out.
A recent study was conducted where cyber bullying has gone up to 9% from 6% five years ago. One thing that may help is to keep an eye on pages such as MySpace as this is a hotbed for bullying. If parents have access to their childs account, this could well decrease any bullying occurring.
Also, a woman who has a daughter who was ill went last year to purchase cigarettes and wrote a check for $26.61 and the check bounced. She is on a fixed income and was threatened by a company who stated that she needed to pay a certain amount to them or would be facing jail and $1,000 in fines. This was a simple mistake on her part yet the company was relentless. She has fallen victim to a company who contracts with the court system that demands excessive fines from those who have written checks for very little money. They bully others to pay these excessive fines and threaten jail time. Many times, writing a bad check is just a simple mistake on the part of the victim and can usually be cleared up with the bank. Plus, this was the first time this woman ever did this and was bad check book balancing on her part. It happens and we all make mistakes. What is more disturbing is that the victim never received a letter from the merchant letting her know that the check had bounced in the first place.
There was a young man who had written a list of those who had bullied him in school and church. This list was found by another party who took it to her mother. So, with everyone jumping the gun as they do before getting the facts first, took it and the young man was charged and authorities were contacted. However, through actual talking things through to get to the truth, it turned out that the bullies were the ones who pushed him to this point. Really?? Someone is actually getting this?? What took them so long??
Folks, I lived this for 27 years. I KNOW what this can do to a person and it is not some stupid rite of passage. Please, PLEASE know that bullying is actual abuse: Peer Abuse! Why should anyone have to put up with it? Why do people have to do it?
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